All I Want for Christmas is to Poop

I've been afflicted with constipation again. Tomorrow will be two weeks since I've had a relieving bowel movement. Honestly, I've been so busy with work, my trip to Taylor's, a Disney adventure this weekend to properly deal with it because I haven't really been home long enough to where I can safely take laxatives. I barfed a few times last Tuesday and again on Sunday. I think it was because my belly wasn't digesting my food quick enough for it to have room to go all the way down. I've mostly only been eating one meal a day since Thursday because if I eat more, I don't feel well. My stomach is in such discomfort and even my anus and rectum are giving me false BM alarms.  I drank a mug of warm prune juice this morning, but so far no luck. I'm going to drink another mug of warm prune juice before I go to bed tonight. I have a morning flight to Texas, but I'm desperate. If I have to shit on the plane, so be it. I warned my friend, Veronica that I'm bringing laxatives with me. I hate the feeling of having to poop, but not being able to relieve it. It's so bad that I'm wishing for an early period to shake my pipes up a bit.

I'll Likely Be Graduating with High Honors

UCF distinguishes top academic performers at graduation in the commencement program with asterisks and on official transcripts. Hopefully, I'll have some special cords and stoles to wear at graduation, too!

• Summa Cum Laude for those students in the upper 2.5 percent.
• Magna Cum Laude for those students in the upper 5 percent, but not in the upper 2.5 percent.
• Cum Laude for those students in the upper 10 percent, but not in the upper 5 percent.

UCF uses the average GPA over the past two years in the College of Business Administration (CBA) to calculate the top 2.5%, top 5%, and top 10 % of GPAs in the CBA. I currently have an overall GPA of 3.955, which qualifies me for Summa Cum Laude honors because it's higher than 3.911 cut off. As long as I can pass my last class next semester with an A or B, I'll graduate Summa Cum Laude in the top 2.5% of students in the College of Business Administration. Heck, even if I pass my last class with a C, I'll graduate Magna Cum Laude in the top 5%! As of October 2014 the CBA had 7,765 undergraduate students. Below is how I rank among my peers. Pretty damn impressive if you ask me.

Christmas with Taylor 2014

After work on Friday, I drove down to visit Taylor and celebrate Christmas. Damn, I missed that girl! We wasted no time in opening up some wine and opening our gifts from each other.  Oh, and I passed our friendship turd back to her. After adding something to it, of course. I think the red button looks great!


We talked for another hour, and then Kenny, Taylor, and I went to P.F. Chang's for dinner.  We are two very classy ladies, so it should be no surprise that we took advantage of the chopsticks and became walruses for a photo op.

By the time we were done eating dinner it was 10:30pm, so we went back to her place and went to bed.

I left around 6am for a 9 mile run. Even though I had a paper with turn by turn directions with me,  I still had no idea where I was because I'm not familiar with the area.  It was a great run. I ran 9 miles in Sunrise, Florida, on Sunrise Blvd as the sun was rising, so that was kind of special.  Kenny had already left for work by the time I got back and Taylor was already up getting ready, so I didn't get any extra sleep. After I took a shower, Taylor and I went to a flea market she wanted to check out. We followed the flea market with lunch at The Cheesecake Factory, which was my first time there. It was delicious!  We took our cheesecakes to go and ate them at her place before we left for the Phillips, Craig, and Dean concert.

We took a great photo by a Christmas tree before the concert.

When the show ended, we went back to Taylor's place and recreated a selfie we found on Pinterest. It was outrageous and hilarious. Memories were most certainly made while trying to recreate it.  After that nonsense, we went to bed. 



We slept in Sunday morning, and went to Publix for some baking supplies before going to church at 1pm. After church we went ice skating! I had forgotten how much I love to ice skate. It was great fun. Once we made it back to Taylor's place, we did some baking and took some selfies while we waited for things to bake. Once we finished baking, selfie taking, and listening to Christmas music it was time for me to head home. We're hoping to see each other in January.



Finished Fall 2014 Semester Strong

I earned an A in all three of my classes! The A in Real Estate came easy. However, portfolio analysis and supply chain didn't come as easily. I needed to score a 94% on my portfolio analysis final exam in order to pass the class with an A. I scored an 82% and an 81% on the first and second exams, respectively. Given those low scores I figured a 94% on the final would be asking a lot of myself since I hadn't performed that well on an exam all semester. I did get 100s on all of the in class exercises and on the group project, so I must have understood the material to a certain extent.  I somehow managed to pull out a 94% on the portfolio analysis final exam to barely pass the class with an A.

My supply chain final was difficult. I didn't know what to expect going into it because I got a 76% on the first exam and a 97% on the second exam. I taught myself everything from the textbook. I needed a 153 out of 180 to bring my overall grade up to a 93%,which is what it takes to pass the class with an A. I scored a 145 out of 180 on the final. The professor gave a 7 point curve to bring my 145 up to a 152, which put my overall grade at 92.95%. Technically that's an A minus. Thankfully, my professor rounded my 92.95% up to a 93% and gave me a full A for the course!

With hard work and a little bit of luck, I passed all three classes this semester with an A! My current UCF GPA is 3.905 and my overall GPA is 3.955. I know I still have one more class to take before I graduate with my B.S.B.A. in Finance, but currently I've passed all except two of my classes with an A. I passed one with a B and another with a B +. Someone needs to pinch me because I never in my wildest dreams thought I would do this well in college.

Running and School

I ran the Space Coast Half Marathon on Sunday. I knew going into it that it wasn't going to be a good race for me. My period graced me with its annoying presence the day before the race and my stomach was not in the mood for 13.1 miles. Though I will avoid porta potties when I can, they actually are life savers and don't really gross me out anymore. The hardest thing was squatting with fatigued legs to avoid contact with every surface. My training got derailed by my wicked stomach pain a few weeks ago, so my longest run before the race was 6 miles. I used the race as a training run and ran the first 7 miles straight with only walking at water stops. I did three and one intervals from mile 7 to mile 9 and then I walked the last 4 miles to finish in 2 hours and 54 minutes. The course was beautiful, but my race was anything but pretty. I'm looking at it as a solid 9 mile training run. The space shuttle bling was out of this world! I'm looking forward to the OUC half marathon this weekend and hope to have a solid 11 miles during the race. The following weekends will prove tricky to find time to train because I'll be visiting Taylor, be at Disney celebrating my sisters' birthday, and then I'll be in Texas. My focus is still on the Disney full marathon in 39 days, so I'll be packing my running gear, and saying no to alcohol, going to bed early, and waking up early to get my mileage in.

Oh, hey, it's finals week already. That came out of nowhere. I took two finals today. The grade for Supply Chain was muted, so I don't know what I got on my Supply Chain final yet and I got a 90 on my Real Estate final, which means I passed Real Estate with an A!  Today, I took a final for the last time in the main campus, college of business testing lab. That was a bitter sweet moment walking out of there knowing I'll never have to take an exam in the that testing lab again. I have an in class final on Monday at 1pm, and then my semester will be over!  Next semester my class is at Valencia West campus, so Monday will be my last time on the main campus for class. I remember being intimidated by the thought of going to main campus. It's huge. It's where students go to graduate. What if I can't? My fears were quickly calmed. I will be walking out of my final exam on Monday with a new found confidence. I can do anything I put my mind to. My peers are not necessarily better than me. I out performed them during most of my college career. I don't know if I'm still one of the top 20 finance students at UCF, but I was in that ranking at some point. In fact, I will no longer underestimate myself.  Hard work pays off and it's a liberating feeling to see the fruits of my labor. Now, my mindset is: What if I can? I can and I will!

A Gift Tester

I have a confession to make:

A book I ordered for a friend came in the mail yesterday.  I read the synopsis on the back of the book and I couldn't help myself... I read six chapters last night and I can't wait to read more. It's a novel about an enduring friendship. I should make sure to read the whole book to make sure it's a good Christmas gift, right?  I'm in the middle of studying for finals, so I've been getting distracted very easily.

A gift I ordered for another friend came in the mail earlier this week. Three different flavors of loose leaf tea were calling my name to test them out. It's my duty as a friend to taste each of them to make sure she's going to like it, right?  Now I can tell her which flavor I think she'll like the best.

I can't just buy someone a gift and not know exactly what it is. I will go the extra mile to test the gift so that I know what it is my friends will be getting from me. I want to be able to put my stamp of approval on it. If it doesn't pass my testing, I'll likely find a new gift to give. Although you may be getting a used  or opened gift from me, you should know that at least it passed my test. That's the kind of friend I am... Always looking out for you because my friends deserve the best!

Thanksgiving Eve

It was a typical Wednesday for me. I worked half a day, and then went to UCF for my class. I think my group finished our project, so now all we have to do is submit it before Tuesday. Although I did most of the heavy lifting in our group project by gathering the data at the Bloomberg terminals on campus, setting up our model in excel with equations, and running our regression analysis, the other two girls in my group did well at styling the format, explaining our outputs, and making it look professional.  I have my last class of the semester on Monday. Two of my finals (Real Estate and Supply Chain) open up in the testing lab on Wednesday, December 3rd. My plan is to take those two exams on Wednesday, but I do have until Friday to take them if I don't feel prepared enough by Wednesday. My last final will be an in class exam for Portfolio Analysis on Monday, December 8th at 1pm.  I am counting down for this semester to be over! I'm really only expecting to get an A in Real Estate. In Supply Chain and Portfolio Analysis I'm expecting a B. I'm slipping a little bit, and frankly I don't care as much as I thought I would. I'm just ready to be done.

Hopefully, I'll find time to study between family tomorrow and my half marathon on Sunday. Training hasn't gone as planned for the past two weeks, which disappoints me because I was doing so well. At least, my stomach pain has stopped for now.  I'm up to 146 lbs. My poop has been unbelievably beautiful. My turds have been so big that I question whether they really came out of my ass. Though I'm sure they were still way smaller than your turds. Heck my turds are smaller than my four year old cousin's turds. I seriously get jealous of her big turds. I actually feel good after a bowel movement. I'm going to try to race smart and pace myself by running with my sister Kim or with Coach Janice from Team Challenge. I'm excited to get out there and finish the race! I need a this small victory to prove to myself again that no matter how many times my body knocks me down, I can always get back up and accomplish incredible, physical feats. I hope I never lose the courage to get back up and try.

A List of 20 Things I'm Thankful For

1. My parents
2. My sisters (Yes, I'm thankful for all three of them)
3. My friends
4. My family (I'm grateful for most of them, at least)
5. My health (In some way, I appreciate what's given to me.)
6. Insurance
7. Toilet paper
8. Moist wipes
9. Indoor toilets
10. Pads
11. Spell check
12. The hair on my head
13. the opportunity to get an education
14. Pain (It's given me a greater ability to be empathetic. Without pain I wouldn't value the little things in life as much as I do)
15. Grocery stores (If I had to hunt my own food, I'd probably become a vegetarian)
16. Water
17. The military
18. The roof over my head.
19. Electricity
20. Internet connection

Thieves Oil

In the spring, I began applying a drop of Thieves oil to the bottom of each foot every morning. After months of my uncle and mom nagging me to use Thieves oil, I finally gave in just so that they would shut up. They claimed it would protect me from getting sick with colds and even the flu. It somehow fights against airborne bacteria. Obviously, I could use some help in that area since I don't really have a properly functioning immune system. However, I was skeptical about the benefits of using Thieves oil on the bottom of my feet. I thought it was just another crazy health claim.

For me, Thieves oil has actually worked in protecting me against colds. Trust me, I'm shocked it's worked so well.  I've been using Thieves oil for about eight months and I've yet to get a cold while using it. The time I did get a cold I had stopped using thieves, but as soon as I started applying it to the bottom of my feet again the cold quickly went away. I didn't get sick when I went to germy NYC.  I've been at work and school when it seems like everyone around me is coughing and sniffling, yet I somehow remain uninfected. I have felt my body fight off nasty colds by sneezing more. It may be foolish, but I now believe in Thieves oil so much that I opted out of getting a flu shot this year. Plus, it makes my feet smell good!

I don't know if Thieves works for everyone, but it works for me. Now a cold is one less thing I have to deal with, which is amazing! I deal with enough health issues so it's nice to be able to focus on other aspects of my health. I used to always be battling some kind of cold. Last year I was so consistently sick that I was never well enough to get a flu shot.

Below is a link about Thieves oil and it's multiple uses. Even though I only use it for #7
http://essentialwellness.tumblr.com/post/13130776527/50-ways-to-use-thieves-essential-oil

Texas for Christmas

I decided to use my Southwest Airline voucher before it expired in May 2015 to visit Veronica for Christmas. I knew I better use the voucher during my winter break because  I was not likely to use it during my spring semester.  I got the voucher when I cancelled my trip to Texas so that I could attend my grandpa's funeral. I debated on traveling to another city for an adventure of exploring it on my own, but I missed my friend Veronica too much to pass up an opportunity to see her! The last time I saw her was for only about 15 minutes when I had a layover in Austin in July of 2013 and she came to the Airport just to see me for that short amount of time. I felt bad when I had to cancel my trip to see her earlier this year when I lost my grandpa, but she was so understanding and comforting during that difficult time. Veronica was right on board with my idea to visit her for Christmas! We are both super excited!

Have you ever seen one of those awful Christmas movies on Hallmark Channel? The only reason I have is because my mom used to be obsessed with those movies. She no longer has the Hallmark Channel, praise Jesus! Anyways, I felt like the out of touch character from one of those movies when I first told my mom I wasn't going to be home for Christmas. She was overly disappointed.  I see my family all year round, so it's not like we only gather and see each other on Christmas. I don't think it's a big deal that I won't be home for Christmas. After some talking, my mom seemed to be coping with it better. I've never traveled during Christmas time before, but I think I'm up for the chaos. I booked nonstop flights so hopefully that helps me get to where I'm going on time. I also can't tell you the last time I had a 5 day long vacation. No school, no work, no family... it's going to be great!

Moving The Scale in the Right Direction

I think today is the first day since Thursday that I actually ate two meals: lunch and dinner. I weighed in tonight at 143, so I'm moving the scale in the right direction. I'm still experiencing occasional stabbing pain throughout the day. Somehow I managed to survive my daily routine of work and school yesterday and today. I've been taking naps in my car during my short break between work and school. Exhaustion has overcome me because I haven't been sleeping very well due to pain waking me up multiple times in the middle of the night. The pain is a little higher than my belly button, which leads me to conclude that it's my small bowel giving me issues. The weird thing is that my bowel movements have been nicely formed. They seem way too beautiful for the way I'm feeling.

I know I should be eating more regularly, but I would rather not eat and be in less pain and be able to trust my bowels at work and school than eat and shit myself or be in the bathroom constantly. I also know I could be taking the pain pills I have, but I'm not. The pain pills make me drowsy and cause constipation. I have to be alert enough to drive, work, and learn at school. I could take them at night, but in my experience the drowsiness doesn't wear off by morning. Some folks have advised me to make an appointment with my doctor. I haven't and I most likely won't. Quite honestly, the doctor is limited on what to do. He could prescribe me pain meds. I won't take them because I have a life to live. He could order me to have a colonoscopy. Yeah, it's probably time for one of those dreadful things again since it's been two years, but that won't tell him anything we don't already know: I have active disease in my intestines. He could prescribe me the steroid Prednisone. No thanks, I'd rather deal with this until it passes. Prednisone is EVIL! I feel like I lose who I am while taking it.  Some people don't understand my reasoning and conclude that since I won't take action that my current state of suffering is my fault. It must be nice to believe that doctors can make everything better. Ignorance is bliss, right?

Down 9 lbs In a Few Days

I've spent all weekend recovering from the debilitating pain and frequent BMs I encountered Thursday night and Friday. It's 6:30pm on Sunday and I've slept for almost 29 hours  since Friday afternoon. This morning I finally felt well enough to eat. Surprisingly, I haven't regretted that decision yet. I just weighed myself and I'm down to 141.5 lbs. That means I've lost about 9 lbs. in the last few days. It really is scary how fast I can lose weight. It's a good reminder of why I need to try to maintain the 150 threshold though. The pain has stopped, so I'm hopeful things are turning around even if the pounds are still dripping off me. I'm just really sore, weak, and super cautious about what I'm eating even though I have no idea what triggered this in the first place.

Thankfully, I had nothing due for school this week. I have a group project in my portfolio analysis class, but we won't get the details on the project until this Wednesday, so there wasn't anything we could do with that yet. I have an open homework assignment for my supply chain management class, but it's not due until the 23rd, so that was fine to wait. I did review a few chapters for my real estate final though.

I didn't get my long run in this weekend. I wanted to log an eight mile run, but my body wasn't up for it. I could barely stand straight up these past few days. My belly is really sore. I'm hopeful that I'll be able to log eight during the week if I continue to feel better. I have built a solid base, so if I miss a few training runs I should just be able to lower my intervals and still be in good shape to finish my upcoming races.

Successful Pinterest Project

When I'm not in a biting my nails phase, I love to paint my fingernails a different color every week. For some reason, I'm less likely to bite my nails if they are painted. I've never gotten a manicure. Mostly because I'm a afraid I'll get a serious infection under my nails, which will lead to me having to get my fingers amputated. I've read  the internet, and the risk is very real! Especially, with my compromised immune system.

Anyway, I learned an easy way to paint stripes on my fingernails from Pinterest. First, I painted my nails gold. After that dried, I cut thin strips of tape and placed the tape strips on my thumb nail. Once the tape was on, I painted black over my entire nail and tape strips. I pealed off the tape strips and revealed this:

Go Knights

 

 



I can't wait to try this technique with red and white polish to get a candy cane look. This was a surprisingly successful Pinterest project.

Six Hour Nap

Immediately after dinner on Thursday night, I got a sharp, stabbing pain in my stomach. I was hopeful that I'd be able to poop the pain away. However, none of the nine bowel movements I had during the twelve hours following dinner settled the pain. Pain and bathroom trips interrupted my sleep, but I still went to work Friday morning. It was obvious I was suffering. At work, we have a project we have to finish early next week, so I wanted to complete a few stacks of files on my desk before leaving early to deal with the pain that was continuing to torment me. I went home at lunchtime and dealt with the pain by taking a six hour nap.

By the time I woke up, it was dinner time. I ate some soup and that was the first thing  I'd eaten all day. The soup triggered my bowels again. In two days, I've lost about 6 lbs. I'm down to 144, which is on the opposite side of 150 than I want to be at. I'm sure most of it is water weight because I know I'm dehydrated. Today, I'm sore and I feel okay, but I haven't eaten anything yet.

Awesome Movie Alert - Interstellar was Super Stellar!

I saw the movie Interstellar with Gabriel last night. Keep in mind, I have a soft spot for sci-fi, so I'm not a very though critic. I absolutely loved every minute of the film. The characters were dynamic, engaging, and genuine. The stakes were high: Earth's resources were scarce and humans were in search of a new habitable planet. What made it cool for me: they hijacked a drone, traveled through a wormhole, one hour on one of the planets in another galaxy was equivalent to 7 to 10 years on Earth, by the end of the movie the dad was younger than his kids, their spaceship surfed a wicked wave, huge ice formations floated as clouds, groovy robots assisted the mission, travel through a black hole led to a world of five or so dimensions, survival and loved ones are powerful forces, emotional decisions can either save you or kill you, and finally the visual effects were gratifyingly phenomenal! Interstellar was super stellar!

5 Things I Can't Handle

1. Bare feet. Please, put some shoes or socks on.
2. Real life gore. I do not want to see your broken bone, bloody knee, or nasty bruise.
3. Cucumbers. Eww!!! I'd rather eat ants.
4. Pets. After losing my beloved cat, I get annoyed with pets and people with their pets. I know, this makes me a horrible person.
5. People on temporary diets. Make a lifestyle change. A temporary diet will be a temporary solution. 

Coverage for Cimzia is Denied... Or Is It?

Monday, November 2nd, 2014 my gastro nurse faxed a prior authorization form to my specialty pharmacy for insurance to review.

Friday, November 6th, 2014 my insurance was "unable to approve [my] physician's request for coverage of CIMZIA. The request did not meet the conditions necessary for coverage for the following reason(s)."

"The request for coverage for Cimzia is denied. This decision is based on health plan criteria for Cimzia. This medicine is covered if you meet the following criteria: You have positive clinical response to Cimzia therapy. The information sent in does not show you meet these criteria."

I quoted the above from a letter I received from my insurance. The letter also included a page of information and guidelines about the appeals process.

Sunday, November 9th, 2014, I reached out to a Team Challenge mentor, Tom, for advice on this situation. Tom let me speak to his badass wife, Liz, because she's the one that has handled a few of these situations for their son with Crohn's disease. Before speaking with Liz I felt hopeless and lost because I really didn't know what I should do. Liz advised me to contact insurance first and get a specific answer as to why they decided to deny coverage. Liz also counselled me to inquire about what I can do to regain coverage without having to go through the appeals process. She told me to stand firm and not to take no for an answer. She then instructed me to call her back if my call to insurance doesn't find a solution. By the end of our conversation, Liz had calmed my nerves about the situation. It was nice to know that I have someone on my team with experience coaching me to win this enduring struggle with insurance.

Today, November 10th, 2014, I contacted insurance. It took five minutes convincing the automated robot to let me speak to a human before I actually got a human on the line. The human's name was Craig. The following is paraphrased after Craig confirmed who I was and my insurance plan:

Me: I'm calling to find out why coverge of my Cimzia medication was denied.

Craig: It looks like we won't cover the brand name Cimzia, but we will cover the generic brand Certolizumab Pegol.

Me: Cimzia does not have a generic brand. I have been taking Cimzia for the past two years, which you guys have covered for the past two years. Why the sudden change in coverage?

In the meantime I'm googling "Certolizmab Pegol" to figure out where he is getting this name from because I know for a fact that there is no generic brand of Cimzia and the first hit on Google takes me to http://www.cimzia.com/. I conclude that Certolizmab Pegol is the clinical or scientific name for the medication Cimzia, which my gasto nurse confirms later in the day.

Craig: We have not ever covered Cimzia. We have covered the generic Certolizumab Pegol.

A photo of my Cimzia medication they have been covering for two years. You can see in parenthesis under Cimzia the Certolizumab Pegol name.

Me: Certolizumab Pegol is Cimzia.

Craig: No, we will not cover Cimzia.

At this point you can imagine my confusion.

Me: Okay, so do I get approved for this so called generic?

Craig: Have your doctor send another prior authorization for the generic or have your doctor contact us at an 1-800 #.

Me: So, if my doctor sends you guys a prior authorization for Certolizumab Pegol, it will be approved?

Craig: Yes.

Me: Okay, so you won't approve Cimzia, but you'll approve Certolizumab Pegol, which is the same thing as Cimzia?

Craig: It's the generic brand of Cimzia.

This ended my conversation with Craig, the dumb human voice of the insurance company.


I followed my call with Craig with a call to my gastro nurse, Osmarie. She explained that the prior authorization paper work she got to fill out had check boxes with Humira, Cimzia, or Remicade (these medications do not have a generic form. They are too new and too complex). It just prompted her to check a box, so she checked the Cimzia box. There wasn't even a space on the paperwork for her to write in Certolizumab Pegol, so she called the 1-800 # I gave her. Within the hour she got the confirmation that insurance approved Certolizumab Pegol. Osmarie told me that is just the clinical name for Cimzia and that there is no generic brand for Cimzia.


This whole ordeal has left me dumbfounded. Insurance makes me cry, shake my head, and smile at their stupidity. My medication has been approved! I call it Cimzia. Insurance calls it Certolizumab Pegol. Just don't tell them that Certolizumab Pegol is Cimzia, or they might decide not to cover it. It will be delivered just in time for my scheduled November injections.

Hypothetically...

I frequently talk about running, training and race day strategy with my sister, Kim. Yes, we're already planning our half marathon at the end of the month. Today's discussion convinced me that I could PR at one of my upcoming half marathons and possibly even PR at the Disney marathon. Yes, there are two huge assumptions: I will stay healthy until after the marathon and I will stick to training without falling behind.  I ran 4 miles today without intervals at a 10:10 minute per mile pace. I ran 40 minutes straight with only one stop for water! Yeah, folks, I'm back!!!  I took it easy and I felt great during and after my run. The secret to obtain a personal record is for me to eliminate intervals on my long runs. If I successfully train for the rest of the month without intervals, I think I will have an opportunity to PR at either the Space Coast half or the OUC half marathon. Although I'm not certain, I think my best half time is 2 hours and 22 minutes. If I can continue to run my long runs of 13 + miles without intervals after my half marathons, I might just PR at the marathon in January. My best marathon time is 5 hours and 35 minutes. I know it's a long shot, but I think it's still possible. It's easy to see my potential when I feel well. My plan is to train for a PR, but my overall goal is still just to finish the marathon.

A Letter To Myself

Dear my older self,

If you're reading this, you're older than you were before. I hope you haven't turned into a boring adult. Dance when you feel like it and sing even if you still can't sing very well. Practice and sharpen your wit until it's as quick as it used to be. Check in with your friends and family more often. When others say they're happy, believe them. Make time for hobbies. Continue to challenge yourself.  Don't put up with bullshit from anyone. Stand up for yourself. Strive to be as independent as possible. Know when to ask for help and know when to let others take care of you. Give sincere complements. You are so much more than what you let people see. Dare to open up and let trustworthy people in.  You've got a heart of gold... don't hide it. Have the courage to fall in love. Have the heroism to confront and cut ties to unhealthy relationships. You are your own hero. You have the power to inspire and motivate others, use it. Allow your pain to increase your empathy. Don't let your health define you no matter how fatal it feels. You would be beautiful even if you were bald with no teeth and had bad skin. You would be beautiful even if you had to poop in a bag and eat through a feeding tube.  Be skeptical of society. Don't break your neck to keep up with the latest trends. Set your own trend.

Love yourself!

I'm Taking My Positivity Back

I'm taking some of my positivity back. My pharmacy didn't follow through with my doctor's office, so they aren't really helping me communicate any. My gastro's assistant didn't fax the prior authorization form to the pharmacy like she said she would, or at least the pharmacy didn't get it. So, the insurance still hasn't gotten the prior authorization from the doctor either and I still don't know if this month's dose of Cimzia, which I'm supposed to inject on the 13th, will be covered by insurance or not. 

There has to be a better way for doctors, pharmacies, and insurance companies to communicate on behalf of their customers. Would other patients hire me to be their advocate, get things done, and keep track of who is slacking on their behalf? I would totally pay someone a monthly fee to handle these kind of issues, keep me updated, and most importantly to make sure things are getting done in a timely manner. It's so annoying and stressful.

10 Good Things

I decided to put some positivity out into the world with a list of 10 good things in my life right now. In no particular order...

1. I pooped! (I even trusted a fart)
2. My period just ended!
3. I'm passing all of my classes!
4. I just ran two miles at a 9 minute and 40 second pace!
5. My gastroenterologist got a new assistant and she was amazingly helpful today! I wanted to hug her!
6. My specialty pharmacy (Optum Rx) is helping me communicate with my doctor and insurance to figure out if Cimzia will still be covered. It lifts a huge burden off my shoulders.
7. I feel so well that I did a happy dance this morning in front of the mirror!
8. My teeth are slowly starting to look better, so I'm smiling more freely again.
9. I'm not sick!
10. I am loved!

My Appraisal Project is Complete

I've been slowly working on this appraisal project every week since the beginning of the semester. We're approaching week number 12 of the semester. Today, everything finally came together. Granted it took me about 12 hours today to complete the report. For me, installing and learning the new computer software to type my report into took most of my time. The next most time consuming part of it was making value adjustments for the three comparable properties compared to my subject property. With each adjustment, I had to explain the reasoning behind my adjustment.  After finishing my appraisal report, I gathered everything I needed for the report folder, including general and specific data. I hope the countless hours that I put into this project pays off because it's worth 20% of my overall grade in this class. My unprofessional and un-licensed opinion of value of my grandma's 50 year old house is $172,000.  I used the sales-comparison approach to come to that value.

Although I hated working on the project because it was so time consuming, I'm glad that I can now look at an appraisal and understand where all of the values come from. It should come in handy in the future when I own my own house. Yeah, I actually learned real-life, useful information. That doesn't happen very often.

Tomorrow, I've earned a complete day off from school and work. I plan to sleep in, clean, run, write, draw, watch Netflix, and maybe even go to a movie if I don't nap for too long. I'm going to enjoy it because my next day off won't be until after finals on December 9th.

Life Lesson #513

Recently, I've gotten a full grasp on the fact that there is usually more than one "right" way to do something. Adults all have their own routines. If there are only a few dishes to wash, I'll wash them by hand instead of putting them into the dishwasher. Whereas my mom will put everything into the dishwasher. You see, it doesn't matter which way you do it because the end result is the same, clean dishes. My procedures and routines aren't my way or the highway. I don't care how you get the dishes clean as long as your highway is taking you to the same destination that my way would have taken me to. However, if you tried to clean the dishes in the washing machine, I'd have to re-direct your course of action. So, correct me and offer me advice when I'm on a path that won't lead me to the desired destination.

The dishes were just a silly example. I love that my family feels free to give me their unsolicited opinions about anything you could imagine, but sometimes their narrow minded comments annoy the crap out of me. Okay, if that was true, I wouldn't be constipated right now. Anyways...

When I put my pants on in the morning, do you think I put the left leg or right leg in first? Perhaps I sit on the bed and put both legs in at the same time. Does it really matter?  Live and let live. Better yet, be open minded and you may learn something.

Update on Life

School is no doubt keeping me busy. It seems I spend all of my free time reading, studying, doing homework, and working on projects for each class.  The three classes I'm juggling are going surprisingly well. Except for the fact that I'm making the lowest grade in the class I love the most (portfolio analysis)... go figure. I've got an exam this week in portfolio analysis and then I will have the final exams left in each class. I'm about finished with my huge home appraisal project for my real estate class. Seriously, I can't wait to turn that in on November 4th. After this week, I'll start preparing for finals, which happens to be right around the corner. =)

My social life is pretty much dead. Honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way at the moment. I really don't have the energy to keep up with anyone. I feel like a hermit, which is weird because usually that quality in others annoys me. I'm certainly in an odd frame of mind. I seem way more introverted than normal. My self esteem kind of dropped when I got that abscess and I haven't quite built it back up yet.

Marathon training went well for two weeks and then today happened. I logged 20 miles last week. I started out feeling well until my ugly bowel movements caught up to me in the form of stomach pain this morning. I was supposed to run today, but my body doesn't feel up for it. I'm taking today off in hopes I'll feel better by my Wednesday run.

My health has been somewhat unpredictable. I would consider myself constipated for the past week with only puss and small amounts of blood passing. There wasn't anything I would label as fecal matter. I felt great at the beginning of last week. However, the constipation and bloody puss slowly caught up to me. Over the weekend, I felt fatigued, which could be caused by losing too much blood. Today, my stomach has been in pain and it hurts to move.  Hopefully, I'll feel better tomorrow because I've got a marathon to train for.

Boundless Energy

When I put aside all of the crap my body gives me and forget about my asshole being an asshole, I really am wonderstruck by how amazing my body can be. I got a taste of its potential this morning at the UCF race even though my bowel movements still aren't back to my normal. I took three weeks off of training for the abscess before getting in two training runs last week for today's race. I ran 4.5 miles with a 10:31 minute per mile pace. It was far from a personal record, but the fact that I was able to bypass three weeks of training and pick right back up where I left off was gratifying. I ran 3:1 intervals during the race.  When I feel well, running seems naturally effortless to me. On the course today, I felt myself falling in love all over again with running. With perfect racing weather, my shoes hit the pavement and fell into a rhythm as I inhaled and exhaled. Boundless energy fueled my muscles. I caught myself smiling during the race because bliss overwhelmed me.  I finished strong!

UCF Graduation Planning

At the beginning of the week, I filed my ITG (intent to graduate) for the Spring of 2015!  I will be graduating from The University of Central Florida with my B.S.B.A. (Bachelor's of Science in Business Administration) in Finance. I'm not sure of the exact date and time yet, but I do know the College of Business commencement will be held sometime May 7th, 2015 to May 9th, 2015. Registration opens for my last class in the Spring Monday, November 24th.  I'm sure after I register for that final class it will sink in that I'm actually going to do this.  

I’ll get five graduation tickets for family and friends to attend my graduation ceremony, and I also plan on entering the lottery to get more tickets for my other fans. Taylor plans to come up from South Florida to attend, which I’m already excited for. Veronica is willing to fly from Austin, TX just to see and celebrate my graduation, and that means the world to me! My mom, dad and Kim get the dibs on the other three guaranteed tickets. I wish I had another guaranteed ticket for Brittany. Nonetheless, I’m going to enter the lottery to win graduation tickets for Brittany, Leigha, Kelly and my Uncle Len. It sucks because I’m not guaranteed those tickets. If Veronica can’t get off work to attend, I’m going to give her graduation ticket to Brittany.

I have huge tentative plans for celebrating this amazing achievement with anyone that wants to celebrate it with me. As soon as Sak Comedy releases its schedule for May 2015 I'm going to purchase a Slice of Life during their Duel of Fools Improv show Friday night on May 8^th, 2015. Once I get the Slice of Life reserved, I'll send out invites to all my family and friends to come enjoy the show to celebrate with me.  For the Slice of Life, I’ll have my family and friends fill out a questionnaire with gathered stories and information about me, and then the improvisers will make me the star of the show by reading what my family and friends wrote before they improvise a musical about my life.  

The fun doesn’t stop there. The next activities on my agenda are more difficult to plan because I won’t know which day my graduation will actually fall on until January. I’m going to invite my sisters and Brittany, Taylor and Veronica to celebrate with me at Magic Kingdom. I want to celebrate at the Magic Kingdom by making reservations at Cinderella’s Royal Table inside the castle for lunch and making reservations at the Be Our Guest Restaurant for dinner. The ideal day to celebrate at Magic Kingdom would be Saturday, May 9^th because Taylor and possibly Veronica will still be in town. However, my graduation ceremony might be that Saturday. In which case, we won’t be going to Magic Kingdom. The safest day to plan Magic Kingdom would be Sunday, May 10^th, but by that time Taylor and Veronica will be heading home later in the day on Sunday, so it wouldn’t be worth it for them. My tentative plan is to get a head count of who would be interested in going each day, and then I’ll make reservations when they become available the beginning of November for Saturday, May 9^th, and I’ll get one of my sisters to make reservations for Sunday, May 10^th. That way when I find out in January which day my graduation is going to be on, we can cancel one of the reservations since we’ll still have another reservation active.  I know it’s expensive, but with advance planning I can get discounted Disney tickets at UCF. Even so, I’ll understand if it’s too expensive for everyone to join. I’m hoping with advance notice it will allow adequate time for those that want to join to save up for it.

The Abscess is Gone

It's been three weeks since I got my first abscess. I endured two weeks of heavy antibiotic treatment. My bowel movements still aren't back to normal. Giving antibiotics to someone with IBD seems like cruel and unusual punishment. I guess the punishment was worth it though. Today, at my follow up appointment with my colorectal specialist, I had another rectal exam where Dr. Mueller concluded that the abscess is gone! It's such a huge relief to get the all clear. Even though I knew I wasn't in pain anymore, I'm always second guessing my body because it doesn't always know what it's telling me. "The abscess is gone." Those words were music to my ears. She actually seemed pretty surprised that the antibiotics took care of the abscess and I didn't have to visit her before my follow up. She also made it clear that if I ever think another abscess is forming I'm to contact her first asap. Yeah, uh-huh, sure lady whatever you say. There better not be another one! The thought of another abscess in the future freaks me out because I know when I see her first that I'll likely end up in surgery. I hope I never have to find out if antibiotics that make me feel like death are better or not than having surgery.

During the exam Mueller loosened my tight anus/rectum with her finger. I didn't think anything of it at the time. It felt as uncomfortable as I'm accustomed to it feeling.  However, when I got home and had tons of blood in my stool, I wondered what the heck she did inside there. Sure, I'm used to some blood occasionally, but this wasn't even "normal" for me. I'm patiently waiting to having another BM to see if it's cleared up or not. I'm not in any pain, so it can't be that bad, right?

Try & Try Again

I've lost count of how many times I've "started" marathon training for my January 2015 race. Today, I started again. I have less than three months, which is about 13 weeks to get my shit together. I mean that somewhat literally. I was able to trust a fart today for the first time in three weeks, so I must be on the right track, right? Still got wicked diarrhea, but at least it's controllable for the most part. I'm hoping my bowels will be back to normal soon since I'm off the antibiotics. Damn Crohn's disease for making me lose valuable training days, weeks,  and months. I go to the colorectal specialist this Thursday for yet another rectal exam. This upcoming appointment will either give me the all clear to move forward with training, or crush my plan of finishing the marathon in January. Since I'm not experiencing any pain, I'm hoping for the all clear.

I'm confident I can train enough to cross the finish line in January as long as I'm healthy. I intend to finish the U Can Finish 5 miler this Sunday. I went out for two miles today just to get a feel for what to expect on Sunday. I found strength I've been lacking these last few weeks and pushed to average 11 minutes and 25 seconds per mile. Some folks train for weeks and months to get those numbers. I didn't break any personal records, but I did gain confidence, strength and purpose. After feeling helpless and unable to do normal things for a couple of weeks, it was a special run for me. No matter which emotional, physical, or mental rollercoaster I'm on, I will always be grateful for the opportunity to lace up my running shoes once again.

I'm confident that I can run five miles this Sunday. I'm fairly positive that I can finish the two half marathons that I'm registered for at the end of November and beginning of December. I'm hopeful that I can finish the marathon in January. Some people will question whether it's a good idea for me to try. I already have a DNF on my marathon record, but that is not going to stop me from trying again. It's going to inspire me to push harder because I have tasted the sweet victory of crossing the finish line after recovering from shitty health issues. It's empowering. It allows me to feel unstoppable in this life when it seems like everything is trying to stop me.

Crohn's: In The Beginning

In the move, I found a bag containing patient info on prescriptions I took from 2003 to 2006, lab results from blood work within the same time period, and receipts from meds, lab work, and doctor appointments. It reminded me what I went through on my path to being diagnosed with Crohn's and my path after diagnoses. I'll have to write a post about the symptoms I experienced that led to me reaching out and telling my mom that I needed to go to the doctor. After that point, it began with my regular pediatric doctor who then referred me to an OBGYN. After several unpleasant visits with him involving long needles, biopsies, and pure misery he sent me back to my regular pediatric doctor, Dr. Q. I'm pretty sure I was still shitting blood at this point. Dr. Q. then referred me to a pediatric gastroenterologist. The pediatric gastro, Dr. S.B., ordered more tests that included stool samples, upper GI series, sonogram, and a colonoscopy where more biopsies were taken. I remember when I learned I had Crohn's disease November of 2003. I was fifteen. I had no clue what it was, but the fact that Dr. S.B. said there wasn't a cure absolutely terrified me. It still scares me, so I guess that means my faith in God is still a little shaky.  When you're in that much pain and discomfort hearing there isn't a cure with medicine is devastating.

I became overwhelmed while going through the bag and seeing how many different prescriptions my young, sick self used to take after being diagnosed. I used to be very quiet around others regarding my health issues. I didn't want anyone to know I had a poop/butt disease. "Try to act normal," I used to tell myself.  I hope now that I consider myself more open about the things I go through that it will help others understand me better. Even though I still catch myself trying to act normal so that I can lie and say that I'm fine on days when I'm not okay at all.

Back at My Parents' Place

Last weekend my sister Kelly and I moved out of our apartment. If I felt better, I might have stronger feelings about it. At this point, I just want to be settled even if living back with my parents doesn't thrill me like it does Kelly. We rented a U-Haul that my dad was kind of to drive for us and my mom, dad, sisters, uncle, and I moved everything from the apartment to my parents' place in four hours.

Going into the weekend I wasn't sure how much I was going to be able to help, but my butt ended up being pain free enough to do my share of the heavy lifting.  I was exhausted and didn't feel well, but by now I should be a professional at functioning under inferior health conditions. I really approached it like a marathon except I've never finished a marathon in four hours. I was ready to be done before we even started, but I somehow managed to dig deep and finish. I couldn't ask my family to pick up my slack  because I didn't want to give anyone something else to bitch about when they were already volunteering their time and energy, albeit I'm sure they felt at least 50% better than I did. After all, I'm recovering from having Mount Everest in my crack. Mount Everest is what I decided to name my first abscess.

My mom is a life saver. She certainly helped me the most with the move and I couldn't have done it without her. She has also graciously taken care of me these past two weeks and has made my life easier.

I Take the Good with the Bad

As if I have a choice I take the good with the bad. The good: The two antibiotics (Flagyl and Cipro) seem to have helped the abscess heal, which in turn means I narrowly escaped surgery for now. My butt doesn't hurt at all.

The bad:  I finished my 10 days of Cipro yesterday and I still have three days left of Flagyl. Between the two of theses antibiotics I've been fighting nausea, loss of appetite, muscle weakness, , fatigue, brain fog, and extremely watery diarrhea. I have pretty much felt shitty for two weeks. I drove for the first time in 11 days today, so I'm guessing I can blame the confusion and brain fog on Cipro.  I actually felt alive today. I'm not completely back to normal... whatever weird, misconstrued version of my normal I'm using to benchmark today might be.

12 Days Without Caffeine

I finished my 10 day treatment of the antibiotic Ciprofloxacin yesterday. The patient information advised to avoid caffeine, so today marks my twelfth day without caffeine. I'm not a coffee drinker, so soda was my only nemesis. Honestly, I couldn't say whether I experienced withdrawals or if it was just the effects of the antibiotics that I experienced. I definitely craved soda, but I think it was just a case of wanting what I knew I couldn't have.  Prior to Friday, September 26th, 2014 I drank soda multiple times a week. However, I am going make an effort to continue this no soda kick.

Superhero Sketches

I tend to be a sucker for superheroes. Given the time and money, I could totally see myself stopping by the comic bookstore every Wednesday to check out the new releases. Spiderman, Superman, Green Arrow, The Flash, Ironman, Captain America...etc. I love them! Batman is really the only one  that I don't care for. Anyways my fascination with these superheroes have inspired my latest drawings.

Green Arrow


 I like the tv show Arrow on the CW, which follows Oliver Queen as the Green Arrow so that's what inspired the drawing above. I'm stoked about the spinoff of The Flash that's supposed to be premiering next week on the CW!

Itsy-Bitsy Spiderman

Who doesn't love Peter Parker as Spiderman? I impressed myself with this one. It took some time to get the webbing the way I wanted it on the costume, but it was totally worth it.

Abscess

Tuesday was a crazy day. I answered the 100 questions on my Real Estate Valuation and Appraisal mid-term in 35 minutes. I got a 94%!  My brain does apparently work! Thankfully, since I finished the exam quickly, I didn't have to rush my enemas. So, I was able to enjoy them, right? NO!!! Have you ever tried to give a swollen-ish asshole an enema? It's not easy, nor was it pleasant.

After that was over with I had some time to relax before heading to the colorectal specialist with my mom. While I relaxed I learned I got an 82% on the portfolio analysis exam I took last week when this all started going down. I was disappointed, but when I learned I got to add a 4 point curve to bring it up to an 86% it was a bit easier to swallow.

I arrived to the colon & rectal clinic early, but still ended up waiting an hour after my appointment time before being called back. As usual I was the youngest person there.  The waiting room was filled with mostly old men. In order to pass time, I pondered why everyone was there. I concluded old men just have bad butts. I was surprised I weighed in at 151lbs! That's fantastic considering on Friday I was down to 146lbs. I told the nurse what Mike Jolly said on Friday and she wrote down notes for Dr. Renee Mueller, my colorectal specialist. Mueller came in and asked some questions before the nurse came back in to prepare me for yet another rectal exam. Two rectal exams in less than a week. This has to be some kind of hell, right?

I dropped my underwear and pants to my ankles, knelt on the lower part of the table for my knees (while sitting on the table this is where my feet rest), and then I leaned forward to lay my stomach on the regular part of the table where a healthy person would sit their butt. Once I was in position, the nurse flipped the switch to move the table so that my butt was higher in the air and my head was lower to the ground. It's quite an experience, but I understand why it's not a ride at Disney.  Mueller didn't insert the scope, she just probed around with her gloved finger. So happy her fingers are thinner than Jolly's. The probing still hurt like crazy though. Probably because there's still inflammation down there. To my surprise she didn't find any sign of a fistula. She found the abscess, which she had trouble examining because it begins in my labial majora and tracks to the anus.

After I got dressed, Mueller came back in to discuss what she found during the exam. The good news is there isn't a fistula. The bad news is that even though the abscess is in part of a vaginal area (labial majora), it's most definitely related to Crohn's disease. Mueller said that if I would have seen her on Friday that she would have sent me directly to the operating room to have the abscess drained. However, since it seems to be improving with the antibiotics she's going to see me in two weeks once I'm off the antibiotics to see how it's doing. If it gets worse or stops improving before it's completely healed,  I'm supposed to call her and she'll take me to the operating room. The recovery time would be two to three weeks. That would devastate me right in the middle of this semester. I don't want to have to explain that "surgery" to three different professors.

I feel like I dodged a huge bullet and it's looking promising that I'll make it out without having to go under the knife.

Is Tomorrow Over, Yet?

I plan on being at the COB (College of Business) testing center when it opens at 7am tomorrow morning to take my Real Estate Valuation and Appraisal midterm exam. Immediately following the two hour, 100 question exam, I have to rush back home to give myself two fleet enemas to prep for my rectal exam at 11am.  This is the one where I'm expecting to actually be able to see what the heck is going on in my colon on the screen while the scope is inside me. Honestly, I'm not sure I want to look, but I'm sure my curiosity will get the best of me. Will the fistula be visible? Will my colorectal specialist recommend surgery? Will the rectal exam be more painful than usual?  Sometimes I wish they'd give me anesthesia, but then I remember that anesthesia is expensive and if insurance deems it un-necessary they won't cover it.

How lucky am I to have a rectal exam added to my list of midterm exams?  I'm more nervous for my rectal exam than any of the others. This week I really want to quit school because I feel completely overwhelmed.

My Medical Cocktail

First on the list of ingredients in my medical cocktail is a probiotic prescription. It's VSL#3 DS. You can get VSL#3 over the counter, but since I've got the DS (double strength) it requires a prescription. It comes it powder form and I mix it into juice twice a day to consume 900 billion live bacteria. It tastes like rubber gloves, but I've been managing to choke it down. The bacteria in my gut is messed up because my body attacks the good bacteria. This causes inflammation and Crohn's symptoms. Now that I'm on two antibiotics my gut is going through a rollercoaster of trying to sort the good and bad bacteria effectively to fight the right bacteria, so this probiotic is suppose to give it a boost. My honest opinion is that I should have been prescribed this probiotic a while ago regardless of whether I'm on antibiotics or not.

Second on the list of ingredients in my medical cocktail is an antibiotic called Flagyl (Metronidazole 500 MG). I'm taking it every eight hours, so three times a day. I used to take Flagyl about ten years ago when I was first diagnosed with Crohn's, so I have experience with it. It causes cancer in mice and rats. I'm not surprised because it seems like every drug I take causes cancer. Alcohol is forbidden while taking Flagyl and for at least three days after the last dose. Trust me, I'm not drinking anytime soon. Flagyl may affect certain lab test results.  I've been known to feel dizzy while taking Flagyl, which is another side-effect. Because of that my mom has volunteered to drive me to school this week, and I'll hitch a ride to work with my sisters. Other possible side-effects include: persistent nerve problems, appetite loss, constipation, diarrhea, dizziness, headache, metallic taste, nausea, stomach upset or cramping, and trouble sleeping among others. The ones that I experience most are dizziness and nausea. Especially in a moving car.

The last ingredient in my medical cocktail is another antibiotic. This one is called Ciprofloxacin HCL 750 MG. I'm taking it every twelve hours, so twice a day. This drug came with eight pages of patient information. I've also taken Ciprofloxacin before, but I've never taken it at the same time as Flagyl. The key with this one is to drink plenty of water and to avoid caffeine. This drug scares me because it's known for it's increased risk of tendon problems. As a runner that's terrifying. These risks include pain, swelling, inflammation, and possible breakage of tendons. The Achilles tendon in the back of the foot/ankle is  most often affected. This medicine may cause drowsiness, dizziness and lightheadedness. (yes, I feel like I'm experiencing brain fog. My mind isn't sharp and I'm finding it difficult to focus.) I'm supposed to avoid the sun while on this med because I'll burn more easily. Other side-effects include: diarrhea, dizziness, and nausea.

I've also been taking an Epson salt bath once a day to soak the tender area down below. Overall, my butt pain was relieved  a little today. I'm moving a little better and the pain isn't as sharp. The swelling around my anus and to my panty line has gone down tremendously. The abscess is still releasing a discharge though. I'm not sure which drug is responsible for me actually remembering my dream last night, but I quite enjoyed it. I dreamt I was jumping on the bed with Jim Parsons, the guy who plays Sheldon on the Big Bang Theory.  After jumping on the bed for what seemed like hours, we proceeded to run around a park in our PJs popping bubbles with the joy a puppy has at the sniff of a treat. Can't wait to see what tonight's dream will be.

A Nice Surprise

I don't talk much about my relationship with my twin, Leigha. Mostly because it's typically an antagonistic one. Well, her caring actions today came as a nice surprise. I'm not supposed to be driving while I'm on these two antibiotics until I see how they make me feel and since today was my first full day of being on them I didn't think I should be driving.  Leigha was kind enough to drive me to the atm, to get lunch and to the grocery store. Her generosity didn't stop there. She chose to go to the drive up atm so that I wouldn't have to get out of the car because she knows how much it hurts for me to walk.  She let me wait in the car while she went inside Chipotle to get lunch. And, she let me wait in the car at the grocery store while she went inside to get some kind of juice and fruit punch to help me down my medicine that tastes like rubber gloves. I'm thankful for my family taking care of my broken ass.

One Painful Day After Another

I woke up in a lot of pain and discomfort. It hurt to move. This morning I called my general physician's office to ask who I should see about my swollen and sore bottom. Naturally, the physician wasn't in today, but his nurse was and she recommended going to the OBGYN. I discussed this with my mom and we both had a gut feeling that wasn't the right answer, so I called my gastroenterologist's office to see what they thought. Naturally, my gastro wasn't in today either, but there was a nurse practitioner at the gastro office with an opening at 9:45am. So, I went to see him, Mike Jolly.

I don't care one way or the other about whether I have male or female doctors/nurses looking at me.  I anticipated going into the appointment that I'd have to have a rectal exam done. I should be used to those by now, right? Nope, not really. His huge finger entered my strictured rectum and he said, "I believe you have a fistula."

He explained it more once I got dressed and he came back into the room. The news: I have an anal abscess, which is an infected cavity filled with pus found near the anus or rectum. Holy fucking shit, that explains why I'm experiencing so much pain. Just by feeling around my rectum with his finger he believes a fistula is forming because of the abscess. Also a huge contributor to the PAIN!  He ordered the nurse to schedule an urgent appointment with my colorectal specialist/surgeon because be thinks I need surgery. I go to see the colorectal specialist on Tuesday... the same day as my Real Estate Appraisal mid-term, so we'll see how that goes.  Jolly also prescribed two antibiotics, both with horrible side effects. However, at this point, I'll gladly take them over what I'm experiencing currently. And, he prescribed a high potent probiotic, which seems promising and insurance actually covered it.

 

I owe a big thank you to my mom. She has been amazing. Taking care of me and going above and beyond what I deserve. I cried hard today. I'm disappointed in my body. I'm trying to fight my tendency to slip into depression during rough health patches. Not sure if it's working. I don't want this body, but I want this life. So, I chug along.  I'm grateful for the people praying for me.  I'm still miserable. I'm scared about what news Tuesday will bring. I'm afraid of needing surgery. I'm afraid my body is starting to reject Cimza.

Quite Possibly a Day From Hell

As I type this I have so much I want say, yet I'm not sure where to start.  I'm not even sure if I'm brave enough to share what I want to say. I'm fighting back tears. I've worked hard since my grandpa's death to build back control of my emotional sensitivity. I know if I begin to cry over my health it will be difficult to reign it back into control. Is it pathetic when I cry for myself?  It surprises me every time how quickly my health can do a 180 degree turn.

Today was supposed to be a big day. I have been planning for the past month on attending the career expo at UCF. However, I was up throughout the night going to the bathroom. I was running to the bathroom all morning, too. AND, my bottom between my panty line and rectum had become swollen and sore. It was uncomfortable to walk. I couldn't bring myself to attend the career expo because there's a lot of standing and walking involved. Plus, it's hard to focus on being professional and walking normally when I'm that uncomfortable.  Hire me, I have a swollen colon. I probably would have skipped class today, too. Except I had a mid-term exam in my portfolio analysis class. What's up with me having super bad health days on the exact same days of important exams? I'm not the best at planning, but even I wouldn't be ignorant enough to schedule it like that. I managed to survive the trek to class. During the exam, I was fortunate that I didn't have to poop. The exam was hard, I was distracted by my butt issues, and I just wanted to get the hell out of there. Frankly, I want to get the hell out of my body.

After I finished the exam, I drove to my parents' to have my mom look at my bum. She is amazing like that.  I hate calling the doctor on these kind of issues. I'm finally okay with doctors looking in my down under holes, but when it's on the external area of my privates that's when I feel violated. I know that doesn't make any sense... I don't understand it either. My mom gave me some stuff to put on the swollen spot and said, "Which doctor do you call for something like that?"  That's a good question. It's not in my vagina, so probably not the obgyn. It's not in my rectum, so probably not the colorectal. My gastro only looks at my bum during a colonoscopy and my general physician is always telling me he doesn't cover that area.  I may be finding out the answer soon though if the stuff she gave me doesn't help.

Oh yeah, the stomach pain is still around, but it's less noticeable with my sore butt that's agonizing me.

Dear Bowels

Dear Bowels,

Please stop this nonsense! It's only 9am and I've already had seven bowel movements this morning.  I don't think there's much left inside to come out.

Love, Lauren

If I Ignore the Pain, Will It Go Away?

Stomach pain greeted me yesterday in the late afternoon. I thought it might be gas pain, but after sounding the ass alarm (farting) the pain still wasn't relieved.  I took a few craps... Mainly just sat on the toilet in hopes the pain would somehow work itself out. It didn't. All in all, My poops were a little loose and surprisingly beautiful nonetheless. What gives? The pain was uncomfortable, yet manageable today. I put on my happy face and lied to anyone who asked how I was doing.  I know I've experienced far more agony than this. If I ignore the pain, will it go away?

I have officially started marathon training. I forget if I've started before, but now is go time! That's why I'm really trying to ignore this pain my stomach is insisting on feeling. I've created a training schedule that will get me up to 16 - 18 miles before my marathon in January, which is perfect for me. I ran about 2.5 miles today with the pain. It was difficult to start, but within a few minutes into it I was able to ignore the pain. 

This Too Shall Pass

Stress is attacking me from different angles. I'm packing up to move back in with my parents in a few weeks. I've got exams looming in the near future. I'm concerned about insurance wanting to know why I'm taking Cimzia in order for them to decide if they'll still offer coverage. (I'll blog more about that once I know more in about a month). I'm anxiously waiting for the Department of Education to complete their review so that I can apply for graduation as well as apply for my last class in the spring. I'm worried for family who might be losing their house to foreclosure soon.  Despite all of it, I'm actually in high spirits because I feel amazing! I feel strong and I feel sharp! I enjoyed a glass of wine while enduring my online class at double speed tonight. It really is the only way to make it through the class period without giving up on the lecture. While enjoying wine and listening to my lecture I drew a work of art that I named "This Too Shall Pass." It pretty much sums up my sentiments about supply chain management and insurance. Hashtag side-boob, hashtag stick figure syndrome. lol

This Too Shall Pass



5 Things I "Googled" This Week

1. "FEMA Flood Map"

I searched "FEMA Flood Map" to find and print a flood map for the property I'm appraising in my real estate class. The search led me to this website: https://msc.fema.gov/portal. a) Type address in the box that says "enter an address" and click the blue "search" button. b) Click "view" icon with magnifying glass.  c) Zoom in and find property on the map. d) click "make a FIRMette" e) Drag the pink box over the area the property is located. f) Click "create FIRMette PDF". g) Save and print the Flood Insurance Rate Map.


2.  "elevator pitches for students"

Part of preparing for the career expo is fine tuning my elevator pitch, which is a thirty second commercial of myself. I was searching for what type of things to add in my commercial. My pitch is below:

Hi, my name is Lauren Albig. I am a senior at the University of Central Florida majoring in Finance in the College of Business. I intend to graduate in May 2015. While going to school part time I also work full time in the real estate title insurance industry. I like to volunteer for non-profits in my spare time. I'm looking to join a team that can utilize my ability to be a solutions partner. A couple of my strengths are that I am a team player and I am self motivated. If it's okay with you, I'd like to give you my resume. I'd also like to discuss the available positions at your company and what you look for in future employees.


3. "economic indicators"

I was looking for the GPO's (U.S. Government Printing Office) August economic indicators. http://www.gpo.gov/fdsys/pkg/ECONI-2014-08/pdf/ECONI-2014-08.pdf Economic Indicators are published every month and provides economic information on gross domestic product, income, employment, production, business activity, prices, money, credit, security markets, Federal finance, and international statistics. I love reading through the graphs, tables and charts that use time series data to compare benchmarks from the past years with the current quarter... for numerous sectors of the market.  I find it truly enchanting.


4. "gopro"

I've been researching the different GoPro cameras because I think it would be amazing to document my journey through the Disney marathon in January like this. The Disney marathon is the most magical experience I've ever had and I want others to witness just how spectacular it is.


5.  "visual dna"

If you want to procrastinate on other things, check this out: https://www.visualdna.com/quizzes/

Learn All The Things!

Lately, I've been overwhelmed with how many different things I want to learn. It's difficult because I'm in the middle of a rough semester that doesn't leave me much free time to learn new things outside of school. I think that's part of the reason I'm craving to learn new hobbies.

- I want to learn to draw so that I can illustrate a children's book when I write one in the future.
- I want to learn html coding and web design so that I can create my own website.
- I want to learn a new language. In fact, I just got 50% off all five levels of Rosetta Stone for Spanish. I also plan on purchasing Rosetta Stone for French before the 50%  off sale expires. Two for the price of one!!! That should help me prepare for my future international travels. After I graduate from UCF, I plan on diving in and investing time to actually learn to fluently speak a foreign language.
- I want to learn how to ballroom dance. Perhaps I'll take lessons when time permits.
- I want to learn how to play an instrument; drums, piano and guitar are at the top of my list. Especially drums, so that I can be a badass, female drummer in a superstar band. (I'd totally rock a Mohawk!)
- I want to learn how to solve a Rubik's cube.
- I want to learn how to act. In the future, I'd love to take some acting classes. It will come in handy when I move to Hollywood when I'm 70 years old to get some Betty White type rolls.

Drawing No. 2 - The Apple of My Eye

I've made a conscious decision to try to draw one new thing every week. I must say sharing my drawings has been less intimidating than sharing things I write. Perhaps because it's less personal for me. Frankly, with drawing I don't care if I'm criticized because I know I have a lot of mistakes to make in order to learn better techniques. As I look at the apple I drew I can't help but be amazed that I actually drew that.  I still haven't made it to the store to buy a pencil sharpener and a proper eraser, so I drew this with a borrowed, sharpened pencil from UCF's College of Business testing center that I swiped on Saturday after my exam. Fear not, I'll return it later this week. It just might be in exchange for a better sharpened pencil. =)

The Apple of My Eye

I Didn't Fail My First MAR 3203 Exam

MAR 3203 is my Supply Chain Management class. It's a core class for all business majors and there are around 900 students in my class. UCF only offers this class with one professor, so I had no choice but to take it with this seemingly unqualified professor who used to be an airline pilot.  According to Rate My Professor, students agree "his tests are impossible," "he's HORRIBLE at teaching," "the only C I received in my entire college career," "study and pray to alluh [I pray to my God]," "don't bother watching his lectures because they are a waste of time," and I can now confirm "he is the worst professor ever"!

I knew going into this semester that I would be spending the bulk of my study time on this class. This class has completely consumed me. I watch the lectures on double speed just to catch anything that might be valuable, but usually he just vaguely talks about what we'll be going over in the future, what he went over in the past (which is nothing other than mention what we will go over in the future), and he conducts surveys from the classroom live that eats most of the class period. I read the entire chapters we're supposed to be going over in class, and I do the online homework that I teach myself on. I just hate that I paid to learn from this guy and I'm getting zero value out of him. I worked my butt off since the beginning of the semester to teach myself the four chapters on the exam I took yesterday because I knew it was going to be "impossible."

The mean score on the exam was 112 out of 180, a measly 62%. That means well over half of the class failed the exam. When over half a class fails an exam the main reason is that the professor failed its students. It's sad that as hard as I worked I only got 150 out of 180, an 83%. I don't credit the professor at all, I taught myself 83% of the material. Normally, an 83% would irritate me, but I'm so happy I didn't fail the exam because I went into it expecting to fail. Even while taking the exam, I thought I don't know where these questions are coming from. There's no way, I'm going to make it out alive. Alive being above 70%.

Plans Dislike Me

Some things in life will never come naturally to me. For instance, planning is one of my known weaknesses. Plans really just don't like me. It seems no matter how much effort I put forth I usually fall short or encounter problems because I didn't think the whole plan all the way through. Shouldn't my academic advisor have warned me that I wouldn't get aid if I dropped below half time student status? Apparently in my focus of only taking one class in my last semester so that I can have extra time to apply for jobs, I failed to realize that I would not have the minimum credit hours necessary to get financial aid. Ugh, I feel so stupid. If I only take one class in my final semester, I won't have the credit hours to get aid and I'll have to start paying back my student loans in May 2015. Whereas if I sign up for two classes to get enough credit hours, I get financial aid (as long as they figure out the situation mentioned below) and I won't have to start paying back my student loans until November 2015. 

My other financial aid issue is that I'm currently being reviewed by the Department of Education because they think I've reached the subsidized loan limit of $23,000. In which case, I won't be eligible to receive my typical subsidized loan for the Spring. Worse case scenario, I'm hoping I'll only have to pay back a little in order to take out an unsubsidized loan for the Spring. According to my records, my current student loan amount is $19,250. I'm so frustrated! Did I really miscalculate it by that much? There is a hold on my UCF account until they review my financial aid limit to confirm that I don't owe any money yet. So, I'm unable to register for the Spring semester (the semester I'm supposed to be graduating in) at this time. I'm going in to talk to someone at the financial aid office on campus on Monday to get more information about this whole "review process".

I had planned to graduate with a total of $22,000 of student loan debt. I think I'm currently at $19,250. To date I've only gotten $1200 in grants, which is pathetic. Anyways, I can't count on grants to pay for my final semester.  If I screwed up my own student financial aid plans like this review by the DoE suggests, I fear my major in finance may be a joke. Obviously, $0 student debt would be better, but I was going to be super proud of only having $22,000 in student debt at graduation. Considering on average an undergraduate student graduates with close to $30,000 in student debt.  I'm not intimidated by my student loans because I will add the loan payments to my budget after I graduate. Plus, by paying them on time they will help me build credit. Not that I have bad credit. Heck, Wells Fargo has pre-approved me for a home loan. I laugh at that because that is intimidating to me, and yet I want to build even stronger credit.

TMI: A Happy Period

I can't place which brand this phrase belongs to, but I remember "Have a happy period" being a catch phrase, marketing campaign for a feminine product brand. Are you bloody kidding me? Should the words 'happy' and 'period' even be in the same sentence? Can you tell I'm hormonal? Why must women of a childbearing age bleed out every month? Is it really necessary for responsible women using protection, taking a pill, and/or abstaining from sex to endure this madness every month. In my experience, there is nothing happy about it other than the fact that it signifies I'm not pregnant. Okay, so I guess it's better than the alternative (being pregnant or being old), but I don't see this clown nose red blood oozing out of me as a beautiful gift of womanhood.

My first period didn't make an appearance until I was fifteen. And even then it only came around every few months. It first started right around the time I was beginning to figure out and get a handle on Crohn's after being diagnosed. I can probably count on my two hands the amount of periods I had in high school, which isn't many. The age when my sisters and friends were developing curves, starting their periods, and gaining interest in relationships, I was waiting for boobs to grow on my skeleton, wondering what it would be like to have a period (down right awful I would later learn), and being too engrossed in my bowel habits to be interested in relationships. Eventually, my boobs finally grew to an A, my period became regular after I graduated high school, and I'm still waiting for my interest in relationships to spike. I think the onset of Crohn's during my formative years stunned my sexual development to some extent... I'll save that topic for another post in the future.

Typically, my periods are three-four days long and are accompanied with back and stomach pain. I can handle cramps, but the pain I get is unbelievable most times. The hormones cause mood swings. Birth control pills didn't help the pain or mood swings for me like everyone claims they should have, so I stopped taking them. I'm convinced that my period makes my Crohn's symptoms worse. More pain and more irregular bowel movements around my period. How can my period cause both extreme diarrhea and extreme constipation, depending on the month? Plus, the whole let me bleed for three days a month and act like everything is okay has to be the biggest joke females tell themselves. Keep in mind while I'm bleeding I usually have anal leakage to deal with too, so I'm just one big, disgusting mess.  I know I don't have heavy flow compared to most, but just the fact that blood flows out of me for days in a row doesn't make me happy. It's bad enough when I have blood in my stool. Am I over-reacting? Most likely. It doesn't change the fact I want to take out my womanhood, tie my tubes... I don't care I just want to be a woman without the red hood. I would be happier without a period. Perhaps I should get pregnant. I'm sarcastic about getting pregnant because that would solve my issue for nine months only to have a different issue for eighteen years. On the other hand, I'm sure getting pregnant would make my boobs bigger. Though the trade off just isn't worth it to me.

My New Hobby

Even though I'm in the middle of taking three classes this semester, I've decided to add another subject to my plate of things to learn, drawing. Now, if you know me, you know my ability to draw consists of a smiley face, stick people, a flower, and a bird.  Well, that's about to change. I've purchased a kit that includes different kinds of pencils, a sketch pad and a book called 'The Art of Drawing.'  I had no idea there are so many different ways to hold a pencil and numerous shading techniques. Today, I drew a horse.

First, I made a grid on my sketch pad, and then I blocked out the horse. The photo to the right has an outlined head and a blocked out body. By this point I evaluated it and thought there is no way I can draw because even my blocking looks horrible, but I kept with it.

After I finished blocking, I began outlining it. That's when it really started coming together. Yeah, I drew skinny ass legs, but I was impressed with my outline. The outline looked way better than the blocking did.






Once I was done outlining, I started to shade. I used a dull No. 2 pencil because I haven't been to the store to buy a pencil sharpener and a proper eraser, so that's all I had to work with. When I need a pencil at school, I borrow one from the testing center. I am impressed with the finished horse I drew. I can't wait to improve and see how proper drawing tools enhance the techniques I'm learning.