I think today is the first day since Thursday that I actually ate two meals: lunch and dinner. I weighed in tonight at 143, so I'm moving the scale in the right direction. I'm still experiencing occasional stabbing pain throughout the day. Somehow I managed to survive my daily routine of work and school yesterday and today. I've been taking naps in my car during my short break between work and school. Exhaustion has overcome me because I haven't been sleeping very well due to pain waking me up multiple times in the middle of the night. The pain is a little higher than my belly button, which leads me to conclude that it's my small bowel giving me issues. The weird thing is that my bowel movements have been nicely formed. They seem way too beautiful for the way I'm feeling.
I know I should be eating more regularly, but I would rather not eat and be in less pain and be able to trust my bowels at work and school than eat and shit myself or be in the bathroom constantly. I also know I could be taking the pain pills I have, but I'm not. The pain pills make me drowsy and cause constipation. I have to be alert enough to drive, work, and learn at school. I could take them at night, but in my experience the drowsiness doesn't wear off by morning. Some folks have advised me to make an appointment with my doctor. I haven't and I most likely won't. Quite honestly, the doctor is limited on what to do. He could prescribe me pain meds. I won't take them because I have a life to live. He could order me to have a colonoscopy. Yeah, it's probably time for one of those dreadful things again since it's been two years, but that won't tell him anything we don't already know: I have active disease in my intestines. He could prescribe me the steroid Prednisone. No thanks, I'd rather deal with this until it passes. Prednisone is EVIL! I feel like I lose who I am while taking it. Some people don't understand my reasoning and conclude that since I won't take action that my current state of suffering is my fault. It must be nice to believe that doctors can make everything better. Ignorance is bliss, right?
