Goodbye Uncle Don

After work last Wednesday, I went to my Grandma's. I called her around 6PM to let her know I was on my way and to make sure she already ate dinner. To my surprise she hadn't eaten dinner yet, so I stopped at Jersey Mike's to get her favorite cheesesteak for her. Once I got to her house, she already had the table set and a glass of ice cold water for me. We ate and I told her about my exciting day at work. We watched TV after I was done with the dishes. She let me control the remote, so we watched The Big Bang Theory. Judging by her laughs, I think she enjoyed the show as much as I did. My Uncle Mike came over close to 8PM and him, Grandma and I went to the hospital to visit Uncle Don.

Don was still in ICU, so he had his own private room. He had a breathing apparatus on so it was hard to see his face. Plus, he was hooked up to multiple machines and tubes. When Uncle Mike announced "Hey Don, look who came to see you. It's Lauren!" It was difficult to tell if he opened his eyes, but he made a few grunting noises of acknowledgement. I squeezed his hand and told him to "Hang in there." He seemed pretty out of it the entire time though. Nurse Luke was in every few minutes checking on Don, adjusting fluids, administering shots, etc. Grandma stood on one side of Don while Mike stood on the other. I sat in a chair by the door most of our visit. We stayed for just over two hours. To pass the time, I told Mike about my job and how exciting contracts are. We also talked about the Disney Marathon I just finished. As far as Don's status the nurse said they were waiting for a bed to open at a different hospital so that they could transfer him and run tests to see if he is a candidate for certain type of heart surgery.

By the time we got back to Grandma's, we said goodbye to Mike, and I put my PJ's on. I was super tired, but I stayed up and watched the news with Grandma for a little while. Before I headed to bed, I told her I'd be leaving at 6:45AM in the morning.

I woke up Thursday morning feeling like shit with a killer headache and a runny nose. I had a feeling I would get sick because my grandma was sick and all the germs at the hospital, but I didn't think I would get sick that quickly. My Grandma was already awake eating toast and drinking coffee at the table when I woke up. We ate together and she seemed a little offended when I told her I didn't want to read the paper. I felt a little bad rushing to leave on time because I didn't plan on her being up in the morning to spend time with.

While trying to survive at work feeling like crap, I found out that Uncle Don took turn for the worst overnight and the nurses said the next few days will be "crucial". This turn of events meant that he was no longer even a candidate for the tests they originally planned to run. At this point, we were not expecting a miracle, we were hoping he didn't suffer.

Around 4AM on Saturday, January 14th, 2017, Don passed away. He had two bad heart valves and in the end his heart failed. He was only 62 years old. Even though deep down I prepared myself for his passing, it still made me emotional.  He spent just over four weeks in the hospital. I'm thankful he is no longer suffering. It also hurts my heart to see my Grandma go through the pain of losing someone again. I know it's been a tough time for my dad as well, but I'm inspired by the love he shows my Grandma (his mom). I hate that I saw him on his death bed because that is not how I wish to remember him.  At the moment, I'm feeling emotionally numb.

Truth Bomb

I saw this quote on Facebook: "You're Always One Decision Away from a Totally Different Life." How is that for a truth bomb? We all could make a decision or multiple decisions that would change our lives respectfully!  Whoa!!! 

In 2017, I want to dream bigger! I need to sit down and ponder what I want out of life when I'm not just surviving, and then I need to (*gasp*) plan how I will achieve these so called bigger goals! A lot of people around me are changing their lives by going to school, moving, having babies, or getting married. Whereas I was thinking along the lines of flossing and eating healthier on a regular basis. Although I'm not currently ready for a drastically different life, I want to plan so that one day I will be. One day, my teeth, gums, and waist line will thank me. 

This Christmas was NOT Normal

My Uncle Don went to the hospital on Thursday. He was diagnosed with pneumonia and sepsis and has been sedated since Friday. He's been in ICU and was given a 50/50 chance. On Christmas the doctors were uncertain if it had in fact been pneumonia or if it was RSV. The non-answers and wishy-washiness gives me dejavu from when my Grandpa Ace was in the hospital. Are doctors really that clueless? I'm uncertain what changed today, but he was updated to critical, but guarded.  While others have been visiting him in the hospital, I have not. There are a lot of contagious things, especially in ICU and I do not want to expose my immune system. My Grandma Ace came down with a cough today, which is how my Uncle's health issues started (Don lives with Grandma Ace), so now I can't even visit my Grandma. I think my dad is going to take her to the doctor in the morning to make sure it's nothing more than a common cold. It really is a messy situation and it has been understandably hard on my Grandma Ace. I feel helpless, but as selfish as it is I cannot risk my good health.

Since I got off work early on Friday, I stopped by my Grandma Ace's house to visit her and see how she was doing. Strangely enough, I woke up barfing Friday Night into Saturday morning. Now, it could be totally unrelated to the health of my Uncle and now my Grandma's possible health issues, but it freaked me out. I felt so bad that I completely skipped my run that I was supposed to lead. I didn't bring my phone with me when I moved to the couch to sleep after barfing the first time. When I woke up, I had lots of missed calls and messages from my running group. Not only did I feel terrible from vomiting and being sick to my stomach (I'm not pregnant), I also felt terrible for missing the run and leaving everyone out of the loop. My group was understanding and my ugly stepsister proved to be a great friend by calling and messaging to check up on me throughout the day on Saturday and Sunday. It's great when new friends genuinely care about you.

Thankfully, I am feeling better and my Uncle Don is stilling hanging on! This Christmas was anything but normal. We are hopeful that Uncle Don will keep improving slowly.

My Badass is Ready to Live My Dream!

You guys, this it! This is going to be my last blog before I conquer the NYC Marathon. Race day is eight days away. I'm still trying to wrap my head around the whirlwind of emotions that have been washing over me. All of my training comes down to one day, Sunday, November 6th, 2016. There are enough people planning to track me on race day, from co-workers, family, and friends, that it should help encourage me to push through "the wall" when/if I hit it because I know everyone will be watching (tracking) me.  No pressure, right? A part of me loves the attention and another part of me wishes no one knew.

Some things that make me anxious:

• Daylight Savings Time ends the morning of the race, which means time changes at 2AM on November 6th, race day.
• There is a chance of rain on race day. Wet shoes and wet socks are the perfect breeding ground for blisters. Blisters and Marathons are not good friends.
• Aunt Flow could fuck things up.
• The hills and bridges are a bit intimidating.

Some things that make me excited:

• Cooler weather will give me the chance to run my optimal race.
• Frank Sinatra's song 'New York' playing as I cross the start line.
• The energy of the crowd.
• Central Park will be beautiful to run through with the leaves of the trees changing color this time of year.
• Seeing Taylor cheer for me in the Grandstand seats as I near the finish line.
• The sweet taste of victory as I cross the iconic finish line of the TCS NYC Marathon. (I cried as I typed the last sentence.)

On March 8th, when I found out I got into the NYC Marathon, I couldn't run a 5k without struggling. So if you think you could never run a marathon, think again because I'm proof anything is possible with hard work. Since March, I've worked my butt off to prepare for this race. I even overcame some health issues in April and started new medicine in May. Failure is not an option. I'm healthy, I'm strong, and my badass is ready to live my dream!

Healthy and Loving It!

It has been great to feel as healthy as most of the people around me. I'm not struggling to keep up. I'm not faking the smile on my face and I'm not pretending to feel well. When I'm not feeling well, I dread making plans because it's difficult to predict how I'll be feeling at a certain moment in time. Will I be in pain? Will I need a bathroom? Will I have the energy it takes? I didn't even ask myself those questions when I made plans like a boss this weekend.

After work on Friday I went to the Maroon 5 concert. Tove Lo opened the show and she was incredible. Seriously, check out her music.  I thought her take on love was interesting. In one song she proclaims "I'm not on drugs / I'm not on drugs / I'm just in love" and in another song she explains "You're gone and I gotta stay / High all the time / To keep you off my mind". So, basically love is a drug and I've never taken a hit. I'm as clean and as sober as can be.  I love Maroon 5, but honestly I only know Maroon 5 as Adam Levine. I love when he hits the high notes! They put on an amazing show and it was fun hanging out with Kim! Kim and I left a little early from the show because I had a long Saturday ahead of me. We left around 10:45PM and by the time I got home and laid out my running stuff for the morning, it was around 11:30PM by the time I went to bed.

Surprisingly, I woke up without hesitation when my alarm went off at 4:05AM so that I could meet my running group at 5:30AM. My legs were so stiff and sore from cross-training this week that I wasn't sure if I could even run. My quads were super tight, but I still got ready and left to meet some of my running group in Apopka for the hills option this week.  I need all the hill training I can get. The hills and bridges in the NYC Marathon make me the most nervous about the race. My plan was 10 miles but I stopped after 7 miles and I'm okay with that. The biggest accomplishment was getting out of bed and out the door to run at all, so I won't beat myself over a few missed miles. I can tell I'm getting stronger because I no longer get the urge to stop and walk up a hill. I've learned to pump my arms harder to pull myself up the hill as well as shortening my stride for more efficiency. Eventually, I did loosen up a little on the run, but I got tight again after I was done.

Once I got home, took a shower, and found my Gator gear, it was time to get ready to head to the Gator football game. That's right, I was running off of about 4 and a half hours of sleep and I didn't take a nap! My friend Miguel (my friend Brittany's husband) invited me to go to the Gator game. He got tickets through the Wounded Warrior Project.  The car ride to the game passed quickly as he told all about a video game he's been playing and trying to get into the top 500 players. We arrived to the tailgate area for the Wounded Warrior Project at noon. They provided a tent with chairs, food, drinks, and a TV to watch the Michigan UCF game (poor UCF). It was great to meet other warriors. One little boy came up to me and poked me with the foam finger he had, so I smiled and played with him. Suddenly, he dropped the finger and kissed me on my check! His dad yelled, "Son, you can't just go around kissing women!" LOL After they passed out our tickets, Miguel and I went shopping. We went to the bookstore on campus, but he didn't see anything in there. Next, we walked around to find the store he got a shirt at last time we went. Somehow we found it! While we were waiting to cross a street a very intoxicated young lady walked up, put her hand on my shoulder and said "Come on, let's just fucking go." Thankfully, by the time she started walking it was actually safe to walk and she stumbled her way across the street. I just wondered where her friends were. Friends shouldn't let friends walk around intoxicated, by themselves. We even heard some Gator fans say "Here, kitty, kitty, kitty" because Kentucky's mascot is the Wildcat. Haha Once we were in the stadium and found our seats, the weather report at the stadium said it was 97 degrees! I'm glad they handed out fans to use to help keep cool. Throughout the game we saw the medics in our section three different times with a stretcher. From what I saw it was older folks likely suffering from heat exhaustion.  The Gators came out strong! Now, it could have been because Kentucky sucks, but I thought Luke Del Rio, our new quarterback, made solid plays. I'm excited to watch him this season because I like it when quarterbacks actually throw the ball long and take more risks. We kicked butt! I think the final score was 45 to 7! I had fun with Miguel. It was such an awesome game to watch!

By the time I got home and told my dad all about the game (my mom said he watched every minute of the game on TV to see if he would see me in the stands even tough I told him we were sitting pretty high up.), I was finally able to go to bed. It was a fun 24+ hours and I felt great, but I was super tired! Awesome weekend with awesome people!!!

I Did the Unthinkable... I Joined a Gym

So, MarathonFest starts in two weeks. I really want to make their morning runs on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but I would be rushed to make it back home, shower, and leave for work on time. My mom had the idea of joining a gym that's located on my way to work and use their showers instead so that I won't be as rushed to get ready after my runs. First, I was thinking of Planet Fitness because they're cheap. Then, I was talking while walking the mall with my cube neighbor, Ashleigh, on our lunch break and she was telling me about the the Athletic Apex Health Club that will be opening in the mall soon. She's already joined and took me to their info area so that I could learn more about it.  Not only do they have private showers, they also have shampoo, soup, conditioner, and a towel service. They have an aroma therapy room where they host yoga and Pilates. They have another room for Zuma and other class and yet another room for spin classes. They have tons of work out equipment and even an outdoor workout area for their version of crossfit. 

Even though I was just looking for a gym for showers, I ended up convincing myself that I could benefit from cross training for the marathon, so I registered. I decided to pay annually rather than monthly and locked in my lifetime guaranteed rate that averages about $20 per month. There's no contract, so I can cancel anytime I want and they will refund based on the pro rata share of my annual membership status (months used in annual membership).  Athletic Apex is scheduled to open next month. Hopefully it opens in time for my MarathonFest showering needs. If it doesn't, I might just have to rush to get ready until it opens.  I'm excited to start strength training and cross training.  Maybe I'm working toward getting into the best shape of my life for the NYC marathon. Although I've been in some pretty wicked awesome shape in my life, so it'll take a lot of work to get there.  I might even do some classes with Ashleigh before and/or after work.

A Rock Star and Vaginal Farts

Rock star:

I just wanted to share this hilarious thing I heard on the radio this morning. A caller called in to talk about what part of life her and her circle of friends are in. After explaining that she is the only single one left in her circle of friends, the radio host asked if she was next to get hitched. To which she responded: I'm closer to becoming a rock star than getting married.  I laughed out loud and knew I will use that explanation in the future when someone asks me about my relationship status and marriage. I'm most definitely closer to becoming a rock star!

Vaginal Farts:

My vagina has farted a couple times this week. It sounds ridiculous, right?  At first I was caught off guard because I didn't feel it coming until it was already rattling my vaginal walls on it's way out... and by then it's too late to hide. It happened after my period ended. It made me giggle. How could I not find vaginal farts funny. I think anal farts are funny, but vaginal farts are even funnier to me. I didn't know they existed. For real though, I am so damn sexy and I know it! My vagina has puffed air like it's an asshole. lol I don't know. It didn't hurt. I've been Google-ing vaginal farts and comparing normal peoples' experiences with Crohn's disease patients' experiences.  For normal people it's no big deal. For people with Crohn's there usually ends up being a fistula involved. I'm curious ladies, does your vagina fart? I'd love to hear about it. No, I don't feel like this is too much information. I don't know that much about it and I want to learn more. It's not bothering me, but if it keeps up should I ask a medical professional about it? If so, would I ask my OB, gastro, PA, or colorectal specialist about vaginal farts?  Imagine the phone call, "Hey Doc, my vagina has been farting and I'm wondering if I should be concerned? 

Moving The Scale in the Right Direction

I think today is the first day since Thursday that I actually ate two meals: lunch and dinner. I weighed in tonight at 143, so I'm moving the scale in the right direction. I'm still experiencing occasional stabbing pain throughout the day. Somehow I managed to survive my daily routine of work and school yesterday and today. I've been taking naps in my car during my short break between work and school. Exhaustion has overcome me because I haven't been sleeping very well due to pain waking me up multiple times in the middle of the night. The pain is a little higher than my belly button, which leads me to conclude that it's my small bowel giving me issues. The weird thing is that my bowel movements have been nicely formed. They seem way too beautiful for the way I'm feeling.

I know I should be eating more regularly, but I would rather not eat and be in less pain and be able to trust my bowels at work and school than eat and shit myself or be in the bathroom constantly. I also know I could be taking the pain pills I have, but I'm not. The pain pills make me drowsy and cause constipation. I have to be alert enough to drive, work, and learn at school. I could take them at night, but in my experience the drowsiness doesn't wear off by morning. Some folks have advised me to make an appointment with my doctor. I haven't and I most likely won't. Quite honestly, the doctor is limited on what to do. He could prescribe me pain meds. I won't take them because I have a life to live. He could order me to have a colonoscopy. Yeah, it's probably time for one of those dreadful things again since it's been two years, but that won't tell him anything we don't already know: I have active disease in my intestines. He could prescribe me the steroid Prednisone. No thanks, I'd rather deal with this until it passes. Prednisone is EVIL! I feel like I lose who I am while taking it.  Some people don't understand my reasoning and conclude that since I won't take action that my current state of suffering is my fault. It must be nice to believe that doctors can make everything better. Ignorance is bliss, right?

What Makes Me Happy

It's really not that difficult to make me happy. I get delighted by a beautiful bowel movement, which I've had plenty of in the past week. I'm thrilled to be feeling as well as I'm feeling right now. Seriously, I feel like I'm super woman! No pain, no blood, endless energy, limited anal leakage, and my mind feels unusually sharp. This in itself puts me in a fantastic mood.

Another thing that makes me happy are friendships. Recently, I've had some great conversations with my friend Gabriel about life aspirations and reality checks. My Team Challenge friend and teammate, Rita, and I find comfort in being able to share the gross details of IBD with each other. She gets it!  I love the endless moral support my friend Brittany and I share with each other.  My friend Veronica and I always believe in each other and encourage one another every week. I love the way my best friend Taylor challenges me to step outside my comfort zone. These friends are in my corner of life. Their successes and accomplishments make me happy! Plus, I love it when they're happy!

I also find pleasure in mentoring my cousins through this important time in their young lives.  The moments they see their potential bring me great joy. They have created a spark for their future now we just have to nurture it into a thriving flame. I've staked an interest in their future and I'm excited to help them become the young ladies they aspire to be.

I couldn't end this post without mentioning running. Yes, I felt well enough to start running again! If a guy made me feel like I feel when I'm running, I might consider marrying him. My love, how I've missed you and the unstoppable feeling you give me.  It's always hard getting back into shape, but oddly enough the heavy breathing is a great motivator. It's been so hot that it's like I've been swimming on dry land. I absolutely adore my running shoes on the road. Life for me is great whenever I'm logging miles. It really is my antidepressant.

Yo-yoing

My health has been yo-yoing for the past week and a half. Bad days followed by good days, which are then followed by more bad days. If only I could manage to keep the yo-yo in my hand to ensure good health. Instead, it keeps slipping out of my grip and rather than putting it to sleep and then winding itself back into my hand, it gets painfully twisted and stuck until I eventually recover. By the time I recover and am ready for another throw, it slips out of my hand...again.

Thankfully, I had a good enough day yesterday to drive to Lake Placid to spend 16 hours with Taylor before heading back to Orlando this morning. The drive was totally worth it! I want to take every opportunity to see her because I never know when the next opportunity will arise... Except I do happen to know when the next opportunity will arise. I get to celebrate her graduation with her and her family at the beginning of August! 

Theory On Why I Feel Well

Why do I feel fantastically well? Iron supplements make my body suck. Seriously, I vaguely remember feeling this well earlier in the year, but then poof, the feeling was gone. I experienced unrelenting pain, ugly poops and exhaustion during March, April and May. I started taking iron supplements in the beginning of March to help with my anemia. I thought I started to feel bad because it was the anemia finally catching up with me, not because of the iron I started taking.  At the end of May, I cut back on the iron supplements to see if it would help me feel any better. Strangely enough, I almost instantly started feeling better. This can't be a coincidence.

I admit, I'm an idiot when it comes to being chronically ill. Sadly, I know I should keep a daily health diary to track these things, but I don't. I hate that it took me three months to figure out why I was feeling like shit all the time. Can I really blame myself? I mean, the symptoms I was experiencing felt like a mild Crohn's flare. Usually flares aren't something I have the power to overcome without medication. How was I to know it was the stupid iron that was causing it?  The only reason I started taking the iron was because my dr. told me to... maybe he's the idiot. The only reason I took the recommended amount for as long as I did was because my family scared me with stories of Crohn's patients dying when they stopped taking iron like their doctors recommended. So, I took those damn green turd makers like my life depended on it. Geez, I must be a super idiot since I listened to those idiots. Iron, yet another reason I'm skeptical of doctors and advice from family.

Warning, TMI:  My poops have been beautiful! Heck, they've even been a pleasurable experience lately. I love not feeling pain after I take a poop. I love moving without the constant stomach pain slowing me down. I love wanting to experience life. I never know how long it will last, so I best be sure to take advantage of feeling well.

Time Heals All Wounds... Or So "They" Say

            I’m always shocked when a doctor actually helps me solve a health issue. I’m certainly not an optimist when it comes to health. I think the healthcare industry is out for my money… meaning they’ll mask some symptoms here and there, but they’ll make sure I have to come back for more “treatment.” How can I blame them? They would be out of business if they cured everyone. I’m beyond amazed that my dermatologist was able to get my hair to regrow in the area I suffered hair loss. The last time I saw the area, it was a smooth, fist size bald spot. I haven’t mustered up the courage to look at it since then. It sounds weird, but I can’t feel the difference of whether my hair is re-growing or not when I use my prescribed shampoo.  Since I have my sister, Kelly, put the topical steroid ointment on “the spot” I haven’t had to look at it. Kelly’s reaction to how fast the new hair seems to be growing makes me feel good. It’s the complete opposite reaction everyone had when I showed them the bald spot when I first lost the hair.

                I was hysterical when I first lost the patch of hair. I hated that I was that emotionally attached to my hair. My hair isn’t even that great. I didn’t believe it would grow back. I cried for hours a day mourning the loss of… hair. My friends and family saw me break down. Do you know the phrase that says, “Time heals all wounds?”   I feel like this is a life lesson I refuse to learn. The days, weeks and months when stomach pain deteriorated me, I thought I would forever be enslaved to the torment my body was putting me through. Even now, during this time of wicked exhaustion, I feel like I will never be refueled with life again. Like the issue with my hair these things will pass with time. Now, the hair loss is no big deal. It’s just difficult to see that while I’m in the middle of it. I think the phrase would be better if it said, “Wounds that don’t heal with time will be healed by death.” By adding the element of death to the phrase I think it encompasses those “wounds” which run out of time. This is totally the pessimist in me talking, or maybe it’s the fact that I’m impatient. Part of me doesn’t expect to be healed from anything until I die. No wonder sometimes I think, I can’t wait to die. Though I write those last few lines with some sarcasm, I know I need to work on strengthening my faith. Today I will celebrate the good news by taking a nap!

Constipation... Too Much Information

          I thought I better post something under TMI before I lose my nerve. Plus, I don't feel like studying at the moment. I'm going to start this series off easy with constipation as the headlining subject. As you may know Crohn's disease is known for frequent diarrhea, so you can imagine my confusion when I started dealing with constipation. The constipation began after I began injecting myself with Cimzia in November of 2012.  I'll have to post my theory about how I think it's related to my menstrual cycle later. Obviously, what I consider normal bowel habits would probably make a person with healthy bowels think they're sick. I feel my best when I poop three to four times a day. Yes, that's my normal! It sounds like a lot to most, but it's not that much considering when I'm at my worst I can go up to 16 times a day. I start feeling constipated as soon as I go a whole day without pooping. Normal folks go days without pooping and feel good. But, imagine if you couldn't poop the next four times you felt like you had to poop. I'll feel like I have to go, but I'm greeted with endless amounts of gas and usually no turds. Though on occasion, a tiny one will escape.

          You should understand that if you saw what I call turds, you would probably be freaked out. Most people don't think twice about taking a shit. I think about the consistency, form, color, and whether there was blood or not.  It used to freak me out. Now it only freaks me out when I've recently seen what normal people call turds. My turds are typically really thin because my intestines are so constricted and tight from the inflammation and scars. They are no bigger around than one of my fingers. Anal sex is never happening for me. I don't see how that can bring anyone pleasure whatsoever anyway. My doctor lubes the scope and her fingers and it's always uncomfortable and sometimes it's even painful. I can't imagine a dick would feel any better. When I walk into a public bathroom where someone didn't make sure their shit flushed all the way, I stand and admire the HUGE freaking poops some women have. Seriously, my butt could never produce such beautiful creatures. Okay, back on the topic of constipation. I consider myself constipated even if one small turd escapes because let's be honest. One of my turds isn't very relieving. I know I'm constipated when it feels like I need to poop more, but nothing more comes out of my bad ass. My stomach will begin to cramp just after the first day of being constipated and the longer I go without a bowel movement the more pain builds up in my stomach. Eventually, I'll just want to lay in bed and moan about how all I want to do is poop. It's kind of a crazy thought for a crohnie because most of our existence is spent wishing we could stop pooping.

          Miralax is my close friend. My friend Taylor always comments about my two giant bottles I keep in my bathroom. If I lived by myself, I'd keep them in the kitchen. Up until last month as soon as I went a day without pooping, I would begin taking a double dose of Miralax everyday. It would take up to a week for it to work and give me a good poop that's why I never hesitated to start taking it. I was always miserable by the time it started working. This is something I've told my friends and family once, but to keep telling them every time I experience it would likely be redundant and annoying. I know I was annoyed with it every other month.

          After I started taking the iron supplements to help my anemia, I was concerned that constipation would be a side effect. Thankfully, my mom is always researching home remedies for constipation. It's usually easier to try whatever she finds than it is to have to listen to her tell me it's my fault for still being constipated and feeling like shit. The latest two remedies from her have actually seemed to help even while I'm taking the iron supplements.  I've been taking coconut oil pills and rubbing peppermint, an essential oil, on my belly. Since I've started these I haven't been constipated. My poop has been dark green since I've gotten back from NY. I don't know if it's something I ate, or if it's from the iron or coconut pills. Dark green poop means I'm not constipated, so I'll take it as one less thing bringing me down.

My Body Loves Surprising Me

          Obviously, I was completely shocked when my hair started falling out a week ago. If my body was a pitcher for a major league baseball team, its specialty would be curve balls. Sometimes the things it does makes no sense to me. I don't get how I can have Alopecia when it's considered to be an autoimmune condition where the immune system mistakenly attacks hair follicles thereby stopping growth.  I get that Crohn's is autoimmune, but I'm taking a potent immune suppressant medication for it. So, how can my immune system attack itself when I'm taking an immune suppressant to prevent attacks like this in the first place? I'm trying to find some positive things about it. Like the fact that it's not painful. At least it's not physically painful like Crohn's disease is. However, it is emotionally painful. I've dealt with emotional pain a little bit with Crohn's, but I'm not an expert on how to manage that kind of pain yet.

          So, I had two half marathons this weekend. I ran one on Saturday and the other one on Sunday to bring my weekend mileage to 26.2 miles. I struggled to find energy last week. Blame it on the stress of not knowing exactly how to solve this hair loss problem or blame it on me being slightly depressed about it. Heck, my low energy could even be contributed to losing blood in my stool last week. Yeah, how does that become an occurrence that doesn't concern me anymore? Anyways, on Friday I did not feel ready to race this weekend. I wasn't sure if I'd have it in me to finish. Honestly, I wanted to sleep in and have a pity party in bed as I watched the hours tick by. Instead I got my butt up and by the time I made it to the start line of each race, my head was ready. During the races, I made time to reflect on the past week. I ran through a few teary eyed miles and that somehow made me feel a little better. I went from not feeling like I could race to finishing two half marathons. I can't deny that my body has found ways to screw me up bad, but it constantly finds ways to surprise me in good ways with the things it's capable of as long as I let it.

A Girl's Worst Nightmare

          Over the weekend, a girl’s worst nightmare happened to me. In the shower Sunday night, I felt flakey skin on my scalp while I was washing my hair. When I got out of the shower, I pulled on the flakey part of my scalp off and to my surprise a HUGE clump of hair came with it. It didn’t hurt and it didn’t itch. In an instant I had bald spot the size of my fist on the left side of my head. I’ve been through a lot health wise, so I didn’t freak out. I just went to bed because I had a big interview the next day and I wanted my rest.

          Monday morning, I took a look at my scalp in the mirror. I’ve already got my share of gray hair. What I found was a scary sized bald spot to go with it. I’m 26 years old.  In my grandma’s words, “You’re too young to have bald spots.” I went to the doctor today and he said the condition is known as Alopecia Areata. It’s a hair loss condition characterized by the rapid onset of hair loss in a sharply defined area. The cause is uncertain, but it’s an autoimmune condition where the immune system attacks the hair follicles. I don’t have any answers right now. I have to make an appointment with a dermatologist to get treatment. The dermatologist will likely take a biopsy of my scalp to confirm the condition. Treatment will likely require steroid injections in the affected area of my scalp (OUCH) to help promote growth. What I’ve read so far is that treatment outcomes are unpredictable as far as growth is concerned.

          Right now, I’m kind of in shock. I’m not in love with my hair, but I sure don’t want to go bald. I’ll be looking into buying a wig so that I won’t have to worry about covering the bald spot with what hair I have left. I’m emotional, I’m freaked out and I’m annoyed with my body. I’ll blog more about it once I get in to see a dermatologist. 

I Strongly Dislike Robots

          Every month I get a call from robots at Optum Rx reminding me to refill my Cimzia prescription. "Your call may be monitored for quality assurance." Regardless of whether I stay on the line and order the refill or call back to order it, the first thing I have to do is tell a robot my birthday, zip code, and phone number.

          It's comical because the robot always misunderstands me and wants me to repeat what I said even though I'll have to repeat it two additional times once I get a human on the line to verify it's me placing the order on my "file." I've thought of possible solutions. I can't change pharmacies because my insurance forces me to use Optum Rx in order to get coverage on my prescription. I can't go without insurance because that will soon be against the law and plus this drug is about $3,600 a month. I've tried typing in the info using the key pad on my touch screen phone, but I usually end up with a typo and then I have to start over. My solution is to be as rude as possible to the robot! As soon as it starts asking for my info, I cut it off and say something like, "Why should I tell you, I'll just have to repeat it again to your humans." If you don't believe me, ask my sister.

          Without hesitation the robot responds with something like "I'm sorry I don't understand human, let me connect you with an Optum Rx representative. "

          Score, I out smarted the robot and get put on hold to wait for the next available rep! In the meantime, while I'm on hold I talk about how much I dislike Optum Rx and all of the nonsense the robotic system is. I want those mysterious folks monitoring my call to know how much time is wasted while trying to communicate with a robot.  By this point I've decided that the calls are probably monitored by robots and they have marked my file up and down with notes. The notes would read: "Put this customer on hold often for no reason." "She's a robot hater so make sure to make her repeat her info at least twice."  After some time on hold, I then proceed to tell the human rep my info and then they put me on a longer hold to transfer me to the specialty department.

          I strike up another one sided, hostile conversation with the robotic monitors before having to spill my info again to the human specialty department. The specialty department always wants additional info like my address and the name of the doctor that prescribed my prescription so that they can look up my "file," but only after they put me on another hold. If they're so special, why do they need more info than the first rep to look up my file? I think it's because the robots are undergoing a slow takeover of that department, or the human saw the notes in my file. On average it can take anywhere between 10 to 15 minutes on the phone to complete my order. I usually don't even talk that long on the phone with my mom.

           As much as I joke about the robots I strongly dislike them and how impersonal they make everything. Maybe if they were smarter or dumb enough to understand me I would like them. Perhaps I'm just not smart enough to understand them. No matter, I know there has to be a better, more effective way for Optum Rx to handle refills.

Off the Chart

 

            If you find the humor in this like I do, then you're certainly my friend. I have two butt doctors, a gastroenterologist and a colorectal specialist. It's completely normal to find charts on the walls like the one below. I call my gastro my poop therapist because I sit on the doctor's table and tell the doctor how my bowels have been. My colorectal specialist just has me fill out paperwork on how my poop has been, and then pulls out the scope to get a look up the ass that produces off the chart crap. This chart is to help me accurately describe my stool to the doctor. Though honestly, I have seen more disgusting things that don't even begin to match the chart in the toilet water before I flush. Hence, off the chart crap. If this is weird for you, be thankful you don't have to deal with stool scales and charts. It was weird for me at first too.  



 

 

 

             Whenever I go to see my P.A., it's always a little odd that he doesn't require too many details about my bowels. Since I see my butt doctors more frequently than I see the P.A. I think I naturally tell him more about my bowels than he wants to know.  The picture below was taped to the cabinet in the room I waited in for my P.A. At first glance I thought it was an off the chart stool scale! Finally, I thought they were beginning to understand that not all of their patients' bowel movements are as nice as the Bristol Stool Scale. Only to read and find out that it's actually skin cancer on the chart, not stool. I told my P.A. and he said he'll never look at skin cancer the same way again and he said that I'm at the wrong doctor for that kind of wall art.