Ambitions, Accomplishments, and Robots

Before my exam today, every student in class had to give a 30 second commercial about themselves. This is sometimes known as an elevator speech. Anyhow, the outline we had to use was, name, education, work history, an accomplishment, and a future goal. Listening to forty fellow classmates' accomplishments and goals not only made me feel under accomplished and made me feel I lack ambition, but it also was extremely boring to listen to these strangers talk about themselves. I understand business is supposed to be serious to a certain extent. However, I wondered why none of these kids tried to lighten up their commercial with humor and reality. This is a marketing class, so aren't they supposed to seem relatable. No one felt real to me. They all seemed like boring robots with impressive resumes. I do not desire to enter a business atmosphere after graduation that has no room for fun and humor. I'm having second thoughts about whether I picked the right major, and that frustrates me since I'm so close to graduation. I get the duties of a job and the mission of a company are serious business, but I don't understand why everyone seems so uptight and afraid to breathe and be themselves. We are not machines!  My 30 second commercial was not like the rest:

Hello class! My name is Lauren Albig. I'm a senior, finance major at the University of Central Florida expecting to graduate in the spring. I'm currently working in the real estate title insurance industry. I was recently inducted into the honor society Phi Kappa Phi, which inducts only the top 10% of all U.C.F. students. I also graduated clown school in 2011. I hope to be a part of the one third of graduates that has a job lined up by the time I graduate, but if that doesn't work out I could always make my parents proud and join the circus.

Obviously, I would not use this exact speech in an interview, but for a class presentation it was great because I got the class to laugh at the end of my commercial. Now, I want to focus on having bigger ambitions so that I'll eventually have greater accomplishments as long as doing so doesn't turn me into a boring robot.

I Strongly Dislike Robots

          Every month I get a call from robots at Optum Rx reminding me to refill my Cimzia prescription. "Your call may be monitored for quality assurance." Regardless of whether I stay on the line and order the refill or call back to order it, the first thing I have to do is tell a robot my birthday, zip code, and phone number.

          It's comical because the robot always misunderstands me and wants me to repeat what I said even though I'll have to repeat it two additional times once I get a human on the line to verify it's me placing the order on my "file." I've thought of possible solutions. I can't change pharmacies because my insurance forces me to use Optum Rx in order to get coverage on my prescription. I can't go without insurance because that will soon be against the law and plus this drug is about $3,600 a month. I've tried typing in the info using the key pad on my touch screen phone, but I usually end up with a typo and then I have to start over. My solution is to be as rude as possible to the robot! As soon as it starts asking for my info, I cut it off and say something like, "Why should I tell you, I'll just have to repeat it again to your humans." If you don't believe me, ask my sister.

          Without hesitation the robot responds with something like "I'm sorry I don't understand human, let me connect you with an Optum Rx representative. "

          Score, I out smarted the robot and get put on hold to wait for the next available rep! In the meantime, while I'm on hold I talk about how much I dislike Optum Rx and all of the nonsense the robotic system is. I want those mysterious folks monitoring my call to know how much time is wasted while trying to communicate with a robot.  By this point I've decided that the calls are probably monitored by robots and they have marked my file up and down with notes. The notes would read: "Put this customer on hold often for no reason." "She's a robot hater so make sure to make her repeat her info at least twice."  After some time on hold, I then proceed to tell the human rep my info and then they put me on a longer hold to transfer me to the specialty department.

          I strike up another one sided, hostile conversation with the robotic monitors before having to spill my info again to the human specialty department. The specialty department always wants additional info like my address and the name of the doctor that prescribed my prescription so that they can look up my "file," but only after they put me on another hold. If they're so special, why do they need more info than the first rep to look up my file? I think it's because the robots are undergoing a slow takeover of that department, or the human saw the notes in my file. On average it can take anywhere between 10 to 15 minutes on the phone to complete my order. I usually don't even talk that long on the phone with my mom.

           As much as I joke about the robots I strongly dislike them and how impersonal they make everything. Maybe if they were smarter or dumb enough to understand me I would like them. Perhaps I'm just not smart enough to understand them. No matter, I know there has to be a better, more effective way for Optum Rx to handle refills.