One Month Away

Bowel resection surgery is one month away from today! It's getting harder and harder to stop thinking about it. I am amazed by the support of everyone around me! They have every angle covered! One of my Team Challenge friends is going to give me some supplies so that I can test run the pouch and wafer before surgery in order to prepare for a possible ostomy. My supervisor, co-workers, and HR department have almost eliminated the stress I had about potentially missing up to eight weeks of work. I couldn't ask for a better team at work! My supervisor is extremely understanding and tells me that my health comes before work. My cube neighbor even sat me down to inquire how I was handling it. She let me know that the people around me at work care and she volunteered to carry the weight of my shit if it gets too heavy or if I need a break from acting like everything is okay(Please don't ruin my performance. It's as much for me as it is for you.). My best friend has my back every step of the way and will be taking off work to be with me in the hospital. My Running Divas are with me through this, too. I've only known most of these ladies for about a year and others less, yet they show their incredible support through genuine acts of friendship. They're encouraging and offer valuable insight. One pledged to take the money we are going to be reimbursing her for for making our running costumes and donate it to Crohn's disease research. They offer comedic relief! They have a caring scale that is off the charts. One has taken it upon herself to be my big sister. My Team Challenge friends from south Florida have already asked if they can visit me in the hospital, and I approved. My mom will be with me the whole time and my dad will be with me most of the time, too.  Two of my sisters will be with me when I return home after surgery and one of my sisters will fly into town three weeks after my surgery. Other friends and family have voiced their support and let me know they are here for me as well!

How did I get lucky enough to have all of these people in my life? I am overwhelmed by everyone's support! I didn't expect it. Yes, I tend to underestimate relationships. I'm not sure I deserve these awesome people in my life because I'm not sure I'd be that great of a friend if I was in their shoes. I don't like being held accountable for others' expectations, so I try not to put expectations on others. To give my lack of expectation more perspective, I'll tell you what happened today when I expected something. I ran a two miler and five miler today. My mom, dad, and Kelly walked the two miler, but I ran with a Running Diva because I had to finish in time to start the five miler. The five miler started before they finished the two miler.  My family rarely goes to my races let alone enters to race. As I was approaching the five mile finish line I searched the crowd for my family. They weren't there. They weren't there because they went back to sit in the car to wait for me when they were done rather than cheer me on. Perhaps it's my fault I was disappointed because I didn't ask them to cheer me on at the finish line. Little things like that are why I try not to have expectations and it's also why the amount of support I'm receiving feels a little strange to me...like I'm not entirely certain what to do with it.  I am more grateful for it than I can put into words though!!! One day I'll get better at showing my appreciation. Saying "thank you" doesn't seem like enough!!

Where Have I Been?

Where have I been and what have I been doing? Don't mind me, I've just been in my own little world working hard and enjoying life. I'm still working like crazy and I'm loving it!

In the Spring Fever "It's for the Kids" 10K on March 4th, I was the first female finisher!!! It's the first race I've ever won!!! I won a $50 Track Shack gift certificate!  Dang, I should get faster and win more races! ;)

I met my Team Challenge friends for breakfast one Saturday. It was nice to catch up with everyone! Since I met them back in 2013, they have truly inspired and supported me.  Their understanding is different from my other friends' and family's because they know first hand some of the shit I've been through and vice versa. When they hug me for a half second longer to squeeze a little tighter before letting go, I feel their empathy on another level!

I was fortunate enough to be one of the four people selected to be on a four person bowling team my company sponsored to benefit Leadership Seminole.  It was a one day event and I bowled a 135 in my highest scoring game! It was fun to network with co-workers I don't get to work with often.

I took my Dad to the second session of the first round of the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament in Orlando. We saw Xavier vs. Maryland and FSU vs. FGCU.  It was great spending time with him! I should make more of an effort to do more things with him.

I missed placing 3rd in my age group in the Chase the Leprechaun 5K on Friday by 6 seconds.  I can't be mad with 4th in my age group though. I had a side stich in the middle of the race, so I walked for a bit only to realize it was really gas cramps. Once I let out some gas, I felt better and started running again. I hate that gas cramps slowed me down, but I still finished in 29:14, which is a sub 30 minute 5k averaging 9:26 per mile and that is no easy feat!

Goodbye Uncle Don

After work last Wednesday, I went to my Grandma's. I called her around 6PM to let her know I was on my way and to make sure she already ate dinner. To my surprise she hadn't eaten dinner yet, so I stopped at Jersey Mike's to get her favorite cheesesteak for her. Once I got to her house, she already had the table set and a glass of ice cold water for me. We ate and I told her about my exciting day at work. We watched TV after I was done with the dishes. She let me control the remote, so we watched The Big Bang Theory. Judging by her laughs, I think she enjoyed the show as much as I did. My Uncle Mike came over close to 8PM and him, Grandma and I went to the hospital to visit Uncle Don.

Don was still in ICU, so he had his own private room. He had a breathing apparatus on so it was hard to see his face. Plus, he was hooked up to multiple machines and tubes. When Uncle Mike announced "Hey Don, look who came to see you. It's Lauren!" It was difficult to tell if he opened his eyes, but he made a few grunting noises of acknowledgement. I squeezed his hand and told him to "Hang in there." He seemed pretty out of it the entire time though. Nurse Luke was in every few minutes checking on Don, adjusting fluids, administering shots, etc. Grandma stood on one side of Don while Mike stood on the other. I sat in a chair by the door most of our visit. We stayed for just over two hours. To pass the time, I told Mike about my job and how exciting contracts are. We also talked about the Disney Marathon I just finished. As far as Don's status the nurse said they were waiting for a bed to open at a different hospital so that they could transfer him and run tests to see if he is a candidate for certain type of heart surgery.

By the time we got back to Grandma's, we said goodbye to Mike, and I put my PJ's on. I was super tired, but I stayed up and watched the news with Grandma for a little while. Before I headed to bed, I told her I'd be leaving at 6:45AM in the morning.

I woke up Thursday morning feeling like shit with a killer headache and a runny nose. I had a feeling I would get sick because my grandma was sick and all the germs at the hospital, but I didn't think I would get sick that quickly. My Grandma was already awake eating toast and drinking coffee at the table when I woke up. We ate together and she seemed a little offended when I told her I didn't want to read the paper. I felt a little bad rushing to leave on time because I didn't plan on her being up in the morning to spend time with.

While trying to survive at work feeling like crap, I found out that Uncle Don took turn for the worst overnight and the nurses said the next few days will be "crucial". This turn of events meant that he was no longer even a candidate for the tests they originally planned to run. At this point, we were not expecting a miracle, we were hoping he didn't suffer.

Around 4AM on Saturday, January 14th, 2017, Don passed away. He had two bad heart valves and in the end his heart failed. He was only 62 years old. Even though deep down I prepared myself for his passing, it still made me emotional.  He spent just over four weeks in the hospital. I'm thankful he is no longer suffering. It also hurts my heart to see my Grandma go through the pain of losing someone again. I know it's been a tough time for my dad as well, but I'm inspired by the love he shows my Grandma (his mom). I hate that I saw him on his death bed because that is not how I wish to remember him.  At the moment, I'm feeling emotionally numb.

Uncle Don and Grandma Update

My Uncle Don is still in the hospital. This is what I know... He is still in ICU. He is breathing on his own. He still has a feeding tube. He is no longer sedated, but he is considered to be in ICU psychosis. He is saying really weird shit and has very brief moments of clarity.   He is supposedly hallucinating. He has a bed alarm on in case he tries to move. He also has some kind of gloves on so that he can't pull out any of the tubes he's hooked up to. He has always had a mental handicap, but it has never been diagnosed so no one really knows how to properly describe the condition of his state of mind. He is convinced the doctors and nurses are trying to kill him because he knows my grandpa (his dad) died in a hospital.  Now the biggest concern is that he is experiencing irregular heart beats (Afib).  The doctors have already suggested that heart surgery may be necessary. The same heart surgery my grandpa died while trying to recover from.  I think my dad and his twin might have to make a difficult decision regarding heart surgery because my grandma does not want to make that decision knowing that's what killed her husband. Prior to Don's hospital visit, we were already aware that his heart valves weren't functioning at full capacity.

My grandma has been on a bunch of medication for whatever the heck is ailing her. The doctors couldn't give a clear diagnosis (I seriously hate health care! Does anyone ever get any real answers?). I actually visited her yesterday. It seems she has aged a lot in the past few weeks. While she's trying to get better, it is obvious that she is taking Don's hospitalization pretty hard. She blames herself for not getting him to the doctor sooner because she thought he just had a cold. It's hard for her to see Don in his current state of psychosis, but she still visits him everyday at the hospital.

My dad is not a very emotional person. Even though he is not affectionate, I get choked up to see how much effort he is putting forth to visit Don and making sure my grandma is taken care of.  My dad was telling me that when Don started going off on one of his crazy rants the other day, he started tickling Don's feet...which made Don start laughing and stop talking crazy.  I thought that was a sweet gesture of love.