Bowel Resection Surgery Scheduled at the Cleveland Clinic 11.29.2017

I found myself alone in the car with my mom for three and a half hours on Sunday. [The remaining part of this paragraph has been redacted.]

We met Taylor for dinner on Sunday and even though dinner sucked, it was great to see her! I felt obviously distracted. I was there, but my mind was somewhere else. [Portions of this paragraph have been redacted and/or revised]

Sunday night and even Monday morning, I felt overwhelmed just thinking about the appointment. It was tempting to cry myself to sleep. I hate crying and I especially hate being vulnerable in front of my mom. I'm somewhat of a pro at suffering in silence. No wonder I have a disease to my gut. No wonder this disease is considered invisible. Hell, even I was surprised how many people stood up when the speaker at the Crohn's and Colitis Foundation's Crystal Ball asked everyone in the room with IBD to stand up.  Most people just see the parts we want them to see, the strength, the bravery, the perseverance to keep moving forward, the appearance of being as normal as possible. We make it too easy for others to think it's going to be okay for us. Personally, I don't like talking out loud about the struggles and I use jokes as a twisted coping mechanism. It is what it is and life is a comedic tragedy.

When a mom expressed to her son that she would take on this disease if it meant he wouldn't have it anymore, the son knew his mom wasn't strong enough to endure it. That's a true story I heard at lunch on Monday with my Team Challenge friend, Bonnie. After lunch, I did my series of enemas in the hotel room to prep for my appointment at the Cleveland Clinic. Before I knew it, it was time to head to my appointment.

Upon climbing the stairs to the second floor of the Cleveland Clinic, we were greeted by the sign above that stood as tall as me. I checked in and we were called back on time. Before Dr. Second Opinion became my new current colorectal, I spoke with three nurses to give them my medical records and talk about my history with Crohn's disease. In the process, I learned that one of the nurses has Crohn's and another nurse's brother has Crohn's.  Next, the Fellow, aka Follower, came in the room and reviewed my records and asked more detailed questions about my current symptoms and most recent procedures.

The moment we've all been waiting for: Dr. Wexner came into the room. After a brief conversation, I dropped my pants and he performed a sigmoidoscopy. He was able to see my strictures and diseased ass! He did a lot of talking when I had my pants down and that made it difficult to concentrate and remember what all he said...especially with the scope up my ass. He mentioned that he reviewed my records and MRI results. He said my other Dr. stopped ordering tests and jumped straight to scheduling surgery. While he agreed that surgery is indeed required, he explained that he wants me to get a colonoscopy, cystoscopy, ECG, e-rays, pre-op clearance, stoma marking, and lab work prior to surgery because he wants to know the most he can about the area requiring surgery before I'm on the operating table and he wants to confirm that I'm fit for surgery. Why didn't the other Dr. think of that? The other qualifying factor was that he was more optimistic in that if an ostomy is required it'd more likely be temporary.

I didn't even have to tell him he was hired. I had just finished buttoning my pants when he pulled out his calendar to start discussing surgery dates. I scheduled surgery for Wednesday, November 29, 2017 at the Cleveland Clinic in Weston, Florida.  And, just like that he became my new colorectal!

The appointments I have scheduled currently are:

• Prep for Colonoscopy - Monday, October 23, 2017 (awaiting prep instructions)
• Colonoscopy - Tuesday, October 24, 2017 at 12:30PM (I'm still traumatized from the last one)
• Chest X-ray - Tuesday, November 7, 2017 at 10:30AM
• Pre-op Clearance (ECG, lab work, and other testing) - Tuesday, November 14, 2017 at 8:15AM
• Pre- op Stoma Marking at the Cleveland Clinic - Tuesday, November 28, 2017 at 1PM
• Bowel Resection Surgery at the Cleveland Clinic Hospital - Wednesday, November 29, 2017

Where Have I Been?

Where have I been and what have I been doing? Don't mind me, I've just been in my own little world working hard and enjoying life. I'm still working like crazy and I'm loving it!

In the Spring Fever "It's for the Kids" 10K on March 4th, I was the first female finisher!!! It's the first race I've ever won!!! I won a $50 Track Shack gift certificate!  Dang, I should get faster and win more races! ;)

I met my Team Challenge friends for breakfast one Saturday. It was nice to catch up with everyone! Since I met them back in 2013, they have truly inspired and supported me.  Their understanding is different from my other friends' and family's because they know first hand some of the shit I've been through and vice versa. When they hug me for a half second longer to squeeze a little tighter before letting go, I feel their empathy on another level!

I was fortunate enough to be one of the four people selected to be on a four person bowling team my company sponsored to benefit Leadership Seminole.  It was a one day event and I bowled a 135 in my highest scoring game! It was fun to network with co-workers I don't get to work with often.

I took my Dad to the second session of the first round of the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament in Orlando. We saw Xavier vs. Maryland and FSU vs. FGCU.  It was great spending time with him! I should make more of an effort to do more things with him.

I missed placing 3rd in my age group in the Chase the Leprechaun 5K on Friday by 6 seconds.  I can't be mad with 4th in my age group though. I had a side stich in the middle of the race, so I walked for a bit only to realize it was really gas cramps. Once I let out some gas, I felt better and started running again. I hate that gas cramps slowed me down, but I still finished in 29:14, which is a sub 30 minute 5k averaging 9:26 per mile and that is no easy feat!

Falling Baby Dolls

I walked 2.5 miles with my Team Challenge peeps this morning for the Turkey Trot. We kept a 17 minute pace, which felt like a super fast walk to me. Kim even went with me to "evaluate" if I should be doing the half marathon tomorrow.  I was surprised how well I felt. I didn't struggle to breathe and my legs felt stronger than I expected. Kim and my Team Challenge peeps agree that I should at least walk the half marathon tomorrow since there is a 7 hour time limit for the course. This makes me happy because after picking up my race packet yesterday, the pre-race excitement is running through my veins.

Of course, there's a catch. I'm constipated. I haven't pooped since Wednesday. I took laxatives on Thursday and Friday, but I still haven't pooped. I won't be taking any laxatives today because I don't want them to start working during the race. I just hope my stomach feels okay tomorrow. Two weeks ago I was pooping about every hour and now I can't even poop. This disease makes no sense. My bowel habits are almost always on my mind.

In other news, I remembered the dream I had last night. As much as I sleep I rarely remember my dreams, so this is exciting for me. Tons of naked baby dolls were falling from the ceiling and whoever collected the most in a minute won. I never saw anyone else trying to collect the baby dolls in my dream though. It was just me running around picking up as many naked dolls as I could. It hurt when the falling dolls fell on my head, so I was trying to avoid the falling dolls in the process. It was the longest minute ever... Super strange.

Energy

My energy is still lacking, but I think it is slowly improving. I have signed up for the Team Challenge virtual Turkey Trot to benefit the Crohn's & Colitis Foundation of America. I'll be meeting up with Team Challenge peeps Saturday morning after Thanksgiving to get our trot on. I know I'm in no shape to run, so I plan to mostly walk.  I haven't exercised in months and my low iron and hemoglobin levels make exercising seem harder than it should be. I'm signed up for the Space Coast Half Marathon on Sunday after Thanksgiving. I told everyone I'm not doing the race. When I told them, it was what they wanted to hear and I also had no intention, at the time, to do the race.

Well, I'm starting to feel slightly better and I've started to consider doing the race. In fact, I'm doing the Turkey Trot with Team Challenge to test the waters to see if I think I could do Space Coast. I really want to do the race, but I don't know if my body is in agreement.  My body tends to be my biggest antagonist. I've done half marathons before without training. This is a little different because I'm not quite as healthy as I usually am. I don't know if I should start the race without knowing I'll definitely finish, or if I should only start the race if I know for sure I'll finish. Shouldn't I try? Isn't it better to have tried and failed than to have never tried at all?  If I decide to do the race, I know it won't be easy. I can't say for certain that I'm mentally strong enough to fight through the inevitable walls that I would hit.  I feel like I need to taste the victory of the finish line even if it will likely be my worst half marathon to date.  That sweet taste of victory might be enough to motivate me to make it across the finish line.