Time Heals All Wounds... Or So "They" Say

            I’m always shocked when a doctor actually helps me solve a health issue. I’m certainly not an optimist when it comes to health. I think the healthcare industry is out for my money… meaning they’ll mask some symptoms here and there, but they’ll make sure I have to come back for more “treatment.” How can I blame them? They would be out of business if they cured everyone. I’m beyond amazed that my dermatologist was able to get my hair to regrow in the area I suffered hair loss. The last time I saw the area, it was a smooth, fist size bald spot. I haven’t mustered up the courage to look at it since then. It sounds weird, but I can’t feel the difference of whether my hair is re-growing or not when I use my prescribed shampoo.  Since I have my sister, Kelly, put the topical steroid ointment on “the spot” I haven’t had to look at it. Kelly’s reaction to how fast the new hair seems to be growing makes me feel good. It’s the complete opposite reaction everyone had when I showed them the bald spot when I first lost the hair.

                I was hysterical when I first lost the patch of hair. I hated that I was that emotionally attached to my hair. My hair isn’t even that great. I didn’t believe it would grow back. I cried for hours a day mourning the loss of… hair. My friends and family saw me break down. Do you know the phrase that says, “Time heals all wounds?”   I feel like this is a life lesson I refuse to learn. The days, weeks and months when stomach pain deteriorated me, I thought I would forever be enslaved to the torment my body was putting me through. Even now, during this time of wicked exhaustion, I feel like I will never be refueled with life again. Like the issue with my hair these things will pass with time. Now, the hair loss is no big deal. It’s just difficult to see that while I’m in the middle of it. I think the phrase would be better if it said, “Wounds that don’t heal with time will be healed by death.” By adding the element of death to the phrase I think it encompasses those “wounds” which run out of time. This is totally the pessimist in me talking, or maybe it’s the fact that I’m impatient. Part of me doesn’t expect to be healed from anything until I die. No wonder sometimes I think, I can’t wait to die. Though I write those last few lines with some sarcasm, I know I need to work on strengthening my faith. Today I will celebrate the good news by taking a nap!

It's Not My Fault, or Is It?

             Someone that means a lot to me recently implied that it's my fault for still having Crohn's disease.  I know once we talk this out we will work through it, but I will never be okay with getting blamed for this horrid disease. I was diagnosed about 10 years ago and ever since then I question my judgment of character. Not everyone understands what I go through, not everyone wants to understand. Most people I’ve opened up to about my experience with Crohn’s have completely accepted it and they have been supportive, which is all I can ever ask for. Others give off a false sense of compassion and it’s not until I’ve been at my worst, or they think they can cure me that things get sticky. I don’t know if the friends I’ve lost were ever really friends, but that’s what I considered them. They were at least friends when I was healthy. That’s usually the only kind of friends most people need. I am slow to befriend people because this has given me trust issues. I have different levels of relationships. Level 1: These people have proven that they will be there for me no matter what. Level 2: These people know about Crohn’s, but haven’t seen me deal with it. So, their true colors haven't had a chance to shine. Level 3: These people are in the befriending stage. This is where I learn about their values and make a judgment of their character to know if I want to open up to them.  Level 4: These are people who leave me with the feeling that they’re not worth my time nor are they worthy of my friendship. I will be friendly with them, but it doesn’t mean I will befriend them. The person that implied Crohn’s was my fault is in level 1! I'm still not sure why this pisses me off so much.

I think people mistake remission for a cure. Don’t get me wrong, remission is amazing, but it is not the same thing as a cure. Remission is the period of time during which the symptoms of a disease subside... meaning they will come back. A cure is something that stops a disease and makes someone healthy again for good. The accuser implied that a special diet will somehow cure Crohn’s and I only have Crohn’s because I haven’t tried more ways to find a "cure." Basically, if this can cure me, then this can cure you even if we don't have the same thing. Though I don’t appreciate someone implying that it’s my fault that I’m sick because I don't want to be healthy bad enough, I can appreciate someone wanting to find a cure to see my suffering end. Scientifically, Crohn’s is a chronic disease with no known cure, yet somehow I’ve heard numerous people claim to know how to cure me. It irritates me every time. Pills, diets, yoga to name a few samples of proclaimed cures. If that’s the case, why aren’t they making millions of dollars curing people? No one knows what causes Crohn's either. With Crohn’s something that puts someone in remission may not work for anyone else. Treatment is very much a case by case basis. Just like symptoms from patient to patient can vary widely. I want a cure as bad as anybody, but I am not on board with home remedy shit that will likely make me sicker.