As I type this I have so much I want say, yet I'm not sure where to start. I'm not even sure if I'm brave enough to share what I want to say. I'm fighting back tears. I've worked hard since my grandpa's death to build back control of my emotional sensitivity. I know if I begin to cry over my health it will be difficult to reign it back into control. Is it pathetic when I cry for myself? It surprises me every time how quickly my health can do a 180 degree turn.
Today was supposed to be a big day. I have been planning for the past month on attending the career expo at UCF. However, I was up throughout the night going to the bathroom. I was running to the bathroom all morning, too. AND, my bottom between my panty line and rectum had become swollen and sore. It was uncomfortable to walk. I couldn't bring myself to attend the career expo because there's a lot of standing and walking involved. Plus, it's hard to focus on being professional and walking normally when I'm that uncomfortable. Hire me, I have a swollen colon. I probably would have skipped class today, too. Except I had a mid-term exam in my portfolio analysis class. What's up with me having super bad health days on the exact same days of important exams? I'm not the best at planning, but even I wouldn't be ignorant enough to schedule it like that. I managed to survive the trek to class. During the exam, I was fortunate that I didn't have to poop. The exam was hard, I was distracted by my butt issues, and I just wanted to get the hell out of there. Frankly, I want to get the hell out of my body.
After I finished the exam, I drove to my parents' to have my mom look at my bum. She is amazing like that. I hate calling the doctor on these kind of issues. I'm finally okay with doctors looking in my down under holes, but when it's on the external area of my privates that's when I feel violated. I know that doesn't make any sense... I don't understand it either. My mom gave me some stuff to put on the swollen spot and said, "Which doctor do you call for something like that?" That's a good question. It's not in my vagina, so probably not the obgyn. It's not in my rectum, so probably not the colorectal. My gastro only looks at my bum during a colonoscopy and my general physician is always telling me he doesn't cover that area. I may be finding out the answer soon though if the stuff she gave me doesn't help.
Oh yeah, the stomach pain is still around, but it's less noticeable with my sore butt that's agonizing me.
