Truth Bomb

I saw this quote on Facebook: "You're Always One Decision Away from a Totally Different Life." How is that for a truth bomb? We all could make a decision or multiple decisions that would change our lives respectfully!  Whoa!!! 

In 2017, I want to dream bigger! I need to sit down and ponder what I want out of life when I'm not just surviving, and then I need to (*gasp*) plan how I will achieve these so called bigger goals! A lot of people around me are changing their lives by going to school, moving, having babies, or getting married. Whereas I was thinking along the lines of flossing and eating healthier on a regular basis. Although I'm not currently ready for a drastically different life, I want to plan so that one day I will be. One day, my teeth, gums, and waist line will thank me. 

The Best of 2016

I know there's a lot of hate going around the internet towards 2016.  However, 2016 was a phenomenal year for me for the most part!

• I was promoted at work.
• I entered and won a lottery entry into the NYC Marathon on my first try.
• I made new friends at work.
• I started new medicine (Remicade).
• I felt the best I've felt in over a decade! I got my life back!
• I had awesome bowel movements.
• I joined a running group.
• I made great running friends.
• I trained for a marathon and regularly woke up at 4am or earlier three days a week to run.
• I joined a gym.
• I saw Halsey live in concert.
• My best friend got engaged!
• I said yes to be my best friend's Maid of Honor!
• I socialized and stepped outside of my comfort zone.
• I went to NYC on vacation with my best friend!
• I ran the NYC Marathon!
• I ran an awesome half at OUC!
• I ran my first relay and my first trail run at Ragnar!
• I camped for real!
• My sister graduated from UCF!
• I got an electric keyboard to learn how to play.

This Christmas was NOT Normal

My Uncle Don went to the hospital on Thursday. He was diagnosed with pneumonia and sepsis and has been sedated since Friday. He's been in ICU and was given a 50/50 chance. On Christmas the doctors were uncertain if it had in fact been pneumonia or if it was RSV. The non-answers and wishy-washiness gives me dejavu from when my Grandpa Ace was in the hospital. Are doctors really that clueless? I'm uncertain what changed today, but he was updated to critical, but guarded.  While others have been visiting him in the hospital, I have not. There are a lot of contagious things, especially in ICU and I do not want to expose my immune system. My Grandma Ace came down with a cough today, which is how my Uncle's health issues started (Don lives with Grandma Ace), so now I can't even visit my Grandma. I think my dad is going to take her to the doctor in the morning to make sure it's nothing more than a common cold. It really is a messy situation and it has been understandably hard on my Grandma Ace. I feel helpless, but as selfish as it is I cannot risk my good health.

Since I got off work early on Friday, I stopped by my Grandma Ace's house to visit her and see how she was doing. Strangely enough, I woke up barfing Friday Night into Saturday morning. Now, it could be totally unrelated to the health of my Uncle and now my Grandma's possible health issues, but it freaked me out. I felt so bad that I completely skipped my run that I was supposed to lead. I didn't bring my phone with me when I moved to the couch to sleep after barfing the first time. When I woke up, I had lots of missed calls and messages from my running group. Not only did I feel terrible from vomiting and being sick to my stomach (I'm not pregnant), I also felt terrible for missing the run and leaving everyone out of the loop. My group was understanding and my ugly stepsister proved to be a great friend by calling and messaging to check up on me throughout the day on Saturday and Sunday. It's great when new friends genuinely care about you.

Thankfully, I am feeling better and my Uncle Don is stilling hanging on! This Christmas was anything but normal. We are hopeful that Uncle Don will keep improving slowly.

"I Don't Care About the Presents Underneath the Christmas Tree"

To quote Mariah Carey: "I Don't Care About the Presents Underneath [the my] Christmas Tree."

I had a very humbling experience volunteering at XL106.7's Baby DJ program with my Ugly Stepsister and her Sprint team last night.  Baby DJ collects toys for kids, and then invites people unable to provide Christmas for their families to come to the toy warehouse to "shop" for free toys for their children. The parents are allowed to pick up to three toys per child. We helped over 700 children last night alone in our community!   It really made me count my blessings and I plan to volunteer again next year.

Begin rant:
Now that I'm an adult, my days in believing in Santa are long behind me. I don't have a Christmas list, nor do I expect anything for Christmas. Let's be honest...If I want something, I'll buy it for myself. (i.e. an electric keyboard).  For me, Christmas tends to be about the obligation of buying presents and it bothers me because that is not what I want Christmas to be about. I feel a little guilty for feeling obligated to buy gifts for others. After all, 'tis the season for giving. However, I'd rather donate my time and spend my money on those less fortunate than my family and friends. Except for a couple of people (3), I don't feel good about getting family and friends gifts because most of the time it just feels like something I have to do since they get me presents. I'm giving a lot of fucking gift cards this year because I'm just not into it. (is it wrong that my heart just isn't into it?) It's different if I get something that I think someone will love and don't expect anything in return (umm...isn't that the kind of giving we should be doing?) I want Christmas to be about enjoying time with friends and family and sending good wishes to those away from home with a card or a phone call. I want Christmas to be about helping those less fortunate than me. It's too late to save my Christmas, but I am going to make sure next Christmas will be the Christmas I want, which means having a lot of difficult conversations with people who will likely be disappointed. There's more to life, there's more to Christmas than gifts!
End rant!

Proud Big Sister

Kim graduated Cum Laude from UCF this weekend with her BS degree in Sport and Exercise Science with a specialization in Human Performance (or something like that).  She has worked hard to get where she is at and I couldn't be happier for her. Not only has she overcome self doubt academically, but she has also narrowed in on her ambition to become a physical therapist.  While in the midst of finals she went to two doctor of physical therapy interviews. I can only image how stressful the last few weeks have been for her. She is still waiting to hear from more schools she applied to, but a huge weight has been lifted from her shoulders because she was accepted into the Murphy Deming College of Health Sciences Doctor of Physical Therapy program (this is the first DPT program she interviewed with). Murphy Deming is in Virginia, so we are anticipating her to move by the time the program starts in June.

I am beyond thrilled for her to be realizing her dreams, but I cried because I will miss her when she moves away. Out of all of my sisters, I am closest with Kim. We get each other, we are the only ones in our family that understand the whole college experience (we make it look easy, but we know it isn't), we tell each other truths that are difficult to hear, and we support each other no matter what. It's no secret that Kim is my favorite sister even though Kim and Kelly are like the ultimate twin bestfriends.  I wish my relationship with my twin could be like theirs; however that bridge is not ready to be rebuilt. I have a feeling in Kim's absence I will grow closer to Kelly. I've even joked with Kim and Kelly that I'm going to be Kelly's new bff when Kim moves away. We laugh because we all know that won't happen.

DPT school is a three year program, so by 2020 Kim will be a Physical Therapist. At the moment, I would seriously consider moving to wherever she takes her first PT job.

Run, Camp, Sleep, and Repeat

The Alafia Ragnar Trail Relay was a super fun experience that took me completely out of my comfort zone. First of all, if I wasn't as healthy as I am right now, camping with Crohn's disease would have seriously freaked me out. Thankfully, I am not dealing with any symptoms, so it wasn't an issue. Secondly, even though I was camping with strangers (now I consider them new friends) and sharing a tent with a guy I only met a couple of weeks ago, my social anxiety was nonexistent because I felt welcomed and a part of the team, aka, Sloth Squad!  Lastly, I had never done trail running before and this past weekend I did an extremely difficult mountain bike trail with cliffs, hills that seemed like mountains, and hairpin turns (it felt like I was running in another state) and I even ran a trail at night...in the dark with a head light!  It was an amazing whirlwind of an adventure.

Unfortunately, I am not very good at trail running. I fell a total of four times and bruised my knees like a kid on the playground. I sprained my ankle on my first trail run. Somehow I managed to push through the pain and finish strong. I went straight to the first aid tent and had the medic tape my ankle tightly to limit its range of motion and offer support so that I could continue the relay. We had a onesie party at camp, porta potties became a way of life, and we became a part of the Ragnarian family!

I carpooled to the relay with two people on my team, The Sloth Squad. We left early on Saturday after we were finished with our legs of the race because we had to get back to Orlando while the rest of our team finished their last legs of the relay. Our team captain picked up our medals when they were done and I'm excited to get it from him Tuesday night at Ten10 Run Club.

I had to get back to Orlando to attend my company's holiday party. It was kind of a rush to get cleaned up from camping and running in order to be presentable at the semi formal event. I'm really glad my sister, Kelly, went with me as my plus one. We enjoyed the cocktail hour before the grand ballroom opened at the Orlando World Center Marriott. I introduced Kelly to co-workers, most of which were executive managers because that's who I work closest with. She got to meet George Smith, the co-founder of the company, which was neat. The International/Entertainment VP told Kelly and Mr. Smith about the Owner Contracts I'm working on for him. The party had a live band, a dance floor, a delicious buffet, and an open bar. I lost count of how many jack and cokes I enjoyed. I had an interesting conversation with our W/WW (water/wastewater) VP about running and triathlons. We are both typically quiet, but the alcohol made chatting more natural for both of us. lol. My supervisor even gossiped about office drama. I stayed seated for most of the night because my ankle was swollen and it hurt to walk, so walked with a limp. By the end of the night, I went to dance with a lady who asked me to go on the dance floor earlier. She danced all night long with her husband and others and was constantly pulling folks up on the dance floor with her. She introduced me to a guy on the dance floor and we danced together for a couple of songs. He twirled me!!! Seriously, I was twirled and I wasn't sure I was twirling correctly, but it was fun! I likely wasn't very graceful with my bum ankle though... not that I would have been more graceful without a bum ankle. Afterwards, Kelly said "Well, he was hot!".

The last few days have been a blast with very little sleep, which means it's time for a nap!

Runner's High

I'm going to just jump right into this post. I ran the Space Coast Half Marathon on Sunday, November 27th in 2:28: 06. It was a good race with three ladies from my MarathonFest group. It's never fun to race while I'm on my period, but I made the most of it. No real cramps; however, around mile 9 I started to slow down because I wasn't feeling well.  I finished a few minutes after the other ladies in my group and caught up with them for a picture after the race. We enjoyed some post race chocolate milk and soon afterwards I found myself in a porta-potty barfing the chocolate milk and perhaps even dinner the night before. The girls were great. One of them gave me a baby wipe so that I could clean up a bit, and then they walked with me to get some water. I cut the post race party sort because I wasn't feeling well. I wanted to wait for Kim to cheer her on at the finish line, but instead I texted her to tell her that I got sick and I would wait for her in the car. I was really happy with a sub 2:30 half marathon! I'm really happy to see my hard work of training for the last several months paying off.

Less than a week after the Space Coast Half, I ran the OUC Half Marathon on Saturday, December 3rd.  I met a few people from my running group for a group photo before the race. Almost everyone split off and did their own thing except for Michelle (my Ugly Stepsister), Sara, and I. Sara stayed with Michelle and I until mile 6, and then she let us take off. She did catch us briefly while I was enjoying my second cup of beer along the course right before mile 10, but again she told us to go ahead. I was actually the one pacing us most of the race. Even though we talked about how we were feeling every mile or so to see if we needed to adjust the pace, we both agreed to keep pushing. We posted a 10 minute mile during the seventh mile of the race. After that, I tried to make an effort to slow down a little. Michelle makes running fun by talking nonstop, telling stories, telling jokes, and getting to know the runners around us. She forgot her salt tablets and I knew when she got quiet around mile 10.5 that she wasn't at 100%. She didn't say she was struggling and I kept a steady pace even though there were times I had to look back to make sure I didn't lose her. Once we turned the final corner and had the finish line in sight, she said "Go, Lauren, go!" I knew that was her telling me to take off and sprint towards the finish line. I finished in 2:24:55!!! Another sub 2:30 half! Plus, it was over 3 minutes faster than the Space Coast Half the week before. Michelle didn't finish too far behind me. I went to give her a high five right after she crossed the finish line and she opened her arms and gave me the biggest hug. She thanked me for pushing her and said that if it wasn't for me she wouldn't have been able to post the time she did. Afterwards, she told me that she was cramping up (salt tablets help prevent her cramps), but didn't want to say anything because she didn't want to slow me down. 

OUC was a great test run since we plan to run the Disney Marathon together. Racing is always different from training runs, so it was good to race together and see if we want to change our strategy.  I have mad respect for the way she pushed through the discomfort and finished strong.  We agreed that our pace will be intentionally slower at Disney. I'm thankful to have someone to run with that pushes me as much as I push her. Since we are part of a Track Shack training program, we had VIP access, which included fancy porta-potties, and an area with food, tables and chairs.We met up with Sandra from our group and we enjoyed the sandwiches and cookies in the VIP area. I met Michelle's wife, son, and brother. It was great to finally meet her wife whose brother is struggling with Crohn's. We chatted about his current situation and medication and I gave what advice I could knowing that everyone's disease is different. She thinks that I represent the hope of the good days that are ahead for him, and I pray he finds relief from the horrible symptoms of Crohn's disease. He is also a runner and I completely understand the separate pain that can come from not being able to do what you love.  Although I'm beyond grateful for my health, I can't help but have a sense of survival guilt. I am not taking these healthy days for granted.

Ragnar Trail Relay is up next!

I'm Most Thankful for My Health

This is my cliché post about what I'm thankful for. I could write a list, but I'm not going to. Instead, I'm going to write about the thing I am most grateful for this Thanksgiving even though it could be considered selfish.

I am most thankful for my health. I've been feeling the best I've felt in over a decade. I have a new benchmark for what "normal" feels like and it is mountains higher than it was this time last year. Within the past year, I have experienced the ups and downs on this rollercoaster I call my health. It really feels like I have my life back! NO PAIN! NO BAD BOWL MOVEMENTS! NO FATIGUE! NO DEPRESSION! NO BULLSHIT!

Now that I'm energized and healthy, I am branching out of my comfort zone by trying new things and meeting new people. MarathonFest has been one of the best decisions I've made this year and my good health afforded me the opportunity. I absolutely love my running group. Not only are they fun to run with, but they are also great motivators! They make me a better runner, they make me a better person.

I have energy to get to know my co-workers. Chit chatting no longer terrifies and exhausts me.  My lunch hour is no longer used to nap.   In fact, now I love going to lunch with a few co-workers to talk about life and work... and of course, running. It's fun!

One of the new things I'm going to try is a Ragnar Trail Relay. I was introduced to a team of 8 people I don't know by one of my MarathonFest running friends. One of the people on the 8 person team broke his collarbone, so I'm going to take his place in the relay. The relay is in Tampa and it involves camping for two nights and tag teaming three different trails until everyone has ran all three trails for a total of 15 miles. We'll be running at all hours. My tentative relay schedule for the three trails is 11am, 7pm, and 3am.  Typically, camping with Crohn's disease would sound like a horrible idea, but since I'm healthy I decided to go for it! I don't have any camping skills or trail running skills. Even though I know people on different relay teams, I will be camping with the 8 people I don't really know and I'm excited! 

I joined another running club called Ten10. If I wasn't healthy, there's no way I would consider this. They meet every Tuesday at Ten10 Brewery in Winter Park, run a few miles, and then drink beer.  I met most of the people on my relay team there yesterday. I can already tell they know how to have fun! Our team name is Sloth Squad and our tag line is "We'll get there eventually".  I'm looking forward to getting to know my team better. I'll be going again next Tuesday!

As you know I joined a gym to use the showers after my morning runs on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Well, I decided to start doing one class a week. All classes are free with a gym membership, so I might as well get use out of it. My class of choice is Camp Apex, which is an hour long crossfit class. It is intense to say the least. In the the two classes I've taken, I was tired after the warmup. I've been sore for days afterwards, so I know its working something. There's good scenery, too. Most of the guys are hot! My station partner this past Monday saw my marathon shirt, and then told me all about the Chicago Marathon he did a few weeks ago.

Who am I? I'm exactly who I want to be at the moment. I'm healthy and able to do anything I want! I'm a marathon runner that's searching for adventure!  It's a hell of a lot easier being me when I'm healthy!  Count your blessings and don't take a healthy day for granted... I know I'm not taking this season of life for granted. The top of the rollercoaster offers the best view!

NYC - Part 2

The Race of a Lifetime:
I was very restless the night before the race. Between the nerves, excitement, and peeing every couple hours because I had been hydrating the night before, I didn't sleep well. One time when I woke up, I checked my smart phone time and compared it to my stupid watch and concluded that my phone did indeed fall back. The final time I woke up was thirty minutes before my alarm was set to go off, but I couldn't get back to sleep. Once 5AM rolled around, I began getting ready. It's always nerve wracking getting ready for a race in a hotel. To my surprise, I don't think I forgot anything. Even though I laid out all of my gear the night before, my pre-run habits were thrown off a bit. I was very slow and methodical as I got ready to embark on what I now consider to be one of the best days of my life. I told Taylor I would see her at the finish line and I left to walk towards the New York Public Library where the start busses pick up tens of thousands of runners.

Runners were already flooding the streets and I just followed the crowd to the back of the library in Bryant Park. This is where they start herding the runners into huge lines that wrap around the block before taking us to the front of the library where we board the marathon busses. At the start of the line, they handed out brand new $28 gloves, which were a sweet start to the morning. There weren't any porta-potties in the area, so I stopped hydrating at this point. I boarded a bus a little after 6AM. It took close to two hours before we unloaded at Fort Wadsworth in Staten Island. The guy next to me smelled so badly that I was trying not to gag. Unfortunately, the bus didn't have a working bathroom. Guys were peeing in cups on the bus and walking to the front of the bus every time stopped in traffic or at a light to dump out their urine. Runners, we live a glamorous life. Meanwhile I wish I was dude because I had to pee BAD!!! I wasn't the only lady asking how much further until we get there.

It was around 8AM by the time we unloaded off the bus only to discover that we had to wait in the super long security line to into the start village where the porta-potties were located. In the forty-five minutes it took to get through security, I thought I was going to pee myself a few times. Security searched my approved, clear race bag and had me walk through the metal detector. Once I was through security around 8:45AM, I asked where the porta-potties were and made a bee line to them. I nearly cried when I saw the HUGE line for the porta-potties. I kid you not, I had to wait over 40 minutes in the porta-potty line. By the time it was my turn, I don't think I peed so much in my life. I seriously may have peed for two minutes straight, which means I did a two minute squat before the race.  My legs were shaking by the time I was done.

At last, a little after 9:30AM I found a place to sit for a few minutes before I got back in line for the porta-potties. I figured I'd want to go before my corral opened around 10:30AM, so I better get in line even if I didn't have to got yet. It worked out perfectly. Once I was done with my second porta-potty stop of the day, it was time for me to head to my corral. I only had to wait about 10 minutes before my corral opened. While I waited I decided to take off my throw away sweats. After I was in my corral at the bottom of the Verrazano-Narrows Bridge, time stood still and I took it all in. I was interrupted by the guy behind me asking for a kiss for good luck. I put five marathon pickup lines on the back of my shirt. Folks really enjoyed them during the race. #1 seemed to be the favorite.

1. Let's finish at the same time
2. Do you need a kiss for good luck?
3. Who's cheering you on today?
4. Is this your first time, too?
5. I get lost easily...Can I follow you to the finish?

I gave him a kiss on the cheek for good luck and got back to mentally preparing myself for what I was about to do. At this point, I turned on my phone and started receiving messages from everyone wishing me good luck. The moment we started walking toward the start line at the bottom of bridge, I got the goose bumps. I couldn't believe I was really there trained, healthy, and ready to have the time of my life.

The start line was kind of a blur. The National Anthem played, the cannons went off, and Wave 4 was on its way. There were military guys close to the start screaming and cheering for us! The bridge was quiet because no spectators were allowed on the bridge. I heard a rumor that advised you not to run near the edge of the bridge if you were on the bottom because the runners from the top pee of the edge and if it's a windy day, you could find it pissing rain. I don't see how that rumor could be true, but I ran on the inside nonetheless.

Once I made my way off the Verrazano Bridge into Brooklyn, the crowds didn't disappoint. People lined both sides of the street! Brooklyn was the longest and easiest borough. It was flat and fast which made it pass by quickly. I waited in line for a porta-potty around mile 9. My watch was set for 5 and 1 intervals (running for 5 minutes and walking for 1 minute), but I skipped a lot of walk breaks in Brooklyn. That could have been my demise toward the end of the race, but I was caught up in the energy of the crowd.  Queens was really short, but this is where my feet started to hurt. I think my activities from the pervious days were catching up to me. The Queensboro Bridge during miles 15-16 sticks out to me. I walked the bridge in an attempt to save my legs for the finish. No spectators were allowed on this bridge either, so I didn't feel bad walking. After mile 16, in Manhattan, I stopped at another porta-potty.

The Queensboro Bridge took me into Manhattan where the roar of the crowd was unlike anything I had ever heard. Manhattan definitely had the biggest crowd. This is where I really started slowing down and taking more walk breaks through the water/Gatorade stops. I really just wanted to take it all in and enjoy every minute of it! I encountered some hills on my way into the Bronx. They say the wall hits you at mile 20. Even though I was hurting, the wall didn't hit me as hard as it usually does at this point in a marathon. At the 20 mile mark, there are only 6.2 miles left. While that may not seem like a lot compared to how many I'd already completed, that is really where the race starts. It's where I give myself a gut check to see much I want it. Back in Manhattan making my way to Central Park, I struggled with the slight incline on the course. After 20 miles an ant hill feels like a mountain. I should have trained on more hills because the bridges and hills kicked my ass. I felt like everyone cheering my name was my friend. The people of New York are really what make this race so special.

I hit the wall at mile 23. I'd like to know who put those freaking hills in the last three miles of the race. I walked a lot, make one last pit stop and put in a new phone battery between miles 23 and 25. Not long after I passed mile 25, I tried going live on Facebook. It was a weak connection, but it connected and that's all that matters. After 25 miles, it's difficult to look good and strong. However, being live on Facebook was good motivation to not look like I was experiencing a lot of pain.  Hopefully, it wasn't too boring. Perhaps I should have talked more to make it interesting.  I was totally in the zone.

In the last mile, three moments stand out to me. The moment I saw mile 26, the moment I saw Taylor, and the moment I saw the finish line! When Taylor came into sight, words cannot express how great it was to see her. She was cheering me on and the look on her face told me how proud she was of me! I gave her a high five, which has to go down as the best high five in the history of high fives!  I took my time to take pictures of the mile markers, Taylor, and the finish line. As I was taking a picture of the finish line, I was overcome with a level of joy I've never felt before. Facebook Live lost connection as soon as I crossed the finish line, but I'm glad everyone that wanted to experience it with me was able to.  I didn't cry, I just relished in the moment of victory. No matter how difficult life gets with illness, I can't give up on the possibility of better days ahead. This was my best day! I was strong and healthy and I believe the future holds more days like.

I took pictures and posed for others. A volunteer placed my medal around my neck and I took and posed for more photos. I had to shuffle my way a half mile North to get out of the runner zone around the finish line. Thankfully, I opted for the post race poncho. The poncho is fleece lined and kept me warm on my trek to meet Taylor at the hotel. I was not moving very fast after the race. Everything hurt so good. My feet and legs were on fire. I found the subway I needed, but I had to wait for three trains because it was so crowded. While waiting for the train, I was reading through all of my messages and that's when tears found my cheeks. The support I had from family, friends, and co-workers was incredible!  Everyone seemed to understand how much this race meant to me and helped me embrace and celebrate it!

I stopped for coffee on my way back to the hotel, but once I was back Taylor was my hero! She helped me take off my shoes and took care of me! She went to the hotel restaurant and brought up burgers and fries to the room so that I wouldn't have to move. I was super sore after the race. It felt like I ran a marathon or something.

Overall, it was the race of a lifetime. Checked that off my bucket list, but I totally want to do it again!  Exploring New York City and sharing the marathon experience with Taylor made it a trip I will never forget. I think we made memories to tell for decades and I absolutely believe we would kick butt on the Amazing Race! THANK YOU, TAYLOR!!!

NYC - Part 1

Day 1:
After I met Taylor at the LaGuardia airport, we took a taxi to the hotel. The morning rush hour traffic was so terrible that it took us 45 minutes to go 5 miles. By the time we made it through the tunnel bridge from Queens to Manhattan, the GPS was estimating it to take 18 minutes to go 0.9 miles. We decided to ditch the taxi and walk the rest of the way to the hotel. Dare I say we walked faster than the taxi.

Upon arriving at the Renaissance at New York Midtown hotel, they had trouble locating our reservation because I reserved our room through a travel agency through the marathon website. Once they found our reservation, I think they felt bad because they let us check in five hours early. Our room was on the 22nd floor with a cool view of the city. The hotel is only a block away from the Madison Square Garden.

The Expo was first on our long list of things to do, so we grabbed a bite to eat, bought our unlimited 7 day metro card, and took a bus to the Jacob K. Javits Convention Center. The Expo was HUGE!  I picked up my race bib and race shirt, and then we explored the Expo. I bought a tank, beanie, visor, coffee cup, and glass with the race logo.  We tasted different energy bars and protein shakes. Taylor even made a sign that said "TEAM LAUREN" and a customized bib that said "RUN LAUREN RUN!" We walked down every aisle and took advantage of photo ops. Afterwards, we went back to the hotel to drop off everything. However, we realized we forgot to pick up Taylor's grandstand seating ticket, so we made our way back to the Expo to pick up her ticket. Shoutout to Taylor for being cool about my forgetfulness!

Once we had her grandstand seating ticket, we made our way to our first subway ride. We took the 7 train from the convention center to Grand Central! Grand Central Terminal looked just like it does in the movies! From Grand Central we walked to the New York Public Library. The library was really neat. I loved the architecture. Taylor even looked up her last name in the Genealogy room!

Our next stop, Ellen's Stardust Diner! On the way through Bryant Park we came across a Carrousel and I just had to go it! Taylor was a good sport and humored me. I rode a cat on Le Carrousel in Manhattan! At the diner, waiters and waitresses sing while they serve as they await their big break on Broadway. This was a really cool experience because they sang two of our songs "For Good" and "Let it Go"! We called it a night after dinner and headed to the hotel to get some sleep for our second day in the city.

Day 2:
Our first stop was the Marathon Pavilion near the finish line. We practiced taking the exact subway line Taylor was going to take on race day. The finish line stood in its full glory awaiting thousands of runners. It was surreal to see the finish line that I trained so hard for. I didn't cry, but I was still overwhelmed.

On our way to The New York City Fire Museum, we enjoyed Starbucks. It had a touching 9/11 exhibit. My favorite part were the fire engines from the late 1800's to early 1900's where they changed from being horse drawn to motorized. Also, the history of how the Dalmatian became the fire mascot was interesting. Dalmatians became the popular breed with fire departments because they used them to keep critters away from the horse drawn fire carriage. They were long winded and worked well with the horses, but they were smart enough to realize they could hop on the motorized engine once the horses were no longer necessary.

We finished the NYC Fire Museum just in time for lunch at Black Tap. They serve out of this world shakes and burgers. I got the Salty and Sweet shake that was peanut butter with pretzel bits and a delicious display of candies, whipped cream and drizzled chocolate. It was AMAZING!

After lunch, we headed to Wall Street. Wall Street found its way on my bucket list while I was a finance major at UCF. Although it's not for the public, it was still neat to see. We had a photo op with the Charging Bull of Wall Street where we rubbed its balls for good luck, and then we walked by the New York Stock Exchange. Security was really tight around the NYSE. The public isn't even allowed on that side of the street.

The Staten Island Ferry was only a few blocks South. We walked there just in time for the 2:30PM. It's a free 30 minute ride each way from Manhattan and Staten Island. The view from the ferry was picture perfect. I got great photos of lady liberty and Manhattan's skyline with the One World Trade Center.

Once we were back in Manhattan, we took the subway to the Brooklyn Bridge. There is something about bridges that fascinate me. The Brooklyn Bridge is on my list of top three bridges I've visited along with the Chesapeake Bay Bridge Tunnel and the Golden Gate Bridge. Although we didn't walk all the way across the bridge, it was still cool to see up close in person. After the bridge, we headed back to the hotel to get ready for Broadway.

On the way to see Wicked, we found an Irish Pub and grabbed a drink and some food before the show. I had my first Irish coffee (whiskey and coffee)!  I am so in love with coffee and it rocked my world.  I dressed as Elphie with black over the knee boots, black dress, black jacket, and green leg warmers to pull the witch look together. The show was phenomenal with powerful vocals, a talented cast, and Broadway style performances! It was so special to share the experience with Taylor! The story line and main characters closely resemble our own story and the friendship we share. When Glinda and Elphaba sang "For Good", it was the cherry on top of the experience. "For Good" is our song and while I was nearly moved to tears, a reflex fought back the emotion and I just soaked up the meaning and promise of every word.  "Who can say if I've been changed for the better? / I do believe I have been changed for the better/ And because I knew you / I have been changed for good." Taylor was a champ the whole trip! Even when I was moody no matter how well I tried to control the taper madness and prerace jitters, she was right there along for the ride snapping me out of my funk and bringing me back to reality. There's no doubt she makes me better and I love her for it!

Day 3:
We explored Central Park and it was absolutely beautiful! The leaves were changing color and it made it a picture perfect walk in the park. We saw the Bethesda Terrace and Fountain and the Loeb Boathouse. Even the hotdogs we ate in Central Park were supremely better than a normal hotdog. Central Park is where Taylor seemed most at home with the trees and lakes and without the stink of the city.

From Central Park, we went and rode the Roosevelt Island Tram. It's like a sky ride that takes you to and from Roosevelt Island and Manhattan along the Queensboro Bridge. We used our unlimited 7 day metro card for the round trip. The tram offered awesome views of the city! It was great for sightseeing. After the tram ride, we enjoyed NY pizza at Patsy's Pizzeria. Seriously, the best pizza I've ever had!

We quickly walked through Rockefeller Center and took a photo with the gorgeous St. Patrick's Cathedral before heading to the Love Structure for a picture.  The Love Structure was a lot smaller than I anticipated it was going to be. Afterwards, we went to the hotel where I took a three hour nap.
When I woke up from my nap, we went to Barilla Restaurant - Bryant Park and got lasagna to go for my pre-race pasta dinner. 

I'll blog about race day in another post. We walked over a marathon while exploring the city during the three days leading up to the race. Between the walking and the stairs to get to and from the subway, Taylor was sore and swollen. I was a little sore myself, but I like to think that my marathon training prepared me for exploring the city as well. Although there's no doubt it made race day a little more difficult, I don't regret it. Our days were packed with activities and I think we made the most of our time in the city!

My Badass is Ready to Live My Dream!

You guys, this it! This is going to be my last blog before I conquer the NYC Marathon. Race day is eight days away. I'm still trying to wrap my head around the whirlwind of emotions that have been washing over me. All of my training comes down to one day, Sunday, November 6th, 2016. There are enough people planning to track me on race day, from co-workers, family, and friends, that it should help encourage me to push through "the wall" when/if I hit it because I know everyone will be watching (tracking) me.  No pressure, right? A part of me loves the attention and another part of me wishes no one knew.

Some things that make me anxious:

• Daylight Savings Time ends the morning of the race, which means time changes at 2AM on November 6th, race day.
• There is a chance of rain on race day. Wet shoes and wet socks are the perfect breeding ground for blisters. Blisters and Marathons are not good friends.
• Aunt Flow could fuck things up.
• The hills and bridges are a bit intimidating.

Some things that make me excited:

• Cooler weather will give me the chance to run my optimal race.
• Frank Sinatra's song 'New York' playing as I cross the start line.
• The energy of the crowd.
• Central Park will be beautiful to run through with the leaves of the trees changing color this time of year.
• Seeing Taylor cheer for me in the Grandstand seats as I near the finish line.
• The sweet taste of victory as I cross the iconic finish line of the TCS NYC Marathon. (I cried as I typed the last sentence.)

On March 8th, when I found out I got into the NYC Marathon, I couldn't run a 5k without struggling. So if you think you could never run a marathon, think again because I'm proof anything is possible with hard work. Since March, I've worked my butt off to prepare for this race. I even overcame some health issues in April and started new medicine in May. Failure is not an option. I'm healthy, I'm strong, and my badass is ready to live my dream!

Who Am I?

When I was invited to a divisional party after work tonight, I didn't even hesitate to RSVP. The party was at Gators Dockside in Lake Mary. It was super nice of the Water/Wastewater division to invite me even though I'm not technically a part of their division. I was there from the beginning to end, 4PM - 7PM. That's right, I didn't just eat and leave. I socialized and I actually enjoyed it!  I would say about 50 people from the office showed up to enjoy free wings and beer.

I have been known to be socially awkward and quiet at times. However, I never once felt awkward or quiet tonight. So what were my go to topics of conversation? The NYC Marathon, of course. Oh yeah, and clowning was another popular topic. I even showed my clown skit graduation video to one of the VP's who found it extremely amusing. He didn't realize the clown picture at my desk was me. It was also fun hanging out with my supervisor whose favorite topic of conversation was her cats. She must have enjoyed hanging out with me too because she invited me to happy hour next time a few ladies in the office go out.

I Have My Life Back

Say what? I'm blogging two days in a row! 

I'm not sure if you've noticed that I haven't been talking too much about my health lately. That's because I am doing amazingly well. I have my life back!!!! My days aren't ruined by pain and fatigue. The shitty feeling is gone. I feel like I'm breaking out of the shell that my bad years with Crohn's put me in. I'm socializing and actually enjoying it. I surprisingly want to make new friends. I am the me I love being. While that might not make sense to you, it makes perfect sense to me. I love having energy. I've got a bounce in my step and a grin on my face because I feel excellent. I love when my wit makes people laugh. My mind is clear and sharp without brain fog and it's awesome! Mostly, I love the fact that Crohn's has not been a factor in my day to day activities. I'm less afraid to make plans for the future. Even though I know a crash from this high on life feeling of being healthy would crush me, I am well enough to consider options I was hesitant to seriously consider before. I certainly wouldn't mind being this healthy for the rest of my life.

Everyone Deserves a Friendship Like Ours

I just want to take this moment to brag about my best friend.  She challenges me and encourages me to chase my dreams. Before I found out I got into the NYC Marathon, she was on board to go with me in the unlikely event that I won a lottery entry.(I never would have guessed I would get in on my first try.) I know this trip isn't happening at the most ideal time in her life as she is busy making huge life plans (like planning a wedding and buying a house). Yet, her support hasn't faltered. She's in it for the long run, pun intended. Since I'm a marathoner, I know and appreciate her commitment to being my biggest fan and her dedication to being my best friend. I'm overwhelmed by the fact that she will be in the grandstand seating area to watch me accomplish this amazing achievement.  Not only does thinking about crossing the finish line make me emotional, the thought of sharing that experience with her has a powerful affect on my race mentality. I want to run the race for me and I want to finish strong for her. She wants me to cross that iconic finish line in Central Park as much I want to cross it! Everyone deserves a friendship like ours! 

As much as this trip is about the race it's also about being on vacation in NYC with my best friend! We haven't vacationed too much together. Will this be a test in our relationship? I doubt it, unless we're testing to see how high we can get our level of awesomeness. Will this be an audition for the Amazing Race? Unlikely, although I have a feeling using public transportation will be comedic and terrifying at times. I believe this trip will be one we remember for the rest of our lives. Even without NYC in the equation, I'm excited to get some much needed Taylor time!

21 Days Until the Race!

You guys, the race is THREE weeks out!!!  On my long run yesterday with the group I logged 17.5 miles. I felt pretty good for the most part considering blisters are healing and a toenail is barely hanging on. I used the run as a dress rehearsal. I wore what I plan to wear on race day, minus the arm warmers (Um, hello, it's not cold enough to practice with those on a long run). I practiced fueling with the energy gel and Gatorade I plan on using on race day. I did experience some stomach cramps that started around mile 12. I'm not sure if it was the energy gel I ate, the Gatorade I drank, or a combination of things. Afterwards I think it was just because I had to poop because after I relieved my bowels, the cramping went away. At this point, I'm not sure if I should consider trying a different fueling method or just go with it. I made it back to where we started at mile 17.5 for a hydration stop. While I intended to go back out for two to four more miles once I started back up again I felt dizzy and nauseous, so I decided to stop.  It was so bad that I almost went to my grandma's house a block away to have someone pick me up because I wasn't sure if I could drive home. In the end, I chose to give myself a few minutes to hydrate and rest before driving home. When I got home, I ungracefully made my way to bed by holding on to the walls and door frames to balance myself. I slept three hours and woke up feeling better even though I had a killer headache.

I'm not sure if I was dehydrated, experienced some sort of heat stress, or what exactly happened. Even though I'm a little bummed I only ran 17.5 miles, I'm also really excited to have come this far in my marathon training. I went out for 4 miles this morning because I thought running on tired legs is exactly what I need to help me on the back half of 26.2 miles on race day. In two days, I ran 21.5 miles, which is damn close to 26.2 miles. Now, I am officially in taper mode, which means I'm supposed to be taking it easy just to maintain my training. I will still be training on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but my last two weekend runs before the race aren't likely to be more than ten miles each.

My running group is absolutely amazing! There are five of us ladies that run together Tuesday and Thursday mornings as well as Saturday mornings. We are like our own little group inside of our much bigger group. We even have a WhatsApp group called Running Divas! These ladies push me to be my best and keep me accountable when necessary. They make the miles fly by and I love running with them. One lady, Wellsy (that's her nickname), and I are going to be dressing up as the Ugly Stepsisters from Cinderella for the Walt Disney World Marathon.  Wellsy, is constantly making us laugh on our runs and always chit chatting mile after mile. The Disney Marathon is going to be so much fun with her!

I finally know my race number and starting time for the TCS NYC Marathon. I will be starting in the last wave at 11AM. Since I'm in the Green corral, I will be running on the bottom level of the Verrazano Narrows Bridge. It's not exactly where I wanted to be, but how can I complain? I'm just excited to have the opportunity to run this race!  To track me on race day:

• Download the TCS NYC Marathon app.
• Select "TRACK UP TO 20 RUNNERS"
• Search "69071"
• Click "+" to add me to your list of runners, and then you'll be able to see my splits on race day every 5K, half, and finish.
• I've been told that if you click on the course map it will show my initials with an estimated position of where I am on the course. It uses my previous mile times to predict future mile times and estimated position on the course.

Text me cheers on race day! I have an app that will read me your messages! Although I'll hear your messages, I won't likely be responding until after I finish the race. Don't let my silence stop you from cheering me on. Text me jokes, text me quotes, text me nonsense, text me what you're doing while I run a marathon, and text me compliments.

29 Days Left!!

Where has the time gone? In one month, running the NYC Marathon will be a mere memory. I will have achieved a huge dream of mine by crossing the finish line in Central Park! Even though I'll likely walk funny and be in pain after the race, I cannot wait!!! The pain I feel after I've put forth my best effort is one of the most rewarding feelings and sweetest victories around. After I cross the finish line, I want to be able to say, "I left everything I have out on the course!" I'm hesitant to set a time goal. Perhaps part of me is cowardly because I don't want to set a time goal and disappoint myself. However, I think the real reason it's difficult for me to set a time goal is because I'm not sure I know what a realistic goal would be. Sure, I know which pace group I train with, but there are going to be different factors that I haven't encountered before. The weather will likely be drastically cooler with lower humidity than the weather I've been training in, which will actually increase my overall speed. But then there are the hills and bridges, which might slow me down. The first mile is all up hill on the Verrazano-Narrows Bridge and then the course is relatively flat until mile 15. Honestly, I'm a little intimidated about the second half of course being full of bridges and hills. The other factor that comes into play is the crowd. I've been told the crowd can carry a runner through the race. There are going to be millions of people on the sidelines cheering throughout the race. Once we get into Manhattan the crowd in some places are known to be more than ten people deep just lining the course encouraging the runners! The last factor that has me a bit concerned is the fact that I am almost certain Aunt Flow will be accompanying me during the race.  Won't that be fun??? My main goal is to have fun during race. I want to run in the moment and enjoy the dream I worked so hard for! Although a PR would be nice. lol

The race is 29 days away!!! This is it people! I am really going to run the TCS NYC Marathon! I didn't run this week as I was letting blisters heal from my half marathon on Sunday. To make matters worse, my long run this weekend with the group was cancelled because of Hurricane Matthew.  I don't think a week off will set me back since I've stayed on track with training very well for the most part.  Hopefully, I'll be able to get a run in on my own this weekend. It probably wont be 16 miles like my schedule suggests, but anything is better than nothing. Plus, I have my longest training run on my schedule set for October 15th. I'm going to attempt a 20 miler with my group, so I'm not going to beat myself over taking it a little easy leading up to that long run.

I am super excited about the NYC trip!!! I have a lot of expectations and I have no doubt NYC will deliver and exceed them!

"YES!"

After my 15.5 mile run Saturday morning, I drove down south to go wedding dress shopping with Taylor. Taylor's friend, Cybelle, rode down and back with me. Cybelle and I found out that we have a mutual love of the TV show LOST as well as rock music!  Taylor's mom and grandma were already at the hotel when we arrived. Before going to the dress appointment, we went to the mall to eat and kill some time.  The dress appointment was at Patricia South's Bridal, which happens to be the same place Taylor's mom bought her wedding dress over 30 years ago. I have never seen so many wedding dresses in my life. 

We were served mimosas, cookies and cheese and crackers while they picked out dresses to try on. The first dress Taylor tried on had a sweetheart thingamajig with a corset doohickey and a lace pattern all over it. It was pretty, but it didn't have the "wow" factor. The second dress was little more form fitting and had a halter-toppish kind of style and an open back. It had some lace shenanigans going on, but the leg part on the front was plain. Again, it didn't have the "head turning" factor. The third dress I consider to be a princess type of  dress. Perhaps ball gown is a better description. It had tulle from the waist downward that flowed outward.  The top part was sleeveless and had shiny sparkles and lace.  It was pretty, but it didn't really flatter her figure. The fourth dress was my favorite up this point. It was also sleeveless with tattooed lace on the back. It was form fitting and had lace; however the train of the dress was rather boring.

As soon as Taylor came into sight in the fifth dress, an Enzoani dress, I could tell it was THE DRESS! Not just because of the tears in Taylor's eyes, but also because of the radiance she emitted and the undeniable beautiful way the dress complimented Taylor's elegant essence. I won't describe the dress as I did the others because I don't want to give it away before her big day. Believe me when I tell you though that her dress will turn heads and it will make you say "wow".  She would be a gorgeous bride without the dress, but the dress compliments her style and charm.  Taylor said, "Yes, to the dress!"

Taylor gave me an amazing box and when I opened it the top of the lid read "will you be my maid of honor".  I may not yet fully understand the meaning of being a maid of honor, but I can tell you that I was truly honored to say, "Yes!".  I'm super excited to go on this journey with Taylor as she becomes a Mrs. I also can't wait to be standing by her side when she says, "I do".

My Best Friend is ENGAGED!!!

One of the things I love about Taylor is that she loves fearlessly. She deserves the world and everything that's good and amazing in it. I know she has been dreaming of this time in her life since she was a little girl and words can't describe how delighted I am for her to be realizing her dream.  I can't wait to watch them grow old together!  Congrats, Taylor! I love you!!!

Healthy and Loving It!

It has been great to feel as healthy as most of the people around me. I'm not struggling to keep up. I'm not faking the smile on my face and I'm not pretending to feel well. When I'm not feeling well, I dread making plans because it's difficult to predict how I'll be feeling at a certain moment in time. Will I be in pain? Will I need a bathroom? Will I have the energy it takes? I didn't even ask myself those questions when I made plans like a boss this weekend.

After work on Friday I went to the Maroon 5 concert. Tove Lo opened the show and she was incredible. Seriously, check out her music.  I thought her take on love was interesting. In one song she proclaims "I'm not on drugs / I'm not on drugs / I'm just in love" and in another song she explains "You're gone and I gotta stay / High all the time / To keep you off my mind". So, basically love is a drug and I've never taken a hit. I'm as clean and as sober as can be.  I love Maroon 5, but honestly I only know Maroon 5 as Adam Levine. I love when he hits the high notes! They put on an amazing show and it was fun hanging out with Kim! Kim and I left a little early from the show because I had a long Saturday ahead of me. We left around 10:45PM and by the time I got home and laid out my running stuff for the morning, it was around 11:30PM by the time I went to bed.

Surprisingly, I woke up without hesitation when my alarm went off at 4:05AM so that I could meet my running group at 5:30AM. My legs were so stiff and sore from cross-training this week that I wasn't sure if I could even run. My quads were super tight, but I still got ready and left to meet some of my running group in Apopka for the hills option this week.  I need all the hill training I can get. The hills and bridges in the NYC Marathon make me the most nervous about the race. My plan was 10 miles but I stopped after 7 miles and I'm okay with that. The biggest accomplishment was getting out of bed and out the door to run at all, so I won't beat myself over a few missed miles. I can tell I'm getting stronger because I no longer get the urge to stop and walk up a hill. I've learned to pump my arms harder to pull myself up the hill as well as shortening my stride for more efficiency. Eventually, I did loosen up a little on the run, but I got tight again after I was done.

Once I got home, took a shower, and found my Gator gear, it was time to get ready to head to the Gator football game. That's right, I was running off of about 4 and a half hours of sleep and I didn't take a nap! My friend Miguel (my friend Brittany's husband) invited me to go to the Gator game. He got tickets through the Wounded Warrior Project.  The car ride to the game passed quickly as he told all about a video game he's been playing and trying to get into the top 500 players. We arrived to the tailgate area for the Wounded Warrior Project at noon. They provided a tent with chairs, food, drinks, and a TV to watch the Michigan UCF game (poor UCF). It was great to meet other warriors. One little boy came up to me and poked me with the foam finger he had, so I smiled and played with him. Suddenly, he dropped the finger and kissed me on my check! His dad yelled, "Son, you can't just go around kissing women!" LOL After they passed out our tickets, Miguel and I went shopping. We went to the bookstore on campus, but he didn't see anything in there. Next, we walked around to find the store he got a shirt at last time we went. Somehow we found it! While we were waiting to cross a street a very intoxicated young lady walked up, put her hand on my shoulder and said "Come on, let's just fucking go." Thankfully, by the time she started walking it was actually safe to walk and she stumbled her way across the street. I just wondered where her friends were. Friends shouldn't let friends walk around intoxicated, by themselves. We even heard some Gator fans say "Here, kitty, kitty, kitty" because Kentucky's mascot is the Wildcat. Haha Once we were in the stadium and found our seats, the weather report at the stadium said it was 97 degrees! I'm glad they handed out fans to use to help keep cool. Throughout the game we saw the medics in our section three different times with a stretcher. From what I saw it was older folks likely suffering from heat exhaustion.  The Gators came out strong! Now, it could have been because Kentucky sucks, but I thought Luke Del Rio, our new quarterback, made solid plays. I'm excited to watch him this season because I like it when quarterbacks actually throw the ball long and take more risks. We kicked butt! I think the final score was 45 to 7! I had fun with Miguel. It was such an awesome game to watch!

By the time I got home and told my dad all about the game (my mom said he watched every minute of the game on TV to see if he would see me in the stands even tough I told him we were sitting pretty high up.), I was finally able to go to bed. It was a fun 24+ hours and I felt great, but I was super tired! Awesome weekend with awesome people!!!

Preparing for the Marathon and Winter

I did something I don't think I've ever done before. I ran 100 miles in one month! It is possible I've done it in the past and didn't know it though. I also ran 18.5 miles during one of my long runs, which is my longest training run to date. Surprisingly, I wasn't even sore after running 18.5 miles. Say what? That's right, I must be getting in some kind of shape because after the run I was jumping and doing lunges to test my legs and they performed as if they weren't even fatigued. 

Am I getting excited for New York? HELL YEAH, I AM!!!!!  I think about it everyday. I have two countdowns on my phone: One for when I leave to go to New York (59 days) and one for race day (62 days)! It's practically two months away!!!!  I have a tentative itinerary that Taylor has given me free reign over. She's pretty much just going with the flow. I know her nature to plan, so I appreciate how much trust and faith she has in me to make the itinerary. I also know that whenever we go somewhere and I'm the one driving, I tend to drive and navigate. Whereas whenever we go somewhere and she's the one driving, she drives and I navigate.  I am taking it upon myself to learn the subway lines and bus routes so that I can confidently lead the way. However, I also think getting lost in NYC would make one good story tell. Other than the Race and being in NYC with my bestie, I'm most excited about seeing Wicked on Broadway and walking over the Brooklyn bridge!

I've started preparing for winter in NYC. I'm a typical Florida girl with very limited winter apparel. I recently bought over the knee, suede, black boots. I sprayed water and stain repellent on them to make them water waterproof.   I also purchased a black, thigh length, waterproof jacket. I love it because it's form fitting and looks amazing with my boots! Now, I just need some tops, bottoms and scarves and I think I'll be all set. I'm not buying any winter running apparel for the race. I figured once I actually get to NY, I can decide if I should buy additional running gear (arm sleeves, ear muffs, etc.) at the Expo to keep warm. Even if it's in the 50's, I should be comfortable in shorts and a tank to run in.  I already have throw away sweatpants and sweatshirt that I will use to keep warm at the start of the race and then toss once I get warmed up. All of the runners' discarded items on the side of the road will be donated to charity.

Waking Up Before 4AM

By now I'm sure you know that I run with MarathonFest three times a week. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, my alarm goes off at 3:45AM. On Saturdays, my alarm goes off anywhere between 3:15AM and 4:15AM depending on how far we're running that weekend and what time my group is starting. I've been averaging about five to six hours of sleep on nights before my runs. Recently, I was asked how I do it. How do I wake up that early three times a week to run?

There are a couple of factors contributing to my success at waking up so gosh darn early. First, I believe that being in good health is a huge factor. I do not feel fatigued every hour of every day like I used to. I actually feel rested even after only five hours of sleep. Believe it or not, I've only been napping after my long runs on Saturday, and the occasional (maybe once every few weeks) cat nap during my lunch break to keep me fresh for the rest of the day.  My increased energy and the fact that I feel amazing makes it relatively easy to wake up.   Second, I think the fact that it's been easy for me to jump right out of bed when my alarm goes off at an ungodly hour has a lot to do with how motivated I am to train my best for the NYC Marathon. I don't know if I've ever been more determined to succeed. Sometimes I even wake up before my alarm... that's how excited I am to get to train for NYC!

Whether or not I will wake up when my alarm goes off has not been a question. The decision was made when I won the lottery drawing to get into the NYC Marathon.  Don't bother asking me if I'm running... the answer is YES!  Not counting my surgery and slight recovery in April, I have only missed two training runs and that was due to period cramps. I got a little behind on my long run distance during the couple of the bad runs I had in the unrelenting Florida heat, but I am officially back on track.

When my alarm goes off, I wake up. I don't hit snooze or lay in bed convincing myself to get up. I don't need to be convinced because I understand that getting out of bed so early to run is a good way to train for the race of my life.  So far, I haven't regretted waking up early to run. It's always fun to tell my co-workers that I ran five miles before work or to tell them how far I ran over the weekend.

Operation Cross-Train

Sure I just ran 14 miles on Saturday without walking funny afterwards, but I want to get in better shape.  I know, you're probably rolling your eyes. Don't get me wrong...it's a beautiful thing to run over a half marathon and not be sore. However, I think I need to add some cross-training into my workout routine. The gym I joined months ago still hasn't opened yet. It's waiting on a final inspection that keeps getting postponed for one reason or another. Yeah, it's annoying. I think it'll be worth the wait when it finally opens though.  

Arms:
I bought a personalized tank-top to wear on race day, so I need to start lifting weights and doing push-ups to tone my bat wings. I want to look fit in my race day photos.

Core:
I just tipped the scale yesterday at 158lbs. I've been eating everything in sight and I'm actually gaining weight. I've gained nearly 20lbs in about four months. Dare I say I'm getting fat?  Anyway, it's time to start working out my food baby.

Legs:
Since the NYC Marathon will have a lot of bridges and hills, I need to start strengthening my legs outside of my running schedule. I'm thinking lunges, squats, and jumping exercises will do the trick.

The race is a little over two months away. Even though my excitement is building, I find myself slightly nervous for the first time. I don't know if I can explain my sudden nerves. Perhaps it's because running it is starting to seem like more than just a dream. It's moving from a strong desire to run the NYC Marathon, to reality. I'm really going to run across that finish line in Central Park! Someone pinch me. I can't believe I'm really doing this.  I know it will likely be the most difficult race I will ever run. For me, the nerves I'm feeling are a good thing because it shows that I hold the race and the course in high esteem.  If your dreams don't scare you, dream bigger! I don't know that I'll expressly admit to being scared, but I certainly wouldn't deny it.

Life is Amazing

Life is absolutely amazing at this moment in time!  I've been feeling better than I have in over a decade! Honestly, I'm not entirely sure what to do with myself. It's been a while since I've posted, so I'll give an update on life.

Work:
I am really enjoying my job! Even though I'm insanely busy, it's giving me plenty of opportunities to learn. Last week, I worked closely with one of our VPs and afterwards he sent an e-mail telling me I did a great job and thanking me for my hard work... oh, and he copied our CEO on that e-mail. I felt appreciated and proud to know I was praised by executive management! I took my first exam for my C.R.I.S. (Construction Risk and Insurance Specialist) certification and scored 98%. Look out world, I'm still smart!  This first course was a prep course to prepare me for the 5 book curriculum to get certified. 5 more exams to go and I'll be C.R.I.S. certified! I recently got a nice bonus. What didn't go to Uncle Sam or my 401K, I'm using for my NYC trip fund. I am also enjoying having a friend at work, my cubical neighbor! She might be signing up for a 5K before the end of the year and I told her I'd run it with her! Our schedules are syncing up. It's nice to have someone to eat chocolate with at the same time of the month.

Running:
When I focus on how much further I have to go, sometimes it seems impossible and I wonder how I ever did this when I didn't feel as well as I have been feeling. When I focus on how far I have come, I feel strong and satisfied with my efforts. It's rough waking up at 3:45am on Tuesdays and Thursdays to run with MarathonFest, but it's worth it because it's cooler in the mornings and they push me to be a better runner. I recently ran a sub nine minute mile! My running group is the best! Runners in general are a good group of people. I've struggled getting through some of the long runs in the heat, but yesterday I ran 12 miles and it actually felt easy. After my run yesterday, I could tell I'm getting stronger.  Do you remember a few weeks back when 12 miles was too difficult, so I stopped after 9 miles? Yeah, well I'm stronger than before!  Heck, last night I was running around outside with Savanna. Obviously, I wasn't sore from running 12 miles which is a beautiful thing.

Me:
I'm doing well! I haven't been having any pain or weird bowel habits. *knock on wood* It's like I'm a normal human being. A few weeks ago I met Taylor in Sarasota for the weekend. I love the friendship that we have! She mentioned she'd like me to make time to write more. I've been making a point to take some time every week to sit down and write, plot, or develop characters. Typically, I don't talk much about my writing because I feel it's personal and I'm not ready to be criticized. Heck, I still keep this blog hidden from most of the people I know.  One day I slipped when my supervisor asked what I did the previous night. She has this way of making me talk. I told her I wrote most of night. Naturally, she asked me questions about what I was writing. First I vaguely said I was attempting to write a novel. She then asked if it was a romance novel. I couldn't help but laugh out loud and clarified that the genre I'm writing about is fantasy. It's about magical creatures.  Now she's been asking me how my novel is going like it's no big deal. I give her as little details as possible, but honestly I think it helps to hold me accountable to keep writing.

A Chronic Diagnosis

This post is about chronic conditions from my perspective. I know one person who was recently diagnosed with a chronic condition and another person who may soon be diagnosed with a chronic condition, so this topic seems really relevant to me. (One of them might read this, the other one will not read this unless I copy and paste this into an e-mail.) As you probably know I've been dealing with a chronic condition since I was 15 years old. Now, I understand I have a different condition from these two people and they have a different condition from each other; however, I think it's important to recognize possible similarities to be better equipped to support one another. 

I remember the scariest thing I learned was the fact that there is no cure. I'm not trying to scare you, I'm just trying to be real to let others know about this aspect of a chronic diagnosis. There isn't a magical pill to fix this. Surgery will not make this permanently go away. Let that sink in for a second.  I recently filled out FMLA paperwork and my condition was described by my healthcare professional as "lifelong".  The prospect of having to manage this for a lifetime can be intimidating.

I want to reassure you that this diagnosis was not your fault. Even though the world wants you to keep your shit together, it's okay to fall apart sometimes. Cry, scream, curse if you must because it's far better to let it out than to hold it inside. You are strong regardless of the tears staining your cheeks. You may be pressured to hide the bad and ugly aspects. I encourage you to seek a family member, a friend, or even a counselor you can talk to without being judged and without being forced to hide what you're truly feeling. I think others mean well when they advise us to be positive. Would they really be positive in your shoes though? I give you permission to air out your negative feelings. In my experience, if suppressed, negative feelings can fester into depression even if you're faking positivity. You will encounter folks that believe dietary changes will be the solution to your problem, but I want to warn you not to get your hopes up.  My ex-boyfriend's sister's goldfish had this same condition and cured it by XYZ. I'm saying be cautious. Ugly cry, write about it, and tell your story because heroes fight different battles. You're a hero and this is your battle! Don't give up, FIGHT!

One Mile at a Time

Prior to this past Saturday, I was keeping up perfectly with my training schedule... and then Saturday's run happened. I was scheduled to run 12 miles, but I quit after a measly 9 miles. The run started unbelievably hot at 5am. It was 85 degrees at the start and that's without calculating in the humidity and feel like temperature. Unfortunately, the sad reality of training for a marathon during the middle of summer in Florida is that the only chance we have for cooler, bearable temperatures is if it rains. Not only was the weather miserable, but my body was also kind of miserable still recovering from the shitty week of stomach pain. During the run I started to experience some stomach pain around mile 4. I was able to run through the pain for the most part  though. I think what did me in were the cramps in my legs around mile 8.5. I'm not sure if the cramps were from dehydration or what, but my body was pretty much screaming at me to STOP, so I quit! Anyways, I've got plenty of excuses and I feel like a huge wimp and slacker for deciding to throw in the towel at mile 9.

Now, I find myself behind on training. I'm bummed about it because I've been working so hard to stay on track and one run just completely put me off my target mileage. I'm scheduled to run 14 miles this Saturday, but I know realistically that's not going to happen. Technically, my longest run this season has been 10.5 miles, so 14 miles would be too big of  a jump. My new goal for Saturday is to run 12 miles. I seem to be hitting the proverbial wall at mile 9 or 10. I have to dig deep and keep pushing myself in order to reach my goals.

Sometimes I forget that running is hard. Not only that, but it's easy to forget that training for a marathon is difficult, too. Yeah, okay, I should know better; however, I still catch myself thinking that crossing the finish line in November is guaranteed. In distance running, the miles demand respect. With less than four months away from race day, I need to embrace the doubt dancing around in my thoughts (that I've been ignoring) because I need that doubt to motivate me to keep training hard.

I consider myself a very self motivated person. Most of you know that I didn't tell my mom when I entered the NYC Marathon lottery because I didn't think she would approve of my decision to do it and I didn't want to hear her bitch about my bad life choices. Well, when I told her I won the lottery into the race, she left me feeling judged and underestimated. Ever since my DNF (did not finish) at the Disney Marathon in 2013, in her eyes my running ability is tainted because of Crohn's even though I finished the Dopey Challenge strong the following year in 2014. Earlier this week my mom complimented me on how hard I've been training and offered to buy me a Garmin watch to help track my stats. She verbally recognized that this race is a big deal and also offered to buy a picture package if they offer one for professional course race pictures because she knows how much this race means to me. I'm overwhelmed and shocked by her sudden support. In fact, it made me cry. You know, no pressure or anything, but I really don't want to fuck up crossing the finish line.  Strangely enough, I want to make her proud.  Here's to getting back on track one mile at a time.

"Been in Pain Like Me" - Halsey

The last few weeks have been the worst I've felt health wise since starting Remicade. First constipation, and then stomach pain. Wednesday was the most wicked stomach pain I've had in recent memory. It was on and off throughout the day. I felt the pain hit me and then briefly subside only to return with what seemed like a stronger punch to the gut.  At times, I had to remind myself to breathe. I know Kim could tell I was in discomfort at the Halsey concert, but I tried not to let it ruin the experience. It was kind of appropriate, really, being able to scream the lyrics with Halsey. Those same lyrics that helped me through other hard days like Wednesday.  Halsey opened the show with her song 'Gasoline', so the first two lines couldn't have been more fitting: "Are you insane like me / Been in pain like me".

I'm definitely not a tough critic. I thought Halsey put on one hell of a great show, but it wasn't just her that made the show awesome. The arena was nearly sold out. The fans knew every fucking word to every fucking song. We, the fans, energized the arena by singing along with Halsey loud and proud. I've been to quite a few concerts, so believe me when I say that I've never felt the power of an audience like this before. I loved it when Halsey let the audience take the lead to a chorus while she took it all in with a smile and proceeded to sing back up vocals to us. She lived up to her badass image. She threw the word "fuck" in whenever she felt like it, which made the crowd scream in approval. She also used her powerful voice to create new and exciting riffs. After one song, she got a little choked up on raw emotion as she admitted that she had never played to a crowd this big before. She's a relatively new artist, but she didn't let any inexperience show. She owned the stage!  It was a great escape from reality.

"These are the Badlands"

I'm totally pumped to see Halsey tomorrow night at the CFE Arena!  Kim got me tickets for my birthday and I'm pretty excited about seeing her live. I clung to her Badlands album late last year into early this year as I was battling my own "badlands" during some shitty months of depression and Crohn's disease.  Strangely enough I first liked her music because I related to her lyrics. I felt understood.

Waking up facing the same disease day in and day out allowed me to relate to the line in 'Gasoline' by Halsey that says, "You can't wake up, this is not a dream". I couldn't just snap out of it and get back to the reality I so desperately desired.  The pain and lack of happiness had me living the line in 'Hold Me Down' by Halsey that says, "They [demons] fight me, vigorous and angry, watch them pounce". It seemed unrelenting. If I could have controlled it, I would have. Honestly, I felt helpless. All I could do was hold on while it took its toll on me. I found a much needed sense of hope in the line "I'm meaner than my demons" in the song 'Control' by Halsey. At times, Crohn's disease and/or depression made me feel isolated and I related to the lines in Halsey's song 'Empty Gold' that says, "I, I must confess / How hard I tried to breathe / Through the trees of loneliness". Right about the time I was overcoming depression, I started to catch myself thinking who am I without that weight? I don't know who I'm supposed to be. The line in Halsey's song 'Haunting' explains my crazy feelings well: "I'm begging you to keep haunting me" because I wasn't sure who I was without it. There's no doubt I lost a bit of myself during that period in my life. It was difficult to find the person I was prior to that struggle, but I think I have found myself again.

Now, I like Halsey's music because I appreciate the depth of her lyrics. Not only can she hit the notes (how would I know? I'm tone deaf), but she is very artistic in her delivery, sound, and beat.  I like that she doesn't shy away from dark feelings. Life isn't all sunshine and roses and I can appreciate anyone willing to verbalize that.

"These are the Badlands": https://youtu.be/DWCOW7TaGQE

Communication Skills Or Lack Thereof

I admit that I am not the best communicator. I attribute this weakness to my upbringing and also to the society in which we live in. When I was growing up, most revelations of my thoughts and/or feelings were promptly suppressed by my parents. Now that I look back I recognize how unhealthy this was for my communication development. Being scolded when I expressed myself forced me to stop such expressions. If they weren't pleasant feeling, I better not give voice to them. For most of my life, I have been out of touch with my true thoughts and feelings. I'm still learning that feeing angry, depressed, or confused are just as valid as feeling open, happy, and good. Although I can more easily accept unpleasant feelings, I still struggle to find an audience that will listen appropriately.

A big part of communication is the act of listening. In recent years, I have improved my listening skills greatly.  I'm guilty of giving unrequested advice when I should have just listened with compassion to show my understanding instead. It's probably no surprise that I'm actually on the receiving end of the unrequested advice more often than I care to admit. When I express to others that I'm struggling with Crohn's or having a bad day, they tend to jump right in with their unsolicited two cents even though what I need is "sympathetic listening". It's simple really... I just need to know I'm understood.

My parents are probably the worst communicators I know. My dad just does not communicate and mom's communication methods are ineffective and unhealthy to say the least.  I'm preparing to have a difficult conversation with my mom about her communication skills. She will likely get pissed off no matter what I say, but someone has to bring her ineffective, unhealthy ways of communicating to her attention. I know this falls under unrequested advice, but I feel like if she listens sympathetically to what I have to say it will help everyone in the end. I intend to be gentle and not accusing while I offer suggestions of ways she can change her tone, delivery, and advise her to make requests, not demands when she needs a ride to run an errand since she isn't driving.

After 9 Days Without Incident...

After 9 days without incident, I finally pooped today!  What a huge relief! I was beginning to skip meals because the pressure in my stomach was too uncomfortable. Thankfully, with the long weekend I felt confident intentionally over dosing on laxatives because I would be at home in case of an "emergency". Desperate times call for desperate measures.

In other news, I've been having knee pain in my left knee. At first I noticed it after a few runs in the past weeks below my kneecap, but during my Saturday run I felt the pain during and after my run. According to WebMD, it's jumper's knee. That's a little weird considering I've been running, not jumping. However, I did use to experience this back in high school when I played basketball.

Sudden Change in Bowel Habits

For the first time since starting Remicade I find myself constipated.  I felt a little backed up on Saturday, but I attributed it to my period. Well, my period is over and I'm still struggling to poop. I don't want to wait this out, so I took some laxatives tonight in hopes it will help get me regular again. In the past, laxatives don't usually work right away, which makes me skeptical of how quickly I'll actually find relief. I've also been trying to eat less to decrease the potential backup. It's hard because my appetite is raging! I'm so hungry that only having one dinner is making my stomach growl. I desperately want to poop so that I can EAT.ALL.THE.FOOD!

This is My Story

The TCS NYC Marathon website has a page for runners to submit their stories.

"Who or what has inspired you to run the TCS New York City Marathon? If you have overcome a challenge or are raising awareness for an organization or cause, please include the details. (500 characters or less)"

I'm thinking about submitting my story, but first I want to get your feedback on what I have so far:

My inspiration to run has come from different places over the years. In the beginning, my dad inspired me to run kid fun runs and 5ks. Not only did I run because I wanted to be like my dad, I also ran because getting matching Turkey Trot t-shirts excited my six year old self.  In first grade, I always ran hard to be at the front of the pack while we ran around the track during P.E.  In high school, I was inspired to run to stay in shape for basketball season. Eventually, after high school, my dad inspired me to run my first marathon in 2008. We got matching t-shirts for the marathon, too!  Because my dad inspired me to become a runner, he also inadvertently inspired me to run the TCS New York City Marathon.

My struggle with Crohn’s disease has also inspired me to run the TCS New York City Marathon. Crohn’s disease is an inflammatory bowel disease. It causes chronic inflammation in my gastrointestinal tract, which can lead to diarrhea, constipation, fatigue, stomach pain, and weight loss among other symptoms.  Crohn’s can be extremely painful and debilitating. Even though there is not a known cure for Crohn’s disease, there are drugs available that can help reduce the symptoms.  

While struggling through symptoms at the beginning of the year, I entered the 2016 TCS New York City Marathon lottery because I needed motivation to start running again. I needed a bucket list race to train for to inspire me to get back on the roads. During the thirteen years I’ve struggled with Crohn’s disease, running has become a symbol of strength and perseverance for me.  There have been days when I was in too much pain or  was too fatigued to get out of the door. There have also been days I ran through the pain and the fatigue to prove to myself that I can still be strong, I can still persevere.  

Since winning the TCS NYC Marathon lottery, I’ve had minor surgery and I’ve started different medication to treat my condition in an attempt to limit my symptoms.  In the months following my surgery and medication change, I have felt better than I’ve felt in a decade. I refuse to let Crohn’s permanently take running away from me. Every time Crohn’s disease knocks me down, I will get back up and fight. I will get back up and run. I will be running the TCS NYC Marathon to prove to myself that Crohn’s disease will not beat me in the long run.

One Run Does Not Define the Season

This morning's run was really difficult. It was already in the 80's when we started at 5:15am. It was super humid and sticky (95% humidity). Sweat was just sitting on my skin and not evaporating to help cool me down. My pace group is 10:30 - 11:30 minutes per mile; however, on long runs they say we're 11:00 - 11:30 minutes per mile and suggest that we should slow down further to adjust to the hot weather. Well, this is MarathonFest and apparently MarathonFest is always in badass beast mode because when they say we should slow down, we don't or we run faster. During my 10 miles this morning, I was wondering why it felt challenging to keep up with my group.  At the end, I found out that we were maintaining a 10:38 per mile pace!  Clearly, that's on the fast end of our pace group. Furthermore, the 10:38 pace includes walk breaks and water stops, so we must have really been booking it when we were actually running. Nonetheless, I survived another "long" run even though I didn't finish as strongly as I would have liked to. One run does not define the season. I'm sure there will be more difficult runs along my journey to the finish line in NYC. After all, the reason I'm training is to make race day easier. If it wasn't for my group, I would have quit at mile six. I should embrace difficult runs and be proud of the fact that I got out there and ran 10 miles today. I'm stronger for it!

2016 Annual State of the Business Meeting

I attended my company's Annual State of the Business Meeting today. My favorite part was finally being able to put faces with names. The meeting was very insightful about the overall health and direction of the company. I am so proud to work for this amazing company!  Everyone in attendance received sunglasses with our logo on them because "the future's so bright" for us.

I can't get over how healthy I am!

Since I had to go onstage with my entire department, I decided to wear a dress. Obviously, that's a big deal to me because dresses aren't my favorite thing. I even wore baby heels!  By some miracle I didn't fall or trip onstage while I was being introduced. My sister, Kelly, took pictures to document the rare moment in time that I actually looked presentable. Now I have a new LinkedIn profile picture. By the way, I don't remember if I mentioned that I have business cards now! Go professional me!!!

Confession

I have a confession: I do not remember the last time I felt this well. This could possibly be the best I've felt in over a decade. I have so much energy that I don't know what to do with it. I've had no pain. My bowels are functioning better than I ever thought was possible. At the doctor on Friday, I weighed in at 151 pounds! I feel like a normal person, strong and healthy.  Is this how you people feel all the time? It's wonderful!

My life is amazing at this moment in time. Training for the NYC Marathon is going spectacularly well! I've found a pace group that challenges me just enough to keep me wondering if I can keep up. Since I managed to stay with them for 10.5 miles on Saturday, I'd say I can keep up even if it is out of my comfort zone at times.  My supervisor put in a request for me to get a raise and my employer is paying for me to become CRIS (Construction Risk and Insurance Specialist) certified. It's a total of 6 classes and I just registered for the first class this week. The class is online and I can work at my own pace.

Orlando is My City

I consider myself pretty disconnected from the world because I don't have cable television. In fact, I often intentionally avoid media news.  I first learned of the mass shooting at Pulse nightclub in Orlando through posts on Facebook early Sunday morning. Immediately I pulled a live news feed up on my laptop to learn all that I could about the horrific event.

I am sickened by this weekend's violent attacks in Orlando. I am shocked, heartbroken, and numb. Pulse is a mere 3 miles away from where I sleep at night. I drove by Pulse 17 hours before the shooting began on my way home from my Saturday morning run. Orlando is my City! 

Crazy Loves Company

I feel like I should warn you in advance. In the next five months, it is extremely likely I will be littering my blog with posts about running as my marathon training kicks into full gear!

I did the Echo Half Marathon on Sunday. I had a 10 mile run planned on my schedule, so I decided I might as well register for a half. I stayed with the 2:30 pacer for the first 9 miles, and averaged an 11:27 pace per mile for those 9 miles.  I slowed down on the 10th mile and after I passed the 10th mile marker, I walked most of the last 5k. My official finish time was 2:46:01.  I can't complain considering I slowed way down on the last 3.1 miles of the race because I wasn't fully trained for the entire half marathon. I'm excited to start MarathonFest this week! They will host group runs on Tuesdays for speed work, Thursdays for hills, and Saturdays for long runs. You might be wondering why I paid for training when I'm already able to do a half marathon before the training begins.  Well, running long runs solo is boring and I tend to doubt myself rather than finish strong. I really want accountability to stay on track and I want to be challenged in ways I wouldn't likely challenge myself. It would also be a bonus if I meet other runners going to NYC.

I'm hopeful to meet new running friends. Plus, I'm excited to challenge myself on group runs by pushing my pace out of my comfort zone. I can't wait for the gym I joined to finally open so that I can get to work on getting in the best shape of my life by November.

On Thursday, I'm going out to lunch with my previous supervisor in Payroll.  We were never into small talk so it should be an interesting outing.  As far as I know she hasn't filled the position I left yet. I really want to ask her questions about FMLA, but I don't know if I'll find the courage to because it might involve talking about Crohn's. I still struggle to discuss Crohn's with people I don't consider friends. It just seems too personal.  We will definitely talk about running. I know she's been running four days a week. I'm going to see if I can talk her into running a 10K. If she bites on the 10K, I'm going to try to convince her to run a half marathon. You know crazy loves company and if she's already running four days a week, she might as well be training for something.