I admit that I am not the best communicator. I attribute this weakness to my upbringing and also to the society in which we live in. When I was growing up, most revelations of my thoughts and/or feelings were promptly suppressed by my parents. Now that I look back I recognize how unhealthy this was for my communication development. Being scolded when I expressed myself forced me to stop such expressions. If they weren't pleasant feeling, I better not give voice to them. For most of my life, I have been out of touch with my true thoughts and feelings. I'm still learning that feeing angry, depressed, or confused are just as valid as feeling open, happy, and good. Although I can more easily accept unpleasant feelings, I still struggle to find an audience that will listen appropriately.
A big part of communication is the act of listening. In recent years, I have improved my listening skills greatly. I'm guilty of giving unrequested advice when I should have just listened with compassion to show my understanding instead. It's probably no surprise that I'm actually on the receiving end of the unrequested advice more often than I care to admit. When I express to others that I'm struggling with Crohn's or having a bad day, they tend to jump right in with their unsolicited two cents even though what I need is "sympathetic listening". It's simple really... I just need to know I'm understood.
My parents are probably the worst communicators I know. My dad just does not communicate and mom's communication methods are ineffective and unhealthy to say the least. I'm preparing to have a difficult conversation with my mom about her communication skills. She will likely get pissed off no matter what I say, but someone has to bring her ineffective, unhealthy ways of communicating to her attention. I know this falls under unrequested advice, but I feel like if she listens sympathetically to what I have to say it will help everyone in the end. I intend to be gentle and not accusing while I offer suggestions of ways she can change her tone, delivery, and advise her to make requests, not demands when she needs a ride to run an errand since she isn't driving.
