Sudden Change in Bowel Habits

For the first time since starting Remicade I find myself constipated.  I felt a little backed up on Saturday, but I attributed it to my period. Well, my period is over and I'm still struggling to poop. I don't want to wait this out, so I took some laxatives tonight in hopes it will help get me regular again. In the past, laxatives don't usually work right away, which makes me skeptical of how quickly I'll actually find relief. I've also been trying to eat less to decrease the potential backup. It's hard because my appetite is raging! I'm so hungry that only having one dinner is making my stomach growl. I desperately want to poop so that I can EAT.ALL.THE.FOOD!

Big Week Next Week

Why does it seem like everything in life happens all at once. Next week is big because I'll be hearing back about the job either way, the lottery drawing for the NYC marathon is on Tuesday, and I should be getting my lab results back and hopefully feedback from my doctor about whether I'll be staying on Cimzia or not.

I interviewed for the contracts/risk specialist position on Thursday. There were two interviewers in the room and another interviewer on a video conference call. It was a little intense to be on the video screen during the interview. Questions flew at me in all directions. One right after the other for 45 minutes. At one point, I thought that interviews should be called interrogations instead.  I never trust my vibes about things like this, so time will tell how it went. I can say that I'm pretty happy the way I answered the questions and I think my closing questions were solid. One of my questions was, "Do you see any gaps in my qualifications that would prevent you from offering me the position?"  If offered the position, they know I would be transferring from a different department, so I told them that we would have to discuss the time frame with my supervisor to make a smooth transition.  I'll find out next week if I got it or not. I really want to get this job offer. Either way it turns out, at least, I know I did my best.

I am pretty much freaking out about the lottery drawing on Tuesday!!!!! I want to get in so badly even though I am so out of shape that I have trouble running two straight miles without walking. I know there's only like an 18% chance that I'll get in, but I'm totally getting my hopes up about it.

I just got home from getting lab work done, finally. After three weeks, I felt healthy enough for it. The nurse struck gold on the first try, which is super rare. Plus, she didn't even have to move the needle around inside me to find the vein. She hit it right away. My arm doesn't even hurt. I hope to get the results back next week with feedback from my doctor. These labs are supposed  to tell us if I'm still anemic and if Cimzia is still working.  I stopped taking iron again last week and my period started yesterday, so I'm not very optimistic about my iron levels; However, I am optimistic about whether Cimzia is working or not. I have not been having any pain and my poop has been pretty good lately.

MRI Is Scheduled

I don't know how I've almost made it through this work week. I've already pooped 10 times today and the day isn't even over yet. Where is all this crap coming from? How can all of that shit be inside me? It's been mostly explosive diarrhea. My stomach has been sore. I get shortness of breath by just walking up stairs. I was shushed by my sister Kim when I was trying to tell her how I've been feeling. I've been harassed behind my back about my bathroom habits by my sister Leigha. Oh, and the last time I tried to have a conversation with my mom about me she seemed too busy on her phone and laptop to really listen and then later claimed that I walked out in the middle of our conversation. Yes, I did.

Then I see a FB post from a friend that says, "I'm quickly becoming extremely frustrated by this whole being sick thing. Enough is enough." I can't comment: Imagine if you had a chronic disease. This post should be mine. What have you been sick for a week? Sounds like a dream. Hey, to each their own.

I had every intention of going to the MRI by myself.  I already had plans this Friday to go to Universal and IOA with Kelly. Since I scheduled my MRI for Friday morning Kelly will be taking me to the MRI. If I feel okay afterwards, we'll go and drink butter beer at Hogwarts. I have to arrive an hour before my appointment to drink 3 bottles of something. Yeah, I'm not looking forward to it, but it can't be worse than a colonoscopy prep, right? I told the scheduling lady that I'm not claustrophobic...we'll see if that's true.  While I'm in the machine I'm sure it'll be like an out of body experience because there's no way I'd be brave enough to go in there. I'm trying not to be nervous about it because I think it's going to be a way better experience than a colonoscopy.

Constipation Update

It's been a week since I've had a good bowel movement.

I've been taking coconut oil pills twice a day since Thursday to get my mom off my back about it being "my fault" for being constipated. I verbalized my doubt of the coconut oil pills being able to help and she hopped on my back again. It's "my fault" they won't help because according to her I should have been taking coconut oil pills every day as a "preventative" for these kinds of things.  I disagreed and she got offended and is now being quiet about this round of constipation. I lost her support for this round, but can I really lose something I never really had this round?

Seriously, I understand that people care and want to help, but I despise when people blame me for my situation. IT'S NOT MY FAULT I HAVE CROHN'S! I know I don't always take proper care of myself. Mostly because I don't have the energy to or I don't care enough about myself to. If you have some miraculous solution or preventative treatment for Crohn's, constipation, diarrhea, fatigue, chronic pain, anal leakage, and/or rectal bleeding, sell your idea and make millions. Don't harass me about your hypothetical cure.

My period is just finishing, so I don't know if this round of constipation is somehow related to that or not. I know my bowel habits are unpredictable around this time of month. I started taking Senokot tablets (it uses a natural vegetable laxative ingredient) instead of Miralax yesterday. I've had a few dip n' dots, but nothing that could be considered a real bowel movement. My stomach is starting to feel the pressure building from not being about to shit. The shit building up inside me makes the scale believe that I'm gaining weight, so that's the plus side.

A Whole Weekend Off

This weekend off was exactly what I needed. Sure, I didn't fill out as many job apps as I would have liked to, but I think I owed myself one weekend of a little laziness. Plus, I felt sick all of last week with a sore throat, runny nose, and pounding headaches. I cleaned my room, did laundry, searched for jobs, dyed my hair, lounged by the pool, tried on my rocking hot outfit for the wedding next weekend and took three hour naps!  It was grand!!!

Seriously, I think I could sleep forever. No matter how long my nap is or how many hours of sleep I get at night I never have a problem falling asleep. I never think I'm not tired enough to sleep. Friday and Saturday night I got about 12 hours of sleep each night. I didn't set an alarm to wake up, I just decided to stay awake when I woke to pee out of obligation to have a somewhat productive day. I took a three hour nap this afternoon from about 4pm to 7pm and here it is almost 9pm and I'm ready for bed.

For the most part, Crohn's disease has been behaving itself. Although I did experience some slight stomach pain last week, but that easily could have been from Aunt Flow. It's been so nice not having to deal with pain. I actually think my pain tolerance has gone down since I'm not used to handling it every day. No pain is good, but I hate how it makes me feel weak when I do encounter pain because I'm not accustomed to it like I was.

Even though I haven't been experiencing pain, Crohn's is still present. I know because I pooped about nine times yesterday and last week I was pooping about five times a day. At first, I blamed my period; however, when it continued I started to blame Crohn's. What the heck, how can I poop nine times in a day and think it's okay? Because I feel okay that's how. It does worry me a little though. If it keeps up, I know I'll start losing weight again and that's never fun. I'm a solid 140 lbs, not the 150 lbs I've been trying to get back to since the beginning of the year, but I'll take it.

Pain, Pain Go Away

          This morning, I awoke in the fetal position with my arms crisscrossed and my hands holding my stomach delicately with care. The fact that the shooting pain in my lower abdomen didn't wake me up in the middle of the night meant that I should be able to manage the pain. I didn't restrain my sighs of agony as I climbed out of bed and stood up. It hurt like crazy to stand straight up without hunching over. The afflicted scowl on my face had enough control throughout the day to disappear whenever I was in the presence of others. That's the power of slow, deep breaths. Still, the pain felt the worse today whenever I would stand up from sitting. Which totally sucked because I spent most of my day sitting and standing: every time I stood up from using the bathroom, every time I stood up from my desk at work to get something from the printer, every time I stood up to get out of my car,  and standing after sitting for over an hour in class was certainly the most miserable. Each time I stood my eyes grew and I inhaled deeply as I eliminated the hunch in my back without letting a distressing sound escape my lips. My walking pace was slower than usual today. Everything I did was probably slower than normal. The best part of the day was when I got home and I had the place to myself for a bit. I climbed into bed and moaned about the discomfort in my belly while I wrapped my arms around my abdomen.

          I wish this was a rare occurrence, but the truth is that this kind of pain visits me every month with my menstrual cycle. It's like a mini flare. Is it menstrual cramps or pain related to Crohn's? My doctors say worse Crohn's symptoms and pain are a typical complaint for women with Crohn's disease. And, as usual they can't do anything to lessen the blow. I've tried pain relievers without finding any relief. Thankfully, I made it through today without anyone being alarmed by my pain. When I compare it to the level of pain I've felt in the past, it's barely even on the pain chart. It makes me feel like a wimp because I've survived far worse.  Why is it important to me to hide my pain? Why do I still allow Crohn's to keep its reputation of being an invisible illness?