Full of Shit on the Fourth

Inquiring minds want to know how my bowel movements have been, so I decided to write my Shit Horoscope.  My pooping habits haven't been regular lately. Constipation has been ruling my zone with occasional diarrhea increasing the unpleasant atmosphere in my colon. There are either too many poo vibes or not enough. Advice from others is not likely to be helpful, but fresh perspectives could change my outlook. Being full of shit is essential before the moon will allow waves in the bowl.

In all seriousness, constipation has been an issue for the past month or two. I'm shitting once every three to four days. While diarrhea is a huge relief from the constipation it still sucks! Constipation drags me down and diarrhea wipes me out.  Before the surgery, I pooped three to four times a day. When I go one day without taking a crap, my stomach  starts to feel uncomfortable. Each day of constipation adds to the pressure in my gut. I get the sensation of having to poop, and then I sit on the toilet for hours with no success. The feeling wakes me up in the middle of the night. 

On July 4th, I ran a four mile race with Lynn. I had not pooped in four days and being full of all the shit slowed me down. It wasn't until I arrived at the race that I realized how terrible I felt. My stomach didn't feel well. I had the urge to poop, but I knew I wouldn't be able to so I didn't even try. I walked a lot.  It was hard to run with the uneasy feeling. My average pace was 11 minutes per mile, which was slower than my first race back after surgery. I was definitely disappointed in my performance because my training runs leading up to the race were significantly better. 

I can turn off nearly every thought except my thoughts about the state of my bowels. When will I poop again? When will I stop pooping? What if I shit myself at work? Can you tell I'm constipated right now by looking at my face? If I poop before my run, it will be an amazing run! I am bearing down too hard. I'm going to give myself hemorrhoids. What if I have a blockage?  I sweated more sitting on the toilet trying to push out a tiny dip n' dot turd than I did when I ran the four mile race. I just want a beautiful bowel movement every day. I will be grateful for my good shits even though they don't occur as frequently as I would like.

 

The MRI

I know this post is super delayed, but I have been busy surviving.

Once I checked in at the imaging place on Friday morning, I had to drink three bottles of barium. It tasted like cold, chalky fake-grape liquid. Thankfully, it didn't make me gag and I was able to finish each bottle in the time limit I was given, 15 minutes for each bottle. By the time I was on my third bottle there were about 15 other people in the waiting room and I was the only one that had to drink the barium.

The nice MRI Tech, Lisa, called me back. On our walk to the room she said this is the most complicated MRI. She asked if I had anything metal on and I didn't, so I was able to wear my clothes. When we got to the room, she asked me to climb onto the table. She then had me lay down and slide to a certain point on the table. Lisa strapped some kind of foam thing with holes in it that was attached to the table over my abdomen. She tried for an IV in my right arm, but my vein collapsed. Thankfully, it didn't hurt or bruise. She was able to get the IV going in my left arm. Finally, she injected something that slowed my bowels down for 30 minutes. She let me know this injection is the reason we have to work fast through the breath holds and get started quickly. She gave me a "help-ball" to hold onto to squeeze if I needed anything. She left the room and my table began to slide into the MRI tube. Once in the tube I got a sudden urge to pee, so I squeezed the help-ball to tell Lisa. She was nice and came rushing in to unstrap me from the table, but told me to run and hurry because we are on a time crunch.  I peed so much! Oh all the while I'm holding my IV up with one arm. How did all that liquid get inside me? I awkwardly washed my one hand and I went running back to the MRI room where Lisa quickly strapped me back in. Although I did peek a few times I was more comfortable keeping my eyes closed. The whole MRI was a series of breath holds. I would hear Lisa in my head phones, "Take a deep breath and hold your breath." Then a bunch of racket would go on for 30 seconds and I would hear Lisa say, "Breathe."

Toward the end with only three breath holds left I squeezed the help ball again because I really, really had to pee... again. Lisa told me through the head phones that we were almost done and there wasn't any time to let me out to pee. I wasn't even embarrassed when I peed myself a little during the next breath hold. I squeezed the help ball to tell Lisa and she told me it was okay. I mean it was kind of her fault because she didn't let me out after I warned her. After the MRI was over, she quickly came in the room to unstrap me from the table and to take out my IV. Lisa hinted that I might have some bladder issues going on. As soon as she said I was free to go I rushed to the bathroom. I peed and peed and just when I thought I was still peeing I realized I was also shitting very liquid diarrhea that sounded like peeing.

It's been a week since the MRI and I feel like I am still recovering from the MRI. This weekend, I'll blog about the after effects of that damn barium that I had to drink and the MRI results. You know the results aren't good when the doctor personally calls you to discuss them.

MRI Is Scheduled

I don't know how I've almost made it through this work week. I've already pooped 10 times today and the day isn't even over yet. Where is all this crap coming from? How can all of that shit be inside me? It's been mostly explosive diarrhea. My stomach has been sore. I get shortness of breath by just walking up stairs. I was shushed by my sister Kim when I was trying to tell her how I've been feeling. I've been harassed behind my back about my bathroom habits by my sister Leigha. Oh, and the last time I tried to have a conversation with my mom about me she seemed too busy on her phone and laptop to really listen and then later claimed that I walked out in the middle of our conversation. Yes, I did.

Then I see a FB post from a friend that says, "I'm quickly becoming extremely frustrated by this whole being sick thing. Enough is enough." I can't comment: Imagine if you had a chronic disease. This post should be mine. What have you been sick for a week? Sounds like a dream. Hey, to each their own.

I had every intention of going to the MRI by myself.  I already had plans this Friday to go to Universal and IOA with Kelly. Since I scheduled my MRI for Friday morning Kelly will be taking me to the MRI. If I feel okay afterwards, we'll go and drink butter beer at Hogwarts. I have to arrive an hour before my appointment to drink 3 bottles of something. Yeah, I'm not looking forward to it, but it can't be worse than a colonoscopy prep, right? I told the scheduling lady that I'm not claustrophobic...we'll see if that's true.  While I'm in the machine I'm sure it'll be like an out of body experience because there's no way I'd be brave enough to go in there. I'm trying not to be nervous about it because I think it's going to be a way better experience than a colonoscopy.

My Stomach is on the Fritz

Since Friday evening I've slept for just about 24 hours. I was only up for a few hours yesterday. My first nap I took with three blankets on top of me and I didn't even break a sweat. At first I was freezing and then I was comfortable. My second nap wasn't planned. I started watching an episode of the Walking Dead and the next thing I know I was waking up three hours later.

I don't feel well. I could blame eating healthy. I could blame my period. I could blame the liquid multivitamin. I could blame the vitamin D. I could blame the vitamin C.  I'm not blaming those things though. I am blaming the iron pills. I am taking iron for myself because I believe, in time, they will help me feel better. They better make me feel better because right now I feel like shit.  My stomach has been on the fritz. It's been hurting. I can't trust farts. I've been having very explosive bowel movements. I've barely been able to get the bathroom fast enough. I'm experiencing down right nasty diarrhea. Some of my stool is black and some of it appears green... it's a side effect of the iron.

Can I just take one long nap and wake up feeling well?

I Pooped My Brains Out

I'll post about the fun girls weekend next time.

This post will be about fucking Crohn's disease.  I was supposed to do my Cimzia injections on Thursday, the day I left town. I decided to post-pone the injections by 3-4 days because they make my belly really sore and the injection spots tend to get puffy and sometimes bruised. I didn't really want a swollen tummy at the beach.

I knew going into the weekend that my energy levels weren't the best, but I thought with afternoon naps I would be able to keep up with the weekend. I did okay until Saturday afternoon. My two hour nap didn't help at all. I still felt really fatigued and tired. I had the chills. Maybe it was the sun and water... maybe it was the alcohol the night before... maybe it was because I post-poned my injections. Plus, I had gas cramps. I'm glad I sucked it up and went bowling and sang karaoke though. I got up a few times in the middle of the night to poop (it was diarrhea). I was as quiet as I could be, but I felt bad because I didn't want to wake anyone up with my potty issues. I tossed and turned and accidentally woke Taylor up a few times. I even woke up sweating at one point, which is strange because I was freezing most of the night.

Thankfully, I woke up Sunday morning with enough energy to get me through the beach and car ride home.  I took a three hour nap when I got home. After the nap, I was feeling way better until I ate dinner. After dinner, my stomach pain had me doubled over and I was running to the bathroom once or twice and hour.

Side note: I'm living with my family. My mom and dad hear me struggling to make my lunch for the next day in the kitchen. I'm moaning in pain. At one point I was on the floor. My mom got up to see what was going on, I gasped in pain when I told her I was trying to make lunch, and then she just said, "Oh, I used to feel like that after I ate Tijuana." (I hate when healthy people think that they have felt what I feel.) She then went back to the couch. I can't ask her to help make my lunch, but she didn't even offer to help and that pissed me off... which is weird because I hate when I need help. (She gets weird when I hang out with Taylor. Even though those two claim to be liking each other these days.) Don't get me wrong I know they care when it matters, but sometimes I feel like when I don't feel well it's just so normal for them that they don't think twice. They are constantly telling me that I can't live on my own because then I'll have no one to take care of me and I'm like it won't be much different than it is now. The only difference will be that no one will see me in pain.

I didn't really get much sleep Sunday night. Between 9pm and 6am I pooped at least 15 times. I pretty much pooped my brains out. How could that much shit be inside me? The last time I pooped that much was in Texas. (Mom has the nerve to tell me to clean the toilet. I know it needs to be cleaned and when I feel better, I'll clean it. Damn you woman,) I'm just glad this time I had at least some control over my bowels. Somewhere along the way the pain went away, but my stomach was sore from pooping so much. If I didn't have my new job, I would have called in sick. I was so tired. I put on a good face and made it through work with way more bathroom breaks than normal. When I got home on Monday, I did my injections, ate dinner, and then went to bed. Thank God, I only woke up 6 times between 7:30pm and 6:30am to poop. I slept much better.

Today, I feel way better than Sunday and Monday; however, I still don't feel as well as I did on Friday. My bowels are still calming down and I'm hoping it's under control before I start losing weight. I've already lost three pounds, but I think it's just because I'm dehydrated. I'll clean the bathroom tomorrow.

P.S. I got an amazing compliment from my supervisor today about how well I'm doing. It almost made me cry. Damn you, feelings.

The Texas Incident

... Continued

Once  I began vomiting in the early morning on Saturday, December 27th my stomach kept telling me I had to poop every hour, but I could not find relief.  I sat on the toilet and vomited in the trash can. That's how I spent most of the day on Saturday when I wasn't lying in bed with a heat pad on my belly. Veronica convinced me to call my parents and tell them what was going on. I didn't want to freak them out, so I tried to down play how horrible I really felt. My mom immediately offered to drive to come pick me up, but I thought I could wait it out and be better by my flight Monday morning. I was wrong!

Saturday night came around and the vomiting had stopped, but I still couldn't poop. I decided to take three pills of Veronica's mom's laxatives in hopes that my belly could find some relief. Sunday morning around 7am I began vomiting again. At this point, I hadn't eaten anything since Friday night, so it was just liquid coming up. I didn't sleep for more than an hour at a time before my body was waking me up because it thought I had to go to the bathroom, but I couldn't get anything out. Around 9am on Sunday I was finally able to poop. At first, beautiful turds filled the toilet; however, each time I went running to the bathroom my bowel movements became looser and looser until I could no longer control them. I pooped my pants twice because I couldn't make it to the bathroom fast enough. I wasn't even embarrassed. Just disappointed with my body. I called my parents at 11:45am Texas time to ask my mom to come get me because I knew I couldn't fly on a plane while having uncontrollable diarrhea and vomiting my brains out.

My mom and Kim left to come get me and I tried to gain some control of my pipes. I spent most of the day sitting on the toilet to avoid more messes.  We had family friends visiting Houston that were kind enough to meet my friend Veronica halfway between Houston and Austin to pick me up so that my mom would have a shorter drive. Veronica was a life saver. She packed my bags and got me ready for the car ride. We left Veronica's house at 4pm and I arrived at the Tous' hotel in Houston by 8pm. The car ride was extremely uncomfortable. Thankfully, I didn't vomit nor poo my pants. I was grateful the Tous had a suite and they gave me my own bathroom close to a bed. The last time I vomited was at Veronica's house. At this point, I was still shitting every few hours, but I hadn't had a mess since Veronica's house.

At 3am, mom and Kim arrived at the hotel. I put on the depends my mom brought as well as some comfy clothes. We thanked the Tous and left. While walking out of the hotel I could smell the staff cooking the continental breakfast, which made me dry heave and gag once I got outside. I slept in the car the best I could even though bumpy roads made my stomach uneasy. We stopped at most of the rest stops along I-10 East (when the GPS said I-10 East, I swear she was saying "I titties."). Mom and Kim alternated driving and resting. We made a pit stop at the Russo's, our friends in Alabama.  We got there around 11:30am. They fed me crackers and ginger ale. I showered and took bath, which I followed with a two hour nap.  It was nice to finally see them after 20 years. I want to visit them again when I'm healthy because they are so much fun! We left the Russo's around 4pm.

After leaving the Russo's, we went through a Chick-fil-a drive-thru. We pulled over in a Bed Bath & Beyond parking lot to eat. I took two bites of soup and then I shit myself in the backseat of the car. Thankfully, the adult diaper did its job and contained the mess. Mom went in with me to BB&B to help me clean up my mess and put on a clean diaper. My mom is a trooper! Once that was cleaned up we hit the road because I gave up on eating anything until I got home. Mom and Kim drove through the night making a few pit stops for me before we finally made it home early morning on Tuesday, December 30th.

I'm so very thankful to everyone that helped to get me home and everyone that took care of me when I struggled to care for myself. I'm grateful for all my friends that prayed for me. I'm crying just thinking about how much I am loved and cared for. Although I grieve for my independence during times like this, time has proven that I will get back up and find it again.

I lost 18 pounds during this whole ordeal. I dropped to 132lbs and I seem to be stuck there. When I look at my naked body in the mirror I see an extremely thin and toned physique that most women would envy. However, I feel very weak. I want to regain my strength and weight because this body image to me is one of illness, not health. While I'm stuck listening to how lucky I am that I can lose weight so easily and listening to everyone's new year's resolution to lose weight I am secretly fuming inside.