I Will Keep Going

The week I have ahead of me is daunting.  Despite my intentions not to, I am stressing about my upcoming week.  My sisters listen to a podcast and one of many phrases it's known for is "This is terrible. Keep going." Although I'm taking it out of the podcast's context, I am using the phrase as my motto for the week. There's no point in lying to myself about how shitty this week is likely to be.  It's going to be a terrible week, but I am determined to keep going. I am not in the mood to see the bright side of things this week.

On Monday, July 24th, I will begin the preparation for my Barium Enema. The prep consists of a clear liquid diet, drinking two 10oz bottles of magnesium citrate, and taking two ducolax tablets. I will be leaving work around 2PM to go home and start the magnesium citrate and ducolax  part of the prep.

On Tuesday, July 25th, my friend, Lynn, is picking me up in the morning and taking me to my Barium Enema. I am still thankful for how amazingly caring my new running friends are. I couldn't have hand picked a better group of people. This is the day I am most stressed about. Even though I won't get the results of this test until August 11th, I'm nervous because this test should be able to provide answers as to why feces are in my urine and why gas is passing through my urethra. I'm not a doctor, but in my opinion I think it's a fistula causing a problem and the solution is going to require surgery.  During the Barium Enema, I may experience a feeling of fullness, moderate to severe cramping, the urge for a bowel movement, and general discomfort. Yes, I'm awake for the procedure. Now, you can understand why I didn't want to lie to myself about this week being terrible. Hopefully, afterwards I'll feel okay to go to work because I have a lot to get done there.

I don't really know how I will feel during the days following the Barium Enema, but life hasn't really provided me the time to rest. I will be working my ass off at work to make up time so that I can save my sick time in case I need to use it for surgery. I was invited to a prestigious Water for People, Everyone Forever charity event after work on Thursday. Their Mission: "Water For People exists to promote the development of high-quality drinking water and sanitation services, accessible to all, and sustained by strong communities, businesses, and governments." It's a great networking opportunity that I couldn't turn down. Literally, I felt obligated to go. If it was any other week, I would be excited. However, since it's this week, I just hope I feel well enough to enjoy it and take advantage of it. The company I work for is well known for its work in water/wastewater, so we donated generously to the Water for People mission at the same sponsorship level as OUC. My company hand selects a limited number of attendees from our company to represent us at the charity event and network with other like minded individuals in our community.

Taylor is coming into town the same night as the charity event. I am just way too stressed this week, so I gave up on trying to buffer between my mom and her. I am not going to be home when she arrives.  I know it's hard on her when my mom is openly rude and unhospitable, but I just don't have the energy to shelter her from my mom. I should be more excited about Taylor's visit, but the other events of this week along with my mom are stressing me out.  Don't take it personally if my mom doesn't like you, I know I don't take it personally. In fact, I would say I've grown accustomed to my mom not liking me. My mom is also unpredictable, so maybe she'll have an uncharacteristically nice day. My words of advice: avoid conflict, ignore ignorance, kill her with kindness even if its fake. I get to hang with Taylor after work on Friday and after my run on Saturday! I'm going to try to be good company and enjoy our time together. Although, at the moment my head is elsewhere.

On Monday, July 31st, I have an office appointment with my gastro, which I have a feeling will be a pointless appointment. My perspective of my gastro is that he is only good to write prescriptions, not to provide answers or care. I look forward to being disappointed and frustrated after this appointment because healthcare sucks.

Crazy Loves Company

I feel like I should warn you in advance. In the next five months, it is extremely likely I will be littering my blog with posts about running as my marathon training kicks into full gear!

I did the Echo Half Marathon on Sunday. I had a 10 mile run planned on my schedule, so I decided I might as well register for a half. I stayed with the 2:30 pacer for the first 9 miles, and averaged an 11:27 pace per mile for those 9 miles.  I slowed down on the 10th mile and after I passed the 10th mile marker, I walked most of the last 5k. My official finish time was 2:46:01.  I can't complain considering I slowed way down on the last 3.1 miles of the race because I wasn't fully trained for the entire half marathon. I'm excited to start MarathonFest this week! They will host group runs on Tuesdays for speed work, Thursdays for hills, and Saturdays for long runs. You might be wondering why I paid for training when I'm already able to do a half marathon before the training begins.  Well, running long runs solo is boring and I tend to doubt myself rather than finish strong. I really want accountability to stay on track and I want to be challenged in ways I wouldn't likely challenge myself. It would also be a bonus if I meet other runners going to NYC.

I'm hopeful to meet new running friends. Plus, I'm excited to challenge myself on group runs by pushing my pace out of my comfort zone. I can't wait for the gym I joined to finally open so that I can get to work on getting in the best shape of my life by November.

On Thursday, I'm going out to lunch with my previous supervisor in Payroll.  We were never into small talk so it should be an interesting outing.  As far as I know she hasn't filled the position I left yet. I really want to ask her questions about FMLA, but I don't know if I'll find the courage to because it might involve talking about Crohn's. I still struggle to discuss Crohn's with people I don't consider friends. It just seems too personal.  We will definitely talk about running. I know she's been running four days a week. I'm going to see if I can talk her into running a 10K. If she bites on the 10K, I'm going to try to convince her to run a half marathon. You know crazy loves company and if she's already running four days a week, she might as well be training for something.