Oh My Gosh, I Don't Believe It!

Okay, so I pretty much made straight B's with one C and one A this semester on all of my exams leading up to finals. I knew I had to work my butt off to pull out an A in each class. Honestly, I was expecting B's across the board even though I worked hard in hopes of pulling an A out of my ass. Evidently, I work well under pressure. My basketball days could have told me that. I somehow scored a 96% on my final for ECO 3411, which is insane! That final was worth 46% of my overall grade so it super boosted my overall grade past the 90% mark I needed to make an A in the class. I owned my business law final with a 98%, so I passed that class with an A, too! Finally, Financial Models, the class I needed a perfect score on the final in order to pass the class with A... Well, I was one point shy of getting the A. Overall I scored 179 out of the possible 200 points in the class, which is an 89.5%. However, my professor was kind enough to round it up to an A! My first thought was: no fucking way! I'm feeling pretty lucky right now.

I made three A's across the board. I'm so glad I didn't give up and settle for a B in each class. Hard work doesn't always pay off, but when it does it's a beautiful thing. I never dreamed this semester would end like this. There's another life lesson I'm trying to learn: Dream bigger dreams.

Thankful for Taylor

So, I got a text from Taylor this morning that read: "I have to see you tonight to give you your gift." How lucky am I? I got to see her one last time before she leaves tomorrow! =) It made my day and yet I'm swimming in tears as I write this. This time it wasn't a pathetic goodbye. She wrote a going away parody for me based on Frozen's 'Do You Want to Build a Snowman?' She serenaded me with the karaoke music playing in the background. It's pretty much the story of our best-friendship  She even had a story script to go with the instrumental parts of the song. It's called 'Do You Want to Be My Best Friend?'

Excuse me

Do you want to be my best friend?

I know we just met

But I am new to this town and you look like a clown

Come on let’s go and play

We could be best buddies…or not…But let’s give it a try

Do you want to be my best friend?

DOOOO YOUUUU WAAANNTT TOO BEEE MYYY BEESTTT FRRIENND?

Ok bye. 

(Taylor wouldn’t give up. She kept sitting next to her in class every day. Lauren had to give in some time, right?) 

Do you want to go to Blueman Group?

Come on it’s my birthday

You don’t have to be afraid. God’s planned it this way

If only you could see the best friends we will be

As the time goes by ****** 

(Time did go by…three years. Although it did take Lauren three months to admit to being Taylor’s BEST FRIEND lol they did everything together; laughed, cried, learned from each other, and told each other their deepest secrets. There was some planking days and plenty of days teaching Taylor to get over CLOWNS. Living together was the best!  POOP POOP and more poop. Lol Taylor did most of the cooking and Lauren did most of the eating. The three years that God gave them together were the best three years ever. But now it came time for Taylor to move away and start anew. She didn’t want to leave, but she knew she had to.)

Lauren…

You know I don’t want to go

But it’s not that far away

They say have courage and I’m trying to. I’ll always be here for you

Because I love you

We’ll always have each other

Me and you

That will never change

 Do you want to be my best friend?

 

As she started singing the part that begins with "Lauren" she got choked up and couldn't finish it. My emotions were in check until I saw her lose it. The music played in the background while we shared a hug full of tears, love, gratefulness and best friend magic. Once the music stopped, I whispered, "Yes."

 

I'm extremely thankful for Taylor. Words can't even begin to explain how much she has influenced my life.  She's the kind of friend that you don't think exists until you meet them. For me, it took a while to convince me it was real even after I met her. The friendship we share is everlasting. That's comforting to know as she moves away.  My name is Lauren and Taylor is my best friend.

 

P.S. Now I'm balling like a depressed mess.

The Orlando Science Center with Savanna

          Trust me, I wanted to sleep the day away. I couldn't bring myself to let Savanna down though. I've been planning on taking her to the Orlando Science Center (OSC) for a couple of weeks now. All she knew was that I was taking her to a surprise. Plus, I can't even remember the last time I saw her and I missed her. I couldn't let this scarce free time go to waste. She does this thing whenever I haven't seen her in while where she'll stand on the other side of the room when she first walks in, make eye contact with me, say my name and run with open arms towards me as I bend down and open my arms to catch her in a hug. I love it! Those hugs are the best. She wraps her arms and legs around me tightly as she whispers in my ear, "I missed you." Meanwhile, I'm elated that she remembers who I am. And it kind of made me feel a little better, or at least it made getting out of bed worth it. We played with my sister's bunny before leaving for the OSC.

 
          I dislike how frail I look in this picture, but this pic really captures the joy in Savanna's heart. I love her.

          My mom, Kelly, Savanna and I made a quick stop to eat lunch at Wendy's before going to OSC. Savanna got two fantastic Care Bear bracelets in her happy meal. My wrist fits comfortably in a children's bracelet. Should I be worried?

 

          OSC was a lot of fun. Though it was a workout to keep up with Savanna and all the exhibits. It's the perfect place for kids to explore and learn new things. When she was digging for bones in the Dino Digs area I was fascinated by how quickly she befriended a couple of other girls. She sat right next to them and asked their names. They began talking and working on digging up the same bone together. When one of the little girls, Leah, asked if Savanna's mom was there, Savanna said that her mom was at work. When Leah asked if Savanna's dad was there, Savanna said that she was there with her sister and pointed to me. I wondered, does she know what a sister is? Does she know what a dad is? After some time passed with them talking and digging, Savanna followed Leah to meet her family (sister and parents) who were sitting on another bench watching them.  I wish I found conversation with strangers as easy as Savanna does. I think Savanna had a great time. I know I'm glad I got to spend some time with her. I love how carefree kids can be. It doesn't mean I want any kids of my own though. I don't want to deal with anymore diapers than my own. lol Speaking of which, I'm jealous of the size of Savanna's turds.



Stand Up Paddle Boarding and a Pathetic Goodbye

          After I took my last final of the semester on Saturday, I didn't take a nap. I went on a two hour paddle board tour with Taylor in Merritt Island on the Canaveral Barge Canal. I felt shittier than shit. I woke up the day before with a cold. I had a terrible headache that nothing would cure and being in the bright sun made it worse. I didn't eat much of anything all day because I've had the craps lately and I didn't want to have to crap while I was in the middle of nowhere on the paddle board. Could you imagine? Oh yeah, and that thing called energy is still avoiding me like I'm the plague. Any other time I would have asked Taylor for a lazy day, but I couldn't this time. She's moving away in two days, so I wanted to spend time with her doing something we'd remember.

          If you've never been paddle boarding, I totally recommend doing it. The feeling of the wind hitting my face as I paddled through the water was liberating. I experienced a rush when waves from boats rocked the board I stood on. I let out a few unrestricted screams of delight along the way. How great it was to paddle along side Taylor. I think we will be paddling along side each other in this life for many decades to come.  We got to see three manatees fucking, literally. They rolled around in the water like wild animals. One even swam right along side of my board for a bit. It was very cool. Our guide said that since it's mating season they like to get friendly with the kayaks and paddle boards. On the way back, we had to paddle against the current and against the wind. I was exhausted and didn't seem to be moving anywhere fast, so the guide in the kayak was kind enough to give me a tow back to the dock. I am so weak that it's annoying.

          Taylor and I were supposed to go to dinner after we got back to her place, but I was fatigued, indescribably tired and didn't feel well so I went home to go to bed instead. I know, it was a pathetic goodbye. I guess it's a good thing I don't ever say goodbye to people I want to stay in my life. I say see ya because it's like a promise that I'll see you later . Unwanted tears found my cheeks on the car ride back to my place because I'm sad she's moving. Then I scolded myself for being selfish. I'm selfless, too.  I'm glad she's found a new job with great potential of moving to the top quickly. I'm not only excited that she's starting a different chapter of her life, but I'm also happy that she'll be beginning another chapter with her boyfriend by moving in with him.  I admire her courage in this life-changing move.

Dear Taylor,

I can’t say that I’m not a little sad

I can’t act like you’re not the bestest friend I have

I can’t say please don’t go. Don’t go and leave

I can’t ask you to stay in this old town for me 

I can say best of luck. I’m excited for you

I can sing our song because I believe it's true

I can say you should go and chase your dreams

I can ask you to never forget about me

 

Your wings are ready and so am I

Your next chapter awaits

May you find much success in Sunrise

As you go on your way

Spread your wings and don’t forget to fly 

 

Plowing Through

I'm drained! That's the understatement of the day. Two finals down and one to go. I just have 48 pages of handwritten, business law notes to sort through and learn before I take my last final of the semester on Saturday. I'm procrastinating on plowing through, learning things that can be dumped from my brain in four days. At least I already know most of the property law stuff thanks to work. I need a nap. I need to study. I need to poop. I need a hug. I need to get back on the social grid. I'm done... almost.

FINALS WEEK!!!

Shame on me, I didn't spend Easter with my family. I spent it with my school books, laptop and calculator. I had 4 Rivers leftovers all to myself, so it wasn't bad. I got caught up in the one class I was a few weeks behind in, ECO 3411, just in time to take the final for it tomorrow. I have to get at least a 92% on the final to pass the class with an A. I'm certainly not going to hold my breath. I'll write a overall review of my semester once this week is over.

I'll take my Financial Models final Wednesday morning. I have to get a perfect score on the final in order to pass the class with an A. Fat chance of that happening, but I'm still going to study my butt off for it because this is my favorite class of the semester and I want to be able to say that I did my best.

Finally, I'm not sure when I'll be taking my Business Law final because it depends on how much new info we go over tomorrow.  Yeah, for some dumb reason finals week doesn't technically start until Tuesday so I still have all three regularly scheduled classes tomorrow. Two of which have homework due and will be going over new material. Thankfully, ECO 3411 opens the exam after class tomorrow afternoon so that I can get that one out of the way. I've self taught the material to myself, so I'm ready regardless of whatever we go over tomorrow in class. The window to take the Business Law exam opens Thursday and closes Monday. I'd love to be ready on Thursday to take it, but since I have to work this week I doubt that's going to be possible. I need a 91% on that final to pass the class with an A.  My goal is to take it Saturday morning at the latest.

For the past week or so I haven't been very successful at keeping up with people. Heck, I've even had to cut back on me time a/k/a naps, so you know it's been bad. I feel heavily distracted and I'm hoping after this week I'll be able to get out and do something fun!!!  At least, I know I'll have fun on May 3rd when I celebrate at downtown Disney with my sister, Kim, the day before she graduates from Seminole State College with her A.A. degree. Speaking of... I need to do a proud big sister post about her accomplishments.

Get Your Belly Out

I wanted to share this  IBD awareness video #getyourbellyout:

http://youtu.be/r-4h0x1wlf8

By the end of the video tears soaked my cheeks. How blessed I am even when I feel cursed. I wish I could hear the story that goes with every photo. Who am I to complain about Crohn's?

#getyourbellyout

I love how fearless those faceless bellies seem. My belly looks normal on the outside, but the photos from the inside would tell a different story. Even photos of my bottom would tell a different story. Anyways, I was inspired to #getmybellyout

Pain, Pain Go Away

          This morning, I awoke in the fetal position with my arms crisscrossed and my hands holding my stomach delicately with care. The fact that the shooting pain in my lower abdomen didn't wake me up in the middle of the night meant that I should be able to manage the pain. I didn't restrain my sighs of agony as I climbed out of bed and stood up. It hurt like crazy to stand straight up without hunching over. The afflicted scowl on my face had enough control throughout the day to disappear whenever I was in the presence of others. That's the power of slow, deep breaths. Still, the pain felt the worse today whenever I would stand up from sitting. Which totally sucked because I spent most of my day sitting and standing: every time I stood up from using the bathroom, every time I stood up from my desk at work to get something from the printer, every time I stood up to get out of my car,  and standing after sitting for over an hour in class was certainly the most miserable. Each time I stood my eyes grew and I inhaled deeply as I eliminated the hunch in my back without letting a distressing sound escape my lips. My walking pace was slower than usual today. Everything I did was probably slower than normal. The best part of the day was when I got home and I had the place to myself for a bit. I climbed into bed and moaned about the discomfort in my belly while I wrapped my arms around my abdomen.

          I wish this was a rare occurrence, but the truth is that this kind of pain visits me every month with my menstrual cycle. It's like a mini flare. Is it menstrual cramps or pain related to Crohn's? My doctors say worse Crohn's symptoms and pain are a typical complaint for women with Crohn's disease. And, as usual they can't do anything to lessen the blow. I've tried pain relievers without finding any relief. Thankfully, I made it through today without anyone being alarmed by my pain. When I compare it to the level of pain I've felt in the past, it's barely even on the pain chart. It makes me feel like a wimp because I've survived far worse.  Why is it important to me to hide my pain? Why do I still allow Crohn's to keep its reputation of being an invisible illness?  

What Would You Do?

          My friend, Veronica, proposed the question: What would you do if you were told that you didn't have that much time left to live? She was prompted by this question because her boss has cancer and he has stopped responding to treatment. Honestly, I don't have time to blog right now, but that's the whole idea isn't it. Time is a selfish bitch. I have projects to finish, deadlines to meet and finals to study for. All of my sleeping and napping has put me over two weeks behind in one of my classes with finals a week away. I can only imagine feeling like I don't have time to be sick if I was given an expiration date.

          I know that my days here on earth are limited, yet I don't live like today will be my last. I lost my bucket list on my old laptop when it died a couple months ago otherwise I'd share it. Sure, I have a list of things I want to do before I die. However, if I knew when my expiration date was, I don't think I'd go on a mission to check as many things off my bucket list as I could. Rather, I'd spend as much time with family and friends as possible. It would be awesome to go somewhere on a trip with them to celebrate my life together.  I'd try to mend my dysfunctional relationship with my sister, Leigha. The people in my life matter to me and if I knew when my time was going to be up, I'd take extra care beforehand to make sure each of them knew how they've enriched my life.

          I'd likely quit my job. Perhaps that's giving up hope, since I only work so that I can afford to live and cross things off my bucket list. Why waste time working if living won't be an expense for much longer? I'd prefer to spend my time writing my autobiography and publishing it to leave behind in hopes that at least one person will be inspired by my story. Then, if I get cured from my imminent death and live longer than my expiration date, I could make my new living as an author. 

          I've already checked some pretty incredible things off my bucket list:

•  Skydive - check
•  Run a marathon - check
•  Ride in a hot air balloon - check
•  Run across the Golden Gate bridge - check
•  Swim with manatees - check
•  Visit NYC - check
•  Visit Washington D.C. - check

           I feel like if I wait to tackle my bucket list until I'm old or dying, by that time it will be too late. The point of my list is for it to enhance my sense of living, not for it to be my grand finale in life.

Everything You Never Wanted to Know About My Colonoscopies

          Most healthy Americans don't have to get their first colonoscopy until after they turn fifty as a screening for colon cancer. I had two colonoscopies by the time I was twenty-five. Wah, wah no big deal. That's right, it's not a big deal to someone with healthy bowels. The procedure is pretty routine. I'm jealous of how easy it was for my dad and my friend Taylor. I also can't describe how strongly I desire to have their grossly normal results.

          Before I get into my first colonoscopy, let me back up and explain how I came about getting there. By the way, I had my first colonoscopy back in 2003.  I don't remember exactly how many months I had been experiencing weird and sometimes painful bowel movements before I finally told my parents that I needed to go to the doctor. I suffered in silence for far too long. I had lots of puss, blood and mucus in my bowel movements. Did I mention a lot of BLOOD? I was going to the bathroom at least 10 times a day with diarrhea. I didn't know what was happening to me. I tried to keep quiet about it, but soon my family started noticing that I was in the bathroom a lot. They never questioned it, they just made comments.  I was afraid and embarrassed to tell anyone until one day when I gathered the courage and called my mom into the bathroom to look in the toilet. I remember the look of concern in her eyes. I had other symptoms, too. I saw my pediatrician, I saw my OBGYN (the issue was with my butt, so I'm not sure why the dr. had poking and biopsies done in my vagina. I still remember the size of the needle they stuck me with down under. I'm pretty sure I closed my legs on the doctor's head after that), eventually I was finally referred to a pediatric gastroenterologist. The diagnostic testing I underwent included: blood work, upper GI series, barium x-rays, sonogram and lastly the colonoscopy.

          I had my first colonoscopy when I was fifteen. FIFTEEN!  Damn, I was a strong kid. I wish I could go back in time and give myself a hug.  I had to drink a gallon of prep. For those of you that don't know prep is the stuff you drink the day before the colonoscopy to clean you out so that the scope can clearly see your colon. They also make prep taste so bad that if the only source of hydration left on the planet tasted like prep, I would rather die of dehydration than gag it down. Obviously, I was down in the dumps by the time I had to take the prep, which probably makes it harder to endure. To give someone that already has the shits a gallon of prep to drink in order to give them worse shits seems like cruel and unusual punishment.  I spent the night crying on toilet. By morning I was extremely dehydrated from everything that came out of me. My mom drove me to the hospital and I don't really remember anything there until I woke up in the recovery room. I was gassy from all the air they shot up me to keep the passage open for the scope to see. My stomach hurt, but I think the pain was from being so empty.  The findings of the colonoscopy concluded the diagnosis of Crohn's disease.  I had the same question most people have when they first hear about Crohn's. What the hell is that? That's a topic for another post entirely. My mom drove me home and I think I slept most of the day.

           I don't remember telling any of my friends about what I was going through. My basketball teammates only knew that I was sick. I'm sure my mom told coach and some of the parents, but as far as telling people about this poop disease... I've come a long way since then. I'm all about creating awareness because I don't want some lost kid to be too afraid to speak up and get help sooner than I did.

          My second colonoscopy is fresher in my mind because it was in 2012. By the time I got around to getting an appointment with my gastroenterologist I had very little control of my bowels. I was pooping myself on a regular basis. Experienced pain that's impossible to explain. I lost 17lbs in a couple weeks. It was my first big flare with Crohn's since being diagnosed. I was even further in the dumps than when I had to take my first prep. This time around I told my friends about it and most of them were supportive.  I went through a different prep this time around. I took some kind of pills to prep the prep. I also drank a bottle of magnesium citrate two days before the colonoscopy. If you've never tried that glorious prep, you can pick up a bottle at any CVS or the like to try. Just take a sip to taste it. Then, I had to drink 8oz of the prescribed prep every 15 minutes until it was gone. I remember clear liquid coming from my ass by the time I was finished. I failed to mention that I fuss and whine like a baby about how I don't want to prep while I prep.  It's miserable.

          My mom drove me to get the colonoscopy. The first thing the nurse wanted me to do when she took me back was to pee in a cup to make sure I wasn't pregnant. The problem was that I was so dehydrated that I tried to pee for over an hour and half in that damn cup of hers and I couldn't even get a single drop of urine out of me. Finally, I signed a paper stating I wasn't pregnant. The thing about dehydration is that it makes it difficult to find my veins for the IV. I scolded that nurse for bruising my arm with the needle searching for a vein. When she finally hooked me up, I'm sure she couldn't wait to get me drugged. By this point I had been laying on the bed naked with a butt flap gown and blanket over me for what seemed like forever.

          To me, it feels like a lot of time passes between when I get put under the anesthesia and when I wake up. When I woke up this time, I heard my mom talking with the doctor. The operative procedure report from my doctor confirms what I thought I heard:

          "A stricture was found in the rectum." "We used a pediatric scope since I don't
          believe a regular would pass." "...the stricture was ulcerative." "I did see an
          orifice likely a fistula. Colitis was found in the descending colon. We reached
          an area with significant ulceration and angulation. I could not go beyond this
          level. It may be stricture but I don't know with certainty. The remaining bowel
          was fairly normal with some old scarring."

          I have colored photos that were taken with the scope of my colon to confirm everything in the report. I'd post them, but I'm sure that would freak you out if you didn't want to see it. It's scary to look at. You'd question how I get poop out through the inflammation and tight passage way. No wonder I was in such pain. I'm surprised that since they couldn't go all the way up due to the stricture that my doctor hasn't ordered another colonoscopy to get a better look beyond it now that I seem to be doing better. I think a colonoscopy would be cake if I could prep while I feel good.  Maybe next time, I'll throw a prepping party where my friends can take shots of alcohol while I take shots of the delicious prep.

A Treasured Day with Taylor

           I spent the day with Taylor yesterday.  It's great to see a real smile return to her face as she gets back to her old self. In a way, it kind of energized me. She's coming out of some really rough health stuff and I couldn't be happier for her. It's difficult to see someone you care for struggle and get beaten down by something out of our control.  Taylor and I really are two peas in a pod with all of our health issues. We support each other on good days and bad. We completely understand when the other isn't feeling well. There have been times when all we do while we hangout is nap. If that's not the perfect friendship for me, then I don't know what is.

           I enjoyed running some errands with her and I especially enjoyed the two and half hour nap she let me take while she did some homework. She's planning a huge 50th birthday party for her mom next month in Lake Placid. I can't wait to celebrate with them. I love Mrs. Conklin!  However, I think I'm even more excited because this will be the first event of Taylor's I'll attend. I'll get to see her in her element of being an event manager and help her however I can. Not to mention there will be an open bar.  In other news, we talked about having a going away party when she moves in two months. It's crazy to think how much I will miss her.

          We saw the movie God's Not Dead and we even watched the Gator's lose to UConn. I picked UConn in my March Madness bracket at work, so I wasn't even mad the Gator's lost. The movie had a great message: God is good all the time. It also reminded me that suffering and evil exists in this world because God allows us to have free will.  I definitely needed that message. Taylor knows I've been struggling with my faith and I'm glad she took me to see that movie. True friends point you to Jesus. I guess that means I've been a sucky friend lately.

Time Heals All Wounds... Or So "They" Say

            I’m always shocked when a doctor actually helps me solve a health issue. I’m certainly not an optimist when it comes to health. I think the healthcare industry is out for my money… meaning they’ll mask some symptoms here and there, but they’ll make sure I have to come back for more “treatment.” How can I blame them? They would be out of business if they cured everyone. I’m beyond amazed that my dermatologist was able to get my hair to regrow in the area I suffered hair loss. The last time I saw the area, it was a smooth, fist size bald spot. I haven’t mustered up the courage to look at it since then. It sounds weird, but I can’t feel the difference of whether my hair is re-growing or not when I use my prescribed shampoo.  Since I have my sister, Kelly, put the topical steroid ointment on “the spot” I haven’t had to look at it. Kelly’s reaction to how fast the new hair seems to be growing makes me feel good. It’s the complete opposite reaction everyone had when I showed them the bald spot when I first lost the hair.

                I was hysterical when I first lost the patch of hair. I hated that I was that emotionally attached to my hair. My hair isn’t even that great. I didn’t believe it would grow back. I cried for hours a day mourning the loss of… hair. My friends and family saw me break down. Do you know the phrase that says, “Time heals all wounds?”   I feel like this is a life lesson I refuse to learn. The days, weeks and months when stomach pain deteriorated me, I thought I would forever be enslaved to the torment my body was putting me through. Even now, during this time of wicked exhaustion, I feel like I will never be refueled with life again. Like the issue with my hair these things will pass with time. Now, the hair loss is no big deal. It’s just difficult to see that while I’m in the middle of it. I think the phrase would be better if it said, “Wounds that don’t heal with time will be healed by death.” By adding the element of death to the phrase I think it encompasses those “wounds” which run out of time. This is totally the pessimist in me talking, or maybe it’s the fact that I’m impatient. Part of me doesn’t expect to be healed from anything until I die. No wonder sometimes I think, I can’t wait to die. Though I write those last few lines with some sarcasm, I know I need to work on strengthening my faith. Today I will celebrate the good news by taking a nap!

Spring of 2015

          After waiting over two hours to see an advisor today, the verdict is in. I will be graduating from UCF in the Spring of 2015. It stinks that it's a whole year away, but I think it's for the best. Especially, considering how poor I've been feeling. I find myself sleeping as much as I did on spring break. Except, I'm not on break, so the UCF world keeps spinning at full speed without me. I'm registered for two classes this summer and three classes this fall. I have to wait to register for my last class in the spring of 2015 until I fill out an intent to graduate form this November. 

          I think dead people in a grave have more energy than I have right now. Seriously, why am I so freaking exhausted? I'm taking my pills! I'm taking my medicine. My bowels have been treating me relatively well. I've been getting light headed and out breath by doing routine tasks. Taking a shower should not leave my heart racing and me gasping for air. I'm always sick to some degree, but am I really sick? My body needs to get with the program because I've got stuff I need to do. I don't want to go to work. I don't want to go to school. I don't want to go to the Dermatologist tomorrow. I don't want to spend time with friends and family. Although I'm glad Taylor has planned a nap into our day on Saturday. I don't even want to run anymore.  Yet, I continue to sleepwalk through my responsibilities. I get disappointed every time I wake up. No matter how much sleep I get it just doesn't seem like enough. What's wrong with me? The iron supplements were supposed to start helping.

Constipation... Too Much Information

          I thought I better post something under TMI before I lose my nerve. Plus, I don't feel like studying at the moment. I'm going to start this series off easy with constipation as the headlining subject. As you may know Crohn's disease is known for frequent diarrhea, so you can imagine my confusion when I started dealing with constipation. The constipation began after I began injecting myself with Cimzia in November of 2012.  I'll have to post my theory about how I think it's related to my menstrual cycle later. Obviously, what I consider normal bowel habits would probably make a person with healthy bowels think they're sick. I feel my best when I poop three to four times a day. Yes, that's my normal! It sounds like a lot to most, but it's not that much considering when I'm at my worst I can go up to 16 times a day. I start feeling constipated as soon as I go a whole day without pooping. Normal folks go days without pooping and feel good. But, imagine if you couldn't poop the next four times you felt like you had to poop. I'll feel like I have to go, but I'm greeted with endless amounts of gas and usually no turds. Though on occasion, a tiny one will escape.

          You should understand that if you saw what I call turds, you would probably be freaked out. Most people don't think twice about taking a shit. I think about the consistency, form, color, and whether there was blood or not.  It used to freak me out. Now it only freaks me out when I've recently seen what normal people call turds. My turds are typically really thin because my intestines are so constricted and tight from the inflammation and scars. They are no bigger around than one of my fingers. Anal sex is never happening for me. I don't see how that can bring anyone pleasure whatsoever anyway. My doctor lubes the scope and her fingers and it's always uncomfortable and sometimes it's even painful. I can't imagine a dick would feel any better. When I walk into a public bathroom where someone didn't make sure their shit flushed all the way, I stand and admire the HUGE freaking poops some women have. Seriously, my butt could never produce such beautiful creatures. Okay, back on the topic of constipation. I consider myself constipated even if one small turd escapes because let's be honest. One of my turds isn't very relieving. I know I'm constipated when it feels like I need to poop more, but nothing more comes out of my bad ass. My stomach will begin to cramp just after the first day of being constipated and the longer I go without a bowel movement the more pain builds up in my stomach. Eventually, I'll just want to lay in bed and moan about how all I want to do is poop. It's kind of a crazy thought for a crohnie because most of our existence is spent wishing we could stop pooping.

          Miralax is my close friend. My friend Taylor always comments about my two giant bottles I keep in my bathroom. If I lived by myself, I'd keep them in the kitchen. Up until last month as soon as I went a day without pooping, I would begin taking a double dose of Miralax everyday. It would take up to a week for it to work and give me a good poop that's why I never hesitated to start taking it. I was always miserable by the time it started working. This is something I've told my friends and family once, but to keep telling them every time I experience it would likely be redundant and annoying. I know I was annoyed with it every other month.

          After I started taking the iron supplements to help my anemia, I was concerned that constipation would be a side effect. Thankfully, my mom is always researching home remedies for constipation. It's usually easier to try whatever she finds than it is to have to listen to her tell me it's my fault for still being constipated and feeling like shit. The latest two remedies from her have actually seemed to help even while I'm taking the iron supplements.  I've been taking coconut oil pills and rubbing peppermint, an essential oil, on my belly. Since I've started these I haven't been constipated. My poop has been dark green since I've gotten back from NY. I don't know if it's something I ate, or if it's from the iron or coconut pills. Dark green poop means I'm not constipated, so I'll take it as one less thing bringing me down.

C's Get Degrees, Too

           Do you remember me telling you about those waves of exams? Yeah, well I just found out that I survived the second wave, which took place right in the middle of my trip to New York! I surprised myself in ECO 3411 by getting an 88% on the second exam. I'm surprised because I know for a fact I am not learning anything from this class. Oh, and the professor who taught the class before spring break had some kind of surgery so now a different guy is doing a worse job at teaching it. The new professor has changed the schedule of what we'll be going over the rest of the semester. He's changed all of the power points, which I already had printed out. I'm over it!

           The next exam I took during the second wave came the day after I got back from New York. I didn't study on my trip. Sure I read a little of my Financial Models book on my flight out until I fell asleep. I got home Sunday, March 23rd a little before 11:45pm and went to bed only to wake up to study at 6am. My Financial Model Exam was at noon on Monday. I studied my butt off to learn all of the formulas I thought I needed to know. The exam was 5 pages of free responses where I was asked to fill in certain excel formulas to complete models using cell references. This would be cake on a computer, but it seems trickier since I have to hand write the formulas. Two of the five pages were complete curve balls to me with material over the "real option model." I'd never heard of it before, so I bull shitted the best I could by making up formulas on these two pages that were worth 24 of the 60 points. I walked out of the exam expecting to fail. I was okay with the idea of failing because I knew my NY trip took away from studying, but it was worth it. I was also okay with it because I feel like I am learning the most in this class, so I know I can make it up on the next exam. I just wanted to get higher than a 52% so that I would still be passing the class. I ended up getting a 47/60, which is a 78%! That's a passing grade!!! I laugh because I know I didn't know that much information on the exam. There's no way I could have guessed right on that many free responses to get 47 points out of 60. No matter, I've never been happier to get a 78% in my life!

          The third exam in this wave of exams was for business law. I got an 89%, which means I have to get a 91% on the final if I want to pass the class with an A. Honestly, I'm okay with getting three B's this semester. I knew I wouldn't maintain my spot in the top twenty of all the finance students. I've already got into Phi Kappa Phi honors society that requires you to be in the top 10% of all undergraduates with any declared major at UCF. So, I'm just going to enjoy the rest of my UCF student experience without stressing about getting A's. Lately the professors don't do their job well enough to learn 90% or more of the information anyways. I'd rather take a nap instead. I need more energy because I'm to the point of feeling like it doesn't matter... C's get degrees!