An Exciting Crack-Patch Adventure

I woke up Tuesday morning pumped and ready to do my fleet enema to finish prepping for surgery. Once I was done washing my disastrous crack, I flexed my muscles in the mirror to remind myself to be strong before I got dressed in some comfortable clothes, and then my mom drove me to the surgery center. Upon arriving I didn't even hesitate to jump out of the car and make my way toward this exciting crack-patch adventure. It took thirty minutes to fill out paperwork, sign my life away, and charge such a ridiculous amount for the procedure on my shiny credit card that it brought a tear to my eye.  They let my mom come back with me where we were placed in a curtained off room and I was immediately told to strip. Normally, I would at least expect a conversation first or to be wined and dined, but since I was fasting for the procedure I can understand why they rushed right into getting me naked.  They can't get enough of me... they keep scheduling me for more appointments so that I can take off my clothes.

While I could hear my doctor/surgeon making her rounds with other patients a nurse came in and asked if I wanted to do a urine sample or sign a paper stating I'm not pregnant. By some miracle I actually had to pee, so I climbed out of the hospital bed in my butt-flap gown and "poop" socks with turd emojis all over them and proudly offered to give her a sample of my urine.   She tried to hook me up to the IV, but after rolling the needle a few times with no success, she called in the anesthesia specialist in to help her. I didn't yell at anyone because I know one of my callings is to be a pin cushion.  Gosh darn it, I was the best damn pin cushion I could be. A little while later I was informed I wasn't pregnant. Someone throw me a party to celebrate not being pregnant!!! My doctor came in to give us the break down of what she planed to do. She said it's common for the rubber seton she'll place in the fistula to have to stay for up to 20 weeks for Crohn's patients to completely heal. blah, blah, yeah, do whatever you think is best. I trust my ass in your small, cold hands.

Someone injected something special into my IV line and I started feeling dazed as they rolled me to a different room. I remember thinking this is a very cluttered operating room before they had me roll onto a different table onto my belly with my arms above my head... and that's the last thing I remember before waking up to my mom and a nurse rushing me to wake up to get dressed. My doctor came in wearing her surgeon outfit. Great news: she searched for the fistula she saw last week, but there was no sign of it. No drainage seton was needed! She finally removed a skin tag that had been bugging her for two years. She flexed a stricture for the sigmoidoscopy and found another stricture further up with active disease. Since there wasn't a fistula, I think recovery will be easy. I'm just sore from the flex and bleeding from where the skin tag was removed. I'm on orders to limit activity for two weeks until my follow up appointment on the 29th.

I shouldn't be shocked, but I am. I'm just not accustomed to getting good news regarding these kinds of things.

P.S. I completely lost my voice afterwards.

Part 2 of 3: A Wedding , Marriage, and a Gut Check

Marriage:

Yes, here I go again. There are two definite opinions I have that make me feel like a heartless asshole. Just because it isn't for me doesn't mean it isn't for you.

1. I do not like animals as pets. It's a big commitment. They're stinky, they're a lot of work, and basically you love them and then they die... it's heartbreaking. I've only ever had one pet that I truly loved and when she died, I told myself it's not worth the pain of death. Great, now I'm crying just thinking about her. Anyways, I am currently an anti-pet person. I will not have any pets of my own in the near future.
2.  I do not understand marriage and why people get married. That is probably because I do not understand love.  It's a huge commitment. Spouses can be stinky, they're a lot of work, and basically you love them and then one of you die... It's heartbreaking. It always seems like one person in the union is constantly giving more than the other.

I do not have the confidence in myself to be able to fulfill my would be role as wife. I can be a selfish, heartless, asshole and so the thought of a wife's role in marriage makes me itch. Despite of the fact that I also think I am one heck of a good person and I think good ladies like me are hard to find, so the flip side is that I would have a difficult time believing any man could fulfill his duty to me as a husband... And I just wouldn't accept anything except balance. 

Being a finance major, I do see the financial benefits in marriage and that might make it worth considering.  After reading the above post, even I am somewhat confused on marriage and my views on marriage. I know I don't understand marriage and that is probably why I'm confused. This post does pretty much describe my view at this point in time though.

A Treasured Day with Taylor

           I spent the day with Taylor yesterday.  It's great to see a real smile return to her face as she gets back to her old self. In a way, it kind of energized me. She's coming out of some really rough health stuff and I couldn't be happier for her. It's difficult to see someone you care for struggle and get beaten down by something out of our control.  Taylor and I really are two peas in a pod with all of our health issues. We support each other on good days and bad. We completely understand when the other isn't feeling well. There have been times when all we do while we hangout is nap. If that's not the perfect friendship for me, then I don't know what is.

           I enjoyed running some errands with her and I especially enjoyed the two and half hour nap she let me take while she did some homework. She's planning a huge 50th birthday party for her mom next month in Lake Placid. I can't wait to celebrate with them. I love Mrs. Conklin!  However, I think I'm even more excited because this will be the first event of Taylor's I'll attend. I'll get to see her in her element of being an event manager and help her however I can. Not to mention there will be an open bar.  In other news, we talked about having a going away party when she moves in two months. It's crazy to think how much I will miss her.

          We saw the movie God's Not Dead and we even watched the Gator's lose to UConn. I picked UConn in my March Madness bracket at work, so I wasn't even mad the Gator's lost. The movie had a great message: God is good all the time. It also reminded me that suffering and evil exists in this world because God allows us to have free will.  I definitely needed that message. Taylor knows I've been struggling with my faith and I'm glad she took me to see that movie. True friends point you to Jesus. I guess that means I've been a sucky friend lately.