Progress

On January 15th, I had my post-op follow-up appointments at the Cleveland Clinic. Before my appointment with my surgeon, I had a gastro-graphic enema. During the procedure, they put a considerable amount of liquid contrast up my butt (my original butt) as they took x-rays of my intestines. They warned me that the contrast would cause discomfort and pain, but I felt okay during the procedure while I was on the table. Afterwards, they pulled the tube out of my butt and helped me off the x-ray table. Some of the contrast had leaked out of my butt onto the table causing the paper to stick to my ass when I stood up. I waddled to the bathroom connected to the x-ray room with the paper stuck to my butt. Once I peeled the paper off and put it in the trash, I sat on the toilet to let some of the contrast out of my bowel. I was in such a hurry to get out of there that I put my pants on backwards when I got dressed. It wasn't until I was in the chick-fil-a parking lot struggling to put my phone in my pocket that I realized I had put my pants on wrong. The contrast left over in my bowel caused multiple sensations of and actual uncontrollable bowel movements. It wasn't regular shit coming out of my butt. Rather, it was a combination of mucus and contrast.

At my appointment with my surgeon, the sigmoidoscopy showed possible signs of active Crohn's disease. The sigmoidoscopy was painful due to the remaining stricture close to my rectum. Blood dripped out of my ass onto my pants and floor. I was already wearing my spare change of pants so we just wiped it clean as best as we could. I scheduled a tentative date for the surgery to take down my ileostomy, February 28, 2018. My surgeon gave me orders to schedule a colonoscopy with biopsies with my gastroenterologist. As long as my gastro agrees that I'm ready for the ostomy to be reversed, we will move forward with surgery on February 28th. My nurse was shocked when I told her my troubles with showering and keeping the ostomy appliance dry.  She is a fellow ostomate and she informed me that I do not have to cover it with Press and Seal or anything else it keep it dry because it is allowed to get wet. Apparently, I could swim with an ostomy and not have to worry about keeping it dry. It has made showering easier, but I still dread taking showers.

The drive home from the Cleveland Clinic was absolute Hell! Between the contrast in my bowel from the enema and the air in my bowel from the sigmoidoscopy, my stomach was in wicked pain. In fact, I think it was worse pain than the pain I experienced in the hospital after surgery. I felt like I was going to shit myself the whole way home. It was not fun and it made me wonder how difficult it will be to regain control of my bowels once they turn the pipes back on during the reversal surgery. How much time in my next recovery am I going to spend shitting myself?

At my office visit with my gastro on Friday, my gastro said he was very impressed with the operative notes from surgery and he is pleased to see how well I've recovered. I scheduled my colonoscopy on the first Monday in February. They had two openings this week, but they were both in the mid-afternoon. I chose the appointment on the fifth because it was the first morning appointment available. After we get the results of the colonoscopy and biopsies, we will know whether or not surgery on February 28th is approved. My gastro and I will also discuss starting Remicade again once we have the results and determine if it's best to start Remicade before or after the next surgery based on the current state of my bowels.

An Exciting Crack-Patch Adventure

I woke up Tuesday morning pumped and ready to do my fleet enema to finish prepping for surgery. Once I was done washing my disastrous crack, I flexed my muscles in the mirror to remind myself to be strong before I got dressed in some comfortable clothes, and then my mom drove me to the surgery center. Upon arriving I didn't even hesitate to jump out of the car and make my way toward this exciting crack-patch adventure. It took thirty minutes to fill out paperwork, sign my life away, and charge such a ridiculous amount for the procedure on my shiny credit card that it brought a tear to my eye.  They let my mom come back with me where we were placed in a curtained off room and I was immediately told to strip. Normally, I would at least expect a conversation first or to be wined and dined, but since I was fasting for the procedure I can understand why they rushed right into getting me naked.  They can't get enough of me... they keep scheduling me for more appointments so that I can take off my clothes.

While I could hear my doctor/surgeon making her rounds with other patients a nurse came in and asked if I wanted to do a urine sample or sign a paper stating I'm not pregnant. By some miracle I actually had to pee, so I climbed out of the hospital bed in my butt-flap gown and "poop" socks with turd emojis all over them and proudly offered to give her a sample of my urine.   She tried to hook me up to the IV, but after rolling the needle a few times with no success, she called in the anesthesia specialist in to help her. I didn't yell at anyone because I know one of my callings is to be a pin cushion.  Gosh darn it, I was the best damn pin cushion I could be. A little while later I was informed I wasn't pregnant. Someone throw me a party to celebrate not being pregnant!!! My doctor came in to give us the break down of what she planed to do. She said it's common for the rubber seton she'll place in the fistula to have to stay for up to 20 weeks for Crohn's patients to completely heal. blah, blah, yeah, do whatever you think is best. I trust my ass in your small, cold hands.

Someone injected something special into my IV line and I started feeling dazed as they rolled me to a different room. I remember thinking this is a very cluttered operating room before they had me roll onto a different table onto my belly with my arms above my head... and that's the last thing I remember before waking up to my mom and a nurse rushing me to wake up to get dressed. My doctor came in wearing her surgeon outfit. Great news: she searched for the fistula she saw last week, but there was no sign of it. No drainage seton was needed! She finally removed a skin tag that had been bugging her for two years. She flexed a stricture for the sigmoidoscopy and found another stricture further up with active disease. Since there wasn't a fistula, I think recovery will be easy. I'm just sore from the flex and bleeding from where the skin tag was removed. I'm on orders to limit activity for two weeks until my follow up appointment on the 29th.

I shouldn't be shocked, but I am. I'm just not accustomed to getting good news regarding these kinds of things.

P.S. I completely lost my voice afterwards.