Warning, this post may contain too much information for some of you. Just know that this week I couldn't move, couldn't breathe and couldn't poop pain free.
The debilitating stomach pain struck me Tuesday night after dinner while I was studying for my Wednesday exam. I found myself crying in the fetal position. This was worse than the typical discomfort, aches and cramps I'm accustomed to dealing with like nothing is wrong. I walked very slowly with a severely hunched back and my stomach hugged tight to Kelly's medicine cabinet in search for Tylenol. I ended up waking her up with my groans of pain and she came out to see what was going on. Thankfully, she helped me get some water. In agonizing distress, it took all of my effort to crawl to the toilet. I don't really know how I got any sleep Tuesday night because I was up every hour in the bathroom pooping my brains out. The quality of my bowel movements declined with each flush, and I nearly broke the waterline each time. Seriously, how does that much shit fit inside me?
I was off of work on Wednesday because I was supposed to be studying for my exam that covered seven chapters in two different books. However, the pain was unbearable, so I spent most of my day napping in the fetal position and reading/studying when I was on the pot. The torment was unrelenting and I couldn't take prescription pain killers because I had to be able to drive to school. A seat belt makes driving with stomach pain worse. I hated that I had to get to school before the bookstore closed to buy scantrons for my exam. There is NO close parking, so I had to painfully walk, what seemed like a great distance, to buy fucking scantrons. Maybe people couldn't tell I was crying behind my shades. At this point, I had an exam in less than two hours that I was definitely not properly prepared for. All I could think about was the terrible pain I was feeling. I don't think I've ever crammed so hard in my life, nor have I ever pooped so much on campus. I should get my grade back on Monday. Thumbs up for my professor though... He doesn't mind if students use the bathroom during an exam. The next best thing would have been being able to take the exam on the toilet. After class, I had a painful walk back to my car, drove straight home and went to bed...after I pooped, of course.
Thursday was better than Wednesday, but that wouldn't have taken much. I still experienced wicked pain, but thankfully my family at work helped me out and took care of me. Today, was a huge relief when I woke up and could stand straight without protest from my body. I spent the day at my parents because it's nice to be taken care of when I'm recovering from a painful episode like this. I can't see myself running anytime soon, but I'm able to walk from my bed to the bathroom without looking crippled. My belly is extremely sore... at least the stinging pain has stopped, for now. I'm super grateful for my family. Times like these make my ambitions to make it in the world on my own without them seem dumb and unrealistic.
I wouldn't wish crohn's on any enemy, but I'm over it. I've never wanted it and if I was given the opportunity to kick its ass, I would beat it so hard that no one would even recognize it as a disease anymore. The pain from it hasn't killed me... I don't feel it's made me any stronger either. I hate how I let it mess with my faith. I find myself praying for others and not praying for myself like there's nothing God can do about it. Fuck Crohn's!!! Some days it feels like I'm already in Hell. If Hell is worse than this, I better work my diseased ass off to get to Heaven.
