This past weekend was a whirlwind. Friday was a half-day Friday at Work, but work is insanely crazy, so I left later than I had planned. If I could have, I would have worked the whole day on Friday and even on Saturday. It sucks heading to South Florida from Sanford because it adds about 45 minutes to my drive time than if I were to leave from Orlando instead. It took me right at four hours to make it down there. During my drive down, I couldn't get a few contracts out of my head because I left things in a bit of chaos.
I pretty much missed Taylor's dress fitting. I got there just time before they left the location of the fitting. Between thinking it started later than it did and leaving late from work, it was pretty much doomed from the start. Before dinner we had to go to the hotel so that I could bring the ice chest with the bridal shower cake in it to the room, which I presumably managed to keep Taylor from seeing it (I'm not completely convinced she didn't sneak a peek because she lost interest in seeing it relatively quickly). The girls unpacked all of the bridal shower stuff Taylor left with me in Orlando to bring. My car is definitely not made for moving a bunch of shit from one place to another.
We had a nice dinner at Olive Garden and Taylor made my day better by buying me two beers! After dinner, I felt much more relaxed and not as stressed. Once we got the flowers for the bridal shower and were back at the hotel, we got in our comfy clothes and started getting to work on decorations, favors, and such. Cybelle brought super fun face masks for our skin that we used right before we went to bed.
My alarm went off on Saturday for me to wake up early and go for a run, but I decided to snooze and skip running since I had a long weekend ahead of me. We got to the venue about two hours early to begin setting up. Somehow everything fell into place just in time. I don't think the cake could have been more perfect! The shower was elegant, lovely, and fun; however, personally, the work that went into it was not very rewarding to me. I know in the end it doesn't matter what I think because it wasn't about me, ultimately it was to celebrate and honor the bride-to-be. Hey, she seemed pleased with the bridal shower, so I'd count that as a success! I'm glad that's behind us. These wedding things are just not my cup of tea.
I left South Florida to head home around 3PM on Saturday. Thankfully, I was home by 6:30PM. I procrastinated on going to bed and when I finally did, I couldn't get to sleep for the life of me. It was around 10PM when I finally fell asleep. Only to have my alarm go off at 1:30AM on Sunday so that I could go to my volunteer shift at the Disney Princess Half Marathon.
To be continued...
Tuesday, February 28, 2017
Tuesday, February 21, 2017
Highlights of February 2017
I'm not sure what I've been preoccupied with that has prevented me from sitting down and blogging this month. In an effort to save time, I'll give you the highlights of February 2017.
I had the best birthday to date! I spent my birthday weekend with Taylor and she made me feel incredibly special. From the thoughtful gifts to the planned surprise celebration, it makes me wonder what I did to deserve such an amazing friend. She got a bunch of my friends together to surprise me at an escape room, which, by the way, we escaped with like fifteen minutes to spare! No thanks to me, of course.
I've had a couple of really fun races (the Warrior Dash and the Quack Attack 5K) with my running friends. Seriously, they are such an inspiring group of people that they build everyone up. I'm not sure if running is fun by itself, or if running is only fun because of them. Anyways, I'm still as addicted as ever. I woke up at 4AM this morning to meet my group for a morning run. I thought the motivation I had to train while training for the NYC Marathon had long since dwindled, yet I'm still setting my alarm for that ungodly hour.
Work is busier than ever! Don't get me wrong, I love it! It just seems like I have more responsibilities than I have time in a day, in a week, in a month...well, you get the picture. It's challenging and I wouldn't trade it for anything at the moment. The overtime is awesome!
Even though I'm Taylor's Maid of Honor, she has really held my hand and walked me through my responsibilities. Heck, she's helped me with almost everything. However, with just the few things that I've had to do this month to help prepare for her bridal shower, it reinforces my lack of desire to ever have a wedding or shenanigans for myself. I know I'm lazy and that's probably why it feels like way too much work. I tried really hard to do my best, but I'm actually nervous the cake and cake stand I ordered won't be perfect. What if nobody likes it? The fact that I think I'm going to like it is not enough.
I had the best birthday to date! I spent my birthday weekend with Taylor and she made me feel incredibly special. From the thoughtful gifts to the planned surprise celebration, it makes me wonder what I did to deserve such an amazing friend. She got a bunch of my friends together to surprise me at an escape room, which, by the way, we escaped with like fifteen minutes to spare! No thanks to me, of course.
I've had a couple of really fun races (the Warrior Dash and the Quack Attack 5K) with my running friends. Seriously, they are such an inspiring group of people that they build everyone up. I'm not sure if running is fun by itself, or if running is only fun because of them. Anyways, I'm still as addicted as ever. I woke up at 4AM this morning to meet my group for a morning run. I thought the motivation I had to train while training for the NYC Marathon had long since dwindled, yet I'm still setting my alarm for that ungodly hour.
Work is busier than ever! Don't get me wrong, I love it! It just seems like I have more responsibilities than I have time in a day, in a week, in a month...well, you get the picture. It's challenging and I wouldn't trade it for anything at the moment. The overtime is awesome!
Even though I'm Taylor's Maid of Honor, she has really held my hand and walked me through my responsibilities. Heck, she's helped me with almost everything. However, with just the few things that I've had to do this month to help prepare for her bridal shower, it reinforces my lack of desire to ever have a wedding or shenanigans for myself. I know I'm lazy and that's probably why it feels like way too much work. I tried really hard to do my best, but I'm actually nervous the cake and cake stand I ordered won't be perfect. What if nobody likes it? The fact that I think I'm going to like it is not enough.
Tuesday, January 31, 2017
The Need for Speed!
It has been three days since I ran the 5K on Saturday and I am still experiencing a runner's high. A bunch of women from my MarathonFest pace group ran the Lady Track Shack 5K. Prior to the start of the race, when we were discussing everyone's race strategy, I boldly confessed that I turned off the intervals on my watch. Yes, I planned to run the whole 5K without walking. No one else wanted to join me in my endeavor to run my ass off, so I left them in the dust as soon as I crossed the start line.
A few days before the race, I told my ugly stepsister that my unrealistic goal was a sub 28 minute 5K.
For the first mile, I wasted a lot of energy weaving in and out of the slower people. Thankfully, after the first mile, I was around runners maintaining a steady 8:45 per mile pace. Since I haven't been speed training my pace was all over the place, so I used the lady in front of me as a pacer.There was a water stop around the halfway point, but I decided to keep hauling ass instead of stopping for water. Right before I reached mile three, I was sucking wind trying to catch my breath from running faster than I've ran in years. I know I slowed down a little towards the end. Although as soon as I rounded the corner and saw the finish line I sprinted to cross the line! I finished in 27.42!!!! I ran the 5K about two to three minutes faster than most of the ladies in my pace group. I'm a little shocked that I actually ran a sub 28 minute 5K! I'm not sure what my 5K PR was, but I'm going to say this may have been the fastest 5K I've ran under my name. My average pace was 8:54 minutes per mile. I placed 171 out of 2,263 participants, which means I finished in the top ten percent! Imagine how much faster I could have ran the 5K if I trained for speed.
Even though I love my pace group, I think it's time to start pushing the pace outside of my comfort zone. I plan to dabble in a faster pace group this MarathonFest session. I ran one mile tonight in 8 minutes and 20 seconds. I think I could have ran faster if the cold weather didn't burn my lungs. The pace group I currently run with averages 10:30 - 11:30 minutes per mile. I know I can be fast, I just don't know how to train to maintain a consistent fast pace during longer runs. I would love to train for a sub 25 minute 5k, a sub 2 hour half marathon, a sub 4 hour marathon...or a BQ (Boston Qualifying time)!
A few days before the race, I told my ugly stepsister that my unrealistic goal was a sub 28 minute 5K.
For the first mile, I wasted a lot of energy weaving in and out of the slower people. Thankfully, after the first mile, I was around runners maintaining a steady 8:45 per mile pace. Since I haven't been speed training my pace was all over the place, so I used the lady in front of me as a pacer.There was a water stop around the halfway point, but I decided to keep hauling ass instead of stopping for water. Right before I reached mile three, I was sucking wind trying to catch my breath from running faster than I've ran in years. I know I slowed down a little towards the end. Although as soon as I rounded the corner and saw the finish line I sprinted to cross the line! I finished in 27.42!!!! I ran the 5K about two to three minutes faster than most of the ladies in my pace group. I'm a little shocked that I actually ran a sub 28 minute 5K! I'm not sure what my 5K PR was, but I'm going to say this may have been the fastest 5K I've ran under my name. My average pace was 8:54 minutes per mile. I placed 171 out of 2,263 participants, which means I finished in the top ten percent! Imagine how much faster I could have ran the 5K if I trained for speed.
Even though I love my pace group, I think it's time to start pushing the pace outside of my comfort zone. I plan to dabble in a faster pace group this MarathonFest session. I ran one mile tonight in 8 minutes and 20 seconds. I think I could have ran faster if the cold weather didn't burn my lungs. The pace group I currently run with averages 10:30 - 11:30 minutes per mile. I know I can be fast, I just don't know how to train to maintain a consistent fast pace during longer runs. I would love to train for a sub 25 minute 5k, a sub 2 hour half marathon, a sub 4 hour marathon...or a BQ (Boston Qualifying time)!
Friday, January 27, 2017
Life with Taylor!
A few weeks ago it was a very real possibility that my best friend could have been moving to North Carolina. Selfishly, I would have been devastated if that were the case. I was pretty vocal about my concerns for our friendship if more distance separated us. After all these years, commitment still scares the shit out of me. I'd rather run away than be responsible for keeping commitments. (This might just be my biggest character flaw.) Taylor will be getting married and starting a family soon...and the idea of lengthening the distance between us while she starts this next chapter of her life crushed me to the core. In my twisted brain though, I thought if she moved to N.C., it made sense to push her away. I couldn't promise to visit her in N.C. more than once a year. She'll soon have a husband and children, and I just assumed that she wouldn't have time for me anyway. Although she never said that.
I know my inability to properly commit to a longer distance friendship hurt Taylor. Taylor's mom nailed it when she said, "[Lauren] never wanted to work for it." Meaning, I haven't changed. I never wanted to work for our friendship. I never planned to commit to this. To my defense, I believe actions speak louder than words. I might not make verbal promises. If I do, I'll likely hesitate and try to withdraw from the situation (Again, it's a character flaw.). However, I don't think we can deny the fact that my actions throughout the years of our friendship say something else entirely. Through good times and bad, through happy days, and sad ones, through struggle and success, the fact that I've been there for Taylor should tell us all we need to know. Whether I intended to or not, and whether I admit it out loud or not, I've been committed to being Taylor's best friend for years. I never wanted to work for our friendship, but that doesn't mean I haven't worked my ass off to be the best friend I can be. I never planned to commit to this, but that doesn't mean I didn't dive in head first before I took swim lessons. The moment I jumped, I was all in!
I want us to be best friends until the end of time! How's that for communicating my commitment? Even though Taylor is moving to Central Florida tomorrow, it's not guaranteed she'll be here for long. It might be difficult for me to make promises, but I know no matter what I say, or don't say, our best friendship status isn't going to change. Whether she likes it or not, she's stuck with me and I can't wait to see what this next chapter has in store for her! My name is Lauren and Taylor is my best friend.
I know my inability to properly commit to a longer distance friendship hurt Taylor. Taylor's mom nailed it when she said, "[Lauren] never wanted to work for it." Meaning, I haven't changed. I never wanted to work for our friendship. I never planned to commit to this. To my defense, I believe actions speak louder than words. I might not make verbal promises. If I do, I'll likely hesitate and try to withdraw from the situation (Again, it's a character flaw.). However, I don't think we can deny the fact that my actions throughout the years of our friendship say something else entirely. Through good times and bad, through happy days, and sad ones, through struggle and success, the fact that I've been there for Taylor should tell us all we need to know. Whether I intended to or not, and whether I admit it out loud or not, I've been committed to being Taylor's best friend for years. I never wanted to work for our friendship, but that doesn't mean I haven't worked my ass off to be the best friend I can be. I never planned to commit to this, but that doesn't mean I didn't dive in head first before I took swim lessons. The moment I jumped, I was all in!
I want us to be best friends until the end of time! How's that for communicating my commitment? Even though Taylor is moving to Central Florida tomorrow, it's not guaranteed she'll be here for long. It might be difficult for me to make promises, but I know no matter what I say, or don't say, our best friendship status isn't going to change. Whether she likes it or not, she's stuck with me and I can't wait to see what this next chapter has in store for her! My name is Lauren and Taylor is my best friend.
Sunday, January 22, 2017
Goodbye for Now, Uncle Don
Upon walking into the viewing yesterday, Grandma began weeping. While standing next to the open casket of her dead son she cried, "What am I going to do without you?" "I love you so much!" "How am I going to live without you?"
I lost it instantly (So much for my plan to be in control). I sobbed for Grandma's pain. Somehow I found myself next to Grandma supporting her, but there was no way I was going to regain my composure by the time the service started if I stayed with her. It was so bad that my dad asked me if I was going to be able to give the eulogy. I wasn't sure I would be able to do it, but I told him, "Yes."
Family, friends, and co-workers gave their condolences. My mom saved the day by taking my place next to Grandma so that I could collect myself. I went into the bathroom, took deep breaths, blew my runny nose, and wiped my eyes. I looked in the mirror and I didn't recognize myself. I saw a young woman growing up much too quickly. It wasn't a kid looking back at me, it was an adult. I stopped crying and told myself, be their rock. They need you to be strong and to honor Don.
After I left the bathroom in control, I met with the pastor. He went over the service and told me when I would be introduced. My dad asked me not to look at him while I was speaking. Right before the service started, I placed my notes on the podium and I moved to the front row with my Uncle Mike, which was right in front of Grandma. The Pastor lead us in hymns, scripture, and prayer, and then he introduced me.
I walked up to the podium and looked out into the audience before I started speaking. There were at least 50 people in attendance. I introduced myself and thanked everyone for being there. After a short intro, I began telling family favorite memories we have of Don and I followed with my personal favorite stories I have of my Uncle. In all, there were 10 stories I told. I held it together until the end of my last story. "He truly believed in me and I'll never forget that." Although I didn't cry at this part, my voice cracked and I had to take a beat before finishing with the short conclusion.
To end, I looked over at the open casket three feet to my left and said, "Don, there is no doubt that you are loved and you will be missed dearly." I was holding it together until I heard my Uncle Mike in the front row catch his breath. I glanced up and that's when I lost it. I choked out "Keep Grandpa out of trouble in Heaven for us. Goodbye for now." I left the podium in tears and took my seat next to Uncle Mike. He gave my leg a reassuring squeeze. The pastor gave a final prayer and it was over.
Afterwards, a lot of people came up to me and said what a wonderful speech I gave and that Don would be proud. Others mentioned that they wouldn't have been able to do what I just did. I met two of Don's co-workers from Red Lobster. He worked there for 39 years and he worked with them for 19 of those years. They had really nice things to say about him and thought of him like a brother. The one brought a Red Lobster name tag with Don's name on it pinned to a rose and asked if she could put with him in the casket. I nodded my approval.
In the car ride to graveside, my Grandma asked me if she could have a copy of my speech. I gave her the notes I read off of. The next day (today), when Kim was visiting my Grandma, Kim said that Grandma told her that it meant a lot to Grandma that I gave her my speech and that she has read it multiple times already.
That was probably the hardest fucking thing I've ever done.
I lost it instantly (So much for my plan to be in control). I sobbed for Grandma's pain. Somehow I found myself next to Grandma supporting her, but there was no way I was going to regain my composure by the time the service started if I stayed with her. It was so bad that my dad asked me if I was going to be able to give the eulogy. I wasn't sure I would be able to do it, but I told him, "Yes."
Family, friends, and co-workers gave their condolences. My mom saved the day by taking my place next to Grandma so that I could collect myself. I went into the bathroom, took deep breaths, blew my runny nose, and wiped my eyes. I looked in the mirror and I didn't recognize myself. I saw a young woman growing up much too quickly. It wasn't a kid looking back at me, it was an adult. I stopped crying and told myself, be their rock. They need you to be strong and to honor Don.
After I left the bathroom in control, I met with the pastor. He went over the service and told me when I would be introduced. My dad asked me not to look at him while I was speaking. Right before the service started, I placed my notes on the podium and I moved to the front row with my Uncle Mike, which was right in front of Grandma. The Pastor lead us in hymns, scripture, and prayer, and then he introduced me.
I walked up to the podium and looked out into the audience before I started speaking. There were at least 50 people in attendance. I introduced myself and thanked everyone for being there. After a short intro, I began telling family favorite memories we have of Don and I followed with my personal favorite stories I have of my Uncle. In all, there were 10 stories I told. I held it together until the end of my last story. "He truly believed in me and I'll never forget that." Although I didn't cry at this part, my voice cracked and I had to take a beat before finishing with the short conclusion.
To end, I looked over at the open casket three feet to my left and said, "Don, there is no doubt that you are loved and you will be missed dearly." I was holding it together until I heard my Uncle Mike in the front row catch his breath. I glanced up and that's when I lost it. I choked out "Keep Grandpa out of trouble in Heaven for us. Goodbye for now." I left the podium in tears and took my seat next to Uncle Mike. He gave my leg a reassuring squeeze. The pastor gave a final prayer and it was over.
Afterwards, a lot of people came up to me and said what a wonderful speech I gave and that Don would be proud. Others mentioned that they wouldn't have been able to do what I just did. I met two of Don's co-workers from Red Lobster. He worked there for 39 years and he worked with them for 19 of those years. They had really nice things to say about him and thought of him like a brother. The one brought a Red Lobster name tag with Don's name on it pinned to a rose and asked if she could put with him in the casket. I nodded my approval.
In the car ride to graveside, my Grandma asked me if she could have a copy of my speech. I gave her the notes I read off of. The next day (today), when Kim was visiting my Grandma, Kim said that Grandma told her that it meant a lot to Grandma that I gave her my speech and that she has read it multiple times already.
That was probably the hardest fucking thing I've ever done.
Friday, January 20, 2017
Emotions and Writing a Eulogy
I did it, I finished writing the eulogy I am going to give tomorrow at my uncle's funeral service. I didn't memorize it because I'm going to intentionally read it off the papers in front of me so that I will be less likely to lose control of my emotions. If I had to get up in front of everyone without a valid opportunity to look away from my family weeping in the audience, there's no way I'd be able to finish it with dry eyes.
Of course, I cried while penning my tribute to Uncle Don. I'm going to spend most of my time reminiscing about cherished family memories followed by personal favorite stories I have of my uncle. The following may or may not escape from my mouth tomorrow: "I was also told to picture the audience naked. Nice underwear, Uncle Mike." It's not all that light hearted, but I believe the overall tone will be a celebratory tribute memorializing Don's life. I pray somehow my words tomorrow will bring comfort to those mourning my uncle. As terrible as it sounds while I was writing it, I kept thinking the next eulogy I write will probably be for my grandma. That's just how my mind works. Note: My grandma is finally starting to get over her cold.
I hope that I will remain composed during the time I am front and center. I plan to shut off the water works the best I can until after I give my speech. Call me emotionally detached, but I really think that is how I will deliver it the best. I am doing it to honor Don and to help everyone else, so I just think it's better for me to be in control. I still plan to speak with love and feelings and pitch changes, I just don't plan to do it through tears, sobs, or ugly crying.
If you know me, you know I'm not the biggest fan of emotions and feelings. Well, when I was about to leave work on Thursday, I told one of the ladies (the office mom) to have a nice weekend. She questioned where I was going to be on Friday (today), so I explained that I have family coming into town for my uncle's funeral that's on Saturday and I have to finish writing the eulogy I'm giving. Except, out of nowhere, tears start falling down my cheeks. I hate that I cried at work. The lady was really nice, gave me a hug and told me to tell her if I need anything. Wish me luck!
Of course, I cried while penning my tribute to Uncle Don. I'm going to spend most of my time reminiscing about cherished family memories followed by personal favorite stories I have of my uncle. The following may or may not escape from my mouth tomorrow: "I was also told to picture the audience naked. Nice underwear, Uncle Mike." It's not all that light hearted, but I believe the overall tone will be a celebratory tribute memorializing Don's life. I pray somehow my words tomorrow will bring comfort to those mourning my uncle. As terrible as it sounds while I was writing it, I kept thinking the next eulogy I write will probably be for my grandma. That's just how my mind works. Note: My grandma is finally starting to get over her cold.
I hope that I will remain composed during the time I am front and center. I plan to shut off the water works the best I can until after I give my speech. Call me emotionally detached, but I really think that is how I will deliver it the best. I am doing it to honor Don and to help everyone else, so I just think it's better for me to be in control. I still plan to speak with love and feelings and pitch changes, I just don't plan to do it through tears, sobs, or ugly crying.
If you know me, you know I'm not the biggest fan of emotions and feelings. Well, when I was about to leave work on Thursday, I told one of the ladies (the office mom) to have a nice weekend. She questioned where I was going to be on Friday (today), so I explained that I have family coming into town for my uncle's funeral that's on Saturday and I have to finish writing the eulogy I'm giving. Except, out of nowhere, tears start falling down my cheeks. I hate that I cried at work. The lady was really nice, gave me a hug and told me to tell her if I need anything. Wish me luck!
Thursday, January 19, 2017
"Run often. Run long. But never outrun your joy for running."
I have a lot going on that I'm not mentally prepared to blog about yet. Let's talk about running instead.
We are already nineteen days into the new year, and so far I've only ran twice this year. The first time was at the marathon I ran on the eighth and the second time being this morning. To tell the truth, I needed a break from running. I trained hard for more than six months and towards the end of last year I wasn't enjoying it as much I usually do. I felt a burnt out. It felt like a chore. I don't know who said "Run often. Run long. But never out run your joy for running.", but they are right! Maybe it was post race blues, or maybe I was over training.
Anyway, the break did me good. I signed up for the next session of MarathonFest, which started this week. I woke up at 4AM and made it to the early run with my trusted running crew today. I needed the run this morning. I have been so stressed about my uncle's death, my crazy work schedule, and fighting a cold that the hour of running this morning helped relieve some stress. After my run this morning, I went to the gym to shower and get ready for work. OMG! I forgot my shower shoes, so I decided showering at the gym in socks would be better than showing bare foot. I put my disgustingly soaked soaks in the trash when I was done. It was a nightmare and now I'm super worried my feet are going to get funky. As soon as I got home tonight I put my shower shoes in my gym bag and scrubbed my feet clean. I will never forget them again!!!
Although I'm not training for anything specific this session (except a few 5Ks, but I don't count those as races I have to train for), I'm sure I'll find some half marathons to run before the session ends in May. I'm looking forward to running for fun again!
We are already nineteen days into the new year, and so far I've only ran twice this year. The first time was at the marathon I ran on the eighth and the second time being this morning. To tell the truth, I needed a break from running. I trained hard for more than six months and towards the end of last year I wasn't enjoying it as much I usually do. I felt a burnt out. It felt like a chore. I don't know who said "Run often. Run long. But never out run your joy for running.", but they are right! Maybe it was post race blues, or maybe I was over training.
Anyway, the break did me good. I signed up for the next session of MarathonFest, which started this week. I woke up at 4AM and made it to the early run with my trusted running crew today. I needed the run this morning. I have been so stressed about my uncle's death, my crazy work schedule, and fighting a cold that the hour of running this morning helped relieve some stress. After my run this morning, I went to the gym to shower and get ready for work. OMG! I forgot my shower shoes, so I decided showering at the gym in socks would be better than showing bare foot. I put my disgustingly soaked soaks in the trash when I was done. It was a nightmare and now I'm super worried my feet are going to get funky. As soon as I got home tonight I put my shower shoes in my gym bag and scrubbed my feet clean. I will never forget them again!!!
Although I'm not training for anything specific this session (except a few 5Ks, but I don't count those as races I have to train for), I'm sure I'll find some half marathons to run before the session ends in May. I'm looking forward to running for fun again!
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