A few weeks ago it was a very real possibility that my best friend could have been moving to North Carolina. Selfishly, I would have been devastated if that were the case. I was pretty vocal about my concerns for our friendship if more distance separated us. After all these years, commitment still scares the shit out of me. I'd rather run away than be responsible for keeping commitments. (This might just be my biggest character flaw.) Taylor will be getting married and starting a family soon...and the idea of lengthening the distance between us while she starts this next chapter of her life crushed me to the core. In my twisted brain though, I thought if she moved to N.C., it made sense to push her away. I couldn't promise to visit her in N.C. more than once a year. She'll soon have a husband and children, and I just assumed that she wouldn't have time for me anyway. Although she never said that.
I know my inability to properly commit to a longer distance friendship hurt Taylor. Taylor's mom nailed it when she said, "[Lauren] never wanted to work for it." Meaning, I haven't changed. I never wanted to work for our friendship. I never planned to commit to this. To my defense, I believe actions speak louder than words. I might not make verbal promises. If I do, I'll likely hesitate and try to withdraw from the situation (Again, it's a character flaw.). However, I don't think we can deny the fact that my actions throughout the years of our friendship say something else entirely. Through good times and bad, through happy days, and sad ones, through struggle and success, the fact that I've been there for Taylor should tell us all we need to know. Whether I intended to or not, and whether I admit it out loud or not, I've been committed to being Taylor's best friend for years. I never wanted to work for our friendship, but that doesn't mean I haven't worked my ass off to be the best friend I can be. I never planned to commit to this, but that doesn't mean I didn't dive in head first before I took swim lessons. The moment I jumped, I was all in!
I want us to be best friends until the end of time! How's that for communicating my commitment? Even though Taylor is moving to Central Florida tomorrow, it's not guaranteed she'll be here for long. It might be difficult for me to make promises, but I know no matter what I say, or don't say, our best friendship status isn't going to change. Whether she likes it or not, she's stuck with me and I can't wait to see what this next chapter has in store for her! My name is Lauren and Taylor is my best friend.
