I'm still processing my cystoscopy experience this morning, so I'm going to save that post for next time and post about running and recovery instead. I plan to run four more times before surgery (November 11th, 18th, 21st and 26th). These last few runs will be treasured. I will take note of the strength my body possesses to power forward. My opportunities to run before surgery are numbered and the inevitable break-up is fast approaching. Surgery is three weeks away!
Despite all of my excuses, running charms me and casts a magical spell over my mentality. I think the fact that I keep showing up to run while I'm facing bowel resection explains it well. One of the benefits of the spell is having the fortitude necessary to handle this shit storm better than I thought I would. I will not take these last few runs before surgery for granted. I will let each run remind me that I am more incredible than I give myself credit for.
The thought of recovery being hellish scares me. If I struggle during recovery, I am going to read this paragraph. I am determined to recover successfully! In order to have a successful recovery, I will follow the doctor's orders as reasonably required, fight through the pain, take naps, and accept the results of the surgery as my new "normal" no matter what. I will allow myself a healthy amount of time to mourn my old "normal". I will ask for help when I need it. I will not give up. I will attempt to get other aspects of my life back to the state they were in during the months before surgery. I will not intentionally shut people out. I will be brave enough to be somebody's role model. How's that for commitment for you?
Showing posts with label commitment. Show all posts
Showing posts with label commitment. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 8, 2017
Friday, January 27, 2017
Life with Taylor!
A few weeks ago it was a very real possibility that my best friend could have been moving to North Carolina. Selfishly, I would have been devastated if that were the case. I was pretty vocal about my concerns for our friendship if more distance separated us. After all these years, commitment still scares the shit out of me. I'd rather run away than be responsible for keeping commitments. (This might just be my biggest character flaw.) Taylor will be getting married and starting a family soon...and the idea of lengthening the distance between us while she starts this next chapter of her life crushed me to the core. In my twisted brain though, I thought if she moved to N.C., it made sense to push her away. I couldn't promise to visit her in N.C. more than once a year. She'll soon have a husband and children, and I just assumed that she wouldn't have time for me anyway. Although she never said that.
I know my inability to properly commit to a longer distance friendship hurt Taylor. Taylor's mom nailed it when she said, "[Lauren] never wanted to work for it." Meaning, I haven't changed. I never wanted to work for our friendship. I never planned to commit to this. To my defense, I believe actions speak louder than words. I might not make verbal promises. If I do, I'll likely hesitate and try to withdraw from the situation (Again, it's a character flaw.). However, I don't think we can deny the fact that my actions throughout the years of our friendship say something else entirely. Through good times and bad, through happy days, and sad ones, through struggle and success, the fact that I've been there for Taylor should tell us all we need to know. Whether I intended to or not, and whether I admit it out loud or not, I've been committed to being Taylor's best friend for years. I never wanted to work for our friendship, but that doesn't mean I haven't worked my ass off to be the best friend I can be. I never planned to commit to this, but that doesn't mean I didn't dive in head first before I took swim lessons. The moment I jumped, I was all in!
I want us to be best friends until the end of time! How's that for communicating my commitment? Even though Taylor is moving to Central Florida tomorrow, it's not guaranteed she'll be here for long. It might be difficult for me to make promises, but I know no matter what I say, or don't say, our best friendship status isn't going to change. Whether she likes it or not, she's stuck with me and I can't wait to see what this next chapter has in store for her! My name is Lauren and Taylor is my best friend.
I know my inability to properly commit to a longer distance friendship hurt Taylor. Taylor's mom nailed it when she said, "[Lauren] never wanted to work for it." Meaning, I haven't changed. I never wanted to work for our friendship. I never planned to commit to this. To my defense, I believe actions speak louder than words. I might not make verbal promises. If I do, I'll likely hesitate and try to withdraw from the situation (Again, it's a character flaw.). However, I don't think we can deny the fact that my actions throughout the years of our friendship say something else entirely. Through good times and bad, through happy days, and sad ones, through struggle and success, the fact that I've been there for Taylor should tell us all we need to know. Whether I intended to or not, and whether I admit it out loud or not, I've been committed to being Taylor's best friend for years. I never wanted to work for our friendship, but that doesn't mean I haven't worked my ass off to be the best friend I can be. I never planned to commit to this, but that doesn't mean I didn't dive in head first before I took swim lessons. The moment I jumped, I was all in!
I want us to be best friends until the end of time! How's that for communicating my commitment? Even though Taylor is moving to Central Florida tomorrow, it's not guaranteed she'll be here for long. It might be difficult for me to make promises, but I know no matter what I say, or don't say, our best friendship status isn't going to change. Whether she likes it or not, she's stuck with me and I can't wait to see what this next chapter has in store for her! My name is Lauren and Taylor is my best friend.
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