I'm still processing my cystoscopy experience this morning, so I'm going to save that post for next time and post about running and recovery instead. I plan to run four more times before surgery (November 11th, 18th, 21st and 26th). These last few runs will be treasured. I will take note of the strength my body possesses to power forward. My opportunities to run before surgery are numbered and the inevitable break-up is fast approaching. Surgery is three weeks away!
Despite all of my excuses, running charms me and casts a magical spell over my mentality. I think the fact that I keep showing up to run while I'm facing bowel resection explains it well. One of the benefits of the spell is having the fortitude necessary to handle this shit storm better than I thought I would. I will not take these last few runs before surgery for granted. I will let each run remind me that I am more incredible than I give myself credit for.
The thought of recovery being hellish scares me. If I struggle during recovery, I am going to read this paragraph. I am determined to recover successfully! In order to have a successful recovery, I will follow the doctor's orders as reasonably required, fight through the pain, take naps, and accept the results of the surgery as my new "normal" no matter what. I will allow myself a healthy amount of time to mourn my old "normal". I will ask for help when I need it. I will not give up. I will attempt to get other aspects of my life back to the state they were in during the months before surgery. I will not intentionally shut people out. I will be brave enough to be somebody's role model. How's that for commitment for you?
