I started my new year resolution early when I began blogging at the end of last year. I even encouraged a few friends to blog. There are a couple of reasons I began blogging and other added benefits I realized after I started. First, I really do aspire to write an autobiography one day and I think this blog will be a valuable tool to help me do that in the future. Another reason I started blogging is that I wanted another way to share my life and connect with others. Obviously, I'm apprehensive in connecting because I disable the comment section on my posts. I also have only shared this blog with close friends and family. Perhaps one of these days I'll venture to invite others to follow my blog. One of the added benefits of this blog is that I have allowed myself to open up more about my health.
For most of my life I've loved to write, so blogging is pretty natural to me. In fact, I have a hard time writing a short post. A shift in my writing has occurred since I started blogging. Before the blog, I wrote poems and short stories and this blog has encouraged me to write personal life happenings. I've never been a consistent journal keeper. I think this shift is due to the fact that I'm cautious to let others read my creative works... chalk it up to fear of criticism or just saving the creative work for a future New York Times best seller or a Billboard chart topper. If those are my dreams, why the heck am I a finance major?
Cheers for another 100 posts! Thanks for reading and blogging with me!
Friday, July 18, 2014
Sunday, July 13, 2014
Small Things and Ramblings
I love when small things make me happy. I love the way the freezer section in Target lights up as it senses me coming down the aisle. It's awesome! It's a smart way to save energy and it makes the customer feel like royalty as the shelves that house the products light up at my mere presence. It's like the power I feel with automatic doors. My existence can make doors open, turn on lights, turn on sinks, and make soap and paper towels spit out! That's mad cool in my book! My existence can also make toilets flush, but those aren't my favorite invention because they usually try to flush before I'm finished and I hate the feeling of toilet water touching my bum.
Another small thing that brings me joy is new underwear, which I just got! Fruit of the Loom, baby! That is where my happiness is at! I also recently bought new jeans. It's probably been over 5 years since I've gotten new jeans, so I was long overdue. I hate shopping and jean shopping used to always be a chore to find jeans that actually fit well and right without having to wear a belt. It was a chore until I found Express! I'm so confident in the way Express clothes fit me that I order them online. Maybe that's not a big deal, but it seems like a big deal to me because if I have to make a return, then I'll have to hassle with going to the store. The one pair of jeans I bought was $120 and the other pair was $88!!! Thankfully, they were having a jean sale and I got a discount on these prices; plus, free shipping. Yes, it's hard for me to justify spending that much on jeans, but considering how long they last and the fact that the size 8 seems to fit me while I'm on prednisone, in a bad flare or healthy I think it's worth it! This week if I'm having a bad day, it'll make it a little more bearable if I'm wearing my new undies and new jeans.
Check out this challenge. It's called 100 Happy Days. I haven't accepted the challenge, but I've been trying to find the little things that make me happy each day since I've heard about it. It's crazy how cluttered my mind can get with negativity.
http://100happydays.com/#what
Another small thing that brings me joy is new underwear, which I just got! Fruit of the Loom, baby! That is where my happiness is at! I also recently bought new jeans. It's probably been over 5 years since I've gotten new jeans, so I was long overdue. I hate shopping and jean shopping used to always be a chore to find jeans that actually fit well and right without having to wear a belt. It was a chore until I found Express! I'm so confident in the way Express clothes fit me that I order them online. Maybe that's not a big deal, but it seems like a big deal to me because if I have to make a return, then I'll have to hassle with going to the store. The one pair of jeans I bought was $120 and the other pair was $88!!! Thankfully, they were having a jean sale and I got a discount on these prices; plus, free shipping. Yes, it's hard for me to justify spending that much on jeans, but considering how long they last and the fact that the size 8 seems to fit me while I'm on prednisone, in a bad flare or healthy I think it's worth it! This week if I'm having a bad day, it'll make it a little more bearable if I'm wearing my new undies and new jeans.
Check out this challenge. It's called 100 Happy Days. I haven't accepted the challenge, but I've been trying to find the little things that make me happy each day since I've heard about it. It's crazy how cluttered my mind can get with negativity.
http://100happydays.com/#what
Saturday, July 12, 2014
Yo-yoing
My health has been yo-yoing for the past week and a half. Bad days followed by good days, which are then followed by more bad days. If only I could manage to keep the yo-yo in my hand to ensure good health. Instead, it keeps slipping out of my grip and rather than putting it to sleep and then winding itself back into my hand, it gets painfully twisted and stuck until I eventually recover. By the time I recover and am ready for another throw, it slips out of my hand...again.
Thankfully, I had a good enough day yesterday to drive to Lake Placid to spend 16 hours with Taylor before heading back to Orlando this morning. The drive was totally worth it! I want to take every opportunity to see her because I never know when the next opportunity will arise... Except I do happen to know when the next opportunity will arise. I get to celebrate her graduation with her and her family at the beginning of August!
Thankfully, I had a good enough day yesterday to drive to Lake Placid to spend 16 hours with Taylor before heading back to Orlando this morning. The drive was totally worth it! I want to take every opportunity to see her because I never know when the next opportunity will arise... Except I do happen to know when the next opportunity will arise. I get to celebrate her graduation with her and her family at the beginning of August!
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
Ambitions, Accomplishments, and Robots
Before my exam today, every student in class had to give a 30 second commercial about themselves. This is sometimes known as an elevator speech. Anyhow, the outline we had to use was, name, education, work history, an accomplishment, and a future goal. Listening to forty fellow classmates' accomplishments and goals not only made me feel under accomplished and made me feel I lack ambition, but it also was extremely boring to listen to these strangers talk about themselves. I understand business is supposed to be serious to a certain extent. However, I wondered why none of these kids tried to lighten up their commercial with humor and reality. This is a marketing class, so aren't they supposed to seem relatable. No one felt real to me. They all seemed like boring robots with impressive resumes. I do not desire to enter a business atmosphere after graduation that has no room for fun and humor. I'm having second thoughts about whether I picked the right major, and that frustrates me since I'm so close to graduation. I get the duties of a job and the mission of a company are serious business, but I don't understand why everyone seems so uptight and afraid to breathe and be themselves. We are not machines! My 30 second commercial was not like the rest:
Hello class! My name is Lauren Albig. I'm a senior, finance major at the University of Central Florida expecting to graduate in the spring. I'm currently working in the real estate title insurance industry. I was recently inducted into the honor society Phi Kappa Phi, which inducts only the top 10% of all U.C.F. students. I also graduated clown school in 2011. I hope to be a part of the one third of graduates that has a job lined up by the time I graduate, but if that doesn't work out I could always make my parents proud and join the circus.
Obviously, I would not use this exact speech in an interview, but for a class presentation it was great because I got the class to laugh at the end of my commercial. Now, I want to focus on having bigger ambitions so that I'll eventually have greater accomplishments as long as doing so doesn't turn me into a boring robot.
Hello class! My name is Lauren Albig. I'm a senior, finance major at the University of Central Florida expecting to graduate in the spring. I'm currently working in the real estate title insurance industry. I was recently inducted into the honor society Phi Kappa Phi, which inducts only the top 10% of all U.C.F. students. I also graduated clown school in 2011. I hope to be a part of the one third of graduates that has a job lined up by the time I graduate, but if that doesn't work out I could always make my parents proud and join the circus.
Obviously, I would not use this exact speech in an interview, but for a class presentation it was great because I got the class to laugh at the end of my commercial. Now, I want to focus on having bigger ambitions so that I'll eventually have greater accomplishments as long as doing so doesn't turn me into a boring robot.
Monday, July 7, 2014
Information Overload
This is the third week of Summer B and by Thursday I'll have been tested on all 14 chapters of the textbook and tested on the entire Lincoln on Leadership book. I'm totally experiencing information overload.
Sunday, July 6, 2014
Makes Me Wonder...
One thing about my history with Crohn's is that I've never been to the hospital because of it. I follow others and their journeys with this disease and so often I read about them going to the hospital or ER. It makes me wonder how bad it has to get in order to get to that point. Is that point different for everyone? Trust me, I'm fortunate I've never gotten to that point. It's difficult to believe sometimes that it could be worse. I fear the first time I have to go to the hospital because of Crohn's. I'm also aware that my relationships with my doctors are confusing. I'm not sure when exactly or even if I'm supposed to notify them of rapid symptom changes. Do they even care? Really, what can they do about it? More drugs? More diagnostic testing to find "active disease"? More needles? More medical bills? My somewhat ignorant philosophy is that I'll eventually get better on my own without all that crap, so I'll wait the bad shit out. I'm not sure how bad it would have to get in order for me to seek medical attention on my own. It'd have to be worse than last week and that's scary to think about. Here's to hoping I never have to find out.
Is being out of the hospital in serious pain better than being in the hospital with manageable pain? I'm always self conscious about my pain tolerance. As if the level of pain I feel is actually less than what I think I feel. What level of pain gets credibility in the medical world. Am I a wimp? Or is there any validity to the high level of pain I sometimes feel?
Is being out of the hospital in serious pain better than being in the hospital with manageable pain? I'm always self conscious about my pain tolerance. As if the level of pain I feel is actually less than what I think I feel. What level of pain gets credibility in the medical world. Am I a wimp? Or is there any validity to the high level of pain I sometimes feel?
Friday, July 4, 2014
It Didn't Kill Me, But I Don't Feel Any Stronger Either
Warning, this post may contain too much information for some of you. Just know that this week I couldn't move, couldn't breathe and couldn't poop pain free.
The debilitating stomach pain struck me Tuesday night after dinner while I was studying for my Wednesday exam. I found myself crying in the fetal position. This was worse than the typical discomfort, aches and cramps I'm accustomed to dealing with like nothing is wrong. I walked very slowly with a severely hunched back and my stomach hugged tight to Kelly's medicine cabinet in search for Tylenol. I ended up waking her up with my groans of pain and she came out to see what was going on. Thankfully, she helped me get some water. In agonizing distress, it took all of my effort to crawl to the toilet. I don't really know how I got any sleep Tuesday night because I was up every hour in the bathroom pooping my brains out. The quality of my bowel movements declined with each flush, and I nearly broke the waterline each time. Seriously, how does that much shit fit inside me?
I was off of work on Wednesday because I was supposed to be studying for my exam that covered seven chapters in two different books. However, the pain was unbearable, so I spent most of my day napping in the fetal position and reading/studying when I was on the pot. The torment was unrelenting and I couldn't take prescription pain killers because I had to be able to drive to school. A seat belt makes driving with stomach pain worse. I hated that I had to get to school before the bookstore closed to buy scantrons for my exam. There is NO close parking, so I had to painfully walk, what seemed like a great distance, to buy fucking scantrons. Maybe people couldn't tell I was crying behind my shades. At this point, I had an exam in less than two hours that I was definitely not properly prepared for. All I could think about was the terrible pain I was feeling. I don't think I've ever crammed so hard in my life, nor have I ever pooped so much on campus. I should get my grade back on Monday. Thumbs up for my professor though... He doesn't mind if students use the bathroom during an exam. The next best thing would have been being able to take the exam on the toilet. After class, I had a painful walk back to my car, drove straight home and went to bed...after I pooped, of course.
Thursday was better than Wednesday, but that wouldn't have taken much. I still experienced wicked pain, but thankfully my family at work helped me out and took care of me. Today, was a huge relief when I woke up and could stand straight without protest from my body. I spent the day at my parents because it's nice to be taken care of when I'm recovering from a painful episode like this. I can't see myself running anytime soon, but I'm able to walk from my bed to the bathroom without looking crippled. My belly is extremely sore... at least the stinging pain has stopped, for now. I'm super grateful for my family. Times like these make my ambitions to make it in the world on my own without them seem dumb and unrealistic.
I wouldn't wish crohn's on any enemy, but I'm over it. I've never wanted it and if I was given the opportunity to kick its ass, I would beat it so hard that no one would even recognize it as a disease anymore. The pain from it hasn't killed me... I don't feel it's made me any stronger either. I hate how I let it mess with my faith. I find myself praying for others and not praying for myself like there's nothing God can do about it. Fuck Crohn's!!! Some days it feels like I'm already in Hell. If Hell is worse than this, I better work my diseased ass off to get to Heaven.
The debilitating stomach pain struck me Tuesday night after dinner while I was studying for my Wednesday exam. I found myself crying in the fetal position. This was worse than the typical discomfort, aches and cramps I'm accustomed to dealing with like nothing is wrong. I walked very slowly with a severely hunched back and my stomach hugged tight to Kelly's medicine cabinet in search for Tylenol. I ended up waking her up with my groans of pain and she came out to see what was going on. Thankfully, she helped me get some water. In agonizing distress, it took all of my effort to crawl to the toilet. I don't really know how I got any sleep Tuesday night because I was up every hour in the bathroom pooping my brains out. The quality of my bowel movements declined with each flush, and I nearly broke the waterline each time. Seriously, how does that much shit fit inside me?
I was off of work on Wednesday because I was supposed to be studying for my exam that covered seven chapters in two different books. However, the pain was unbearable, so I spent most of my day napping in the fetal position and reading/studying when I was on the pot. The torment was unrelenting and I couldn't take prescription pain killers because I had to be able to drive to school. A seat belt makes driving with stomach pain worse. I hated that I had to get to school before the bookstore closed to buy scantrons for my exam. There is NO close parking, so I had to painfully walk, what seemed like a great distance, to buy fucking scantrons. Maybe people couldn't tell I was crying behind my shades. At this point, I had an exam in less than two hours that I was definitely not properly prepared for. All I could think about was the terrible pain I was feeling. I don't think I've ever crammed so hard in my life, nor have I ever pooped so much on campus. I should get my grade back on Monday. Thumbs up for my professor though... He doesn't mind if students use the bathroom during an exam. The next best thing would have been being able to take the exam on the toilet. After class, I had a painful walk back to my car, drove straight home and went to bed...after I pooped, of course.
Thursday was better than Wednesday, but that wouldn't have taken much. I still experienced wicked pain, but thankfully my family at work helped me out and took care of me. Today, was a huge relief when I woke up and could stand straight without protest from my body. I spent the day at my parents because it's nice to be taken care of when I'm recovering from a painful episode like this. I can't see myself running anytime soon, but I'm able to walk from my bed to the bathroom without looking crippled. My belly is extremely sore... at least the stinging pain has stopped, for now. I'm super grateful for my family. Times like these make my ambitions to make it in the world on my own without them seem dumb and unrealistic.
I wouldn't wish crohn's on any enemy, but I'm over it. I've never wanted it and if I was given the opportunity to kick its ass, I would beat it so hard that no one would even recognize it as a disease anymore. The pain from it hasn't killed me... I don't feel it's made me any stronger either. I hate how I let it mess with my faith. I find myself praying for others and not praying for myself like there's nothing God can do about it. Fuck Crohn's!!! Some days it feels like I'm already in Hell. If Hell is worse than this, I better work my diseased ass off to get to Heaven.
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