I signed up for the summer/fall season of MarathonFest!
When I joined MarathonFest in the summer/fall of 2016 to train for the NYC Marathon, I was rushed to get to 10 miles after my minor surgery in April of 2016. Desperately trying to feel better, I switched from Cimzia to Remicade during that time as well. I basically had two months to go from being out of shape to being able to run 10 miles in order to keep up with the the NYC training schedule once the season started in 2016.
I want to do it differently this time around. I don't want to be rushed. I plan on sticking with half marathons this season and at the moment I'm only registered for one. Rather than starting when the season starts in June, I currently plan to build most of my running base outside of MarathonFest for the next few months. I want to get faster so that I will be able to join a faster pace group. I'm aiming to start running with them regularly in September when my mileage increases for half marathon training. My goal for the OUC Half Marathon in December is to finish in under two hours. That means I would need to average a 9:09 pace for 13.1 miles. I can only run one mile at that pace. In fact, my first mile today was a 9:04. (my second mile was a 9:47). I have a little over six months to train hard and build the endurance it will take to maintain the pace during my first mile today for twelve more miles. This seems realistic, right?
When I achieve a sub-two hour half marathon, I will seriously consider committing to train to qualify for the Boston Marathon. I hate commitment, but this kind of excites me!
Wednesday, May 16, 2018
Monday, May 7, 2018
Hello from the Other Side
I fell a little behind (haha "behind") on blogging. I had my post-op follow-up appointment at the Cleveland Clinic on April 9, 2018. They lifted all of my physical and dietary restrictions and I do not have to go back unless I have major issues! The wound where Scarlett used to be has completely scared over. I finished all three of my Remicade loading doses and I am officially on the eight week schedule. According to my gastro, we no longer have to monitor the stricture I had closest to my rectum because it's not there anymore! That means fewer rectal exams!!! For the most part, I am doing well. Shitty days are to be expected and thankfully they have been few and far between.
Saturday, April 7, 2018
I Can Always Run Two Miles
My journey back to running has been smoother than I thought it would be. Prior to March 18, 2018, my last run had been the Space Coast Half Marathon on November 26, 2017. If you don't know what I went through between that period of time, look at my previous posts. Once again it feels like I'm starting over. Whether it's true or not, I think I can always run two miles. Okay, maybe it's not exactly true. Take a look at my stats below and see how fast my body is capable of bouncing back though.
- The first time I decided to see what it would feel like to run again, I jogged on and off during my walk and logged 2.23 miles in 31:46 on March 18th. Keep in mind that this was just two and a half weeks after my last surgery and it was a week and a half to three and a half weeks before I was technically supposed to do any "strenuous activity". Running isn't strenuous, right?
- Since the trial run felt okay, the second time I laced up I intentionally went on a run and logged 2 miles in 25:05 on March 20th.
- On my eighth run back, I logged 2 miles in 20:23 on April 4th.
Running feels a lot different than I remember it feeling before my surgeries. It feels easier somehow even though I'm out of shape. I'm training for a few 5Ks to ease back into it. Eight runs in the past three weeks have prepared me for the Riverside Dash 5K tomorrow! While I will not be setting a personal record at the race tomorrow, it will be a huge victory for me to cross that finish line.
In general, my running goals are to go at my own pace and listen to my body. At the end of May, I will re-evaluate more specific running goals to determine realistic pace goals, target races, and training plans. I have long term running goals in the back of my mind, but they seem too crazy to take them seriously right now. My best running days are ahead of me!
In general, my running goals are to go at my own pace and listen to my body. At the end of May, I will re-evaluate more specific running goals to determine realistic pace goals, target races, and training plans. I have long term running goals in the back of my mind, but they seem too crazy to take them seriously right now. My best running days are ahead of me!
Sunday, March 18, 2018
This is What I Wanted
The ostomy reversal surgery took about an hour and half on Wednesday, February 28, 2018. It went well and I'm glad to finally have it behind me. My mom went down to the Cleveland Clinic with me to help me again. Even though I hate needing her help, I am grateful for her support. Taylor was there on surgery day and visited me again the day after surgery. She told me about all of her upcoming plans and it was a good escape for me. My Team Challenge friend, Bonnie, stopped by to visit me the day after surgery, too.
I basically just stayed in the hospital until I pooped. I pooped late on Friday, March 2nd and I was discharged Saturday, March 3rd. When I pooped for the first time out of my original asshole after surgery, I cried. Okay, I sobbed like crazy in the hospital room by myself. It was the most emotional and happiest shit I have ever taken in my life. It may have been the least impressive shit in the history of mankind, but it was beautiful to me.
Recovery is going well for the most part. Things are progressing nicely. I've been experiencing occasional stomach aches, but they haven't been lasting for too long. I can sit up from my bed without pushing myself up using my arms. I can bend over and tie my own shoes. I've been walking and working out on an elliptical. I even jogged today for the first time in nearly four months! At times my bowel movements are erratic, unpredictable, and uncontrollable. I've shit my pants more times in the past few weeks than I have in the past couple of years. Of course, the struggles fuck with me sometimes. When it's hard, I remind myself that this is what I wanted. I didn't want a permanent ostomy. I want to poop out of my first ass even if that means it's messy and I can't trust my bowels sometimes. Should I wear depends when I leave the house or should I risk shitting my pants in public? I think about bathrooms, flatulence, and bowel movements all the time. At first, the pain took my breath away whenever I sat up or stood up and walked. Thankfully, the pain has decreased significantly over the past few weeks and I'm able to move pain free now. I think I experienced more severe pain from the ostomy reversal surgery than I did from the bowel resection surgery. Since pain medicine causes constipation, I avoided pain meds after surgery day because I knew I couldn't be discharged unless I pooped. I chose to be in pain to give myself a better chance to poop and get out of there.
The past few months feel like they were an out of body experience and it feels weird to be on the other side both surgeries. As if I've detached myself from it in a way. I've been waiting for this battle with Crohn's to break me physically, mentally, or otherwise. I've been waiting for it to change who I am. It hasn't really broken me or changed me this time though. I've somehow managed to bounce back quickly whenever the current struggles fuck with me. My battle with Crohn's in 2012 seemed more difficult to deal with and definitely broke and changed me more than this current battle. Hell, even my battle with Crohn's in 2014/2015 seemed to break me and change me more than this one and it's likely because I have felt a lot sicker in the past than I have recently. I knew going into the first surgery that if I had to pick a time in my life for this to happen, this is it. I think being in shape and somewhat healthy leading into it as well as having the support of my family, friends, and employer helped me get through this as well as I have.
I had my first infusion back on Remicade on Thursday, March 15, 2018. They pre-medicated me with Benadryl and steroids because the risk of an allergic reaction is higher since I was off of Remicade for over six months. When the Benadryl hit my veins, I took a nap. Now that I'm in full recovery mode and back on the magic juice, I'm going to start making my comeback!
I basically just stayed in the hospital until I pooped. I pooped late on Friday, March 2nd and I was discharged Saturday, March 3rd. When I pooped for the first time out of my original asshole after surgery, I cried. Okay, I sobbed like crazy in the hospital room by myself. It was the most emotional and happiest shit I have ever taken in my life. It may have been the least impressive shit in the history of mankind, but it was beautiful to me.
Recovery is going well for the most part. Things are progressing nicely. I've been experiencing occasional stomach aches, but they haven't been lasting for too long. I can sit up from my bed without pushing myself up using my arms. I can bend over and tie my own shoes. I've been walking and working out on an elliptical. I even jogged today for the first time in nearly four months! At times my bowel movements are erratic, unpredictable, and uncontrollable. I've shit my pants more times in the past few weeks than I have in the past couple of years. Of course, the struggles fuck with me sometimes. When it's hard, I remind myself that this is what I wanted. I didn't want a permanent ostomy. I want to poop out of my first ass even if that means it's messy and I can't trust my bowels sometimes. Should I wear depends when I leave the house or should I risk shitting my pants in public? I think about bathrooms, flatulence, and bowel movements all the time. At first, the pain took my breath away whenever I sat up or stood up and walked. Thankfully, the pain has decreased significantly over the past few weeks and I'm able to move pain free now. I think I experienced more severe pain from the ostomy reversal surgery than I did from the bowel resection surgery. Since pain medicine causes constipation, I avoided pain meds after surgery day because I knew I couldn't be discharged unless I pooped. I chose to be in pain to give myself a better chance to poop and get out of there.
The past few months feel like they were an out of body experience and it feels weird to be on the other side both surgeries. As if I've detached myself from it in a way. I've been waiting for this battle with Crohn's to break me physically, mentally, or otherwise. I've been waiting for it to change who I am. It hasn't really broken me or changed me this time though. I've somehow managed to bounce back quickly whenever the current struggles fuck with me. My battle with Crohn's in 2012 seemed more difficult to deal with and definitely broke and changed me more than this current battle. Hell, even my battle with Crohn's in 2014/2015 seemed to break me and change me more than this one and it's likely because I have felt a lot sicker in the past than I have recently. I knew going into the first surgery that if I had to pick a time in my life for this to happen, this is it. I think being in shape and somewhat healthy leading into it as well as having the support of my family, friends, and employer helped me get through this as well as I have.
I had my first infusion back on Remicade on Thursday, March 15, 2018. They pre-medicated me with Benadryl and steroids because the risk of an allergic reaction is higher since I was off of Remicade for over six months. When the Benadryl hit my veins, I took a nap. Now that I'm in full recovery mode and back on the magic juice, I'm going to start making my comeback!
Sunday, February 25, 2018
One Less Asshole
I have finally been cleared for ostomy reversal surgery at the Cleveland Clinic on Wednesday, February 28, 2018. The colonoscopy and biopsy results came back showing mildly active Crohn's disease in my rectum and throughout my colon.The active inflammation won't keep me from moving forward with surgery though. It sucks to be told Crohn's is active again. I haven't had a dose of Remicade since September 5, 2017. My gastro thinks it's best to wait to start back on Remicade two weeks to a month after surgery.
At my pre-op clearance appointment with my primary care doctor, I had lab work and a urinary analysis (UA) done. The UA came back showing a urinary tract infection (UTI). I'm skeptical that it was really an infection because I had zero symptoms. They prescribed Cipro, an antibiotic, and asked me to come back in to get another UA. The second UA also came back showing a UTI even though I had taken Cipro.They prescribed me a different antibiotic (Sulfamethoxazole-TMP). I can't bring myself to believe that the alleged UTI was really an infection as I had not experienced any symptoms. I considered not taking the second antibiotic at all. However, after I spoke with one of my nurse friends, I decided to only take the second antibiotic for three days instead of the prescribed five days.
Surgery is only three days away! I changed my ostomy appliance for the last time today. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. In just a few days, Scarlett will be gone and I will be shitting out of my original asshole again! The world will soon have one less asshole in it. This makes me happy! I went into the first surgery expecting to have an ostomy for the rest of my life. Three months later, I find myself going into the second surgery to reverse the ostomy. It's mind boggling! Recovery will have its challenges, but I am ready to get through another surgery. I can't wait to put this behind me.
Surgery time is to be determined on February 28th. They expect surgery to take about two hours and they expect me to be in the hospital for two to four days.
At my pre-op clearance appointment with my primary care doctor, I had lab work and a urinary analysis (UA) done. The UA came back showing a urinary tract infection (UTI). I'm skeptical that it was really an infection because I had zero symptoms. They prescribed Cipro, an antibiotic, and asked me to come back in to get another UA. The second UA also came back showing a UTI even though I had taken Cipro.They prescribed me a different antibiotic (Sulfamethoxazole-TMP). I can't bring myself to believe that the alleged UTI was really an infection as I had not experienced any symptoms. I considered not taking the second antibiotic at all. However, after I spoke with one of my nurse friends, I decided to only take the second antibiotic for three days instead of the prescribed five days.
Surgery is only three days away! I changed my ostomy appliance for the last time today. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. In just a few days, Scarlett will be gone and I will be shitting out of my original asshole again! The world will soon have one less asshole in it. This makes me happy! I went into the first surgery expecting to have an ostomy for the rest of my life. Three months later, I find myself going into the second surgery to reverse the ostomy. It's mind boggling! Recovery will have its challenges, but I am ready to get through another surgery. I can't wait to put this behind me.
Surgery time is to be determined on February 28th. They expect surgery to take about two hours and they expect me to be in the hospital for two to four days.
Tuesday, February 13, 2018
My Ordinary Reality
If you endure something long enough, it will slowly become your new normal. This post is about my new normal. The forthcoming sentences and pictures have strangely become my ordinary reality during the past few months. It may be disgusting. I can't close my browser to stop being repulsed by my new reality though. I have to deal with this shit no matter how nauseating it is at times. It sucks, but I'm getting better at it.
My preferred way to empty the shit in my pouch into the toilet is to lift the toilet seat and get on my knees to get closer to the water line so that I decrease the amount of splash caused by dumping the shit into the toilet. This is hard on my knees and troublesome when the floor is wet. Before I got the ostomy, I would never touch a toilet seat outside of my house. I'm great at squatting and hovering. lol Now, I find myself touching the toilet seat with my hand in every bathroom I use. There is nothing neat about dumping the shit into the toilet. Even though I reduce splatter, I do not eliminate it. It is common for shitty toilet water to splash back up onto the toilet rim, my hands, arms, and/or clothes. I use wipes and/or toilet paper to clean the opening of my ostomy before rolling it to close it and sometimes my finger pokes a hole in the wipe/toilet paper causing my finger to make direct contact with shit.
I also come in direct contact with my shit on change days. Scarlett is almost always producing output while I change the ostomy appliance. I inevitably end up getting shit on me during the process. I recorded Scarlett shitting on me this morning, but due to technical difficulties I could not upload the video on here. You'll have to settle for pictures instead.
My preferred way to empty the shit in my pouch into the toilet is to lift the toilet seat and get on my knees to get closer to the water line so that I decrease the amount of splash caused by dumping the shit into the toilet. This is hard on my knees and troublesome when the floor is wet. Before I got the ostomy, I would never touch a toilet seat outside of my house. I'm great at squatting and hovering. lol Now, I find myself touching the toilet seat with my hand in every bathroom I use. There is nothing neat about dumping the shit into the toilet. Even though I reduce splatter, I do not eliminate it. It is common for shitty toilet water to splash back up onto the toilet rim, my hands, arms, and/or clothes. I use wipes and/or toilet paper to clean the opening of my ostomy before rolling it to close it and sometimes my finger pokes a hole in the wipe/toilet paper causing my finger to make direct contact with shit.
I also come in direct contact with my shit on change days. Scarlett is almost always producing output while I change the ostomy appliance. I inevitably end up getting shit on me during the process. I recorded Scarlett shitting on me this morning, but due to technical difficulties I could not upload the video on here. You'll have to settle for pictures instead.
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My stoma is now 7/8", which is just slightly smaller than a quarter.
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I set out my ostomy supplies to prepare for change day.
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Oh no, Scarlett is about to blow!
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She always thinks it's a good time to shit when she's free. She's a non-stop asshole like that. I'm 30 years old and still shitting myself regularly.
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The feeling of victory when she behaves long enough for me to clean and dry the area, and prepare and apply the adhesive parts of the appliance.
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Bring it on, Crohn's Just kidding, please leave me alone.
This photo shows that I am okay. I am making it through this. I am pretty fucking amazing!
Tuesday, February 6, 2018
Birthday Weekend 2018
I don't know where to start. I felt special and loved this weekend even though it didn't go quite as planned. This past Friday, Taylor came to visit and she arrived at the house before I got home. Without getting into the gritty details, my mom said and did some things that were mean and not hospitable to Taylor. It upset Taylor to the point of tears. When Taylor told me she didn't want to stay at my place on Friday night, I didn't blame her. I was so mad in my car on my way home when I found out what happened that I wanted to cry! Taylor did not deserve to be treated that way. My chest still feels heavy from what happened on Friday. While it annoys me to be having these feelings, it is better than being numb at the moment.
I drafted a whole post on the bad part about it along with insight on my relationship with my mom, but I can't bring myself to share it in its entirety. I always try to keep my grievances to myself, so I'm going to share a little background on the drama that built these walls around me instead of sharing something that may cause a loss of dignity. Somewhere along the way enough proverbial stones were thrown at me for me to become numb to the pain. I don't care (at least that's what I tell myself) because it isn't worth the fight anymore. Don't get me wrong, I'm not innocent in this drama. At some point though, I realized the drama made me someone I didn't want to be and I closed myself off. I flipped an emotional switch. I stopped playing the game. I built these walls around me and I struggle to let anyone in because of it.
Taylor apologized for not being strong. I apologized for my mom. Taylor doesn't have the walls protecting her that I had. She isn't numb to the pain my mom's words can inflict and my mom's words cut her deeply. It devastated me to see the emotional pain my mom caused Taylor. Suddenly, I was no longer numb to my mom's bullshit. This time, my mom's words cut me. Taylor is stronger than she gives herself credit for. After we had time to talk about what had happened, she told me not to give up on my mom.
Big sister to the rescue! Lynn, didn't hesitate to welcome Taylor and I to stay the night at her place. I was a little terrified to be having my first sleep over since getting the ostomy. It helped that I could make myself at home and use the bathrooms whenever I needed to without feeling embarrassed. We snuggled on the couch and watched T.V. Taylor and I had tequila. It was my first time having alcohol since surgery and other than having a burning sensation around my stoma in the middle of the night, it was okay. A huge shout out to Lynn for taking us in!
Lynn had to leave early in the morning. She was awesome and let us sleep in. Taylor and I had a fun day on Saturday spending time together and catching up! We went to the Winter Park Farmer's Market where I bought Girl Scout cookies. We strolled around Park Avenue. Taylor had her wedding ring cleaned. We ate lunch at he Cheesecake Factory and our waitress recommended a nail salon close by for pedicures. Taylor treated me to a pedicure. They used a cheese grater to remove all of my dead skin. I don't think my feet have ever been this smooth before. After getting our nails done, we went to the Florida Mall to shop for some ostomy friendly shirts I could wear to work. By this time, my pouch was full and it was easy to tell if the shirts I tried on were loose enough to hide the shit in the bag under the shirt. I got two shirts courtesy of Taylor! Thank you for spending time and money on me, Taylor! I love my feet and I love my new shirts!
When we were done at the mall, we went back to my place. We kept to ourselves and didn't interact with anyone else at the house. The tension in the house was a little awkward. Soon enough Lynn arrived for movie and pizza night in my room. We ordered pizza and watched the first and second Miss Congeniality. I enjoyed our relaxing time together.
Sunday, Taylor and I relaxed as I prepped for my colonoscopy. I was on a clear liquid diet all day. Taylor walked with me while I went rollerblading. We took a three hour nap and we watched Wild Hogs on Netflix. We watched part of the Super Bowl with my family. My mom acted as if nothing had happened. It was stressful and weird. I did an enema before we went to bed around 8:30pm.
I woke up at 4:30am on my birthday to do another enema before Taylor took me to my colonoscopy appointment. I'll blog about that later. After my colonoscopy, we stopped at Wawa and Taylor took me back to my place. We made the most of our time together! I can't wait to celebrate my 30th birthday for real when I'm fully recovered from my next surgery.
Big sister to the rescue! Lynn, didn't hesitate to welcome Taylor and I to stay the night at her place. I was a little terrified to be having my first sleep over since getting the ostomy. It helped that I could make myself at home and use the bathrooms whenever I needed to without feeling embarrassed. We snuggled on the couch and watched T.V. Taylor and I had tequila. It was my first time having alcohol since surgery and other than having a burning sensation around my stoma in the middle of the night, it was okay. A huge shout out to Lynn for taking us in!
Lynn had to leave early in the morning. She was awesome and let us sleep in. Taylor and I had a fun day on Saturday spending time together and catching up! We went to the Winter Park Farmer's Market where I bought Girl Scout cookies. We strolled around Park Avenue. Taylor had her wedding ring cleaned. We ate lunch at he Cheesecake Factory and our waitress recommended a nail salon close by for pedicures. Taylor treated me to a pedicure. They used a cheese grater to remove all of my dead skin. I don't think my feet have ever been this smooth before. After getting our nails done, we went to the Florida Mall to shop for some ostomy friendly shirts I could wear to work. By this time, my pouch was full and it was easy to tell if the shirts I tried on were loose enough to hide the shit in the bag under the shirt. I got two shirts courtesy of Taylor! Thank you for spending time and money on me, Taylor! I love my feet and I love my new shirts!
When we were done at the mall, we went back to my place. We kept to ourselves and didn't interact with anyone else at the house. The tension in the house was a little awkward. Soon enough Lynn arrived for movie and pizza night in my room. We ordered pizza and watched the first and second Miss Congeniality. I enjoyed our relaxing time together.
Sunday, Taylor and I relaxed as I prepped for my colonoscopy. I was on a clear liquid diet all day. Taylor walked with me while I went rollerblading. We took a three hour nap and we watched Wild Hogs on Netflix. We watched part of the Super Bowl with my family. My mom acted as if nothing had happened. It was stressful and weird. I did an enema before we went to bed around 8:30pm.
I woke up at 4:30am on my birthday to do another enema before Taylor took me to my colonoscopy appointment. I'll blog about that later. After my colonoscopy, we stopped at Wawa and Taylor took me back to my place. We made the most of our time together! I can't wait to celebrate my 30th birthday for real when I'm fully recovered from my next surgery.
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