I don't know where to start. I felt special and loved this weekend even though it didn't go quite as planned. This past Friday, Taylor came to visit and she arrived at the house before I got home. Without getting into the gritty details, my mom said and did some things that were mean and not hospitable to Taylor. It upset Taylor to the point of tears. When Taylor told me she didn't want to stay at my place on Friday night, I didn't blame her. I was so mad in my car on my way home when I found out what happened that I wanted to cry! Taylor did not deserve to be treated that way. My chest still feels heavy from what happened on Friday. While it annoys me to be having these feelings, it is better than being numb at the moment.
I drafted a whole post on the bad part about it along with insight on my relationship with my mom, but I can't bring myself to share it in its entirety. I always try to keep my grievances to myself, so I'm going to share a little background on the drama that built these walls around me instead of sharing something that may cause a loss of dignity. Somewhere along the way enough proverbial stones were thrown at me for me to become numb to the pain. I don't care (at least that's what I tell myself) because it isn't worth the fight anymore. Don't get me wrong, I'm not innocent in this drama. At some point though, I realized the drama made me someone I didn't want to be and I closed myself off. I flipped an emotional switch. I stopped playing the game. I built these walls around me and I struggle to let anyone in because of it.
Taylor apologized for not being strong. I apologized for my mom. Taylor doesn't have the walls protecting her that I had. She isn't numb to the pain my mom's words can inflict and my mom's words cut her deeply. It devastated me to see the emotional pain my mom caused Taylor. Suddenly, I was no longer numb to my mom's bullshit. This time, my mom's words cut me. Taylor is stronger than she gives herself credit for. After we had time to talk about what had happened, she told me not to give up on my mom.
Big sister to the rescue! Lynn, didn't hesitate to welcome Taylor and I to stay the night at her place. I was a little terrified to be having my first sleep over since getting the ostomy. It helped that I could make myself at home and use the bathrooms whenever I needed to without feeling embarrassed. We snuggled on the couch and watched T.V. Taylor and I had tequila. It was my first time having alcohol since surgery and other than having a burning sensation around my stoma in the middle of the night, it was okay. A huge shout out to Lynn for taking us in!
Lynn had to leave early in the morning. She was awesome and let us sleep in. Taylor and I had a fun day on Saturday spending time together and catching up! We went to the Winter Park Farmer's Market where I bought Girl Scout cookies. We strolled around Park Avenue. Taylor had her wedding ring cleaned. We ate lunch at he Cheesecake Factory and our waitress recommended a nail salon close by for pedicures. Taylor treated me to a pedicure. They used a cheese grater to remove all of my dead skin. I don't think my feet have ever been this smooth before. After getting our nails done, we went to the Florida Mall to shop for some ostomy friendly shirts I could wear to work. By this time, my pouch was full and it was easy to tell if the shirts I tried on were loose enough to hide the shit in the bag under the shirt. I got two shirts courtesy of Taylor! Thank you for spending time and money on me, Taylor! I love my feet and I love my new shirts!
When we were done at the mall, we went back to my place. We kept to ourselves and didn't interact with anyone else at the house. The tension in the house was a little awkward. Soon enough Lynn arrived for movie and pizza night in my room. We ordered pizza and watched the first and second Miss Congeniality. I enjoyed our relaxing time together.
Sunday, Taylor and I relaxed as I prepped for my colonoscopy. I was on a clear liquid diet all day. Taylor walked with me while I went rollerblading. We took a three hour nap and we watched Wild Hogs on Netflix. We watched part of the Super Bowl with my family. My mom acted as if nothing had happened. It was stressful and weird. I did an enema before we went to bed around 8:30pm.
I woke up at 4:30am on my birthday to do another enema before Taylor took me to my colonoscopy appointment. I'll blog about that later. After my colonoscopy, we stopped at Wawa and Taylor took me back to my place. We made the most of our time together! I can't wait to celebrate my 30th birthday for real when I'm fully recovered from my next surgery.
Big sister to the rescue! Lynn, didn't hesitate to welcome Taylor and I to stay the night at her place. I was a little terrified to be having my first sleep over since getting the ostomy. It helped that I could make myself at home and use the bathrooms whenever I needed to without feeling embarrassed. We snuggled on the couch and watched T.V. Taylor and I had tequila. It was my first time having alcohol since surgery and other than having a burning sensation around my stoma in the middle of the night, it was okay. A huge shout out to Lynn for taking us in!
Lynn had to leave early in the morning. She was awesome and let us sleep in. Taylor and I had a fun day on Saturday spending time together and catching up! We went to the Winter Park Farmer's Market where I bought Girl Scout cookies. We strolled around Park Avenue. Taylor had her wedding ring cleaned. We ate lunch at he Cheesecake Factory and our waitress recommended a nail salon close by for pedicures. Taylor treated me to a pedicure. They used a cheese grater to remove all of my dead skin. I don't think my feet have ever been this smooth before. After getting our nails done, we went to the Florida Mall to shop for some ostomy friendly shirts I could wear to work. By this time, my pouch was full and it was easy to tell if the shirts I tried on were loose enough to hide the shit in the bag under the shirt. I got two shirts courtesy of Taylor! Thank you for spending time and money on me, Taylor! I love my feet and I love my new shirts!
When we were done at the mall, we went back to my place. We kept to ourselves and didn't interact with anyone else at the house. The tension in the house was a little awkward. Soon enough Lynn arrived for movie and pizza night in my room. We ordered pizza and watched the first and second Miss Congeniality. I enjoyed our relaxing time together.
Sunday, Taylor and I relaxed as I prepped for my colonoscopy. I was on a clear liquid diet all day. Taylor walked with me while I went rollerblading. We took a three hour nap and we watched Wild Hogs on Netflix. We watched part of the Super Bowl with my family. My mom acted as if nothing had happened. It was stressful and weird. I did an enema before we went to bed around 8:30pm.
I woke up at 4:30am on my birthday to do another enema before Taylor took me to my colonoscopy appointment. I'll blog about that later. After my colonoscopy, we stopped at Wawa and Taylor took me back to my place. We made the most of our time together! I can't wait to celebrate my 30th birthday for real when I'm fully recovered from my next surgery.
