I had been feeling great for a while and it gave me confidence to start announcing how well I was doing... and then Tuesday happened. I started feeling pain between my down below cheeks. By the time I got home and mustered up the courage to grab a mirror to help me see what was going on, I had an unmistakable abscess. I felt more frustrated than concerned because I don't have time to be dealing with this shit. I want to be healthy to run. I want to be healthy to put my best foot forward at work. Hell, I just want to be healthy so that I can live my life pain free.
I tried to get my gastro or colorectal doctors to prescribe me antibiotics, but they guided me to make an appointment with my gastro first. On Wednesday, I knew I had to make an appointment quickly before my absscess got any worse. That meant I also had to request off of work less than two full weeks into my new position. Requesting off of work for health reasons stresses me out because it's often on short notice. I never wanted to have the difficult conversation with my employer describing my condition, Crohn's disease. It wasn't a possibility. I wouldn't even consider it. I should write another post describing my motives behind my decision not to disclose my health issues with co-workers and supervisors.
Anyway, the unthinkable happened on Wednesday when I requested off for my doctor's appointment today. I told my supervisor that I needed to take some personal time and she was easy going about it. I apologized for the short notice and mentioned that if she needs to know more info, I would tell her. So, being a talkative gal she chimed right in and said, "Well, now you've peaked my interest. What more is there to know?" I pretty much wanted to crawl into hole and swallow my tongue. I closed her office door and proceeded to tell her I have Crohn's disease. I explained what Crohn's is and then she asked a few personal questions, but it was too late to shut up. She was understanding and supportive. The most impressive thing though was that I didn't cry at all during the conversation. I don't know why I usually get emotional when I have to talk about it, but not this time. It was like an out of body experience. When I walked out of her office, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted. Even today, she asked me more questions about it.
Bring on the antibiotics: Flagyl and Cipro! I'll be feeling like shit for the next ten to fourteen days just so that I can feel better. I will likely poop myself before it's over!!!
Thursday, March 31, 2016
Saturday, March 26, 2016
3 Miles Down, 23.2 Miles To Go
Isn't it incredible what our bodies and minds can be trained to do? I am extremely fortunate how easy it is for my body to get back into shape when I'm feeling well. It's almost not fair to others. How many people can go from not being able to run one mile straight to being able to run three miles straight in 33 minutes in just three weeks? If you've been a beginner runner before, you know that's not something just anyone can do. I trained for a 5k in three weeks and that seems insanely awesome!!! A typical couch to 5k training program is 8-10 weeks long. Running feels right and I'm thrilled with how well training is going so far. It's been wonderful to hit the roads and trails even if it's already getting hot. My body is building strength and endurance every week!
I'm not really sure what the purpose is of the following paragraph, but it's just a glimpse of what goes on inside my head. Read at your own risk and feel free to judge me silently.
When I was going to counseling (oh by the way, I stopped) one of the things I told my counselor was that I feel like without my chronic illness I would be superhuman. The disease brings me down to even the playing field with regular, healthy folks. Now, I know this might make me sound like an arrogant asshole. I also know it's not ideal to believe that this disease gives me limitations in life. However, the fact is that chronic illness is a constant battle. I am a fighter and I would be lying if I said I am unaffected by it. In moments of wellness, it feels like I am superhuman. By saying it "evens the playing field," I mean that I can do anything any regular, healthy person can do; however, if I wasn't sick, I think my potential would have a higher capacity for awesomeness. I don't like to use Crohn's as a crutch or an excuse. If you know me, you know eventually I will persevere through my struggles. When I'm not depressed, I think I'm pretty damn awesome!
I'm not really sure what the purpose is of the following paragraph, but it's just a glimpse of what goes on inside my head. Read at your own risk and feel free to judge me silently.
When I was going to counseling (oh by the way, I stopped) one of the things I told my counselor was that I feel like without my chronic illness I would be superhuman. The disease brings me down to even the playing field with regular, healthy folks. Now, I know this might make me sound like an arrogant asshole. I also know it's not ideal to believe that this disease gives me limitations in life. However, the fact is that chronic illness is a constant battle. I am a fighter and I would be lying if I said I am unaffected by it. In moments of wellness, it feels like I am superhuman. By saying it "evens the playing field," I mean that I can do anything any regular, healthy person can do; however, if I wasn't sick, I think my potential would have a higher capacity for awesomeness. I don't like to use Crohn's as a crutch or an excuse. If you know me, you know eventually I will persevere through my struggles. When I'm not depressed, I think I'm pretty damn awesome!
Sunday, March 20, 2016
Mystery Pain
After I got home from work on Friday, I went to the bathroom to take a crap like usual. I would consider it a fairly decent bowel movement, but for some reason it left me in so much pain that I had trouble standing up from the toilet. The pain was coming from inside my rectum and it felt almost like I had a sharp edged turd begging to be let out. I hobbled my way out of the bathroom and into the family room where my sister, Kelly, sat. She knew by the sound of my footsteps that something was wrong before I even entered the room. Once she took a look at me and saw how much pain I was in, her first response was, "Do we need to get you to the hospital?" Of course, I waived off the suggestion. Kelly helped me to my bed, and then brought me some water and pain meds.
Inside my butt was in extreme discomfort and it was so bad that I thought I felt slight agony towards my vagina, too. Staying still in bed seemed to take the edge off a bit. I was at a loss of what was happening and Kelly simply said, "It's Crohn's." She was right. It was fucking Crohn's disease. The pain finally subsided about two hours later. I am so glad it happened at home and not while I was at work. Episodes like this scare me even though I act as if it doesn't phase me. It makes me question my quest for independence and my ability to fully take care of myself in the future. 75 % of Crohn's patients will require surgery. With my disease history it's likely I'll be part of that 75% one day, but not today.
I woke up Saturday morning with no signs of the pain I experienced the night before, so I laced up and went for an outstanding two mile run at a 10 minute and 48 second pace per mile! Already attaining that pace only two weeks into training has me pumped!
Inside my butt was in extreme discomfort and it was so bad that I thought I felt slight agony towards my vagina, too. Staying still in bed seemed to take the edge off a bit. I was at a loss of what was happening and Kelly simply said, "It's Crohn's." She was right. It was fucking Crohn's disease. The pain finally subsided about two hours later. I am so glad it happened at home and not while I was at work. Episodes like this scare me even though I act as if it doesn't phase me. It makes me question my quest for independence and my ability to fully take care of myself in the future. 75 % of Crohn's patients will require surgery. With my disease history it's likely I'll be part of that 75% one day, but not today.
I woke up Saturday morning with no signs of the pain I experienced the night before, so I laced up and went for an outstanding two mile run at a 10 minute and 48 second pace per mile! Already attaining that pace only two weeks into training has me pumped!
Thursday, March 17, 2016
A New Chapter Professionally
Tomorrow will mark one month since the Contract / Risk Specialist opportunity came my way. If I could have looked through binoculars into the future, I'm not sure I would have had the guts to envision where I am today. Even though my official start date for pay rate purposes is Monday, I trained with my new supervisor again today and I will train with her again tomorrow. I finally got the offer/transfer letter from HR and signed it, so it's really official! This is a huge opportunity I have in front of me and I am extremely thankfully that my new supervisor and Wharton-Smith want to invest their time and money in me. There's no doubt it will be challenging, but that's part of what makes it appealing.
I wrote my payroll supervisor a thank you note for being an amazing supervisor. It was sad turning over all of my payroll access (passwords, key cards, keys). I am super thankful she supported me during this transition to the extent of coming in really early and staying really late in order to allow me to transfer quickly. Seriously, she needs a cape with a dollar sign on it. I'm glad I have someone like her in my corner.
I wrote my payroll supervisor a thank you note for being an amazing supervisor. It was sad turning over all of my payroll access (passwords, key cards, keys). I am super thankful she supported me during this transition to the extent of coming in really early and staying really late in order to allow me to transfer quickly. Seriously, she needs a cape with a dollar sign on it. I'm glad I have someone like her in my corner.
Saturday, March 12, 2016
Coming Down from the High
Dare I say this week has been the best week ever! I know, I know I won't shut up about it.
I ran 6 miles this week and today I knocked off over two minutes from my two mile time on Tuesday. I love it when my body feels good! It's only my first week of training and I was already able to run two miles without stopping for a walk break today. Today I ran two miles in 22 minutes and 13 seconds. That's pretty good considering how out of shape I am. I hope to keep improving. My motivation has been through the roof and I am head over heels in love with running again. I know health is always an uncertainty, but my goal is to train hard, train smart, and finish strong. If I can do that, I believe I can get a PR in NYC. My training schedule has been made, but right now my focus is to get ready for the Corporate 5k on April 7th. I can't wait to run with some co-workers! My company is giving every employee that crosses the finish line a Fitbit!
My first training day in my new position yesterday went well. My new supervisor had a lengthy conversation with me about how I got the position. I found out that I beat out six other candidates for the job. Originally my new supervisor already had a different internal candidate in mind for the position and was just going to offer it to that person, but the CEO told her that she had to open the position to everyone. She got two other ladies from her department to help with the hiring process since she felt she was biased. Evidently, my cover letter really gave me an edge because it showed my amazing writing ability. The person that my new supervisor originally wanted for the position is a Project Assistant, so he/she already has some experience and is familiar with contracts and work flow, but he/she didn't have a strongly written cover letter and didn't have a college degree. After all of the interviews, my new supervisor consulted with the two ladies from her department and they both chose me for the position. My new supervisor also agreed that I was the best for the position because I was also the best communicator in the interview. They all felt that it would be easier to train someone from scratch, which it's anticipated that it will take up to two years for me to fully learn the position, than to train someone how to communicate proficiently even if they already have some experience. My new position will be communicating with executives on a daily basis, so they felt it was extremely important to have someone competent that can write e-mails and such without having to proof read everything.
I am so proud of myself for really earning this position. This position will be a change of pace that will take some adjusting to. It's strange not knowing anything and not being able to really be productive at this point. At least, my new supervisor understands that it's a slow learning process. Its not slow because I'm not smart, it's slow because there's a lot of information to learn and a lot of decisions are circumstantial. There aren't necessarily rules for everything. Rather, there are guidelines with multiple directions. I can already tell she is going to be a great mentor. She knows her field well and she has passion for what she does. I can't wait to get on her level of understanding. The way she manipulates words and negotiates contracts is impressive. So far, I'm really intrigued. So far, I feel dumb.
I ran 6 miles this week and today I knocked off over two minutes from my two mile time on Tuesday. I love it when my body feels good! It's only my first week of training and I was already able to run two miles without stopping for a walk break today. Today I ran two miles in 22 minutes and 13 seconds. That's pretty good considering how out of shape I am. I hope to keep improving. My motivation has been through the roof and I am head over heels in love with running again. I know health is always an uncertainty, but my goal is to train hard, train smart, and finish strong. If I can do that, I believe I can get a PR in NYC. My training schedule has been made, but right now my focus is to get ready for the Corporate 5k on April 7th. I can't wait to run with some co-workers! My company is giving every employee that crosses the finish line a Fitbit!
My first training day in my new position yesterday went well. My new supervisor had a lengthy conversation with me about how I got the position. I found out that I beat out six other candidates for the job. Originally my new supervisor already had a different internal candidate in mind for the position and was just going to offer it to that person, but the CEO told her that she had to open the position to everyone. She got two other ladies from her department to help with the hiring process since she felt she was biased. Evidently, my cover letter really gave me an edge because it showed my amazing writing ability. The person that my new supervisor originally wanted for the position is a Project Assistant, so he/she already has some experience and is familiar with contracts and work flow, but he/she didn't have a strongly written cover letter and didn't have a college degree. After all of the interviews, my new supervisor consulted with the two ladies from her department and they both chose me for the position. My new supervisor also agreed that I was the best for the position because I was also the best communicator in the interview. They all felt that it would be easier to train someone from scratch, which it's anticipated that it will take up to two years for me to fully learn the position, than to train someone how to communicate proficiently even if they already have some experience. My new position will be communicating with executives on a daily basis, so they felt it was extremely important to have someone competent that can write e-mails and such without having to proof read everything.
I am so proud of myself for really earning this position. This position will be a change of pace that will take some adjusting to. It's strange not knowing anything and not being able to really be productive at this point. At least, my new supervisor understands that it's a slow learning process. Its not slow because I'm not smart, it's slow because there's a lot of information to learn and a lot of decisions are circumstantial. There aren't necessarily rules for everything. Rather, there are guidelines with multiple directions. I can already tell she is going to be a great mentor. She knows her field well and she has passion for what she does. I can't wait to get on her level of understanding. The way she manipulates words and negotiates contracts is impressive. So far, I'm really intrigued. So far, I feel dumb.
Wednesday, March 9, 2016
Life is Good
Today, I finished my last payroll run at Wharton-Smith. It was bittersweet. I have loved working in the payroll office and learning from my amazing supervisor. There was not one day I woke up not wanting to go to work. That's how much I enjoyed it! It has been a great experience and I am truly going to miss it. I will be wrapping up my responsibilities as payroll assistant and training someone how to do some of my tasks. Even though my official start date is March 21st (That's the date my pay increase takes effect), my soft transition begins this Friday. This Friday, I'll be training with my new supervisor! Next week, I'll be back in payroll Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday; and then I'll be training with my new supervisor on Thursday and Friday. After the 21st, I will officially be the contracts/risk specialist and I may float back to payroll occasionally until they're able to fill my old position. I can't wait to start learning my new position! I am up for the challenge and I think the folks in my new department will prove to be great mentors for me.
After messaging some friends, once I realized I really got into the NYC Marathon I went into my supervisor's office and told her with a shaky voice and tears in my eyes. She was ecstatic! She shared with me in my excited disbelief and even had tears in her eyes, too! I never dreamed I would get in on my first try because I know people that have been trying for 5 years and still didn't get in this time. I have never been this excited about anything before. I can't even describe exactly how I feel about it because words seem so inadequate.
Financially, I wasn't really ready for it, but with my new promotion and taking on some work with my dad on the weekends I should be able to save for the trip/race without sacrificing other things I'm saving for. My bestie, Taylor, has already committed to join me and Kim will join us if her school schedule allows her to get away. I've booked a hotel in Midtown New York for four nights. Holy crapola, that's the most I've ever paid for a hotel per night. They better have great toilet paper. We want to see a Broadway show and cross the Brooklyn Bridge. I'm sure we'll come up with more to do. Just envisioning crossing the finish line in NYC has made me cry more than once already.
I am officially in marathon training! Yes, I expect it to take the entire 8 months until the race to properly train. Seriously, I want to be in the best shape of my life on race day. I'm still working out a training schedule, but the good news is that I already have runner friends volunteering to train with me on my long runs to help push me through.
After messaging some friends, once I realized I really got into the NYC Marathon I went into my supervisor's office and told her with a shaky voice and tears in my eyes. She was ecstatic! She shared with me in my excited disbelief and even had tears in her eyes, too! I never dreamed I would get in on my first try because I know people that have been trying for 5 years and still didn't get in this time. I have never been this excited about anything before. I can't even describe exactly how I feel about it because words seem so inadequate.
Financially, I wasn't really ready for it, but with my new promotion and taking on some work with my dad on the weekends I should be able to save for the trip/race without sacrificing other things I'm saving for. My bestie, Taylor, has already committed to join me and Kim will join us if her school schedule allows her to get away. I've booked a hotel in Midtown New York for four nights. Holy crapola, that's the most I've ever paid for a hotel per night. They better have great toilet paper. We want to see a Broadway show and cross the Brooklyn Bridge. I'm sure we'll come up with more to do. Just envisioning crossing the finish line in NYC has made me cry more than once already.
I am officially in marathon training! Yes, I expect it to take the entire 8 months until the race to properly train. Seriously, I want to be in the best shape of my life on race day. I'm still working out a training schedule, but the good news is that I already have runner friends volunteering to train with me on my long runs to help push me through.
Tuesday, March 8, 2016
This Smile is Glued to My Face
I have officially accepted the job offer for the contracts/risk specialist position. I will transfer on Monday, March 21st to my new cube downstairs. I am super excited about this opportunity!
Above is a snip from the e-mail that confirmed my entry into the 2016 TCS NYC Marathon! I won the lottery!
My lab results are in. Although they have improved slightly, the doc wants me to start taking iron again because my levels are still too low. He didn't mention anything about switching meds and since I'm feeling ok, I didn't ask.
It's not even Wednesday and this week has already been a whirlwind. When I have more time, I'll post more about my new position and NYC.
Above is a snip from the e-mail that confirmed my entry into the 2016 TCS NYC Marathon! I won the lottery!
My lab results are in. Although they have improved slightly, the doc wants me to start taking iron again because my levels are still too low. He didn't mention anything about switching meds and since I'm feeling ok, I didn't ask.
It's not even Wednesday and this week has already been a whirlwind. When I have more time, I'll post more about my new position and NYC.
Saturday, March 5, 2016
Big Week Next Week
Why does it seem like everything in life happens all at once. Next week is big because I'll be hearing back about the job either way, the lottery drawing for the NYC marathon is on Tuesday, and I should be getting my lab results back and hopefully feedback from my doctor about whether I'll be staying on Cimzia or not.
I interviewed for the contracts/risk specialist position on Thursday. There were two interviewers in the room and another interviewer on a video conference call. It was a little intense to be on the video screen during the interview. Questions flew at me in all directions. One right after the other for 45 minutes. At one point, I thought that interviews should be called interrogations instead. I never trust my vibes about things like this, so time will tell how it went. I can say that I'm pretty happy the way I answered the questions and I think my closing questions were solid. One of my questions was, "Do you see any gaps in my qualifications that would prevent you from offering me the position?" If offered the position, they know I would be transferring from a different department, so I told them that we would have to discuss the time frame with my supervisor to make a smooth transition. I'll find out next week if I got it or not. I really want to get this job offer. Either way it turns out, at least, I know I did my best.
I am pretty much freaking out about the lottery drawing on Tuesday!!!!! I want to get in so badly even though I am so out of shape that I have trouble running two straight miles without walking. I know there's only like an 18% chance that I'll get in, but I'm totally getting my hopes up about it.
I just got home from getting lab work done, finally. After three weeks, I felt healthy enough for it. The nurse struck gold on the first try, which is super rare. Plus, she didn't even have to move the needle around inside me to find the vein. She hit it right away. My arm doesn't even hurt. I hope to get the results back next week with feedback from my doctor. These labs are supposed to tell us if I'm still anemic and if Cimzia is still working. I stopped taking iron again last week and my period started yesterday, so I'm not very optimistic about my iron levels; However, I am optimistic about whether Cimzia is working or not. I have not been having any pain and my poop has been pretty good lately.
I interviewed for the contracts/risk specialist position on Thursday. There were two interviewers in the room and another interviewer on a video conference call. It was a little intense to be on the video screen during the interview. Questions flew at me in all directions. One right after the other for 45 minutes. At one point, I thought that interviews should be called interrogations instead. I never trust my vibes about things like this, so time will tell how it went. I can say that I'm pretty happy the way I answered the questions and I think my closing questions were solid. One of my questions was, "Do you see any gaps in my qualifications that would prevent you from offering me the position?" If offered the position, they know I would be transferring from a different department, so I told them that we would have to discuss the time frame with my supervisor to make a smooth transition. I'll find out next week if I got it or not. I really want to get this job offer. Either way it turns out, at least, I know I did my best.
I am pretty much freaking out about the lottery drawing on Tuesday!!!!! I want to get in so badly even though I am so out of shape that I have trouble running two straight miles without walking. I know there's only like an 18% chance that I'll get in, but I'm totally getting my hopes up about it.
I just got home from getting lab work done, finally. After three weeks, I felt healthy enough for it. The nurse struck gold on the first try, which is super rare. Plus, she didn't even have to move the needle around inside me to find the vein. She hit it right away. My arm doesn't even hurt. I hope to get the results back next week with feedback from my doctor. These labs are supposed to tell us if I'm still anemic and if Cimzia is still working. I stopped taking iron again last week and my period started yesterday, so I'm not very optimistic about my iron levels; However, I am optimistic about whether Cimzia is working or not. I have not been having any pain and my poop has been pretty good lately.
Tuesday, March 1, 2016
I Take Naps in My Dreams
I thought I got all of my credit card shenanigans straightened out. Thankfully, I remembered my dream last night, which triggered a thought. In the dream, my sisters, a few friends, and I were on vacation in NYC. Apparently, I take naps in my dreams. Anyways, when I woke up this morning, I was lost for second because I thought I was taking a nap in a hotel room in NYC, not in my bedroom in Florida. It made me think about my dream, NYC, and the NYC Marathon. That's when I started to freak out. I remembered that I forgot to change my billing information on the New York Road Runners website where the marathon lottery takes place. The drawing isn't until March 8th. so I did have some time... but it was a close call for someone with a memory as bad as mine. If I didn't update my billing info with a valid credit card and I won the lottery into the NYC Marathon on March 8th, I would have forfeited my entry because I didn't have a valid payment method on file.
I'm all set now! Honestly, I don't know if I'm more nervous about my interview on Thursday or the lottery drawing next Tuesday. All the while, I should probably be more concerned about taking naps in my dreams.
I'm all set now! Honestly, I don't know if I'm more nervous about my interview on Thursday or the lottery drawing next Tuesday. All the while, I should probably be more concerned about taking naps in my dreams.
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