Mental Chaos

Well, Sunday was my last day with Classic Mazda East. I finished May with 15 car sales! I hit and exceeded a bunch of sales goals and earned a bunch of bonuses, which is awesome! Honestly, over time I think I became good at selling cars. I don't mean to sound arrogant when I say that they will certainly be missing me now that I'm gone.  Why would I quit something I'm kind of good at? I'll have to dive into that answer later. I just know that I am happier now than I was prior to Sunday.

I originally thought I was going to be jobless until I found another job; however, my dad's company has been so slammed that I have picked up shifts with him all week and for the foreseeable future. At least until I can find a job where I can utilize my educational background.  I know I should be focusing on finding another job, but I could barely stand the idea of not working and not earning money. I'll be job searching and filling out applications on the weekends in order to hopefully schedule interviews during the week. So far, I don't have any job prospects, but I'm hopeful. After all, there is no motivation quite like working with family again to find a different job. I'm grateful to be working back with my dad, but I did not miss working so closely with my family.

At times my self talk gets me down because I hate that I just graduated college and I'm still working for my dad. Was it all for nothing?  Will I ever be independent? Will I have my shit together by the time I'm 30?

At times my self talk gets me pumped and makes me believe that I am going to find success. I'm smart, I'm funny, I'm charming, and I'm a hard worker. I should just take time off work to write an hour worth of a stand up comedic routine and try to tour comedy clubs and college campuses.

I am looking forward to the weekend because it will be my first weekend off in four months. Plus, it's two days off in a row. You bet your ass I have naps scheduled for this weekend. I'd love to go for a run too, but I don't want to get ahead of myself. I've got to ease back into getting myself back to being me.

I'm even going on vacation in nine days. I'll be heading to Alabama with my mom to go to a family friend's daughter's wedding. I can't wait to get on the dance floor!  This is the family who graciously let us stay with them on our road trip back from Texas when I was super sick.

Balance

Until the beginning of this month, I always thought that I would "marry" my job. I knew I wouldn't be marrying anything else, so it seemed like a reasonable idea at the time. I thought I could fall in love with work and live happily ever after. Replay May 2015 of working more than 50 hours a week and I quickly changed my mind. Although I want to, I no longer believe in that love anymore.  Who knows, it may exist. I just don't think I want it anymore. Don't get me wrong, I'm still motivated to find a company to be loyal to, but in return I need appreciation and work/life balance. My personal life may not be as exciting as most, but I still need balance. I want nothing to do with any sort of matrimony whatsoever anymore. I need time for friends, family, hobbies... I need time for me. Perhaps if those 50 plus hours were condensed into 4 or 5 work days, I could deal with it because that would give me 2 or 3 days off. However, having to go to work 6 or 7 days a week is exhausting and honestly it depreciated my overall happiness in life. 

Since I don't currently have any job prospects, it looks like I have time for an epic summer love! Who wants to set me up on a blind date? I'm attractive these days. I mean, I live with my parents, I haven't been working out, and I'm soon to be jobless. The date can be human or a calendar date for a surprise adventure.

Making Time

On June 1st, 2015, potentially my first day of unemployment, I wish to start making time for my hobbies again. I want to start making time to run. I worked almost 54 hours this week, so when I was home I was too exhausted to even think about going for a run. I miss it. I miss the road. I miss the time by myself. I miss the high.

I want to start making time to take lessons using my Spanish Rosetta Stone. Maybe if I start soon, I'll eventually learn another language.

I want to start making time for clowning. I love to volunteer clown and I love to make people smile. Plus, I miss my clown friends.

I want to start making time to have some fun. I want to take naps. I want to go to movies. I want to go ice skating. I want to go bowling. I want to hang out with friends. I want to go dancing. I want to try new restaurants. I want an adventure!!!!

I'm Looking for a Bigger Pond

A few weeks ago a colleague told me that a fish can only grow as big as its pond. The same colleague suggested that I look for not just a pond big enough to reach my potential, but an ocean vast enough to challenge it. I'd been getting hints from family and some friends that selling cars was selling myself short in my true ability.  Without any job offers on the table, I turned in my resignation yesterday as a Sales and Leasing Consultant at Classic Mazda. My last day will be May 31st. I do want to mention that my time with Classic Mazda has been a great experience. I truly appreciate the opportunity to learn about the automotive industry and the opportunity to learn about sales.  However, I'm looking to utilize my educational background in my next position.

Am I bold, ballsy, or completely irresponsible to quit without a current job offer on the table? Honestly, the work schedule with Classic Mazda left me very little time to look for and interview for open positions. I had an interview early in the week, but it passed me by because the opportunity wanted me to have more experience. I had a phone interview with FBC Mortgage yesterday and they will be scheduling an in person interview for next week. I'm still seeking out opportunities.

It feels like I made the right decision because I already feel happier even with the uncertainty of the future. I want to thank my family and all the friends I contacted to consult in this difficult decision. Your advice and support is much appreciated.

I Still Have a Butt

Despite the fact that I have been working my butt off, I still have a butt. My butt is hanging on for dear life though. I'm scheduled to work 6 days for a total of at least 50 hours this week. As you can imagine I hate to admit that these hours and the physical nature of selling cars is taking a slight toll on my health. I am doing awesome this month at selling cars! It's only the 17th of the month and I've already sold 8.5 cars! If I sell more than 12 this month, some guy at Honda owes me dinner!  I've been battling some diarrhea. Although I don't have school anymore, I still don't have much time for me. I certainly understand that at some point it's about making time rather than having time; however, I'm struggling to find time for my hobbies. I'm too exhausted from work to run. My feet hurt most of the time because I spend most of my day walking around the car lot, so when I'm off I like to put my feet up. I'm not off on the weekends to do clowning events or to spend time with friends and family. When family and friends are off work, I'm working. Likewise, when I'm off work, family and friends are working. Oh well, at least I still have a butt!

Guidance

First, I have a confession: I actually thought about reconsidering my viewpoint on marriage. Even though the thought was short lived, it kind of made me freak out. What the Hell was I thinking. I better shake that nonsense out of head. When I search myself, marriage is still not something I want. It must have been a temporary lapse in judgment.

Now on to the real reason I'm blogging tonight. Well, I can't specifically reveal the reason yet; however, I can tell you I am experiencing a lot of emotions. I have such a strong urge to initiate an action to pursue a certain outcome, but it's difficult because I don't have a back up plan. Today, I initiated the action, but there's a possibility that a failed outcome won't lead to my happiness. It's difficult because I believe this action will contribute to my happiness if there is a successful outcome.  I wish I had better guidance to be led down the right path of action or inaction.

I'm a UCF Alumni

It finally happened! I graduated from UCF this past weekend! I even made an A- in my class this semester, so I made A's in all of my classes except in three. In those three classes I earned a B, B+, and an A-. My graduation GPA is 3.948, which makes me Summa Cum Laude!!!!! It was more than I could have hoped for. My friends and family really made it one special weekend for me. It was difficult, but I somehow made it through the weekend without crying. I definitely had to fight back some happy tears at my graduation ceremony though.  It felt great to walk across that stage and shake the College of Business Administration's Dean's hand. My lab professor, Leo, was sitting in the very front row and he shouted out to me as I was crossing the stage, "Way to go, Lauren!" I gave him a huge smile, waved, and thanked him. I received an email from another professor who was at the ceremony congratulating me on graduating and with Summa Cum Laude honors (they mention honors after they said my name at graduation). He said he was very impressed and proud of the accomplishment.  I think the weekend can best be summarized in pictures.

Taylor made the trip from Miami to celebrate my graduation. She made me a "My Adventure Book" scrap book with pages dedicated to check things off of my bucket list. The wigs and balloons represent the everlasting friendship we will share through old age like in the movie UP.


This gift was beyond better than the unicorn turd that I had originally predicted.

Savanna joined us at Sak

My sisters and I

I had an absolute blast celebrating my graduation at SAK Comedy Lab with family and friends!  I had been planning that night for 6 months and it was worth the wait!

I wouldn't have made it to graduation without these ladies!

After the Sak show, Leigha, Brittany, Taylor, and I went next door to a pub called Avenue Gastrobar. The name GASTOBAR is what drew me in! I even got a free shot from the bartender!

I did it!!!!!!

I waited all semester to take a picture of me in my cap and gown on this statue!

A graduation selfie!

My proud parents!!!

My whole family!

Taylor and I at the alumni statue!