Being Worth Knowing

Am I worth knowing? Yes! Perhaps my value slightly varies in different relationships, but I hope some core values are similar. Here's a short list of benefits I think I give to the lucky few that know me.

• I try to be positive and uplifting. I will never intentionally bring you down.
• I'm a great encourager and motivator, so share your goals, dreams and fears with me.
• I'm outgoing, love trying new things, and I'm versatile in that I'm always down for staying in.
• I'm actually a great, non-judgmental listener.  Let me be your solutions partner.
• I'm dependable. You can count on me.
• I'm honest and strive to act with integrity. You won't be ashamed to know me.
• I love sharing my sense of humor and craziness.
• I need you! I'm interested in you. I want to know you. Plus, I have problems of my own and I need others to reciprocate the support and interest.

Am I worth knowing? Of course, I think I am. Interestingly, I don't think everyone is worthy of getting to know me though. Wow, that makes me sound vain. Am I digging myself in a hole, or am I making any sense?  If I'm interested in knowing you, I must think you're worthy of knowing me. I don't want to give the benefits to someone that will take advantage of them. However, I want my friends and family to take advantage of these benefits because I know they are worth the relational investment.  I want my relationships to be a two way street.

What makes me worth knowing? What makes me worthy of knowing you? Are the answers to these two questions similar?

Theory On Why I Feel Well

Why do I feel fantastically well? Iron supplements make my body suck. Seriously, I vaguely remember feeling this well earlier in the year, but then poof, the feeling was gone. I experienced unrelenting pain, ugly poops and exhaustion during March, April and May. I started taking iron supplements in the beginning of March to help with my anemia. I thought I started to feel bad because it was the anemia finally catching up with me, not because of the iron I started taking.  At the end of May, I cut back on the iron supplements to see if it would help me feel any better. Strangely enough, I almost instantly started feeling better. This can't be a coincidence.

I admit, I'm an idiot when it comes to being chronically ill. Sadly, I know I should keep a daily health diary to track these things, but I don't. I hate that it took me three months to figure out why I was feeling like shit all the time. Can I really blame myself? I mean, the symptoms I was experiencing felt like a mild Crohn's flare. Usually flares aren't something I have the power to overcome without medication. How was I to know it was the stupid iron that was causing it?  The only reason I started taking the iron was because my dr. told me to... maybe he's the idiot. The only reason I took the recommended amount for as long as I did was because my family scared me with stories of Crohn's patients dying when they stopped taking iron like their doctors recommended. So, I took those damn green turd makers like my life depended on it. Geez, I must be a super idiot since I listened to those idiots. Iron, yet another reason I'm skeptical of doctors and advice from family.

Warning, TMI:  My poops have been beautiful! Heck, they've even been a pleasurable experience lately. I love not feeling pain after I take a poop. I love moving without the constant stomach pain slowing me down. I love wanting to experience life. I never know how long it will last, so I best be sure to take advantage of feeling well.

Keeping Secrets

I don't consider myself a secretive person; however, I do appreciate my privacy. Yes, I think there's a difference between secret and private, so I looked it up to see if someone has already defined the differences. Sure enough, someone has... I agree with the definitions from this site: http://www.jung-at-heart.com/jung_at_heart/private-vs-secret-what-is-t.html

"Keeping something private is an act of choosing boundaries and staying comfortably within them."

"Keeping something secret is an act of hiding from the pain of disclosing something shameful"

I'm an open book, at least I think I am. If you want to know something, I'll most likely tell you what I know. I don't think I have anything to hide. The most secretive thing I do is pretend to feel well when I feel like crap. The biggest lie I tell is, "I'm doing great."  In my opinion, secrets are a form of lying. After all, secrets are essentially withholding the truth from people.  Sure, I appreciate honesty when folks tell me their secrets, but at the same time they're withholding the truth from someone else. In turn, I then have to withhold the truth from someone else and I don't really want to be caught up in the drama of secrets and lies.

Your secrets are safe with me, but that doesn't mean you should unload your heaviest burden on me.  The simple fact if I don't have the power to help you or if I frequently hang around the people you wish to keep this secret from, the new found knowledge causes me anxiety. Anxiety causes stress and stress is a possible factor in causing flares. So, for my health I usually don't want to know your secrets.  I want my friends and family to trust me; however, I don't want to be in the drama this trust sometimes creates. So, as a life rule I have a no secrets policy, which means not keeping secrets mine or otherwise. But, when folks spring their secrets on me without warning, I feel obligated to keep them so that I don't jeopardize the trust in our relationship.

I am currently keeping two secrets for other people. That number could be higher... At the moment, I remember only those two secrets though.  I tried to forget about them, but I can't. So, now they just weigh on my mind because I'm not at liberty to liberate the knowledge from my brain since they aren't my secrets to tell. It's a pain. Certain people could really benefit from the knowledge I have. It's frustrating.

Please, keep your secrets to yourself. Thank you.

I'M EXCITED!

Okay, so I'm a fan of J.J. Abrams. He's a screenwriter, producer, director and author. He's co-creator and producer of 'Lost' and 'Fringe' and director of Star Trek, Mission Impossible and Super 8. He even has his own production company, Bad Robot. I'm interested in anything this guy touches. His unlimited creativeness and twisting plot lines make me giddy.  Well, my sister brought to my attention that he co-authored a book... The story of "S"! This is like no book you've ever read before. The book will be delivered in 2-3 business days and I'm already in love with the idea of it. Read about it in the link below.


http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/books/2013/11/the-story-of-s-talking-with-jj-abrams-and-doug-dorst.html

Long Day and a Great Class

My day started by taking my grandma to the grocery store and dentist. At the dentist, she had to cancel grandpa's upcoming appointment and explain why. That was difficult for me to witness and hard for grandma not to get choked up. Today is my grandma's and grandpa's anniversary and they would've been married for 61 years. According to grandma the secret to a long marriage is to put up with each other's bullshit and accept your differences. She misses the loving banter that used to go back and forth between the two of them. Anyone else in the room might have thought they were arguing, but that was their way of loving each other. It was a sad day for grandma. She said she's not yet ready to visit grandpa's grave, but she's starting to look in the floral area of Publix so she'll know what kind of flowers to bring him when she is ready.

After the morning with grandma, I went to work for a few hours before heading to U.C.F. I stopped by the bookstore to buy the required textbook and trade-book. I know, I waste so much money at the bookstore and as a finance major I should be ashamed. Except I'm not. If I was spending someone else's money, I'd be smarter with it. There are better, cheaper ways to go about getting textbooks, but I'm too lazy to go those routes for myself. The campus bookstore is just so easy...expensive, but easy. Plus, I'm such a dork, or idiot, that I like to buy to keep the book because I think I'll go back later and read the book or use it as a reference. Actually, I have used many of my other books as references, so I'm not completely nuts. Anyway, my class is on professional selling. I chose it as an elective because the very essence of business is buying and SELLING. I wasn't disappointed with the first class. It always surprises me when I learn stuff that I can use in the real world. This class will sharpen my interview skills and help me build my personal brand. Thus, making me more employable. It will also teach me how to close a deal, accept a deal and a little on negotiations. Though my professor is a little crazy, he really cares that the students have the skills they need to have a job waiting for them after graduation.  That's an ambitious dream I'm not even brave enough to dream of yet because I know I don't yet have interview skills. My professor went around the room telling the 50 students his first impression of them. His impression of me was that I'm a good team player. What? He doesn't even know my name yet and that is spot on. I'm sure glad I decided to wear business casual to class, after all I am in the college of business.

And Just Like That My Break Is Over

I finished my final exam for summer A term on Thursday. Mistakenly, I thought my class for summer B term started on Tuesday, but I just looked up my schedule and realized that it starts Monday (tomorrow)! So, my four day break ended up being cut short at three days. At least I made the most of it. I mowed my grandma's yard on Friday and helped my dad and uncle trim overgrown tree limbs. By the way, I'm becoming quite a mower. Oddly enough I actually like mowing the lawn and wish my grandma's yard was bigger.  I'm confident enough now to put it as a skill on my resume if for some reason I think it would relate to whatever job I'll be applying for.  Saturday, I went parasailing and got to hang with my favorite sister, Kim, for the day. We binge watched Dexter on Netflix after our adventure at sea. Once Kim left I took a five hour nap. I napped through dinner and woke up around 10pm. Today, I went for a run. It was short and ugly, but my stomach felt great before, during and after the run. That's a win in my book.  That's what I can do with a three day break... imagine if I had a whole week. Five more classes to go before I graduate from U.C.F.

Parasailing

I went parasailing with my sister, Kim, today!  I don't know what I expected, but it definitely beat my expectations. It seriously felt like we were flying! We flew higher than the birds. I live for little adventures like this. Kim and I even faced our irrational fears of the ocean and let the captain of the boat dip our feet in the water as we made our decent back to the boat.

 

 

I'm so happy we got to tandem because it gave us more time in the air and I think we had more fun enjoying the experience in the air together than we would have had separately.

 

If you ever have the opportunity to parasail, go! You'll feel liberated and you won't regret it! I'll totally go again.