See You On The Other Side, Grandpa

My grandpa unexpectedly passed away early this morning. He was 84 years old. To say that today was a rough day would be an understatement. I was woken up by the phone call with the devastating news. I got dressed and went straight to my grandma's where the family was gathering before I really had a chance to cry ugly. I had no comforting words to offer my grandma, dad, aunt and uncles, so I just gave each of them a tight hug. Those hugs probably meant more than words could say anyway.  It was unbearably difficult to hold it together in front of my grandma, but I tried my best. I didn't want to make her more upset, but I'm not sure if she could be more upset than she was.  I know how much I'm hurting and I can't even begin to know how much more painful this is for grandma, dad, aunt diane, uncle mike and uncle don( grandma's kids).  We reminisced, but mostly grandma was concerned about how to pay bills and do other things around the house. My dad, aunt and uncles were concerned about funeral arrangements, burial arrangements and when to go through grandpa's things. We grand kids were kind of left feeling helpless because we don't yet know what to do to help the adults figure this out.

The whole idea of the heart surgery was to help him live longer. I should have prayed harder. It sucks because he would have lived longer without the heart surgery. How could anyone have known that. Just goes to remind me that life is fragile.

Later in the morning I text all of my close friends to call me when they got a chance. I wanted them to know before I posted it for all of my friends to see on facebook. One by one, as those calls came in I stepped outside of grandma's house and walked down the driveway to the sidewalk so that no one would have to listen to the news again or hear me break down. Thank God for caring friends with loving hearts. Too damn bad they're all far away. I cried most of the day today. Headaches from crying are the worst. Obviously, it's understandable, but I can't help feeling depressed. I'm not even in denial about it. There are two ways I know to combat depression: medication and running. Since I'm not a big fan of doctors and meds, I think it's time to start thinking about starting to run again.

I'm hoping to write a post about Grandpa Ace soon but until then here's the story of why I call him Grandpa Ace. We grand kids call him Poppa Ace or Grandpa Ace. He always used to say, "Hey, Ace.," to everyone. So, his brother Len got us to call grandpa "Grandpa Ace" from a very early age and it just kind of stuck. We called them grandpa and grandma Ace and that's how we distinguished between my mom and dad's parents. Len calls grandpa "Shoulders" and I'm not really sure of the story behind that nickname, but the tone in which he says it is filled with brotherly love.

Relationship Status: Dysfunctional

         I would describe my relationship with my pants as dysfunctional. Society, family and friends expect me to wear pants and it's inconvenient for me.  I hate the way the waist of pants feel on my belly. It doesn't matter whether it's high or low, jeans or elastic. You'd think I'd like dresses more than I do. My stomach has been feeling better this past week since I've started cutting back on my iron supplements (I should write a post about that), but pants still annoy me. Ever since I've moved out of my parents house I have disliked wearing pants while I'm at home. When I get home, I take off my bra and my pants to get comfortable. Of course, if my sister's home/awake, I put on some pants if I'm going to be in her company. Otherwise, my pants are off. No pants, no worries.

          I'm so used to taking off my pants when I visit my doctors that I risk taking off my pants at the dentist out of habit. My bad, Doc... those weren't the cheeks you wanted to look between.

Who Am I? - Continued

So, remember from my last who am I post:

• I am spontaneous.
• I am committed.
• I am reasonable
• I am creative.
• I am adventurous.
• I am dependable.
• I am responsible.
• I am easy going.
• I am good-humored.
• I am messy.

 I am spontaneous in that I'd rather go where the moment takes me than plan every moment and life event. If I get the urge to skip, I'm going to skip. I am committed to my words, actions, family and friends. When I say I'm going to do something, I do my best to follow through. I don't ever want my family, friends or employer to question their trust in me, so I'm committed to being a trust worthy gal. I am reasonable. I completely agree with this sensible quote by Rick Warren:

 "Our culture has accepted two huge lies. The first is that if you disagree with someone's lifestyle, you must fear and hate them. The second is that to love someone means you agree with everything they believe or do. Both are nonsense."

I am creative. I love thinking outside of the box. My favorite creative outlet is writing, but I'm also innovative. Just ask me about the potty protection insurance fundraiser I created once. I am adventurous. There isn't a cliff too high, a car too fast or a hiking trail that's too narrow, according to me. I am dependable to a fault. I pride myself on being a person others can rely on. This re-enforces my commitment to others. I am responsible. Yes, responsibility can bore me to tears, but I will always do my best to honor my obligations. I'm sure I'm not the only responsible person who sometimes wants to do what Leann Rimes sings about in her song Destructive. http://youtu.be/mVyV6GY85XU This is actually one of my favorite songs. I am more easy going than water going down an unclogged toilet. My feathers don't get ruffled easily. I know how to go with the flow and I also know how to be the flow. I am good-humored. My humor doesn't shine through on this blog very often, but I promise I am typically a cheerful person with a sarcastic tongue and ear. I love making others smile and laugh even if it's at my expense. There's no doubt that I am messy. I'm naturally unorganized. Unorganized doesn't mean I'm not detail oriented, it's just a chaotic beauty that's all. I tend to be organized at work and school, but not at all at home or in my personal life.

Surprise, I'm me! Who is this me I've been speaking so fondly of? A summary: A sympathetic girl that wants the world to be more understanding and forgiving. A hopeless unromantic. An ambitious realist that is ill suited for dreaming big. A motivational speaker when you need one. An unquestionable friend. A lover of life who can't wait to die.

Update on Grandpa

Today my grandpa had fluid drained from his lungs and he had an oh so lovely colonoscopy. Hopefully, breathing got easier for him after they drained his lungs. They found some sort of blockage during the colonoscopy, which they're supposed to x-ray him tonight to help determine what's causing the blockage. Evidently, there's a tube down his throat for oxygen. He was mostly sedated the whole day today.  The main surgeon said that as long as he doesn't get any infections he's expected to make a full recovery. Sadly, they expect him to be in the hospital for another 3 weeks. Tomorrow they'll put a camera down his throat to check his heart somehow. They said that they may need to open him back up to reset his sternum that may have gotten out of place from the compressions he got to bring him back after he flat lined. I know there's more to his condition right now, but that's all I can remember.

I'm doing what I can to help, but I still feel helpless. I'm also feeling guilty that I'll be leaving in 9 days to go out of town when I may be needed here. I know someone will pick of the slack I leave behind so that I can try to enjoy a short vacation.  Kelly cooked for grandma, Don and Len tonight. I'm taking them out for their weekly steak n' shake run tomorrow night. I'm anticipating to also be making weekly trips to the grocery store with grandma every Monday in the near future. We're trying to keep as many weekly habits as grandma, don and grandpa had before gramps went in for surgery. It's hard... no matter what normalcy we try to create for grandma and don it's not the same and that saddens me. One side of the family seems to be missing in action this week when we could really use all the help we could get from them.

School, what's that? Whatever it is, it's not important right now.

Gas

Did you know that the average person farts about 14 times each day? I forget where exactly I learned that fact. Perhaps it was in one of the many Uncle John Bathroom Readers I've read. Lately, I have certainly been bringing up the average. Flatulence sneaks out of me quickly. Before I realize what escaped my behind, my sisters' eyes start watering. For the most part, I usually feel better after I fart. Sadly, I don't always know a fart is coming until it's too late. Occasionally,  I feel farts coming I know I should not trust.

Kim informed me the other day that she can tell how bad I'm feeling by the smell of the hellish air puffs that come out of my anus. According to her assessment, I'm still not feeling very well. I was impressed because her assessment was correct. It's uncomfortable to hold them in...It builds pressure in my stomach and gives me the feeling I'm going to shit myself. I don't hold them in around family or close friends. When I'm in class, that's the most difficult time to hold them in. I'm not always successful. It would be embarrassing, but honestly there are so many people in the class no one would be able to pin point the fart on me. Thankfully, mine are silent, which may explain the deadly part of it. I've come close to knocking my sisters off their feet. I know I've made them cry more than once.

Rough Week for Grandpa

My uncle mike took my grandma, uncle don and aunt diane over to tampa to visit my grandpa today. My grandpa has been having anxiety attacks whenever nobody is there visiting, which makes his heart rate go up. He's retaining water, so his limbs have been really swollen. He's been constipated and has been getting enemas daily. Today he had trouble breathing, so he was put on oxygen. The oxygen dries out his throat and makes it uncomfortable for him. He still has the external pace-maker and he's still in Intensive Care. His recovery is slow and it seems a new problem arises each day.

My grandma is having a hard time. At first, it was just because she hadn't been able to see him until today. However, now that she's seen his rough condition she's taking it pretty hard. None of us really expected my grandpa to be in the hospital for this long, so now we're taking on additional roles to help grandma out around the house. Mike's helping to figure out what bills need to be paid. Dad's cutting their grass. Mom will be taking grandma bra shopping because she got lost when she tried to drive herself and never made it to the mall. Kelly will be cooking a dinner for her this week. I'm taking grandma grocery shopping tomorrow. I'm sure Leigha and Kim will fill in somewhere.

Mom, Leigha and I picked up my grandpa's older brother, Len, from the airport tonight. Len will be going over to visit grandpa everyday this week. I really hope this will be the boost of hope my grandpa needs to kick start recovery.  We kids may be taking turns driving Len over to visit grandpa so that Mike and dad can get some work done this week. So far, my dad hasn't wanted us to visit because grandpa sits around with no pants on... so we're stuck respecting this decision.

My head is anywhere, but in the game of school. I'm finding it hard to concentrate because my mind is someplace else.

What a Weekend

          I got to the hotel in Sebring, FL around noon yesterday. Thankfully, I transported the glass center pieces in my trunk safely. Taylor was super ahead of schedule, so the tables were ready for the center pieces after I cleaned them. After putting some candles in them and setting up the candy table, I was able to take a three hour nap in our hotel room. While I napped Taylor waited for the cake to be delivered and greeted family and friends arriving to the hotel early to check in.

           Taylor interrupted my nap briefly so that's when I gave her our friendship turd. She originally gifted this turd to me when she wrapped my toilet for Christmas a couple years ago. Basically, the friendship turd signifies that no matter what shit we're going through in life we'll always be there for each other. I told her when she moved that I'd give "The Turd" to her the next time I saw her. She requested that I put glitter on it first, so I painted it with glittery nail polish. Now the glittery friendship turd is in her possession and I'll get it back the next time I see her.

          The party was amazing! The table decor, cake, and candy table were gorgeous. The open bar was open for the whole party from 6pm-10pm. I enjoyed whiskey and coke before I got on the dance floor. The DJ was so great that he even played the Hokey-Pokey for the kids. Taylor pointed out that her grandma dances better than I do and I couldn't argue. I especially loved dancing with the birthday lady to Love Shack by the B52's.  I knew all of the immediate family, which were only a small percentage of all of the party guests. Except for the kids, I think there was only one other single person there besides me, which was obvious whenever slow songs polluted the air. It didn't bother me because that's when the bar area cleared out. The other single person was Taylor's cousin Samantha. I've hung out with Sam before and she's fun. It didn't surprise me when she asked me to dance with her on the final song of the night, which happened to be a slow one. We twirled, rocked back and forth and held hands. lol Then we joked about how we couldn't promise each other a kiss at the end of the night. Overall, the party was a hit. I regret not getting a picture of me in my dress because I think I looked damn good.

          After I helped Taylor break down and clean up, we went up to Mr. and Mrs. Conklin's room to watch her open gifts. Before she opened mine, she predicted that I got her diapers. Does she know me or what! =)  When Mr. Conklin saw the power lift bra, he requested that she put it on. My other gag gifts for her brought smiles and laughter. The gift opening was followed by an after-party in someone's hotel room. Drunk people can be funny as shit. We (Taylor, Kenny and I) didn't stay at the after-party long. I went to bed around midnight, but I was up in the bathroom throughout the night. Thank God for Poo-Pourii... it's a life saver in a hotel room. I ate breakfast with Taylor and her family this morning before loading the center pieces back in my car and heading home.