A New Level

          I hesitate to publish this because I know I've experienced worse health than my current state. Shouldn't I just shut up and be thankful for feeling better? Am I really sure I'm feeling better?  I know my past self would have given anything to feel like I do now, but now that I'm here I want to feel even better. Why settle for anything in life, right? I personally know others who are currently experiencing worse symptoms of IBD than I am. One lady has had numerous surgeries and only has a very small part of her small intestine left. She is recovering from a stroke and she isn't older than 35.  How can I let others hear me get down about my health when I really don't have it that bad?

          Now that you know where I'm coming from, I'm trying to justify this post. I don't want to minimize what I go through, so I won't anymore on this blog. I've reached a new level. I've decided I'm going to start looking at my health like I look at my running. I will only compare myself with myself because there will always be others worse off and there will always be others better off than I am. I can't promise not to be occasionally jealous of the healthy people in my life though. Call me a wimp, but what I've  been through and continue to go through is not always easy to deal with.

         Part of that new level is for me to go "deeper" as my one friend says. Deeper into my health. It isn't socially acceptable to talk about farts, butts, poop and constipation to list a few unspeakable subjects. These are all things my life revolves around and I will soon dive right into these subjects. I usually cope these unglamorous subjects with humor. I think it helps to take the edge off how uncomfortable it is for others to hear about it.  I have five people that invite me to tell them anything I want. The blessed souls are Taylor, Kim, Brittany, Veronica and my mom. Yes, I'll keep them updated on major events and things about this poop disease called Crohn's. Honestly, I would feel like a burden if I shared all of my thoughts, concerns, fears and frustrations with them because it really is never ending. It annoys me and I don't want to be annoying, so I'll just be annoying on here. This is the gateway to future posts with TMI. Don't say I didn't warn you.

         

        

         

When to Graduate, or Not to Graduate...

          I thought I had convinced myself to work hard in order to graduate in December. However, after struggling to keep afloat while taking three classes this semester, I'm thinking of not graduating until May 2015. Maybe I wouldn't be having as much trouble keeping up with school if I felt better for most of the semester, but I'm still waiting for that better feeling. I hate excuses. I hate reality. I would love to sprint towards graduation in December and jump start the next chapter of my life. Sometimes I feel ready for it and sometimes I don't. Where will I find the energy to write my next chapter? For now, I'm going to focus on the positives of graduating in May because I think it would be rejuvenating to take my time to graduate and save the sprint for my next chapter.

          As long as I pass my three classes this semester I'll only need to take six classes in order to graduate. I've registered for two classes in the summer. One in term A and one in term B, which are six weeks each. Both are senior level classes that have horrible ratings for the professors, so they will be anything but easy.  I've also registered for three classes in the Fall. That leaves only one class left, which I have to take in my graduating semester and I have to go in to have an advisor register for me. Hopefully, I'll get around to see an advisor next week. When I do, I'll see about taking the class in the fall to bring my load up to four classes (I can't even fathom taking four classes right now) and I'll see about taking it in the Spring. My trip to the advisor will decide when I'll be graduating. Now, I'm leaning towards May.

          Regardless of when I end up graduating, it's exciting to think about actually earning my undergraduate in finance. It's always seemed like an unattainable dream that I thought about giving up on more than I'd care to admit. This is a big deal to me. No matter how cool I act about it, I'm freaking out on the inside. Now, when I think of quitting, I tell myself that I've come too far to throw it away. Plus, I'm actually kind of good at this whole school thing even if I screw up a few times. The fact that I hate it most of the time doesn't seem to correlate to my progress. I've been thinking of how I want to celebrate. Who'd I'd invite to my graduation party. It likely won't be a party suited for grandma. I can't wait to be a U.C.F. alumni!

New York, New York - Part 2

          I pride myself in being able to sleep anywhere at anytime except for the night before a race. Sure, I fell asleep quickly even with the sound of loud children having fun in the hall and the next room over. However, I woke up a couple of hours before our alarms were set to go off in fear of oversleeping and missing the race. By 5:30am on Saturday, March 22nd  I gave up on trying to get back to sleep. Rita, Shar and I left the house by 7:00am to get to the race and pickup our packets in time for the 9:00am start of the half marathon. The temps in the morning were in the low forties. It would have been more bearable if it wasn't for the wind. I bought running pants specifically for the race and I had borrowed my sister's heavy running jacket. I wore a beanie to keep my head and ears warm, but I kept the hood of the jacket up to keep the wind off of my neck.

Rita and I staying warm before the start.

          Rita and I usually do 3:1 intervals when we train together, but we decided to do 2:1 intervals for this race. To our surprise, it's the best finish time we've had together. We took off our jackets by mile 3. I didn't take it off because I broke a sweat, but because the jacket irritated me. We ran the next 10 miles with the jackets tied around our waists. I ran the entire race with my gloves on.  The cool weather definitely helped us keep an even pace for the entire race. Typically, we slow down after mile 10, but we were able to push through our cramps and fatigue all the way through the finish. Once we passed mile 12, I told Rita that it looks like we can finish in 2:35!  I'm not sure if it was her or I that picked up the pace for the last mile, but we pushed it hard to the finish and wound up finishing in 2:34! I think that's an amazing time considering we were doing 2:1 intervals! Following the race, we went to the beer garden at the after party. It sounds crazy, but beer tastes heavenly after 13.1 miles.

Celebrating our awesome race!

          This race was the reason I went to New York. To run the half with Rita for her birthday. Everything else I was able to do was just a happy bonus. I met Rita through Team Challenge. We actually signed up at the same info meeting. She raised money for CCFA to go to the Chicago half and I raised money for CCFA to go to the Napa half. We quickly found a common pace in order to run together during training. At first, I was the one encouraging and pushing her. She excelled so fast during training that she soon was the one encouraging and pushing me. We help each other get through the difficult mileage. We understand when the other isn't having a good day. She is such a beast that she ran her first marathon with me at Space Coast last November. She made the 26.2 miles look easy while I struggled. I would have never had this opportunity if I didn't take part in Team Challenge. I'm beyond grateful that I met Rita. She's one awesome lady!

          Following the after party, we found a pizzeria and I had delicious New York styled pizza!  Then we went to the house to shower before heading to the boardwalk near Coney Island with Pooch, Dana (Pooch's girlfriend), Shar, Rita and I. It was nice to walk out the stiffness in my legs from the race and all the walking the day before. Coney Island took a huge hit from hurricane Sandy and was still being renovated, so it wasn't opened. The boardwalk was nice. It reminded me of Sea Isle City in NJ when I visited my aunt and uncle. Once we were finished walking on the boardwalk, we went to a hole the wall place to eat gyros for dinner. Talk about yummy!!!!

          After dinner, we went back to the house to get ready to go to a club called Flamingo. I was happy everyone was going in jeans because I thought is was way too cold to wear the dress I brought. Shar doesn't drink, so she was our designated driver for the night. When we walked into Flamingo around 11pm, there were tables and a bar, but not really any designated dance floor. Shar went to talk to someone she knew behind the bar and the next thing I know is that we were being escorted upstairs. As we climbed the stairs you could hear the music getting louder. I felt the vibration in my feet more with every step I took. Upstairs was a whole dance floor with VIP seating around it and of course a bar area. Shar then talked to the guy behind the bar and he walked us over to a VIP table. I can't even describe how loud the music was, but the vibration I felt in my butt when I sat down is a good start. There were eight of us, Rita, Molly, Pooch, Dana, Shar, Shar's two friends that we met in the city and me. Rita's sister, Molly got me started with a long island ice tea... more followed.  Damn, they make 'em good in New York. By good, I mean strong. I think it was an Indian club of some sort, so the music was unlike I've ever heard before. It didn't stop me from dancing though. The clubs in New York are opened until 4am.  I can count on one hand the number of times I've danced and drank like that before. It was so much fun to cut loose for a change.  In the car, on the way to eat at the diner was when I realized how sober Rita was. I'll be honest, the diner is kind of a blur. Perhaps because I was tired for almost being up for 24 hours straight, or it could have had something to do with all of those long island ice teas.

Me, Molly and Rita, the dancing queens

Shar's friend, Molly, me, Rita, Shar and Dana

          As soon as we got back to the house around 5:30am I went to bed. I was exhausted! When I woke up, Rita's aunt had already made pancakes, which were the best I've ever had. They were thick and tasty. I wasn't sure what the plans were for the day, so I didn't waste any time getting ready and packing my stuff in case we didn't have time to stop by the house before they had to take me to the airport later. I didn't know, we were meeting some of Rita's old friends at a beer garden until we were almost there. I wasn't really dressed for a beer garden, but no one seemed to care. Luckily, I've never had a hangover in my life and Sunday stayed true to that. Still, I wasn't in the mood for beer, so I stood with Shar and watched some March Madness while Rita took advantage of the beer garden (Studio Squared) and danced with her friends. We stayed there until it was time to take me to the airport. I slept on the plane ride back to Orlando.

           This was like a once in a lifetime kind of trip. I'll be lucky if I make it back to NYC. Don't get me wrong I want to go back, but I'm sure it will definitely be a while before that happens. I'm forever thankful for Rita and her family for taking me in and showing me New York. It was one hell of an awesome trip!


New York, New York - Part 1

          I left Thursday after work and arrived at the JFK airport around 9:30pm. Upon the wheels of the airplane touching down the entire plane erupted in applause. I've never been on a flight that cheers after landing before. It must be a New York thing and it was pretty neat! Rita and her cousin Shar picked me up and took me to White Castle. Of course, I loved the burgers! Once we got to Shar's parents', which is Rita's aunt and uncle's house I ate the White Castle sliders and we had some wine. I'm so grateful for Rita's family opening their home and making me feel welcome. I think Rita and her family are from Guyana, so this trip had an international flavor to it. At first, I was a little worried of unknowingly doing something that would offend them since I'm not familiar with their culture, but that feeling passed quickly. I basically just followed what everyone else was doing. I took off my shoes before going inside and I welcomed everyone's kiss on the cheek greeting. I'm not sure if they turned on the English captions on the TV for me or if they always have them on, but I was thankful for them regardless. We went to bed and little did I know that it was going to be the most sleep I would be getting in New York.

         Rita's uncle dropped us at the train station at 9am so that we could get to the 9/11 Memorial by 10:30am.. The train is also the famous New York subway. To start the day it was Rita, her two sons Zachary and Aiden, Shar and me. The subway was not quite what I was expecting. There is nothing glamorous about it. People and germs everywhere, I could feel the germs on my skin and I was in pants and a jacket. I'm glad I got to ride the subway though. Once we went through security at the memorial we walked through some construction to get to the two waterfall reflection ponds.

 

          The ponds were big with about 30ft waterfalls surrounding them. The names of the nearly 3000 people who lost their lives that day were engraved around the ponds. I didn't personally know anyone that lost their life that horrid day in 2001. I was 13 years old, and not really certain what the world trade centers were. I remember my sister banging on the bathroom door to give me the news that left me confused on the pot. Of course, I was on the toilet when I learned of the tragedy that Tuesday morning. I choked back tears at the memorial. It was heavy to read all of those innocent names. I wondered who they were behind the name. Where they were going that morning.  Did they know they are loved. Where would they be today.  How thankful I am that Rita was with me because she lived in NYC on that tragic day. Her two sons hadn't been born yet when it happened. It's something they learned about in history class. . Overall, I'm glad I got to pay my respect.

 

          After the memorial, we walked to Chinatown. That was like a whole other world. I think I would describe it as a big, street flea market. Cheap souvenirs, fake designer hand bags, you name it. I got two I <3 New York shirts for $5 each! Where else can a tourist buy a $5 souvenir shirt like that? The exact same shirts were selling for $12.95 in the airport. I forget the name of the food I tried, but it was tasty. Rita and Shar seemed to know what everything was while I probably looked like a lost tourist. When I got a smell of fish, I realized we just walked by a vendor with fish on ice right there in the open. I don't know how you buy fish in Chinatown and transport it back home without it going bad. Chinatown was rich with culture and I loved taking it all in. In between Chinatown and Little Italy we went into this place that sold hand bags, pizza, cookies and coffee. They had a little bit of everything.

          Once we were finished walking around Chinatown, we took the subway to the American Museum of Natural History near Central Park. This stop was for the kids even though they didn't seem interested until we came across the dinosaur exhibit. I'll admit it was pretty awesome to see the museum where the movie "Night at the Museum" takes place. I could totally picture all of the animals coming alive at night! I was trying to save my cell phone battery, so I didn't turn on my phone in the museum until I came upon the view pictured below. No leaf on a single tree and still a breath taking view! I can only imagine how special Central Park looks in the summer when it doesn't look so dead. We ate dinner at this place called Shake Shack, which had awesome burgers.

 

I took this photo on the fourth floor of the museum overlooking Central Park West Historic District

 

          Since we spent a few hours in the museum by the time we were finished it was time to head to Times Square. We decided to take the bus to get there because I think we were all over traveling by subway. When we got to Times Square, we met up with two of Shar's friends. I can't remember their names and even if I could, I probably wouldn't know how to spell them. Zachary was begging to go to the M&M store, so that's where we went. the store was HUGE! I think it had four floors. Side note, the orange M&M is my favorite. We also went into Forever 21 and the Disney store. Both were equally as impressive as the M&M store. We got some photo ops in Times Square before the sun completely set and then Shar called her brother, Pooch (I think it's a nickname), to ask him to pick us up so that we wouldn't have to ride the subway for an hour back to the house. The seven of us (Rita, Aiden, Zachary, Shar, her two friends and I) waited outside of Bubba Gumps for Pooch. Little did I know that he was going to pick us up in his Camery with his girlfriend in the front seat. Yes, that means the seven of us piled into the back seat of the Camery.  It was comical to say the least. That's how bad public transportation is in NYC. We'd rather ride with nine people in a Camery than have to take the subway.

I'm in Times Square!

The birthday girl, Rita, and I. I love running with her.

Iconic view of all the Taxis.

          By the time we got back to the house, we had been out in the city for 12 hours. Most of which was spent on our feet. I didn't waste much time getting ready for bed. In fact, a three year old, Luna, asked me why I was going to bed already around 11:30pm, which made me laugh. New York never sleeps, not even the kids.

 

 

 



A Bad Week

Wow, so it has been a long week. My appointment with the dermatologist's P.A. Jessie Chan went well. She gave me a different diagnosis: Seborrheic Dermatitis. Jessie explained it as a severe case of dandruff, which is weird because I didn't even know I had dandruff. She also noticed that my hair is already starting to regrow! What a relief! I was prescribed a shampoo and a topical steroid. I've already started using the shampoo, but I'm still waiting for Jessie, insurance, and the pharmacy to work out which steroid will be covered. I go back in 4 weeks. Last week, hair was at the top of the list of my problems and this week it's something else.

This week my top problem has been energy.  I have been really dragging. This was spring break week for me and the most notable thing I did was sleep for 13 hours Wednesday night. Last weekend, I really didn't feel like running two half marathons, but I just thought it was a depressive reaction to the whole hair loss situation. I dug deep and finished both races. This whole week though I was sleeping any chance I had. I found myself napping in the back of my car during my lunch break at work. As soon I got home from work each day I went to the bathroom and then laid in bed. I had no energy. I imagine I felt like death. I was going through the motions even though I didn't really feel like I was there. I'm not suicidal, but I found myself thinking, I can't wait to die. I only say that because it sucks having to live life by carrying out my routine of work (and usually school) while feeling like crap. I tried to tie myself together with a smile for my family and friends. Some can see right though while others just go along with it. It took every ounce of energy to hang out with my friend Brittany Monday night at Dave & Busters. I needed it though. Plus, I don't see her enough, so it was worth it.  Heck, it was spring break.

I had blood work done on Wednesday and the nurse called me on Thursday to inform me that my iron count is really low. She said I have iron deficiency anemia. No wonder I've felt like shit. I've started taking iron supplements (FES04) twice a day to help. So far, I'm not feeling the energy return. Oh yeah, and I've been having some stomach pain. I haven't had the energy to even care. I just wish I was completely healthy. Sure, I wiggle my way to find success while being sick. But, I think this illness is wasting the potential that can't find it's way out of me when I'm too tired to do anything except sleep and moan in pain and poop.  Times when I feel like this is when I want to give up. I want to quit school. I want to quit work. I want to quit my family. I want to quit my friends. All I want is my head on a pillow where I can drift off to sleep and dream about things I'll never remember when I awake. Oh, how disappointed I am whenever I awake. I've never quit though. Somehow I always make it, somehow.

My Body Loves Surprising Me

          Obviously, I was completely shocked when my hair started falling out a week ago. If my body was a pitcher for a major league baseball team, its specialty would be curve balls. Sometimes the things it does makes no sense to me. I don't get how I can have Alopecia when it's considered to be an autoimmune condition where the immune system mistakenly attacks hair follicles thereby stopping growth.  I get that Crohn's is autoimmune, but I'm taking a potent immune suppressant medication for it. So, how can my immune system attack itself when I'm taking an immune suppressant to prevent attacks like this in the first place? I'm trying to find some positive things about it. Like the fact that it's not painful. At least it's not physically painful like Crohn's disease is. However, it is emotionally painful. I've dealt with emotional pain a little bit with Crohn's, but I'm not an expert on how to manage that kind of pain yet.

          So, I had two half marathons this weekend. I ran one on Saturday and the other one on Sunday to bring my weekend mileage to 26.2 miles. I struggled to find energy last week. Blame it on the stress of not knowing exactly how to solve this hair loss problem or blame it on me being slightly depressed about it. Heck, my low energy could even be contributed to losing blood in my stool last week. Yeah, how does that become an occurrence that doesn't concern me anymore? Anyways, on Friday I did not feel ready to race this weekend. I wasn't sure if I'd have it in me to finish. Honestly, I wanted to sleep in and have a pity party in bed as I watched the hours tick by. Instead I got my butt up and by the time I made it to the start line of each race, my head was ready. During the races, I made time to reflect on the past week. I ran through a few teary eyed miles and that somehow made me feel a little better. I went from not feeling like I could race to finishing two half marathons. I can't deny that my body has found ways to screw me up bad, but it constantly finds ways to surprise me in good ways with the things it's capable of as long as I let it.