Wow, so it has been a long week. My appointment with the dermatologist's P.A. Jessie Chan went well. She gave me a different diagnosis: Seborrheic Dermatitis. Jessie explained it as a severe case of dandruff, which is weird because I didn't even know I had dandruff. She also noticed that my hair is already starting to regrow! What a relief! I was prescribed a shampoo and a topical steroid. I've already started using the shampoo, but I'm still waiting for Jessie, insurance, and the pharmacy to work out which steroid will be covered. I go back in 4 weeks. Last week, hair was at the top of the list of my problems and this week it's something else.
This week my top problem has been energy. I have been really dragging. This was spring break week for me and the most notable thing I did was sleep for 13 hours Wednesday night. Last weekend, I really didn't feel like running two half marathons, but I just thought it was a depressive reaction to the whole hair loss situation. I dug deep and finished both races. This whole week though I was sleeping any chance I had. I found myself napping in the back of my car during my lunch break at work. As soon I got home from work each day I went to the bathroom and then laid in bed. I had no energy. I imagine I felt like death. I was going through the motions even though I didn't really feel like I was there. I'm not suicidal, but I found myself thinking, I can't wait to die. I only say that because it sucks having to live life by carrying out my routine of work (and usually school) while feeling like crap. I tried to tie myself together with a smile for my family and friends. Some can see right though while others just go along with it. It took every ounce of energy to hang out with my friend Brittany Monday night at Dave & Busters. I needed it though. Plus, I don't see her enough, so it was worth it. Heck, it was spring break.
I had blood work done on Wednesday and the nurse called me on Thursday to inform me that my iron count is really low. She said I have iron deficiency anemia. No wonder I've felt like shit. I've started taking iron supplements (FES04) twice a day to help. So far, I'm not feeling the energy return. Oh yeah, and I've been having some stomach pain. I haven't had the energy to even care. I just wish I was completely healthy. Sure, I wiggle my way to find success while being sick. But, I think this illness is wasting the potential that can't find it's way out of me when I'm too tired to do anything except sleep and moan in pain and poop. Times when I feel like this is when I want to give up. I want to quit school. I want to quit work. I want to quit my family. I want to quit my friends. All I want is my head on a pillow where I can drift off to sleep and dream about things I'll never remember when I awake. Oh, how disappointed I am whenever I awake. I've never quit though. Somehow I always make it, somehow.
