Caution: Adulting Ahead

I recently become a certified Construction Risk Insurance Specialist (CRIS).  A few weeks later I received a promotion!  My duties have been slowly changing over the past couple months. I'm training our new Contracts/Risk Specialist on negotiating terms and conditions for our purchase orders and subcontracts. I've been getting more involved in owner and other special agreements. I've also been handling more claims (workers compensation, auto, builder's risk, general liability, as well as bond claims). It's exciting and I'm learning a lot!  

The people I work with are great! The department I am in operates as a strong team without any drama. We have a department meeting next month to discuss the succession plan for when our director retires. I'm confident our culture will remain the same throughout the forthcoming changes. 

So, what's next?  I'm going to keep working hard. In the next month or two, I'm going to start the process of getting approved for a mortgage so that I can weigh my options of renting vs. buying. *gasp* This level of adulting is a bit daunting. I'm working on paying off my medical debt, increasing my savings, and improving my credit score to be strong enough to withstand a few dings when I apply without bringing it below excellent. 

Full of Shit on the Fourth

Inquiring minds want to know how my bowel movements have been, so I decided to write my Shit Horoscope.  My pooping habits haven't been regular lately. Constipation has been ruling my zone with occasional diarrhea increasing the unpleasant atmosphere in my colon. There are either too many poo vibes or not enough. Advice from others is not likely to be helpful, but fresh perspectives could change my outlook. Being full of shit is essential before the moon will allow waves in the bowl.

In all seriousness, constipation has been an issue for the past month or two. I'm shitting once every three to four days. While diarrhea is a huge relief from the constipation it still sucks! Constipation drags me down and diarrhea wipes me out.  Before the surgery, I pooped three to four times a day. When I go one day without taking a crap, my stomach  starts to feel uncomfortable. Each day of constipation adds to the pressure in my gut. I get the sensation of having to poop, and then I sit on the toilet for hours with no success. The feeling wakes me up in the middle of the night. 

On July 4th, I ran a four mile race with Lynn. I had not pooped in four days and being full of all the shit slowed me down. It wasn't until I arrived at the race that I realized how terrible I felt. My stomach didn't feel well. I had the urge to poop, but I knew I wouldn't be able to so I didn't even try. I walked a lot.  It was hard to run with the uneasy feeling. My average pace was 11 minutes per mile, which was slower than my first race back after surgery. I was definitely disappointed in my performance because my training runs leading up to the race were significantly better. 

I can turn off nearly every thought except my thoughts about the state of my bowels. When will I poop again? When will I stop pooping? What if I shit myself at work? Can you tell I'm constipated right now by looking at my face? If I poop before my run, it will be an amazing run! I am bearing down too hard. I'm going to give myself hemorrhoids. What if I have a blockage?  I sweated more sitting on the toilet trying to push out a tiny dip n' dot turd than I did when I ran the four mile race. I just want a beautiful bowel movement every day. I will be grateful for my good shits even though they don't occur as frequently as I would like.

 

Dirty Thirty Birthday Shenanigans

Last weekend Taylor came into town to celebrate my 30th birthday again! She is the best!! This time around I dare to say I was more fun than last time because I don't have to care for the ileostomy anymore (that thing stressed me out). It was much needed Taylor time! My life is finally getting to a healthy chapter and she is about to start a different chapter in hers. It's awesome to see her dreams becoming a reality! Our friendship finds a way to grow through these different chapters of life and I love that.

Dana and I had a belated birthday celebration with some of the MarathonFest ladies while Taylor was in town. We went to dinner downtown and saw a show at Sak Comedy.  Special shout-out to Lynn for celebrating my birthday again!

Taylor started a vlog! Check it out and subscribe to follow along as she begins a new chapter.

This is the video she made during her visit for my birthday:
https://youtu.be/0v7IrOcP91Y

Fart in a Bottle

Kim has been in town for the past week and she leaves to go home tomorrow. I wish we had more time to spend together. At dinner tonight with my family, I reminisced about the meltdown I had the last time she was in town and how far I have come since then. During Kim's last visit, I was just about a month into recovery from my first surgery. When she hugged me before she left to go to the airport, I lost it. I sobbed about how overwhelmed I felt with the stoma and ostomy. I cried because recovery was hard and it sucked. Tears also found my face-cheeks because I knew I was going to miss her. I was a mess. I felt defeated even though surgery went better than expected.

My family was shocked to learn that I had been overwhelmed and emotional about the surgery and ostomy. Is that a testament to my ability to keep things bottled up?  They couldn't have known I struggled coping with my new reality if I didn't tell them. For having uncontrollable bowels at times, I sure know how to keep shit to myself. My instincts were to avoid feelings, bury them, and hope they went away. For the most part, it worked. My emotional maturity is questionable. I don't know what it was about that moment with Kim that cracked the bottle with the things. Once she left, I collected myself and put the things back in the proverbial bottle.

I hugged Kim goodbye tonight and I didn't have a meltdown. There weren't any feelings I was suppressing either. I am a lot stronger emotionally and physically than I was a few months ago. I can't wait to see her in August!!!

I think if I trapped a fart in a bottle and I left it in there long enough, eventually it would not stink when I opened the bottle. I also think if I bottle up feelings long enough, eventually they will lose their potency when/if the bottle gets cracked. I could probably afford to get better at expressing myself. But then again, I think my "fart in a bottle" analogy is pretty fucking expressive. It could also be absolute bullshit.

Sub-Two or Bust

I signed up for the summer/fall season of MarathonFest!

When I joined MarathonFest in the summer/fall of 2016 to train for the NYC Marathon, I was rushed to get to 10 miles after my minor surgery in April of 2016. Desperately trying to feel better, I switched from Cimzia to Remicade during that time as well. I basically had two months to go from being out of shape to being able to run 10 miles in order to keep up with the the NYC training schedule once the season started in 2016.

I want to do it differently this time around. I don't want to be rushed. I plan on sticking with half marathons this season and at the moment I'm only registered for one. Rather than starting when the season starts in June, I currently plan to build most of my running base outside of MarathonFest for the next few months. I want to get faster so that I will be able to join a faster pace group.  I'm aiming to start running with them regularly in September when my mileage increases for half marathon training. My goal for the OUC Half Marathon in December is to finish in under two hours. That means I would need to average a 9:09 pace for 13.1 miles. I can only run one mile at that pace. In fact, my first mile today was a 9:04. (my second mile was a 9:47). I have a little over six months to train hard and build the endurance it will take to maintain the pace during my first mile today for twelve more miles. This seems realistic, right?

When I achieve a sub-two hour half marathon, I will seriously consider committing to train to qualify for the Boston Marathon. I hate commitment, but this kind of excites me!

Hello from the Other Side

I fell a little behind (haha "behind") on blogging. I had my post-op follow-up appointment at the Cleveland Clinic on April 9, 2018. They lifted all of my physical and dietary restrictions and I do not have to go back unless I have major issues! The wound where Scarlett used to be has completely scared over. I finished all three of my Remicade loading doses and I am officially on the eight week schedule. According to my gastro, we no longer have to monitor the stricture I had closest to my rectum because it's not there anymore! That means fewer rectal exams!!! For the most part, I am doing well. Shitty days are to be expected and thankfully they have been few and far between. 

I Can Always Run Two Miles

My journey back to running has been smoother than I thought it would be. Prior to March 18, 2018, my last run had been the Space Coast Half Marathon on November 26, 2017. If you don't know what I went through between that period of time, look at my previous posts. Once again it feels like I'm starting over. Whether it's true or not, I think I can always run two miles. Okay, maybe it's not exactly true. Take a look at my stats below and see how fast my body is capable of bouncing back though.

• The first time I decided to see what it would feel like to run again, I jogged on and off during my walk and logged 2.23 miles in 31:46 on March 18th. Keep in mind that this was just two and a half weeks after my last surgery and it was a week and a half to three and a half weeks before I was technically supposed to do any "strenuous activity". Running isn't strenuous, right?
• Since the trial run felt okay, the second time I laced up I intentionally went on a run and logged 2 miles in 25:05 on March 20th. 
• On my eighth run back, I logged 2 miles in 20:23 on April 4th. 

Running feels a lot different than I remember it feeling before my surgeries. It feels easier somehow even though I'm out of shape.  I'm training for a few 5Ks to ease back into it. Eight runs in the past three weeks have prepared me for the Riverside Dash 5K tomorrow! While I will not be setting a personal record at the race tomorrow, it will be a huge victory for me to cross that finish line.

In general, my running goals are to go at my own pace and listen to my body.  At the end of May, I will re-evaluate more specific running goals to determine realistic pace goals, target races, and training plans. I have long term running goals in the back of my mind, but they seem too crazy to take them seriously right now.  My best running days are ahead of me!