Try & Try Again

I've lost count of how many times I've "started" marathon training for my January 2015 race. Today, I started again. I have less than three months, which is about 13 weeks to get my shit together. I mean that somewhat literally. I was able to trust a fart today for the first time in three weeks, so I must be on the right track, right? Still got wicked diarrhea, but at least it's controllable for the most part. I'm hoping my bowels will be back to normal soon since I'm off the antibiotics. Damn Crohn's disease for making me lose valuable training days, weeks,  and months. I go to the colorectal specialist this Thursday for yet another rectal exam. This upcoming appointment will either give me the all clear to move forward with training, or crush my plan of finishing the marathon in January. Since I'm not experiencing any pain, I'm hoping for the all clear.

I'm confident I can train enough to cross the finish line in January as long as I'm healthy. I intend to finish the U Can Finish 5 miler this Sunday. I went out for two miles today just to get a feel for what to expect on Sunday. I found strength I've been lacking these last few weeks and pushed to average 11 minutes and 25 seconds per mile. Some folks train for weeks and months to get those numbers. I didn't break any personal records, but I did gain confidence, strength and purpose. After feeling helpless and unable to do normal things for a couple of weeks, it was a special run for me. No matter which emotional, physical, or mental rollercoaster I'm on, I will always be grateful for the opportunity to lace up my running shoes once again.

I'm confident that I can run five miles this Sunday. I'm fairly positive that I can finish the two half marathons that I'm registered for at the end of November and beginning of December. I'm hopeful that I can finish the marathon in January. Some people will question whether it's a good idea for me to try. I already have a DNF on my marathon record, but that is not going to stop me from trying again. It's going to inspire me to push harder because I have tasted the sweet victory of crossing the finish line after recovering from shitty health issues. It's empowering. It allows me to feel unstoppable in this life when it seems like everything is trying to stop me.

Crohn's: In The Beginning

In the move, I found a bag containing patient info on prescriptions I took from 2003 to 2006, lab results from blood work within the same time period, and receipts from meds, lab work, and doctor appointments. It reminded me what I went through on my path to being diagnosed with Crohn's and my path after diagnoses. I'll have to write a post about the symptoms I experienced that led to me reaching out and telling my mom that I needed to go to the doctor. After that point, it began with my regular pediatric doctor who then referred me to an OBGYN. After several unpleasant visits with him involving long needles, biopsies, and pure misery he sent me back to my regular pediatric doctor, Dr. Q. I'm pretty sure I was still shitting blood at this point. Dr. Q. then referred me to a pediatric gastroenterologist. The pediatric gastro, Dr. S.B., ordered more tests that included stool samples, upper GI series, sonogram, and a colonoscopy where more biopsies were taken. I remember when I learned I had Crohn's disease November of 2003. I was fifteen. I had no clue what it was, but the fact that Dr. S.B. said there wasn't a cure absolutely terrified me. It still scares me, so I guess that means my faith in God is still a little shaky.  When you're in that much pain and discomfort hearing there isn't a cure with medicine is devastating.

I became overwhelmed while going through the bag and seeing how many different prescriptions my young, sick self used to take after being diagnosed. I used to be very quiet around others regarding my health issues. I didn't want anyone to know I had a poop/butt disease. "Try to act normal," I used to tell myself.  I hope now that I consider myself more open about the things I go through that it will help others understand me better. Even though I still catch myself trying to act normal so that I can lie and say that I'm fine on days when I'm not okay at all.

Back at My Parents' Place

Last weekend my sister Kelly and I moved out of our apartment. If I felt better, I might have stronger feelings about it. At this point, I just want to be settled even if living back with my parents doesn't thrill me like it does Kelly. We rented a U-Haul that my dad was kind of to drive for us and my mom, dad, sisters, uncle, and I moved everything from the apartment to my parents' place in four hours.

Going into the weekend I wasn't sure how much I was going to be able to help, but my butt ended up being pain free enough to do my share of the heavy lifting.  I was exhausted and didn't feel well, but by now I should be a professional at functioning under inferior health conditions. I really approached it like a marathon except I've never finished a marathon in four hours. I was ready to be done before we even started, but I somehow managed to dig deep and finish. I couldn't ask my family to pick up my slack  because I didn't want to give anyone something else to bitch about when they were already volunteering their time and energy, albeit I'm sure they felt at least 50% better than I did. After all, I'm recovering from having Mount Everest in my crack. Mount Everest is what I decided to name my first abscess.

My mom is a life saver. She certainly helped me the most with the move and I couldn't have done it without her. She has also graciously taken care of me these past two weeks and has made my life easier.

I Take the Good with the Bad

As if I have a choice I take the good with the bad. The good: The two antibiotics (Flagyl and Cipro) seem to have helped the abscess heal, which in turn means I narrowly escaped surgery for now. My butt doesn't hurt at all.

The bad:  I finished my 10 days of Cipro yesterday and I still have three days left of Flagyl. Between the two of theses antibiotics I've been fighting nausea, loss of appetite, muscle weakness, , fatigue, brain fog, and extremely watery diarrhea. I have pretty much felt shitty for two weeks. I drove for the first time in 11 days today, so I'm guessing I can blame the confusion and brain fog on Cipro.  I actually felt alive today. I'm not completely back to normal... whatever weird, misconstrued version of my normal I'm using to benchmark today might be.

12 Days Without Caffeine

I finished my 10 day treatment of the antibiotic Ciprofloxacin yesterday. The patient information advised to avoid caffeine, so today marks my twelfth day without caffeine. I'm not a coffee drinker, so soda was my only nemesis. Honestly, I couldn't say whether I experienced withdrawals or if it was just the effects of the antibiotics that I experienced. I definitely craved soda, but I think it was just a case of wanting what I knew I couldn't have.  Prior to Friday, September 26th, 2014 I drank soda multiple times a week. However, I am going make an effort to continue this no soda kick.

Superhero Sketches

I tend to be a sucker for superheroes. Given the time and money, I could totally see myself stopping by the comic bookstore every Wednesday to check out the new releases. Spiderman, Superman, Green Arrow, The Flash, Ironman, Captain America...etc. I love them! Batman is really the only one  that I don't care for. Anyways my fascination with these superheroes have inspired my latest drawings.

Green Arrow


 I like the tv show Arrow on the CW, which follows Oliver Queen as the Green Arrow so that's what inspired the drawing above. I'm stoked about the spinoff of The Flash that's supposed to be premiering next week on the CW!

Itsy-Bitsy Spiderman

Who doesn't love Peter Parker as Spiderman? I impressed myself with this one. It took some time to get the webbing the way I wanted it on the costume, but it was totally worth it.

Abscess

Tuesday was a crazy day. I answered the 100 questions on my Real Estate Valuation and Appraisal mid-term in 35 minutes. I got a 94%!  My brain does apparently work! Thankfully, since I finished the exam quickly, I didn't have to rush my enemas. So, I was able to enjoy them, right? NO!!! Have you ever tried to give a swollen-ish asshole an enema? It's not easy, nor was it pleasant.

After that was over with I had some time to relax before heading to the colorectal specialist with my mom. While I relaxed I learned I got an 82% on the portfolio analysis exam I took last week when this all started going down. I was disappointed, but when I learned I got to add a 4 point curve to bring it up to an 86% it was a bit easier to swallow.

I arrived to the colon & rectal clinic early, but still ended up waiting an hour after my appointment time before being called back. As usual I was the youngest person there.  The waiting room was filled with mostly old men. In order to pass time, I pondered why everyone was there. I concluded old men just have bad butts. I was surprised I weighed in at 151lbs! That's fantastic considering on Friday I was down to 146lbs. I told the nurse what Mike Jolly said on Friday and she wrote down notes for Dr. Renee Mueller, my colorectal specialist. Mueller came in and asked some questions before the nurse came back in to prepare me for yet another rectal exam. Two rectal exams in less than a week. This has to be some kind of hell, right?

I dropped my underwear and pants to my ankles, knelt on the lower part of the table for my knees (while sitting on the table this is where my feet rest), and then I leaned forward to lay my stomach on the regular part of the table where a healthy person would sit their butt. Once I was in position, the nurse flipped the switch to move the table so that my butt was higher in the air and my head was lower to the ground. It's quite an experience, but I understand why it's not a ride at Disney.  Mueller didn't insert the scope, she just probed around with her gloved finger. So happy her fingers are thinner than Jolly's. The probing still hurt like crazy though. Probably because there's still inflammation down there. To my surprise she didn't find any sign of a fistula. She found the abscess, which she had trouble examining because it begins in my labial majora and tracks to the anus.

After I got dressed, Mueller came back in to discuss what she found during the exam. The good news is there isn't a fistula. The bad news is that even though the abscess is in part of a vaginal area (labial majora), it's most definitely related to Crohn's disease. Mueller said that if I would have seen her on Friday that she would have sent me directly to the operating room to have the abscess drained. However, since it seems to be improving with the antibiotics she's going to see me in two weeks once I'm off the antibiotics to see how it's doing. If it gets worse or stops improving before it's completely healed,  I'm supposed to call her and she'll take me to the operating room. The recovery time would be two to three weeks. That would devastate me right in the middle of this semester. I don't want to have to explain that "surgery" to three different professors.

I feel like I dodged a huge bullet and it's looking promising that I'll make it out without having to go under the knife.