Do any of you remember that captivating guy at the Corporate 5K I blogged about a few weeks back? Well, last week, after I was finishing a contract with my supervisor, she asked, "Did you know someone likes you?" Of course, I was confused because it's probably extremely difficult for anyone not to like me.
She informed me that someone in the office is attracted to me. He came downstairs looking for me the morning I was out of the office for my Remicade infusion and asked my supervisor about me. It's peculiar that he hasn't tried to track me down since.
I teased Taylor with this information knowing she would want more details than I have acquired and knowing I wouldn't pursue a relationship with a co-worker. She raised a few valid questions. Do I avoid relationships because I'm scared of falling in love? "Do I think I deserve to find love?
Even though it makes me feel good that someone finds me attractive, I do avoid relationships. Commitment scares the shit out of me. I can barely handle the responsibility of taking care of myself, so I can't imagine, nor do I desire, the responsibility it takes to take care of a relationship. Just thinking about the task of loving someone freaks me out. What if I get tired?I've never even been in love, so I probably don't fully understand the energy it takes; however, I'm exhausted just thinking about it. Perhaps I'm selfish, but I'm quite happy with myself.
I feel undeserving of the kind of love I would be interested in. I would need someone willing and able to care for me more than I can offer in return and that's not a life I feel I can ask anyone to live. I wouldn't want typical wife/girlfriend duties to be solely my own. Responsibilities shall be shared and interchangeable. What guy is going to be okay with that?
