My Ass Cannot Catch a Break

Last week, I had a chest x-ray scheduled on Tuesday. When the nurse checked my vitals, she informed me that my doc was going to be sending me to an imaging center to get my chest x-rayed so that a radiologist could view the images and conclude the findings. We decided to do the other pre-op clearance stuff instead. I had eaten prior to my appointment that morning, so we couldn't do the required pre-op lab work. At least we were able to do the EKG. For the EKG, my pants stayed on! It was a nice change from most appointments.  My doc couldn't retrieve the EKG results while I was there because their system was down. According to my doc, my blood pressure is equivalent to blood pressure of fourteen year olds (amazing!). He also raved about how happy he is to see me weigh in at 160lbs!  160lbs feels awesome to me, too! Of the many things I'm worried about post-surgery, weight loss is one of them. Right now, I feel strong physically as well as mentally. In the past, losing weight had a way of fucking up that strength for me.

On Wednesday, I met my friend, Brittany, for breakfast in Clermont prior to my cystoscopy appointment with my urologist. I stand corrected, Clermont is neither podunk, nor bumfuck (lol that correction is for you, Britt). It was great to catch up with her at breakfast and be distracted from my forthcoming doctor appointment.  We arrived at my appointment at 9:30am so that I could get a shot of antibiotics an hour before the procedure at 10:30am. Britt waited in the waiting room while I went in the back.  As my nurse mixed the antibiotics in a syringe with some kind of numbing agent, I let her know that my friend would be coming back with me for the procedure. My nurse seemed concerned and wanted me to make sure my friend knew that I would be exposed (umm, how else are you going to stick a scope up my urethra?) Once she was done shaking the syringe, I rolled up my shirt sleeve. To my surprise, she said, "I have to give this to you in your buttock". So, I dropped my pants and underwear. Apparently, it's painful and the butt check offers the biggest muscle to inject it into. I smiled and laughed to myself as I walked back out to the waiting room to join Brittany. I let her know what happened. My ass cannot catch a break!

Before I got into position, the nurse said it won't hurt and would only take two minutes. Soon enough, I found myself sitting on the exam table with my feet in the stirrups and nothing but a modesty paper covering me below the waist.  The nurse rubbed me with something to numb the subject area. I can only describe what I felt next as a shot in my pee hole! WHAT THE FUCK! I do not know what caused that pain (was it a needle to numb me further or something else like a clamp to hold my urethra in position?). I didn't ask either. Just thinking about it again makes me short of breath. Brittany let me hold her hand and I know her presence helped me endure the craziness of a cystoscopy. The nurse told me not to get off the table while she went to get the doctor (haha). Once the doctor put the scope in me, we were able to see my bladder on the screen. They pumped sterile water into my bladder. There was notable abnormal inflammation and lines he said indicate that I strain to urinate (I don't think I do).  We did not find the fistula. The scope was super uncomfortable and he let it drop out when they stopped pumping the water, so then he re-inserted it back in which seemed awkward. Normally, I don't seek company at my appointments, but this is one I am fortunate Brittany was there to help me through it! Thank you, Britt!!!

This week I will finish all of my pre-op testing on Tuesday by getting lab work, a chest x-ray and a cystogram. Hopefully, a cystogram will be nothing compared to a cystoscopy. After that, the only appointments left before surgery are my call with a Cleveland Clinic pre-op nurse on November 22nd and my stoma marking appointment at the Cleveland Clinic on November 28th.

A Seemingly Qualified Urologist

I had my new patient appointment with a urologist today. When the nice nurse lady asked why I was there, I explained I was there to schedule pre-op tests ordered by my colorectal surgeon. The doctor didn't try to offer a different course of treatment, he accepted the pre-determined course and asked if he could call my surgeon to verify exactly what images/results we are looking to take away from the tests. My urologist used his cell phone to call my surgeon on the spot. After he left a message for my surgeon, he explained that he prefers calling to get answers rather than e-mailing or writing letters. I went into the appointment thinking I was going to some podunk urologist in Clermont, but at this point I was seriously impressed and thrilled to have found a seemingly qualified urologist.

We discussed the two tests (cystoscopy and cystogram) I was there to schedule. Both tests put me at risk of getting blood infections due to the colovesical fistula. He mentioned that he and every urologist in the country would not perform the tests without putting me on antibiotics to reduce the risk of infection. I voiced my uncertainty about being allowed to take antibiotics this close to surgery. I countered that if the risks are pretty high, should we even consider moving forward with the tests. Blood infections are nothing to take lightly. Once my uncle got a blood infection, it ruined his chances at surviving what ailed him before getting the infection (he died). My doc assertively recalled that I work in risk management, and said the risk should be analyzed.  Without antibiotics, the risk of getting a blood infection is about 40%; whereas with antibiotics, the risk is only about 5%.  When my surgeon calls him back, he will confirm that it's okay for me to be on antibiotics. I also called the Cleveland Clinic and they confirmed that I can take the antibiotics my urologist prescribes.

• My cystoscopy is scheduled for Wednesday, November 8th. I have to arrive at 9:30am to receive a shot of antibiotics and the procedure will start at 10:30am.
  
• I have to call SimonMed or an Orlando Health radiology facility to schedule my cystogram. I've already picked up antibiotics from the pharmacy and will take them the day before, the day of, and the day after my procedure.

Before I left, my urologist asked me how I found his practice. I told him that I called numerous urology groups and his offered the soonest new patient appointment.  Perhaps he was disappointed I didn't select him for his reputation or qualifications.

The best part about the whole appointment was that I only had to drop my pants to pee in a cup!  It made me wonder why gastros and colorectals don't collect stool samples at every visit.