A Colonoscopy and a Fistula Sighting!

My colonoscopy was originally scheduled for Tuesday, October 24th. After being on a clear liquid diet and drinking a gallon of prescription laxatives (GoLytely) on the 23rd, my bowels were not cleaned out. I only pooped a handful of times. My doc had me go in to see if they could proceed with the colonoscopy. We couldn't do the colonoscopy, so we rescheduled for today, the 25th. They sent me home with a different laxative (Prepopkit) that I did yesterday, the 24th. The prep still didn't clean me out like it should have, but they decided to proceed with the colonoscopy today anyway.

The first prep, the gallon from Hell, made me nauseous, yet somehow I managed to only vomit once throughout the course of the night. Even when I mixed it with Crystal Light, it was still absolutely disgusting. It was supposed to make me shit my brains out, but I only had about 4 or 5 bowel movements. None of which broke the water line.  It was supposed to make me have three watery and clear bowel movements.  It only turned my turds into what I call dip n dots (my nurse calls them rabbit turds). My poop was still formed, still brown, and still not falling out of my ass at the correct rate. My belly felt bloated and sore.

The second prep was a lot easier. I drank one 5oz. shot of laxatives at 5PM and another 5oz. shot of laxatives at 10:30PM. Before, during, and after, I guzzled lots of water. This one gave me a lot of gas and gas cramps. I had about 8 bowel movements, but each of them contained very little stool. The dip n dots lost a little form with each movement. My poop was still very brown and still not falling out of my ass at the correct rate. When I woke up this morning, my stomach was in knots. By this point, the last time I had solid food was on Sunday. I was hungry, irritable, and frustrated.

When I had my colonoscopy in 2012, I remember that I was not a very nice patient. I was also younger, weaker, and sicker back then. Not being able to pee in cup was a huge issue before my colonoscopy in 2012. I yelled at my nurse in 2012 about not having to go. This time around, my nurse gave me the option to sign a waiver as soon as she took me back stating I wasn't pregnant in lieu of peeing in a cup! It was a huge relief! Another issue in 2012 was that I yelled at my nurse when she couldn't start my IV.  When my nurse could not start my IV today, I did not yell at her. I politely asked if there was someone else that could try.  Diego, a fit, Hawaiian suffer looking nurse came to start my IV. He got it on his first try! Later, Kelly and I laughed about the fact that I remembered his name, but I didn't remember the name of the nurse that failed to start my IV (her name was Carol, btw). My hand still fucking hurts where she missed my vein.

I have come a long way since 2012.  I did not yell at anyone today. I did not curse at anyone today. I think I am mentally and physically stronger than I was in 2012. Sure, the double prep wasn't any fun, but I managed not to lose my temper.  Despite my strictures, fistula, and my upcoming bowel resection surgery, I think I am healthier today than I was back then! It's weird, but that's how well I feel compared to how I've felt in the past.

Our theory as to why the prep didn't work properly is that stool could not pass through one of my strictures, so it was being retained at that point. My doc was able to get the scope through my first stricture in my rectosigmoid junction. However, above the first stricture, my doc encountered an inflamed sigmoid area that would not allow the scope to pass. This is where my second stricture is located. A small fistula was seen in this area. Yes, we finally had a visual of the fistula! We even got a picture of it! My doc changed to a smaller scope, but it still could not pass without risking further intestinal damage. The colonoscopy was aborted at that point. (My old gastro also had to abort my colonoscopy in 2012 because he could not pass the second strictured area either.) Biopsies were taken and the results will be sent to my surgeon.  My gastro mentioned that he did not see any active disease!!! This is huge in confirming that I really have been feeling well aside from the other issues. The strictures appear to be scar tissue.

I feel like shit, but I'm glad this part of my pre-op do-to list is behind me!

My Takeaway from 2013

            For me, 2013 was a year of growth as every year should be. I experienced failure and I got to taste success. I was fortunate enough to cross a couple things off my bucket list, which inspired me to dream bigger dreams. I learned to better enjoy doing things by myself and live with a zest for life. I can testify that the human body is amazing no matter how dysfunctional it can sometimes be.

            At the beginning of January 2013 I experienced failure. In Disney's Goofy challenge, I was picked up by the sweeper van at mile 22 in the marathon for not keeping pace. Disappointed by failure is not a good feeling. It hurts when people remind me of it and question my intentions to try again. Obviously, I could write a book on my excuses for not finishing the race, but I thing the more interesting book to read would be about how I let that failure guide me to success. I think about those 4 miles all the time when I'm training. Even though they haunt me, they inspire me. Rather than letting that failure keep me from running another marathon again, I let it turn into a passion to redeem myself. On December 1st, I finished the Space Coast Marathon!  That finish line was so sweet! It took almost a whole year of hard work to redeem myself! I will take that as a lesson in life. If I want something bad enough, I will keep trying!

             I dare to say the highlight of my year was crossing two things off my bucket list! I ran across the Golden Gate Bridge and I went hot air ballooning. Running across the Golden Gate Bridge has been on my bucket list for a really long time. Probably even longer than I've been in love with running. It always seemed like an unreachable dream. I don't think I ever believed that I would ever cross it off the list.  My trip to Napa took me right through San Fransisco! Every step across that bridge was better than I imagined it would be. The view, the water, the city, the wind, the traffic and the feeling of a dream come true that came over me.  It surpassed my expectations! I ran with my hands in the air while I let out a victorious scream for feeling alive! The hot air balloon ride was amazing too, but to compare the two would be unfair. Just because I don't have the means to accomplish a dream or something on my bucket list now doesn't mean I should dream smaller. This summer taught me to dream big dreams anyway with the hope to pursue them in the future. For instance, I want to cage dive with great white sharks! I have a childhood fear of the ocean and sharks, so this would be huge.

             In the past, I usually thought in order to do anything fun I needed to be doing it with someone else. This year I learned to enjoy doing fun things by myself when nobody was around to join me. I went hot air ballooning by myself and it was followed by a champagne breakfast! If I can't be confident enough to romance myself, how can I expect someone else to. I had the time of my life! Not once did I feel lonely. I found myself enjoying my own company. After all, I'm pretty dang awesome! Plus, when I do things alone, I get to do whatever I want. I'm easy going, but I liked not having to compromise. I also ventured to see movies by myself. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. In the future, I want to be brave enough to do more things by myself.  I still love doing things with others, but doing things by myself is quite liberating!

             If you asked me what I thought about the human body in 2012, I would have said it sucks! Since recovering from rock bottom my opinion has changed.  I went from being in debilitating pain to actually being able to function. I've gained back a wicked amount of muscle and sometimes it's easy to forget how far I've come. It's easy to just focus on the bad days and the things that are small in comparison to what I've been through. However, when I look at the bigger picture, the human body is really an amazing thing.  I need to remember this.

I'm not sure what 2014 holds for me, but I do know that I hope it's another year of greatness!