The Day Before Surgery

I have plenty of time on my hands, so I am going to start from the beginning

My parents and I made our way down to the Cleveland Clinic for my stoma marking appointment at 1pm on Tuesday, November 28, 2017. Little did I know that I would not be alone again for two weeks. One of my Team Challenge friends gave me an ostomy bag to wear on the trip down so that I could have a better idea of where to guide the nurse to make the marks. Before my appointment, we stopped at Chick-fil-a. Even though I was on a clear liquid diet, my parents wanted me to come inside and sit with them as they ate lunch. Since we were just getting started, I didn't want to rock the boat. I sat there and watched them eat while I sipped on some water. Whatever, as long as they are comforted during this difficult time.

I took off the ostomy pouch I was wearing after they ate lunch. Although it felt weird, it was a good reality check for me to literally visualize it on me. Once we arrived at the Cleveland Clinic, my parents took a seat in the waiting room while I checked-in. After checking-in, my mom inquired if I wanted them to come back with me. I shook my head because I wanted to tackle the appointment by myself. Soon, I found myself in a patient room with two ostomy nurses. One nurse typed in notes on the computer as the other nurse placed both thumbs on my hips and both index fingers at a diagonal on both sides of my belly button. These were the spots we marked for the stoma. My left side would be for a possible colostomy (from large intestine) and my right side would be for a possible ileostomy (from small intestine).

My belly does not look like this anymore.

I thought I would get to give more input about the location of the marks, but according to the nurse my belly was a textbook mark since it was flat with no creases. If the marks had interfered with my pant line, we would have had a discussion. Honestly, the one mark was almost exactly where I had placed the practice one on my trip down, so I felt okay about it. The one nurse had me stand in front of the mirror and lift my shirt. She then proceeded to hold an ostomy pouch at one mark and then switched to hold it at the other mark. She didn't know I had already visualized it and she seemed shocked about my calm acceptance of it. The nurses let me know that if I end up with an ostomy, they will be visiting me in the hospital after surgery. Okay, I hope I never see you again.

We checked-in at the hotel and I started my laxative preps. I also tried to take a nap. My mind was racing and the maid was vacuuming what must have been the biggest fucking room next to ours because the vacuum just kept going and going. I couldn't sleep. Taylor arrived at dinner time and my parents went out to eat while she stayed with me. I was in the middle of my second round of laxatives, but we found time to open the gifts she brought me and have a pillow fight! To my surprise, the laxatives actually worked! It was a lot easier than both of the preps I did for my colonoscopy. I was up going to the bathroom multiple times throughout the night. I wanted to lie in bed and cry, but I couldn't cry with my parents and Taylor in the room. I couldn't even bring myself to cry in the bathroom by myself because I knew they were all in the other room. I held it together and that was that.

This chorus:
https://youtu.be/HzTot2OZI0s