Playing the Field

Even though I am waiting to see what Dr. Second Opinion has to say, I am still taking steps forward to schedule surgery with my current colorectal. I am playing the field, the medical field. My current colorectal confirmed Wednesday, December 6, 2017 as my surgery date for bowel resection. Now, that date is only tentative on my end because I might cancel it depending on how my appointment goes with Dr. Second Opinion.

I finally received my current colorectal's notes from my appointment on August 22, 2017. I underlined the words and phrases that scare me the most.

• 8/22/17 Barium enema and MR enterography reviewed with patient. The BE did not show evidence of a fistulous tract, but the MR enterography did show evidence of a potential fistulous connection. Given the persistent clinical symptoms of enterovesical fistula and the MR findings, surgical options were discussed. She will discuss the findings with her GI physician and will possibly proceed to a laparoscopic, possible open low anterior resection and repair of colovesical fistula. The risks of surgery including a need for an ostomy which might be permanent were discussed. In addition the concern is that as she has a known anal stricture as well as rectal stricture, that her rectum may be diseased enough that an anastomosis may not be feasible.

When I read the notes, my heart sank. Despite already knowing everything in the notes, reading them took my breath away. This is real. This is really happening. When I see feces in my urine and pass gas through my urethra, I want to fix it. Would it be gross if I posted a picture on here? Do you understand what I'm dealing with? It's annoying and frustrating.  On the flip side, when I have bowel movements (which have been easy and beautiful), I wonder if the times I shit out of my ass are numbered, and then my desire to fix the problem diminishes. Soon, I could be shitting in a bag, which fucking sucks because my bowel movements have been amazing since I started Remicade in May of 2016. Today it was hard to accept and harder days are coming.  Unless Dr. Second Opinion has drastically different insight and results, my current colorectal plans are below:

• On Wednesday, November 29, 2017 at 1:00pm, I have a pre-op appointment with a urologist.
• On Thursday, November 30, 2017 at 9:45am, I have a pre-op appointment with my current colorectal, which may be followed by testing.
• I am awaiting a call to schedule my "tummy marking". I think it's where they tattoo dots on my belly to guide the doctor to the right spot...or maybe it's like a surgical version of connect the dots.
• On Wednesday, December 6, 2017, I have to arrive at 5am for surgery to start at 7:30am.