My gastroenterologist visit on Thursday went well. I weighed in at 148lbs, which made me super happy! I've come a long way since December/January. The doc quizzed me about my bowel movements, which I had no real complaints about. I'm been pooping without pain, I typically have been going about 4 times a day, and the stool has been formed. He then asked about my stricture. The thing about my stricture is that the only reasons I know I have it are because my stool is super thin and because they tell me it's something we need to keep an eye on. In my experience, I have learned that I cannot accurately tell you "how my stricture is doing" because I do not put my finger or anything else up my ass to see how tight the stricture is and I'm not good at observing my stool getting thinner over time. I only feel it when my colon and rectal specialist uses her finger to loosen the stricture. Anyways, I told my gastro that I didn't think the stricture had gotten any worse. He said I looked healthy, but went on to say, "Since you have a history of severe Crohn's disease we need to make sure you are seeing Dr. M. regularly." Dr. M. is my colon and rectal specialist. My gastro only looks at my ass if I have a colonoscopy, so he sends me to Dr. M. for regular ass observation. I really only use my gastro to get prescriptions even though Dr. M. has given me prescriptions in the past. I talked with my gastro about my lack of energy and possible depression and he ordered me to get some lab work done to see if I'm anemic. He thinks that's most likely wants causing the lack of energy and even plays a role in leading to depression. I'll likely have to start taking iron pills or get an iron infusion to help with the anemia.
My colon and rectal specialist visit on Friday was pretty much a visit from Hell. Again, I weighed in at 148lbs. It had been a year since my last visit and I'm supposed to be going every 3 months. Every visit the doc loosens my stricture with her finger and sure it's uncomfortable, but I would never have described it as painful before. Well, this time I was in so much pain as she was loosening it that I had to have her stop. Then I had decide if she was going to try again or if I wanted anesthesia. Of course, I wanted anesthesia, but that's expensive so I held my breath and told her to try again. The pain I felt can't be put into words. My mom was in the room and it almost brought her to tears for her to see me in so much pain. My doc was able to loosen it, but she said that she wasn't going to use the scope because that would likely hurt and certainly make me sore the next day. She lectured me about seeing her every 3 months because my rectum is in "bad shape." That scares me. In the back of mind, I know I'll likely be pooping in a bag at some point in my life and as much as I joke about it I really don't want that to happen. Hopefully, when I go back in 3 months, my rectum will be big enough for the scope so we can see what the disease is doing.
If I was a good patient, I would research the heck out Crohn's and strictures, but I can't bring myself to do it. The few times I have tried to find information I soon stopped because I don't want those other patients' stories to be my future. My Crohn's isn't that bad, right? I'm sure that makes me an idiot because that also means that I'm solely in the hands of my doctors with no real opinion on what to do about my condition of my own. Perhaps I should care more, but I don't... I can't. That absolutely makes me a guinea pig because I just do whatever my doctors tell me to do most of the time. I had a friend ask me if "they are blowing [...the stricture] up with a balloon?" I might get around to looking up what that means one day, but at the moment I'm content not knowing. I'm in chronic denial.
