I'm a Prisoner

I like to write and I like to rhyme. Especially, when I'm going through hard times. It helps me cope. Normally, I wouldn't post something like this, but I think this can help others understand what I've been through in the past week.  I titled it: I'm a Prisoner.

My body is my antagonist. It attacks, it fights, and it causes pain. My body is always full of shit. It’s an ass, it lies; it’s a ball and chain. I’m a prisoner; stay over there and love me. I’m a patient; come over here and hug me. I’m not myself; don’t hate me. I am myself; please love me. I’m lying here crying on the bathroom floor with lots of pain I’m trying to ignore. I’m fed up with being fucked up. When it comes to health, I don’t have much luck.

Chase the Change You Want To See

After asking my friend Brittany to blog about why change scares her and reading her post, I figured I'll blog about the other side of the coin, my side isn't scary. Let me start by saying that before I read Britt's blog I didn't think I encountered too many changes. However, now I see that I over look a lot of the changes in my life without giving it a second thought. I don't over think things. I like to paint my nails a different color every week. Whenever I have the chance to change my running route, I take it! Trying new places and things excites me. My health changes pretty frequently, but I expect it and accept it.  For the past six years, I've had a new school schedule every semester with new material, new professors, new classmates.

I think the biggest change in my life is happening right now with me getting a new job.  This change excites me! Sure, I may have some nervous jitters, but I'm not afraid of it. I wanted this, so I chased the change I wanted to see.  Perhaps I'm optimistic in that I believe I can control most of the changes in my life without letting them control me.

I recognize that not all change is good. When Steve Jobs got fired from Apple, he went on to create Pixar. Being fired from Apple seems like the worst thing that could happen to the founder of the company, but Mr. Jobs made the best of it and didn't let it stop him from chasing his dreams.

I wrote a poem many years ago titled: Chance to Chase:

Quitting isn't a bad thing 
If it gets us closer to our dreams
Might be hard to turn the page
If we never take the chance to chase
But if we chase the change we want to see
We might get the chance to chase our dreams

Strangely enough, I use this poem as a rule of thumb when deciding to quit. I've thought about quitting school many times when health issues bogged me down, but quitting would not get me closer to my dreams so I always decided to stick with it.  When deciding to quit my current job and take the job with Mazda, I quit because I believe the job with Mazda will get me closer to my dreams.

My Grandma's Hall

My computer is getting worked on to get some bugs fixed. While I was on my old computer I found this poem I wrote many years ago. It was inspired by my grandma's hall lined with pictures and the stories she tells about each photograph. I came up with a somewhat fictional story to go with it.

 

MY GRANDMA’S HALL

Walking down my Grandma’s hall

We went back in time

Her whole life is hanging on these walls

She said, welcome to the good ole days

It’s black and white and my hair looks gray

Ooh, but it was blonde

This is your granddad holding my hand

God, I’ll never stop loving that man

Yeah love is the best thing on this earth

May God bless his soul

The best will always go first

 

Every picture has a story

Every memory has a thousand words

We have history running through our veins

Stories that have never been heard

And hiding inside all these frames

Are lessons someone else already learned

Every picture has a story

Every memory’s worth a thousand words 

Turning to the other side

She was out of breath

And as she wiped the tears from her eyes

She said, it don’t seem that long ago

We prayed for rain and the crops to grow

But it was too late

That’s our house behind my mom and dad

I won’t forget the hard times we had

Yeah, some of the memories still hurt

But we made it through

I know it could have been worse 

Every picture has a story

Every memory has a thousand words

We have history running through our veins

Stories that have never been heard

And hiding inside all these frames

Are lessons someone else already learned

Every picture has a story

Every memory’s worth a thousand words 

Someday I’ll walk down my hall

And go back in time

Grandkids will see my life on the walls

And I’ll say, these were the good ole days

There was right and wrong and some mistakes

Ooh, but it was fun

This is my Grandma standing with me

She’s who I hoped to grow up to be

Yeah, the best line that I ever heard

Was when Grandma said

Love’s the best thing on this earth 

Every picture has a story

Every memory has a thousand words

We have history running through our veins

Stories that have never been heard

And hiding inside all these frames

Are lessons someone else already learned

Every picture has a story

Every memory’s worth a thousand words 

Walking down my Grandma’s hall

We went back in time